No support left

Moms_Sketti88 · 2025-10-12T17:53:47+00:00

Hey man. Your post hit home for me actually. This is exactly have I’ve been feeling the last few days. I know my friends good annoyed and my family does too, they just don’t say it. Same story to my therapist I talk to every week (never thought I’d hire a therapist). I also have several reasons for why I wanted to divorce my wife and things I can’t stand about her, but also suffering with maybe guilt or anxiety as I made a couple big mistakes as well. She was abusive but I did my things when I was too scared to get divorced. Now I also miss what my life was before I fully admitted to myself I need to get divorced. I miss coming home to house I own and never had to worry about losing, I miss my big pay checks, I miss not having to worry about a custody battle or attorney bill. I also can’t stand my wife but also feel bad for her, even after the evil things she did and other things that drove me crazy.

You’re not alone man. I’m in a similar boat. Maybe close to settlement, who knows. My attorney thinks this could also go to court since we’re in a somewhat stale mate

Mugennsx · 2025-10-12T05:30:45+00:00

I think for most people support isn't to keep discussing the same issues repeatedly. It's to hold your hand and help you make a decision. Because if you keep talking about the same things and remain inactive I've, they might feel you're not respecting their time or perspective.

The harsher thing I want to say, with respect of course, is that as men we need to take a good look at ourselves and if our indecisiveness is something our spouses and others find unattractive. And then we make the necessary changes. It's hard but it's what makes us grow.

midlife-madness · 2025-10-12T04:30:13+00:00

Talk (type) to AI. It doesn’t mind the same old stuff or even wild new stuff. It just listens 24/7/365. (Not using as therapy, just a place to vent)

BakedCheddar88 · 2025-10-12T04:30:09+00:00

I went through this, still kinda am tbh. It’s the perception that’s getting you down. Divorce is embarrassing and traumatic, you can’t help but replay everything in your head: the good times, bad times, your mistakes, her mistakes, it just all plays into a loop. But then there’s also that sense of failure. You used to be part of a pair but now it’s just you and everyone knows.

On top of that too, your ex used to be the one to give you reassurance, maybe even purpose. Not necessarily in a “oh she gives me meaning,” but “well, I have a wife to provide for.” Without that, things feel aimless and you kinda turn to other people for guidance. Problem is, people only have so much capacity for other people’s problems. So while you’re stuck in this loop, other people’s patience is wearing thin.

How do you get through it? I’ve started by figuring out what I want and how to achieve those goals. Even if it means some semblance of my old life, it’s a goal that keeps me focused. Next is I’ve been cutting extraneous people from my life and limiting what I share and with who. Not everyone has the best advice or intentions. Sometimes people just want to hear gossip. Sometimes people don’t want to hear anything. But on the flip side, some people are truly there to help, listen, and be a support. Rely on them and cut the rest off. When I had less people telling me what I should do and how I should feel, it felt like a weight was lifted.

Finally, be kind to yourself. Whatever mistakes you made during the marriage is all in the past. It’s ok to feel bad, just as long as you own up to your mistakes and forgive yourself for them. We’re human. Shit happens. Look at what you did wrong and avoid that in your next relationship. Was the ex a monster? Take that, avoid that in the next relationship. But it’s all about forgiving yourself, rebuilding your support system, and doing what’s right for you.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-10-12T03:07:15+00:00

How long has it been?

crashohno · 2025-10-11T23:03:33+00:00

I talked to people for years. They were patient and polite, but I definitely burnt some people out on listening to me.

The cure for me? Action.

Initiating the divorce brought my need to talk about the marriage down to pretty much zero.

It doesn’t matter what happened or what she did or didn’t do. It only matters what I’m doing.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-10-11T21:38:33+00:00

Write that shit down. Never read it again. That’s the point get it out.
Never speak to anybody about your problems. Nobody cares about your problems and half the people are glad you got them.

That’s what a therapist is for.

The only thing in this world you can control are your thoughts and your actions. Take control of them. Being happy is a choice. Feel free to make it.

thisguyoverhere21 · 2025-10-11T20:27:57+00:00

Hey man, I get it. It is totally normal to be caught in a loop. I'd recommend gooing out of the country for a bit, vacation, break pattern. ITs not a good deal thats for sure, but focus on annything you can affect change in.

Hgssbkiyznbbgdzvj · 2025-10-11T20:07:03+00:00

Bro we are here for you ❤️

thewayitgrows · 2025-10-11T16:41:52+00:00

Similar situation. 20 year marriage. The first 15 were awesome and then she changed and then our relationship changed. So, I have friends and family who have been through divorce but none like my situation. It was really hard because I didn't have anyone that could relate to MY situation.

I found this hiking group that meets weekly. I met/meet people in situations like mine. I found myself crying on a hiking trail with total strangers and it was incredibly therapeutic. Real people. Real feelings. Maybe try to find your hiking group. Maybe it's a book club. Maybe it's a bowling league. Whatever.

There's lots of people like us out there who are very willing to help each other out.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-10-11T16:20:20+00:00

Yeah. A long time ago. My bro was my main supporter, but he got to where he’d quickly move to some plaintive dismissal. So I quit talking to him about divorce. My friends, I decided they don’t need to hear it. So it’s just me and therapist now.

For me, I’m not reliving the marriage, it’s failure, or the divorce so much as the insanity of what happened, as i live thru the aftershocks. Like not seeing my kids and the debt. I’m left with rebuilding myself after having lived with an emotionally abusive woman, who’s abuse went off scale when she got the court involved. The self doubt and humiliation she cultured during the marriage she maxed out during the divorce. I doubt everything and am paralyzed moving forward because her lies and manipulation are the official narrative now. Just move on. That’s what is expected of every man. I’m doing my best to do what I did during the marriage: pretend everything is fine while I struggle to get thru everyday.

Own_Maybe9468 · 2025-10-11T16:18:56+00:00

Hey bro, you can talk or rant here. You can talk to me if you want. It is a phase. Sometimes, the missing ex-wife part comes back. Mine came back every day, at unexpected moments and every morning. You will be okay, you are okay. Remember, there is a reason why the divorce happens. Either you can no longer bear it, or she can no longer bear it. Remember the pain of going through the divorce procedures. We pass through the toughest, and we will move on from this too. Be strong, my brother. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

parkinglot_thnksalot · 2025-10-11T15:39:19+00:00

When you get knocked on your ass, you have to get up and keep fighting. Divorce knocks you on your ass. They see your confusion and need for reassurance as you “not getting back up”

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-11T15:30:18+00:00

It’s you, not them. You must talk about it way too much. Go to each of these people and apologize, thank them for their support, demonstrate to them that you are now self-aware enough to know you were “oversharing” - then see what they say. It will go a long way towards keeping them on board.

Dear_Fish3578 · 2025-10-11T14:55:45+00:00

For me it was more of trying to get it out my system talking to people etc… it got to the point where it was just the same thing over and over they were there to listen to me but I noticed eventually over time they got tired of it. I just accepted it and faced the reality of it sucks but you also have to put your foot down and deal with the situation your self no one out there is going to help you but your self that’s it. Take action start journaling taking walks in the park working out trust me it helps I’m still hurt but it’s getting better I’m managing my emotions better something I thought I would never be able to. Take action brother don’t let it knock you down

RDJD5 · 2025-10-11T14:27:18+00:00

Read up on teaching- phrases etc that enlightens you about life, self love, healing, moving on, eq etc. you are the best support for yourself. Does talking really help you or are you reopening revisiting what you refuse to let go? Are you happy with current state? Why stay in it? Get out! She already did! Life is good before meeting her it will be good too after. . It’s ok to have faults too, nobody is perfect but learn and be better, choose better!

derekcanmexit · 2025-10-11T14:24:44+00:00

I sympathize with you. I feel the same way. I have been talking about my marital problems to close friends, family, therapist, etc. I know they are offering emotional support and advice, but then I wonder how much do they want to really hear from me. There is nothing they can do. Everyone has their own crap to handle and our stories are not unique. I, too, am getting tired talking about it all the time. It is mentally exhausting and I need to change my mindset. Trying to get rid of the victim mindset is not easy under the circumstances but we must move forward. Also realize that there is absolutely no one that is going to save us from this pain.

Borrowed-Time-27 · 2025-10-11T14:18:17+00:00

Agree with the first comment but also sit with the silence and get comfortable with finding reassurance inside yourself. Watch your self-talk and focus on saying the things you wish someone would say to you.

Slowloris81 · 2025-10-11T14:16:13+00:00

Try to find divorced/separated guys. Only they can truly relate and understand. It made a big difference for me.

Sorry to hear all this. You’re not alone.

Title	No support left
Author	mesi130
Upvotes	25
Comments	33
Date	October 11, 2025 2:08 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1o3wk49/no_support_left/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-support-left.1563873 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563873

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