Introducing kids to new partner

upandatom85 · 2022-10-18T03:57:01+00:00

6 weeks isn't long enough. Please wait longer.

Physical_Listen5649 · 2022-10-18T05:35:28+00:00

Wait 6 months at least. Kids get attached easily.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-18T09:05:04+00:00

> I've been seeing someone for about 6 weeks. She also has a kid.

Two things:

Six weeks ain't nothing. There's zero point introducing someone you're fucking around with (literally) to your kids if it's not going to be a long term thing. You're rushing it. Revisit this thought process when you make it to six months.

Sounds like you are one blow job away from clearing out closet space for her and her kid. She's one of a million, not one in a million. This is the best advice I've come across about post-divorce dating: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647. Pay attention to the part about your kids competing with her kids.

Zebrig · 2022-10-18T07:15:12+00:00

Wait at least 3 to 6 months, then introduce your partner, take them to places where they can mingle together but still be apart, like the playground where you call all play and eat an ice cream together but your kids can still play with the other kids, and your partner can stay with you and spend quality time. After that you can do boardgames when they are with you and invite your partner to play (they should already know your kids, and be friendly with each other).

Don't force them to be with your new partner, that comes with time and don't let your new partner try to force a relashionship with them.

Invest on QUALITY time not QUANTITY time, spend the time together well.

Be sure to really veto your partner before introducing and making big changes in your children lifes, kid usually get attached easily, so don't introduce someone you know won't be there after 6 months.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-18T09:47:34+00:00

Too soon

TomCatInTheHouse · 2022-10-18T09:20:41+00:00

Stop!!!!

6 months minimum to introduce, 3 months minimum to tell the kids. Chances are the 9 year old will figure out something is up before the 3 months, which if they do, be honest. (Dad, you are using your phone more. When I was sitting next to you, I saw a name Susie pop up. Who's that?)

And if your relationship is tumultuous at 6 months and you aren't sure how long/if it's going to last, wait longer!

I've had 3 girlfriends since my divorce. First one I waited 8 months, second one I only waited like 2 and I regret it. Third one I waited a year because my partner wanted to wait that long. 6 months the relationship is more secure.

Contrast that with their mom who sometimes introduces the kids on date 2. My kids have become attached, loved the guy, sometimes hated the guy, only to have the relationship fail within 6 months. (My ex had only had 1 relationship last longer than 6 months) my kids ended up hurt, asking questions, and I've had to comfort them and explain to them that they have nothing to do with their mom and boyfriend breaking up. It's just heart breaking.

So please, wait 6 months. What's the rush?

dazedandlost12 · 2022-10-18T08:37:27+00:00

Yeah that's way too early. 6 months minimum, I'd wait a year. You don't even know this person friend

ijustdontcare74 · 2022-10-18T11:34:00+00:00

As others have said, way too soon but I think you know that too. As for letting your ex know just remember that you are no longer beholden to her nor required to have her consent for anything anymore. Inform her politely but do not let her give any conditions at all. What you do with your kids on your time is your business not hers. Exactly the same as you have zero right to say what she does with them on her time. She may try to pull some bullshit, depending upon how bad the breakup was, but stand firm otherwise she’ll attempt to dictate your relationships and what you do. That’s a recipe for disaster so don’t allow it to happen.

Legitimate-Match2675 · 2022-10-18T12:49:05+00:00

6 months is a general rule to make sure she’s not just a rebound. Is she? I had one of those and I was getting some action for the first time in a long time and it clouded my judgement. Be honest with yourself if that’s happening to you.

Also, if she’s worth it, she’ll not only understand the importance Eid waiting, she’ll be all for it.

If she keeps pushing, she’s trying to trap you and lock you down before your ready. Don’t fall for that shit.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-10-18T13:53:01+00:00

Just don’t make the category error of thinking “This one is different. I’ve never felt this way before! Marry me baby!”

AWALT will save you from another huge mistake.

Brilliant-Delay1410 · 2022-10-19T00:33:10+00:00

I should have been clearer in my OP. I agree about waiting longer. It was more about the process of introductions latet down the line.

Thanks for the advice folks.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-10-18T13:49:07+00:00

Who is pushing the issue to introduce the kids you or her?

Even-Drawing-4208 · 2022-10-18T13:54:37+00:00

Kids first

CRobinsFly · 2022-10-18T15:08:02+00:00

Your children are old enough to remember this person if this doesnt work out; 6 weeks really is nothing. Wait 6mo and get beyond the honeymoon period before you introduce a life-long memory of a person to your children who could easily become an ex.

80% of my "relationships" lasted <3mo which is typical as I understand - Corey Wayne: "people can hide who they are for about 90 days". I still remember every relationship my parents had when I was a child and none of those worked out beyond a year or two, some of those people I met only once. Can't say either way whether they affect me even though I was physically abused a few times by one of my mother's boyfriends (depending on who you ask in this forum, I'm a monster... so maybe it did affect me?).

Classic_Dill · 2022-10-18T15:32:43+00:00

weeks is nothing, lol

Why would you introduce them? my kids are teens and adults and i wont have them meet anyone, till i vet and date them for at least a year.

mrk177 · 2022-10-18T15:39:02+00:00

I have the same agreement with the ex and have two kids about the same age as you. I’ve been divorced for a year and half. I have met quite a few women. Due to the landscape of dating I would highly recommend giving it more time. 6 weeks just isn’t enough time.

In regards to approach. Here’s a good article that will guide. https://parents-together.org/what-to-say-when-introducing-your-child-to-a-new-partner/

derelictherds · 2022-10-18T15:55:48+00:00

Dude you're not even divorced and have been dating this person for only 6 weeks... and you think it's a good idea to introduce your young children to this woman? Stop and think about why you're itching to do this. Are you just trying to get a rise out of or get back at your wife? Be honest with yourself. Your kids should always come first.

Busy-Recording-1911 · 2022-10-18T19:00:57+00:00

Wait 6 to 12 months. Don’t concern yourself with your exes feelings or even how to notify her. How she feels isn’t your concern nor should it be.

Pick a fun place to do an activity with the kids and just have fun.

jimsmythee · 2022-10-18T20:12:27+00:00

I have only had to do this really 1 time.

My kids met up with her kids at a kids' pizza place.

bes753 · 2022-10-18T20:55:29+00:00

I've been seeing someone for about 6 weeks.

Bro. This isn't even in the same ballpark as long enough to be doing this. The professional advice I have seen from child psychologists suggests waiting 9-12 months to make this kind of intro.

winpowguy · 2022-10-19T01:27:53+00:00

I dated a woman with two kids… I was introduced after a date or two. I had one 4-yr old…. We dated 18-months. Combined kids as much as possible…. Same age. Same faith. Same general situation (both of us were betrayed) we married.

Married 32-years (still enjoy each other & have stayed faithful)

The kids have nearly - (possibly have) - broken us up. Long story - but my point is…. Listen up! Even after 3-decades of marriage… the blending part … is the problem/poison/magic/glue

You have a disadvantage that must be validated, recognized and constantly monitored

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-10-19T02:28:07+00:00

Is divorce final?

palikapalikapalika · 2022-10-19T21:30:31+00:00

I wish my STBXW would read all this advice! She is planning to introduce her new "beau" coming Sunday. (Without informing me - my son mentioned it casually, thikning I had been informed). We have sort of half-heartedly seperated six months ago, when she dropped the bomb and started this relationship, we're birdnesting now, and we have not even started the divorce proceedings yet.

A year sounds good to me, but even if it's six months counting from neatly finalising the divorce and organising the new housing arrangement, I could live with that. Now all is in flux for the kids and then she wnats them to meet this man she's been cheating with ...

And you are all guys giving this advice! I must have been prejudiced, but I had thought men would be more relaxed about this, but it seems this gathering is stricter than many women!

Manta2002 · 2022-10-23T23:26:20+00:00

I would not do that at al! Six weeks it’s not a serious relationship to get your children involved. Don’t get ahead of yourself!

Title	Introducing kids to new partner
Author	Brilliant-Delay1410
Upvotes	9
Comments	35
Date	October 18, 2022 3:51 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/y6vzun/introducing_kids_to_new_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/introducing-kids-to-new-partner.1135967 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135967

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