Told the kids today

Virtual_Safe1065 · 2025-09-22T19:21:26+00:00

I am the one who told our child even though it was the wife who wanted the divorce. Yes they cried and pleaded for us not to do it. It was one of the worst things I've ever had to do. I had to completely detach my emotions so I wouldn't break down. On the bright side they recovered quickly and are doing well now. Its possible to show them love and give them support and have them come out of it OK.

Key-Lengthiness-4315 · 2025-09-05T11:14:42+00:00

Because she “left” months ago and she’s over it. It’s shocking and I’m so very sorry,

Candidate_Worldly · 2025-09-02T13:01:41+00:00

When it comes to sacrifice, men will sacrifice their happiness for their family, women will sacrifice their family for happiness. And it hardly ever woks, because 'happiness' is such a nebulous concept.

My wife and I separated, she initiated, and now she's more unhappy than ever. She is signed off work for the first time in her life, has put on a ton of weight, and is in constant therapy. I've gone no contact because I can't bear to see her like this. Whole thing is just utterly heartbreaking.

ClearlyGoose · 2025-09-01T09:56:53+00:00

I am sorry to read how bad it is for your kids.

If you actually ask "how can she", it's very easy, and you even have answer in your post.

If she actually believe that's the only way, then there is no ethical side to it. She does what is necessary, and shall manage the consequences the best she can, but there is no option not to do it.

It's similar to like we all have to go to job and not see our kids most of the time; but it's a necessity of life so we don't consider the ethical aspect of leaving our kids, there is just no other way.

Also, she might not love them all that much. Some parents love their kids less than other.

azskaht · 2025-09-01T04:15:57+00:00

Sorry man. I made my ex tell the kids too... there were tears. It was tough.

But guess what? 8 years later... my kids are well adjusted with two parents who coparent together but in different homes, both of us better separate than we were together. We're both better parents than we were before.

It doesn't feel like it in the moment, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world... take the opportunity to build a strong future for your kids and lay the groundwork for as good and positive a relationship with their mom as you can for coparenting. You don't have to be friends, and it is going to hurt, but there are lots of guys like me who have come out the other side and want you to know...

There's hope, man. And as hard as it may be to hear in this moment, you all may end up being better in the new life. Sometimes the best answer to prayer is "no."

Serious_Post_4103 · 2025-08-31T19:07:07+00:00

I went through this a few months ago. Wife cheated blah blah blah. She didn’t even shed a tear when we told our kids. The three of us were weeping on the floor while she walked out the door.

Mickyfrickles · 2025-08-31T13:43:06+00:00

Mine told me and then left to "go get coffee" and didn't come back for hours. That was 15 minutes before I had to go pick up our 16 year old from work. He knew something was up because I was wrecked, and I'm not in the habit of lying so I told him alone after the countless times he asked me to please talk to him. She finally came back and was angry that I didn't wait to talk to him together. Wtf did she want me to do? Lie like she does? Nope.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-31T12:35:19+00:00

Women sacrifice their families to chase happiness and then don't even find it. Happiness to them means pretending you don't have kids, acting like an 18 year old college girl, sifting through 100 DMs a day on SM and dating apps, free dinners in exchange for BJ's, and a box of wine with an SSRI chaser.

Because divorcing a loyal husband, liquidating joint assets in middle age to start over from scratch, and abandoning your children isn't humiliating or shameful enough.

Boglehead101 · 2025-08-31T09:17:57+00:00

Yep, they don’t give a f**k. The message I’ve constantly given the kids is I’m doing my best to keep this family together, which I have.

I don’t know if their get their mental fortitude from TikTok or the sisterhood.

HuumanDriftWood · 2025-08-31T08:37:41+00:00

Again, women will sacrifice everything including their family for their own happiness.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-08-31T04:36:13+00:00

As someone else said as well, I’m a much better Dad now than I ever was. My kids have fun when they are with me and I’m always teaching something, whether it’s school, life lesson, how things work etc. Things will be different, but different can also be great. The next couple of months will be tough but the kids will adjust.

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-08-31T04:32:00+00:00

Just know that it gets better.

I’m a MUCH better dad than I was married. I don’t have to focus on her anymore so 100% of my time with them is valuable. When I was married I wasn’t allowed to make decisions. She knew best and so I just went with it. Now, I still struggle with her over the big stuff but when they’re with me… it’s all me. We go fishing, camping, hit museums and playgrounds… things we never did as a family.

It took my kids about 6 months to adjust. Even then I’d get the occasional night of crying when they were overly tired. Now, close to 3 years later, it’s like it never happened. They have two happy homes vs one home and miserable parents.

Do I wish it was different? Sure. But we make the best of it and show our kids how to thrive in challenging situations.

It’s hard at first but you’ll push through it. Good luck!

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-08-31T04:12:08+00:00

Telling the kids was brutal for me. She was stone cold emotionless towards the kids and their questions. My respect for her died that day.

Ok_Thing7777 · 2025-08-31T04:07:15+00:00

I ask the same everyday

HisPanic25 · 2025-08-31T04:01:27+00:00

I’m in the same boat , this conversation with kids will be happening soon, it’s a living nightmare and turns my stomach to think about how it will go down and wreck their world, meanwhile shes so self absorbed and detached from reality she has no concern . All about her happiness and finding herself

Key_Display_4189 · 2025-08-31T03:21:21+00:00

The worst conversation to have.....next to death of a family member....but it's close....

RiseNo3399 · 2025-08-31T03:20:47+00:00

People who abandon others were only using them. Be glad this happened and you have nothing to regret being on the backside of a person like that. You have a great life ahead with your kids. Take care of yourself, build your new life for you and your kids, and just be thankful.

warwww · 2025-08-31T03:10:56+00:00

I watched our 4 year old son cry his heart out every time we had to do Saturday exchanges at a police station when she lied to get a restraining order to remove me from the house and go for sole custody.

The pain I saw hi go through when he would ask “dada when am I going to see you again”.

She would just stand there with a soulless blank look on her face knowing full well the entire thing was a lie.

What reached to the bottom of my soul was that even the tears of her son did not move her one bit.

bizbunch · 2025-08-31T03:04:59+00:00

Remember that feeling and reality anytime you get confused or she tries to muddle anything. This is who she is. I dont know her obviously but she bumped out after so she didnt have to deal with the fallout - because deep down she probably doesn't really care.

Be happy you can give you kids the love and stability they need.

Just keep re assuring your kids they wont lose you and make sure you get 50/50 custody.

Based on her dipping out be careful and prepared as you move forward. Try to reach a settlement quickly while she on her whatever plan...

I never imagined even after I discovered mt wife's affair that she would do the whole "silver bullet" thing but sure enough she fabricated all kinds of stuff and effectively tried to keep the kids from me. Document everything you can and keep it in written like text or Ideally an app like Appclose that is free and courts can access.

She has already proven her word is meaningless, its hard but try to reframe anything dealing with her as a contract negotiation at this point.

I tried not to bash my ex but I stopped covering for her or wouldn't let her lie stand with my kids. Its tricky because you dont want to add more stress or conflict for your kids, but be careful what your ex is telling them.

Really I am just really sorry man. I feel you 100% its bull and unfair and just stupid. Why trash a life? Don't be afraid to fall apart at times but play the long game, this is a marathon not a sprint.

I hope you find some peace

AcademicAd8812 · 2025-08-31T03:03:25+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re in pain. And it sounds very painful and heartbreaking so my heart goes out to you, truly.

For some perspective…most/many women disconnected a long time before divorce was decided… maybe she had more time to process this than you so she’s in a different frame of mind.

I wouldn’t assume she’s trying to hurt the kids unless she’s an evil heartless person, as hard as it can be in your pain I’d try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps she feels they need to know now and has been waiting to tell them for a while…perhaps she feels she’s tried to tell you how she’s felt in the marriage but you weren’t able to hear her heart so she gave up trying. It’s difficult to know what is going on in her heart and mind but resentment and bitterness will not do anyone good. Your children need to see that you will remain civil and respectful towards their mother if you want the least amount of emotional damage to them.

When you hurt your wife…inevitably it will likely hurt the kids too. So try to be kind to one another - I know it’s easier said than done.

I hope you can get some therapy for your own healing and the kids might also need some support and therapy too. Don’t isolate yourself and keep talking and keep sharing your heart.

DescriptionOk683 · 2025-08-31T02:54:50+00:00

It's over, brother. Your priority is now yourself and your kids. STAY STRONG.

Gattsama · 2025-08-31T02:50:00+00:00

Sorry for the drama and pain brother. The expression is that a man will sacrifice his life and happiness for his children and family, while a woman will sacrifice her children and family for her life and happiness.

It might seem impossible to believe right now, but ultimately life is going to be better without somebody that is willing to make that choice in your life.

Take care of yourself, and be safe out there.

Title	Told the kids today
Author	oanthonyknightx2
Upvotes	82
Comments	50
Date	August 31, 2025 2:44 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n4jnkw/told_the_kids_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/told-the-kids-today.1560919 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560919

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