Talking to this lady

6-demon-bag808 · 2024-09-26T19:36:47+00:00

Generally, I think it's a flaw we all have. We are hard wired to be providers and protectors and want to help people. Women offer companionship, I don't need to tell you what loneliness feels like if you're here. Our families get stripped away from us along with our whole social network. It's only rational that comforting arms and physical intimacy is something we seek, despite red flags.

Competitive-Donut790 · 2024-09-25T01:57:05+00:00

A lot of us tend to feel good when we feel needed -- cut that shit out.

Since you see the red flags early, just DON'T. Don't torture yourself. Don't waste your time. Remind yourself on a regular basis -- and literally say this out loud to yourself:

SHE is not good for me She IS NOT good for me She is not GOOD for me She is not good FOR ME

You owe it your future self to get some help to work through your own issues, so you don't repeat them again

Also last but not least -- if you haven't already, read the book No More Mr Nice Guy... it'll help you see yourself. Get some good dudes around you that you respect so that you will allow them to hold you to some meaningful level of accountability.

Odd_Statistician_254 · 2024-09-24T22:16:32+00:00

Superman complex

keencone · 2024-09-24T19:56:31+00:00

🐈’s a helluva drug!

Vikatan007 · 2024-09-24T19:45:40+00:00

Well I think if the woman is attractive, I tend to avoid red flags... naive but I think there's not many attractive women around.. so when someone attractive shows interest, we avoid red flags...

Dizi357 · 2024-09-24T16:55:11+00:00

You need a buddy to point out the red flags, we all do. As men, we dumb sometimes haha

I met a girl over the weekend, she was pushing through some boundaries I set. I felt bad that I wasn’t letting her push those boundaries that she wanted to break down (right?!? the fuck is wrong with my mind?). My buddy who was with me was like “man, you set boundaries with her, you even told her the boundaries - you met her as a literal stranger, stand your ground and if she walks then oh well, a stranger walked”. Blew my mind, and I loss the guilt immediately and just did me the rest of the weekend. And it was great.

OPs_Mom_and_Dad · 2024-09-24T14:33:14+00:00

I had a similar experience earlier this year. Connected with a super nice woman, also divorced with kids, and we got along great. But the more we talked, the more I worried. She didn’t talk about her ex a lot, but when she did, I was convinced she was saying the same things about him that my ex says about me. Separately, she’d sometimes pay for dates (which is new to me, threw me off my game but she insisted), and then later said she didn’t mind paying because she got so much of his money from the divorce.

Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I started to see so much of my ex wife in this woman, and ended up having to break it off. I’m still not sure if it was the right choice, but at least for now, staying single feels more right for me.

crager34 · 2024-09-24T15:03:24+00:00

The red flags of old might not be as bad as with the new. You have the gift, choose wisely.

lonelySoulThrowAway · 2024-09-24T14:16:22+00:00

that part is the devil, don't listen to it. while you are standing at the gates of hell turn around and fly

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-24T13:20:19+00:00

Is it a flaw?

The desire to love and nurture?

Just choose better.

The rub is, at my age, mid-50's, everyone's got baggage.

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-24T13:02:40+00:00

Big tits have an uncanny knack for blocking the view of red flags.

Thats how I got married in the first place.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-24T11:59:54+00:00

Humans are stupid and can't predict shit, men included.

But specific for men, we have testosterone.

Men should be taught to never trust their judgement if they like the looks. You think a woman is beautiful? If so, don't trust your opinions on whether she's smart, trustworthy, reliable or nice; testosterone will cloud your judgement.

Smart men leave no kids, you are (same as I am) a descendant of a long chain of morons who chose to procreate.

azwildcat74 · 2024-09-24T11:53:45+00:00

Thinking with the wrong head. Our urge to procreate is stronger than our urge to self-preserve at times.

RichardCleveland · 2024-09-24T11:43:50+00:00

Evolutionary instinct probably, it's kind of a stereotypical role of men in our society as well. At least you saw the red flags from the very start, but if you know it's not going to work... walk away man!

Title	Talking to this lady
Author	DudeforRighteousness
Upvotes	12
Comments	32
Date	September 24, 2024 11:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1foa2ky/talking_to_this_lady/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/talking-to-this-lady.1531227 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531227

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