Boring/completely ordinary men thinking they know more than you when you're an expert.

DallasOMalley · 2021-03-07T21:24:39+00:00

In my career (in IT) I work mostly with men and, as such, encounter mansplaining every week. Collecting data for design decisions is a recurring part of my role, so a common scenario is: I ask a simple question, one that needs only a simple answer, and a man responds with several minutes of mansplaining, as though I could not possibly understand what I was just asking about, or the complexity of the topic at hand. (Wrong! I know exactly what I'm talking about!)

Sometimes I just let them go on until they run out of steam and then, when they stop, pause for several seconds so we're all sitting in awkward silence. Then I'll say "Okay. Anyway-" and proceed with my original point as though the mansplainer's monologue was irrelevant.

Other times, if I'm impatient, I'll just interrupt with a "Well. Actually, that isn't what I'm questioning/referring to -" and then continue speaking right over them until they shut up. I don't acknowledge anything else they said and just carry on.

I hate that "dealing with men who assume I'm an idiot" is basically an undocumented job task.

Edit: Just remembered another obnoxious behavior: how men I work with feel compelled to say "Correct" after I've stated something that I already know is 100% correct. As if their validation is a prerequisite for what I say to be accepted as accurate.

The_Pyramidion · 2021-03-07T21:32:18+00:00

I remember when I was the most senior staff in the uni lab repairing a fire stone lighter and this guy walks over and tells me I've probably been using it wrong, you need to, like, squeeze with your hand. I loudly thanked him saying I'm so grateful for his input, I'd been squeezing it with my asscheeks for the last five years. Same dude once TOLD me to call him fifteen minutes before the group seminar so he'd not oversleep, like do I look like your fucking secretary?

I switched fields now and people are a lot more pleasant, however, the amount of times I've heard "Oh, Ms X, you must be Dr. Y's bachelor student!!" is grinding my gears. Like, no, I'm Dr X and Dr Y, while he is my boss, is only four years older than me. I just use lotion and can't grow a beard.

Also the amount of men in general who explain shit to me when their knowledge level is literally "I read a Wikipedia article about this, like once. But I quit halfway through because real life science is boring" is next level. Even my own father does that, argh!!

TheDameWithoutASmile · 2021-03-07T22:07:57+00:00

I'm not really an expert on anything (but happily a Jill of all trades), but I read an immensely satisfying story of a woman who was a chess prodigy. Began playing at age 5, written papers on chess strategy. On dates, if there was a chessboard, men would suggest a game, then explain the rules to her.

Then would stop play to explain what she had done wrong.

She said she usually beat them in 3 moves.

Legend.

Found it: https://www.boredpanda.com/women-share-mansplaining-stories-twitter/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

wagonwheel_ · 2021-03-08T01:51:01+00:00

Flashbacks to when my ex husband would argue with me about law and courtroom procedure. I am a trial attorney, he is not an attorney at all.

But he watched a lot of law and order..,

Ana_jp · 2021-03-07T20:59:16+00:00

Like you, I’m a musician. I’ve come across so many ‘guitar players’ who think I will be impressed by their abilities. They’ll play me a song on their badly tuned instruments (they all try doing it by ear in front of me, but seem unaware of their own inaccuracy) half out of tempo with no dynamic variance.

I’d rather listen to cats in heat at 3am.

Also, one time I was at a friends party and this little muscle bound goblin was part of a conversation circle I was in. I can’t really remember what we were talking about but I dropped some knowledgeable tidbit and he looked at me shocked “How did you know that?!? I’m literally a genius and I didn’t know that!”

I kinda just stared at him until my guy friend piped up that I’m just like this. Walking encyclopedia. The goblin turned out to be a vile human being in general and is no longer welcome in the group for a variety of reasons after that party.

Edit: after I posted this a whole bunch more memories floated up. Man, have I had to deal with some dumb shit over the years just because I’m a smart, talented, reasonably attractive young female lol. All through school, and now as an adult. Males are such babies.

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2021-03-07T23:30:42+00:00

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's awesome you're a professional pianist, I admire that; it seems like too many men absolutely loathe women's success and revert to little children because of that. Also lmfao "I can stretch my hand on piano soooo far" sounds like a 6'5 dude fapping to himself in front of a 5'11 dude.

As for my experience, I work in cybersecurity - a field that has been my special interest for years (I'm autistic) and the whole reason I went back to school. A guy in my programming class who has merely been pushing buttons in Buttfuck Nowhere for a living and knows nothing of infosec kept saying that "cybercrime isn't a concern because it always leaves a trace so it's really easy to catch who does it". I kept correcting him, explaining how it in no way works like that, and citing several news articles both national and international. There is a huge shortage of infosec professionals compared to the amount of the threats to handle. He continued to simply go "no it's not like that, trust me" - trust him on what? Being a man doesn't cut it. He's never even worked in the field or read anything about it apparently. He simply doesn't have the knowledge or expertise to correct anyone. He's just confidently incorrect like so many other men in tech. This is only an anecdote because I lost count of the times this has happened - and not just in tech.

2021-03-08T09:48:48+00:00

I've been working as a professional visual artist for 17 years, and teach art theory and practice at college level. Once in a while I get interviewed for television or magazines. When they only show my work but not my face: no problems.

When they do show my face however, my professional email gets flooded with patronizing emails by random men who don't know me and have no experience in the arts whatsoever, giving me 'constructive criticism' and unsolicited advice. They write pages, just rambling on, completely unaware of their arrogance and ignorance. Acting like they're doing me a favour, convinced I'll be so grateful receiving their profound insights.

I never get emails like that by women. I asked my male artist friends and they never get emails like that. What is it that makes men so convinced it's acceptable to bother strange women with their utterly insignificant and uninteresting opinions and advice??

I once even got a handwritten letter from a guy in prison after he saw me on public television. He wrote out six full pages of 'advice' and assumptions about my work and personality, gave it to a friend of his, who hand-delivered it at the gallery I work with, and they gave it to me. All that effort just to be able to mansplain a women's work to her... where do they get the audacity?? By the way I looked up his name because I was creeped out by the letter, turns out he's doing life in prison for strangling a woman to death with his bare hands... lovely.

woadsky · 2021-03-08T02:48:14+00:00

The confidence. I once dated someone who had solid self-esteem. He WAS a good guy, but I was struck by how he felt so confident about his abilities and would easily verbalize that, and yet I felt so inadequate. When I really dissected it, we each had our own strengths -- it's just that he knew how to highlight his and really validate himself and toot his horn, while I (like many women) dismissed myself and my abilities while not even realizing what my strengths were. I think men are just consistently taught how to do this and are validated over and over.

sleepysiri · 2021-03-07T20:57:16+00:00

✨Audacity✨

gingerwabisabi · 2021-03-08T01:25:51+00:00

I like native plants and encouraging pollinators. Once had a guy come over to trim one of my trees, he said it needed to be watered more often. I said "okay" and mused aloud about how I must have been overdoing the recommendation not to water it in summer for fear of killing it. He then proceeded to try to explain that trees suck water up from their roots and evaporate it into the air. I cannot get over how utterly STUPID this dude was and how clueless he was about me for sure knowing how plant respiration works and NOT wanting to listen to him talking anymore. Never gonna have him back, that's for sure.

CoconutJasmineBombe · 2021-03-07T22:34:57+00:00

Read Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit, and her other works as well.

“Solnit's keen observation—which she made after a smug man once explained the contents of one of Solnit's many acclaimed books to her, not realizing that she herself had written it, or could have been capable of writing it—inspired the term "mansplaining," and quickly embedded itself in 21st-century feminist thought.”

https://www.newsweek.com/metoo-movement-gives-rebecca-solnits-seminal-essay-men-explain-things-me-new-851854?amp=1

throwaway32132134 · 2021-03-07T22:14:56+00:00

OMG I had this happen the other day! I'm learning Italian. My first language is English and I am aware I write well. I need to write well for my job, as we have the ministry come in. So on the app I'm using, native speakers correct non native speaker's exercises. So I correct someone's exercise in English. Tell me how this random guy WHO IS LEARNING ENGLISH then comments on my correction and tells me "that's not right, but nice attempt." LOOL LIKE THE AUDACITY IS AMAZING. 😂 That's like me going to someone who is a native Italian speaker and correcting them on their Italian. 🙃 Side note, I know it's kind of petty but I did it since he kept going on. I went to his exercises in English and corrected all of them. By the way it was clear he was not fluent in English.

2021-03-08T03:47:14+00:00

I’m not even an expert but here’s some thing. At my workplace, there was a day where a bunch of vendors came and set up shop, and everybody who worked there got to walk around and see what was offered. There was this one guy who was selling some kind of glasses with a special filter on them To protect your eyes. So I walked over to his display to have a closer look. And I ask him what he selling. And he says “let me educate you sweetheart”

He goes on to give me this spiel about his glasses. I proceeded to ask him some questions about what wavelengths are filtered out, and what wavelengths are not. He doesn’t know the answers, so he tries to change the subject.

I go on to tell him about his own product and how it works. And I mention that it works by reflecting out blue light, and that’s why the reflection on the glasses is blue.

Like, thanks for educating me sweetheart

OriginalCanCon · 2021-03-07T23:22:34+00:00

I'm a high school teacher! I have been for six years. I've had new male teachers tell me they don't know what I'm doing wrong because such and such a male student never acts out for them (we have a high immigrant and refugee population, many kids have never seen women in positions of authority and treat us like garbage, and the male teachers refuse to believe the female teachers that the reason their angelic students are awful to us is due to sexism- it must be our teaching technique!)

I often will share funny anecdotes of kids behaving silly or trying to be sneaky at dinner parties and it's always the men who aren't teachers who interrupt me to share outdated wisdom like "you need to say 'listen here you little shit, you're a failure in life and nobody likes you' because brutal honesty is the only way they listen!" Ok, thanks, I'll await my termination immediately upon following your advice.

I rarely get women trying to tell me how to teach because they all nod and say "yeah raising my two teens was hard enough, kudos to you for dealing with thirty of them at once!" The men are back in the stone age thinking I should threaten them with a paddle or insult them into compliance when I vent about minor difficulties with my job.

thenyashoulda · 2021-03-07T22:36:58+00:00

Only female at work. One of the main reasons I’m looking for employment elsewhere is my boss questioning my work... Almost everytime something formal is presented.

“This part here isn’t right.” Then the usual me explaining how it’s right, why and why his suggestion would be wrong. I’m educated in what I do and know more about certain things. It’s why I’m here ffs.

So sick of men’s little egos.. not like they just magically go away with a successful career

r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-03-08T09:18:16+00:00

I am heavily involved in animal rescue for over a decade and have owned pet rats for over 20 years. After talking to a date about my hobby ... He then turns around and tries to mansplain rats to me because he had pet rats once. I was flabbergasted. The info wasn't even right. 🙄. He then went on to dig himself deeper by trying to explain to me how our immune systems have little soilders ... I had been talking about Covid vaccine and how I was fascinated by the mechanisms behind how it works... Not once did I seem confused by what an immune system is.

wrice05 · 2021-03-08T13:31:31+00:00

I'm in a heavily male dominated field, and my favorite is when a male colleague spent 45 minutes mansplaining me on how to deal with another male colleague's chronic mansplaining. It was some sort of hilarious entitlement infinite loop. My female colleague and I are trying to avoid meeting eyes so we can keep a straight face.

Summerlycoris · 2021-03-08T02:41:32+00:00

God, i can feel that. I've been working at a day centre for people with intellectual disability for 5 years, come September. I volunteered here for 9 months, before getting employed full time. I'm the last of the old timers, I've known my customers for years, and know how to deal with shit.

Men come in as agency staff, or casuals, and they try to tell me how to do my job. One of them had the audacity to claim that when he wasn't scheduled on, he would "get worried" for the customers. I asked him to explain, and it was nice to see him try to fumble along trying to not shove his feet any further in his mouth.

Now that same dude compliments me and tries to blow smoke up my ass. Lol. He's just doing it because he wants something from me, either a weird relationship, or for me to vouch for him so he can stop being agency staff, and come on full time. Sucks for him, boss knows i hate this fucker.

I already made that mistake once for a past NVM who would go on (just like this dude) about how much he loves working with the guys, and misses them. But he only joined up to flirt with the workers, and end up in a weird relationship with one. Once she left, he sat on his ass and didn't bother trying for the customers he "loved" and "missed". Not again. Shitty men can gtfo of support work.

_Amarantos · 2021-03-08T14:41:47+00:00

I'm a nurse and I can't tell you how many male real estate agents (seriously, do you have to be a dick to get your license?) try to mansplain me about biology and heathcare lmao

_mooness · 2021-03-08T14:51:06+00:00

Hah! Love your energy.

Love how you’re super talented and confident and call out these talentless scrotes.

I don’t know if it’s exactly the same, but I’m in tech and constantly being mansplained. Whether or not they are better programmers doesn’t excuse the condescending remarks. I once called an older guy out for it. I told him he talks too much, and to get to the point 🤷🏻‍♀️ men love to talk about themselves. I really don’t have time for it though.

He was BAFFLED btw. A woman half his age, and his junior professionally, effectively telling him to stfu😂

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-03-08T15:48:31+00:00

I had my boss explain to me how a clutch works when I'd just passed my driving test. He must have explained it for 5 minutes before realizing "but you must know this" and I just smiled and said I was being polite.

Also I've noticed this on reddit literally all the time, if you mix up your homophones or tenses you'll get swarmed by grammar police just "trying to be helpful".

Minniemum · 2021-03-08T16:11:08+00:00

I’m a hobbyist gamer, which as we all know, the gaming community is full of these toxic male attitudes. I also happened to go to school for game design and have worked in teams and studios to produce our own video games. Everything from coding, design, production, asset creation, UX, testing and more, I have worked on. All to log on at night into lobbies of dudebros who have never produced a single thing other than human waste assume that since I’m a woman I must be ignorant. Gamer guys really think they can teach or impress me by inaccurately describing how the game we’re playing works 🙄

Title	Boring/completely ordinary men thinking they know more than you when you're an expert.
Author	pianist2020
Upvotes	399
Comments	54
Date	March 7, 2021 7:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lzxc8v/boringcompletely_ordinary_men_thinking_they_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/boringcompletely-ordinary-men-thinking-they-know.1191191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191191

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