Hey ladies,

I need your help. I (30F) have dated one too many LVM in my life, two of which were really damaging. Since then, for about a year now, I've been trying to adhere to FDS Handbook guidelines. However, with this new guy I'm dating (about 2 months now), I'm having a hard time telling.

Here are some of his HVM attributes:

  • he is a huge gentlemen in every sense: he opens the car door for me every time, pays for everything, walks me home, always opens the door for me, etc.

  • he classy and comes from a good background/family

  • he is VERY successful and very financially stable. And he definitely spoils me

  • he is intelligent and well-educated

  • he is extremely hardworking

  • he is generous in the bedroom, BUT* he can't stay hard

  • he has a protective personality in that he provides for and takes on responsibility for some of his family members

  • he met my parents and was great with them

Now for his LVM attributes:

  • he literally ONLY talks about himself. He never asks about me and if I ever start to talk about myself, his eyes gloss over and/or he interrupts me to turn my story about himself. It's just about his friends, his stories, his job, his family, etc. It's making me not feel an emotional connection with him.

  • he said "I love you" after one week. I really didn't feel it and didn't feel comfortable saying it back, but he was persistent and kept saying it so I waited about a week until I caved and finally said it back to him (I know, I know...I shouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, but he kept putting me on the spot). But I think for him, it doesn't carry weight

  • he hardly texts or calls me except for a "have a wonderful day!" text once a day. That's like, how I sign off my emails. It feels so impersonal.

  • after a few weeks of dating (after he had already said "I love you") I saw that he still had Tinder on his phone when he was searching for something. I called him on it and he sheepishly denied and changed the subject. But then the next day he came clean and said he deleted it and showed me his phone to prove it. He said his friend had installed Tinder on there and he had notifications off for it so he had forgotten about it. I think I believe him, but still something I wanted to note

  • okay I don't know if this one is LVM, but this is just weird and I think tied into how quickly he said "I love you", but he calls EVERYONE "my love" or "darling" and "honey" and "doll". Like he's even said it to male waiters. He even casually drops "omg I love you" to people, like my doorman or waitresses and stuff. He says it's because he's charming (yes, he called himself charming, which I feel is in direct contrast to someone who is actually charming).

  • despite considering himself my boyfriend and telling me he loves me, and despite him only being 30 minutes away, we have no plans to see each other for almost two weeks. When I asked him what gives with us having no plans to see each other for that long, he says it's about "boundaries"

  • I know in the HVM part I said he spoiled me, but to be honest, the wining and dining has died down pretty significantly from our first few weeks. It almost feels like he was going in head first at full speed the first few weeks with really expensive dates, with calling me his girlfriend so quickly, not to mention telling me he loves me so quickly, etc., and now that he feels like he hooked me, the effort has subsided...hardly any texts, hardly making time to see me or take me out, etc. I mean, he runs like 3 businesses so I get he's busy, but still...

I don't know. I know the bar is super low for men, but I really am smitten with how much of a gentleman he is. He really blows everyone else I've dated out of the water when it comes to class and gentlemanly traits.

I don't want to regret my decision. HELP

EDIT: can I just saw how much freaking LOVE this sub. You ladies are my best friends