It is okay to be uncomfortable with porn

HoneyNJ2000 · 2020-05-08T16:23:21+00:00

I think most women have a better chance of shaking hands with Jesus than they do of actually finding a man who TRULY does not watch porn.

I'm 61 years old and have had many many relationships and a couple of marriages on top of it - and only ONE of those guys thought porn was lame. Only one.

Guys who truly don't like or watch porn are rarer than frogs hair ladies, regardless of how much they lie to you and tell you they don't watch it.

Maisiebr · 2020-05-08T08:56:23+00:00

It's so fucking sad that women have to be reminded of this. We constantly get shitty relationship advice and told we are weird for not wanting our SOs (ir preferably no one for the sake of the world) to watch (and beat their meats to) overstimulating material that is mental cheating basically, not to mention how it's the abuse and exploitation of women. Remember that porn watchers aren't just more likely to objectify women in real life, lose motivation to do good things in life, have decreasing willpower and are basically addicts (don't fall for the "in moderation" guys either), but they consider their dicks more important than "amateur" girls who are likely trafficked, underage, etc. (verification processes are loose, and saying that you're okay and consented isn't enough to shut out the possibility of trafficking/coercion) and pornstars who die so fucking young that it makes my blood boil (those who still live/retired still say alarming things). Sorry for venting, I'm just outraged how it's so normalized. Partners of men who watch porn also go through betrayal trauma.

HoneyBouquet · 2020-05-08T14:34:04+00:00

LVM use porn as an excuse to degrade their partners or become desensitized to real pleasure when having sex.

It's disgusting.

cirrus_cloud · 2020-05-08T12:34:07+00:00

As someone who was forced to watch porn by a babysitter at age 5, I completely agree with this message.

Porn is a sickness in our culture.

kikivegan · 2020-05-08T13:08:50+00:00

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penelopesheets · 2020-05-08T12:46:41+00:00

Idk how women trust men about their porn usage. I would not believe a man if he told me he doesn't watch porn.

wegonfuckornah · 2020-05-08T11:21:32+00:00

You’re not insecure. You’re not jealous. You’re not controlling.

BasieSkanks · 2020-05-08T14:12:22+00:00

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rinabean · 2020-05-08T18:41:29+00:00

I saw a great tip on here - don't ask men if they watch porn. Ask what sort of porn. The only acceptable answer is still none. But they're less likely to lie.

I've never tried it but it makes sense to me.

notadog8 · 2020-05-08T12:26:09+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear this. My ex is a porn addict and a piece of shit. Lol.

BasieSkanks · 2020-05-08T13:04:24+00:00

Somehow to is soooo misandrist according to the lvm's of reddit.

_under_score_core_ · 2020-05-08T17:58:25+00:00

Scream it from the rooftops oh my god

adiostoreadoormat · 2020-05-08T23:43:47+00:00

Understanding this completely changed my life for the better.

_nylea · 2020-05-08T13:33:55+00:00

Yep, it’s actually quite sick!

The last straw for me was when I was picking up my things to move out following my exit from an abusive relationship. His computer was open, unlocked on the bed, and it was on Pornhub. Couldn’t help but notice that he had searched for porn specifically for women like me — redhead and petite.

So yeah, he traumatized, berated and abused me to the point of me breaking and finally leaving him, and his only thought was to watch porn of “me” and jack off. Disgusting.

Saitschik · 2020-05-08T18:50:27+00:00

Am I a horrible person who wish more women in porn call out these motherfuckers in the video and call them ugly? like Jesus no wonder some of these idiotic LVMs think they get can any woman they want. In porn, all the women have to sleep with anyone that comes in the video. It's just annoying because I'm 100% sure these women are lying to keep their jobs. They always say they enjoy the sex from every single men I call bullshit. You can't tell me you enjoy fucking shrek sweetie.

lovetempests · 2020-05-08T16:24:18+00:00

100% agree. My boyfriend doesn’t watch porn (I don’t think he watched it much before he met me) because when we got together I basically explained to him that I think men in relationships who watch porn are cheating, and how horrible the industry is, etc and he hasn’t since. And he doesn’t miss it, obviously, and we’re more attached to our relationship than ever. He’s also got high functioning aspergers, and so he finds lying very difficult so I’m sure I’d know if he was hiding it from me. I think that in a relationship, one should be 100% committed fo their partner. Porn shouldn’t be in the equation. It’s a disease. I have never seen porn and I’m very glad for it.

BabyGotBantz · 2020-05-08T20:36:09+00:00

I have never accepted men who watch porn while with me and really they shouldn’t watch it period. My fiancé and I have a great sex life and he’s very attentive to my needs.

Porn is dehumanizing and degrading to women. It portrays unrealistic sex and body image what women are expected to enjoy when it comes to sex. It’s addictive like a drug and permanently alters the brains of men who watch it. To get the next “high” they seek sex acts that are more degrading and extreme. There are men who literally cannot come from sex because they beat their meat so furiously to porn no vagina will ever be able to provide that vice grip and no woman will ever look or act like they do in porn.

gogetawaythrowitaway · 2020-05-08T18:01:37+00:00

We need to scream this from the rooftops!!!

I was always made fun of my ex's for not liking it, to the point I did start to think I was the problem.

No, PORN IS THE PROBLEM. That shit needs to be destroyed, all of it, imagine how much better the world would be without it.

Saitschik · 2020-05-09T01:00:52+00:00

I have zero respect for men who watch porn and I can't fall in love or have a relationship with someone I don't respect.

When I meet a new guy I test the waters if he is open to the idea that porn and prostitution are harmful. If this is the case I might continue but if not I am gone.

I am not getting involved with a guy who happily sits infront of a screen everyday, with his dick in his hands, watching porn. Just no.

Sarah_Fishcakes · 2020-05-08T15:35:42+00:00

I've always had zero tolerance on this. I will never be with a guy who watches porn!

Salsaxat · 2020-05-08T14:40:50+00:00

My ex and I fought about this so much. The first time I caught him, I woke up earlier than I usually do and came into our living room and he was completely stripped down and watching it on the TV, it wasn't even just regular porn it was women working out and twerking. I think it traumatized me and I couldn't go to the gym with him anymore because I assumed he was just sexualising the girls there. Was so awkward when I caught him..he like ran to meet me to prevent me from seeing the TV..

He bawled like a baby because he felt so bad that he hurt me. But then he continued to do it and would just hide it. When he got caught any time after that he would be so angry with me at first and tell me all men do it, its natural, but then start crying about how he was sorry because I was crying.

One time his truck "told on him". He picked me up and we were talking and actually getting along really well until i glanced down at the screen, where it usually tells what song is playing, it said the name of some sort of teen porn video. I think what hurt the most is how he would act like he understood the pain it caused me and just tried to hide it better instead of stopping.

Eat_Pant_b0ss · 2020-05-08T16:00:57+00:00

Remember not to date men who "don't watch it that much" either. Even a little is still cheating and supporting the industry. Also, its just a gateway to consuming more. Men want us to think holding on to our standards will leave us with no one to choose from. Do NOT fall for it.

frogchin · 2020-05-08T17:14:40+00:00

I love love love that this community of women is hearing this message so clearly after so many "porn is normal" messages. It may be everywhere, but it's not normal. I've been the addict. It is SO so damaging, to me and my relationships. My current HVM partner was an addict too. It's something we struggle with, fight against, and the effects aren't going to just disappear. Pornography is damaging to everyone involved in the industry, and it's damaging to everyone watching it- I know. It's been a long journey out of that dark cave of sexual emptiness and healing is happening all the time. Stay strong sisters <3

Just want to plug a couple resources for people here:

https://fightthenewdrug.org/

r/loveafterporn

r/pornfree

midorihuh · 2020-05-08T17:31:01+00:00

thank you for this. it was a problem early on in my relationship and even though it’s not now i still have fears he’ll get back into it and i feel like i’m overreacting that i don’t want him to, so this was a good reminder.

azngirl7689 · 2020-05-08T11:56:57+00:00

You’re so sex negative. I love when my man pisses on me and calls me a whore /s - some pickmeisha probably

AutoModerator · 2020-05-08T08:37:34+00:00

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German_girl97 · 2020-05-08T16:35:41+00:00

I screenshotted this because I need this in my photos!

KrazyKuirkyKween · 2020-05-08T11:02:27+00:00

No HVM watch porn.

WubbaLoveaDubDub · 2020-05-08T17:02:42+00:00

Like, I agree and disagree with statement at the same time.

It's okay to not want your partner to watch porn. But he has to be in agreement to it...trying to change someone's morals to align with your own is gross. Find a guy instead who is open to sharing your mindset.

I'm just putting the shoe on the other foot. I swear to god if my future boyfriend told me I'm not allowed to watch (amateur) porn I'd drop him like a fly.

xLunay · 2020-05-08T16:44:20+00:00

I want to remind women, that although it is rare, there are men out there who are also uncomfortable with porn - that understand the impact of porn and the influence it has on society and find no joy in watching it. A man that will share the same ideas of loyalty and what a healthy sex life is as you does exist. I have one, and I feel respected and beautiful in his eyes, and he makes my pleasure top priority. It is possible. You don’t have to accept a porn sick boyfriend. Try bringing up the subject casually in a neutral way early on with the man you are interested in, to know his opinion ahead of time to weed them out.

nationalhistory1889 · 2020-05-08T19:28:03+00:00

I’m deeply struggling with this right now in my relationship because it’s such a huge trigger. In that his watching triggers deep seated issues of self-value/worth and feeling like I can’t compete with what’s on the screen and that I am a disappointment to him because I’m not “porn resembling” . Currently in therapy to work on the self esteem issues but have also talked to my boyfriend and have requested he doesn’t watch it when I’m home, however I suspect this promise has been broken...

flvctvatnecmergitvr_ · 2020-05-08T19:34:38+00:00

Am I desensitized/broken that I dont mind porn? Logically I know there are aspects to it which is not the best, but emotionally I dont react too negatively to it

2020-05-08T19:58:27+00:00

Addendum: Porn is solely based on male's fantasies, so you need to treat it where it belongs, which should be on the deepest parts of the male psyche. There is a reason why porn fantasies shouldn't be even here, and it's all about dehumanization of females. Porn is just a product of testosterone, which makes men amoral when they see a porn video. Thus, men who watches porn will never be able to create successful or fulfilling relationships because of their lack of intimacy and connection to their female partners. It dehumanizes leading to lowering their empathy with women.

Adawritesrules · 2020-05-09T01:54:52+00:00

Posting this to our sister sub r/PornFreeRelationships

Please visit and share your stories! Other women in that sub need to hear your stories and it is therapeutic to share past experiences and how they affected you and even how you loved on!

HotterAndBitter · 2020-05-09T02:33:27+00:00

Not watching porn is mutually beneficial for both parties in a relationship. Porn destroys the mind.

PsychicKaraoke · 2020-05-08T17:41:08+00:00

Finally a place with women who agree with me on this subject! This is one of the reasons i gave up dating - i got tired of dealing with porn addicted men who have no idea what porn is really about.

2020-05-08T20:48:29+00:00

This is based af

ClassLiver · 2020-05-08T23:44:54+00:00

Hello, Based Department? I'd like to file a claim...

glockinmysock- · 2020-05-09T03:18:10+00:00

Good.

MistahQueen · 2020-05-09T07:58:32+00:00

Wake Up they're trying to normalize degeneracy!!! we can't let them!!!!!!

Mean_Green_Kween · 2020-05-09T10:38:48+00:00

AMEN!

Adawritesrules · 2020-06-07T23:34:05+00:00

Please make sure to visit our sister sub r/PornFreeRelationships and share any past/present experiences with how you were forced to accept porn, or how it harmed you or your relationship

Just reading the stories could feel therapeutic too.

Saitschik · 2020-05-09T00:47:46+00:00

[removed]

Title	It is okay to be uncomfortable with porn
Author	BasieSkanks
Upvotes	1499
Comments	141
Date	May 8, 2020 8:37 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gfpd2h/it_is_okay_to_be_uncomfortable_with_porn/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/it-is-okay-to-be-uncomfortable-with-porn.676696 https://theredarchive.com/post/676696

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