I’m Floundering Boys

Sunnydaysahead90266 · 2025-09-28T00:00:03+00:00

I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time. In addition to seeing a psychologist and gym, my advice is to go back to church, read the Word, pray, and trust in the Lord no matter what. This got me across the finish line to joy. Proverbs 3.

brightfutureforsure · 2025-09-27T17:18:14+00:00

Get out for a walk. Even a short one. Start journaling, even one sentence. Getting started is the hardest part but it will progress. My journal is huge for me. Allows me to take all of my racing thoughts/emotions and get them out. Helps me clear my mind knowing they are residing in my journal. And it’s unbelievable to go back and reread after some time. You’ll be amazed at what you wrote. Music is another one that has been good for me. The Wildflowes album by Tom Petty got me through my darkest days. And know things will get better if you force yourself forward

a_day_at_a_timee · 2025-09-20T03:08:29+00:00

Quit drinking and smoking. it took me a few months to get the anxiety under control after getting sober. Seven years later and loving my new sober life!

SireSweet · 2025-09-20T02:52:54+00:00

I’m sorry boss. I don’t know how much truth it holds but from what I’ve been told: 1. Gym (confidence, physical health, challenges) 2. Church (faith, purpose, community) 3. Hiking (nature, mindfulness, peace) 4. Hobbies (new skills, confidence, acceptance of failing)

I’ve migrated to “Gym” but a buddy of mine with a shockingly familiar past migrated to “Church”. I deleted my social media accounts and it was a weird feeling at first but I found comfort in not having it. I felt unplugged from everyone else and able to just feel comfort with myself.

You’re not alone. Our stories may vary, but you’re never alone. We all wish you the best.

Just do me one thing: don’t go the destructive route with drugs, tinder, crime and anger. From personal experience, it’s a brief flash in the pan for relief compared to the other 4. It’s the easy way out but it’s like eating salad, it’s not fulfilling.

And the cheating: she was looking for a reason. It’s not the first time we’ve heard it.

TBHIGAF · 2025-09-20T01:08:02+00:00

Your ex is the brain tumor.

RDJD5 · 2025-09-20T00:54:19+00:00

You still got a lot more $ than me. Take care of yourself. Be glad such sucker’s gone from your life. Time to love yourself too, not just your kids and don’t worry too much they will be ok. Take your depression med, think positive, appreciate life still while we still able to

Brave_Quantity_5261 · 2025-09-19T21:56:47+00:00

I feel you on the lack of energy. Wish I had some tips more than just time but that was all that worked for me.

But definitely get the paperwork going and make a new will asap. If she tries to talk you into pausing the separation, don’t do it. She might be trying to put off the divorce for a while, in the case of the tumor taking your life then she doesn’t have to split anything with you. It’s all hers to do with as she pleases.

I had a friend whose parents went thru the same kind of situation, but with step-kids involved. As soon as my friends dad passed away, his step mom sold the house, took everything and ran off with her biological kids. Leaving nothing for my friend and his sisters.

Ark161 · 2025-09-19T19:49:22+00:00

- Brain tumor: that would go to a neurologist or oncologist for potential MRI/CT, probably a PET scan. Unclear what endocrinologist would do.

- Your wife cheated because she chose to cheat. It sucks, but your situation was not the cause; just an excuse.

- So long as you are alive, you can rebuild.

I say all of this as a guy who won the lotto and my divorce with my wife was probably the cleanest to ever exist. IT was basically prenup without a prenup. That being said, the stress and emotional toll it took on me made my medical condition much more severe. So severe in fact, about 3 months ago I ended up in a coma for about 2 weeks and I am once again very lucky to be alive right now. Everyone says it is a blessing, but I dont know anything about all that. To me, it is because someone wants to see how far they can push me and wont let me fucking die; but I digress.

I'm not going to tell you that everything will be okay, but I will tell you that each day you get up and fight for your place to be happy, that should prove to you that you are not a failure; that you refuse to roll over.
Everything seems like bullshit layered on top of bullshit because that is what it is. So, you are working through it. It doesnt matter if progress is slow, just keep moving. You dont HAVE to go to the gym. IT is jusut the easiest way to redirect focus, get you away from the negative factors in your life, and give you a routine that you can see results in.

One step at a time, that is all we can really do.

Baboonofpeace · 2025-09-19T19:21:04+00:00

You really are going to be OK… If you’re careful. Being fit is important, but you don’t have to be in the gym four hours a day. Go for a long walk every day for at least one hour.

Stay away from drugs and alcohol for now. Do the basics like personal hygiene, keep the house clean and the bed made. The little chores keep you busy as well as keeping your environment squared away.

It took me a solid four years to feel somewhat normal. I’m terribly lonely, but I’m staying away from relationships for now and maybe forever. It’s hard to do but don’t get involved with women until your head is perfectly clear. It might take up to five years.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-09-19T19:19:59+00:00

Dude you were gaslit my guy. She was gonna leave you anyways as soon as you caught up w her. NO WAY anything regarding porn has anything to do w your wife (unless this is an ongoing thing). Sounds like gaslighting to me)

NewDay0110 · 2025-09-19T19:15:06+00:00

Don't feel bad. She used the porn as an excuse to do what she was wanting to do anyway. It's just a way of pinning the blame on you for her bad behavior.

I'm sorry for your diagnosis. Don't let the baggage of what that awful woman did weigh on you. Live for you while you can!

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-09-19T18:54:02+00:00

Porn issue after being rejected a billion times, or not intimacy? Then you are not the problem.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-09-19T18:27:55+00:00

I can relate.

But, here’s my proposition.

The more we give it attention. The more attention it wants.

I’m happy to share my story, but I prefer to focus on what I can do and not what I can’t.

If you’re able to walk, talk, and move your body without pain. Start small and stay consistent. The devil is playing with your mind. It’s how it works.

Structure sleep and get off your phone. It will take time, but if you do the work; the miracle will happen.

lostcanuck007 · 2025-09-19T18:27:32+00:00

Why are you stressed in your own words

Freeman2be · 2025-09-19T18:25:11+00:00

As has been said, you have to right the ship not only for yourself, but also your kids. I appreciate it's easier said than done, but just take that first step...to the gym, therapy, no/less porn, socialize with friends/family, get to the doctor asap for the tumor, etc. Brother, I get it, I am in the middle of a really shitty divorce - we are living together during the process while she sleeps with another guy (previous affair partner) and she triangulates my young adult daughter (who has chosen sides with her mother - heartbreaking). That said, I workout Monday - Friday, go out on the weekends with friends, and talk a therapist...and yet my favorite part of the day is going to sleep. I will get through this, as will you. Hang in there, we are rooting for you.

funnyman6979 · 2025-09-19T18:19:34+00:00

You got this slow down mentally one day at a time. If you can take a weekend away from it all. Do what you can to get out of your head. I agree with most of these comments, it takes two.

I get the kid time, the silence around my apartment was crushing. Going forward, be the rock make memories from the fifty percent and maintain above. Be a role model!

painfulletdown · 2025-09-19T18:06:28+00:00

bro, she sounds like the problem. dont worry about finances - i lost most of my savings and am so happy to be divorced. you'll be much better off soon. hurry and file for divorce if you havent already because she may make false abuse allegations to try getting everything

Junior-Warning2568 · 2025-09-19T18:01:09+00:00

You have to keep moving. One step at a time. Give yourself grace brother.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2025-09-19T17:51:05+00:00

You'll make it through. It will be a journey of pain and suffering, there's no denying that, but you will emerge out the other end of the tunnel.

One thing that strikes me from what you wrote: your wife didn't run to another man because you jerk off to porn from time to time. Or even a lot. No, she ran off with another man because she wanted to. Based on my experiences and the experience of a lot of men here, the chances are high that she was already having sex with the new man, or well along the path toward that, way before you admitted to her you'd been looking a pornography. She was probably quite relieved to be able to blame her affair on the peccadillo you admitted to her, though.

Brand_New_Keanu · 2025-09-19T17:46:52+00:00

What meds are u on? Maybe you need more of an antidepressant than what you’re on. Give yourself some grace on the porn. Everyone jacks off. Do what u gotta do to get through this. Exercise will release endorphins that will help your depression. Hang in there bud.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-09-19T17:46:27+00:00

Brother if getting right for kids ain't enough, I don't know what to tell you.

Get outside, get sunlight, go for a walk.

Ref the possible tumor, definitely push hard on them to diagnose. Just lost a friend to a treatable brain tumor because his doctors misdiagnosed and he didn't advocate hard enough.

None of this stuff has killed you but it can if you don't take steps today. Do it for yourself and your kids.

Title	I’m Floundering Boys
Author	oanthonyknightx2
Upvotes	23
Comments	37
Date	September 19, 2025 5:38 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nla4cc/im_floundering_boys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-floundering-boys.1562359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562359

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