[QUESTION] What's it like dating a HVM?

sadpourtoujours · 2020-03-13T04:23:59+00:00

It feels almost effortless. You don’t feel like you’re being inconvenienced. LVM had made me feel overtaxed. With my current boyfriend, everything just feels easy.

hoIds_up_spork · 2020-03-13T03:22:21+00:00

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burnerbabee · 2020-03-13T07:29:24+00:00

I woke up at 5am today after having a nightmare. He consoled me for a bit, heard my tummy grumble so offered to pick up Macca's.

He's just spent his day off clearing out the garage & helping me set up my home business. We're doing this because I'm pregnant & work was getting too much for me so he suggested I resign & follow my dreams. When I told him we're having a daughter he was thrilled.

Speaking of, he's currently working away to build up a nest egg for when the baby comes. He's arranged to take 3 months off work to care for both of us after the birth & then he'll be working close by to maximise our time together as a family.

There have been times he's had to look after me as I have MS. He's literally bathed me, brushed my hair, helped me walk, dress, etc. He saw me struggle with my hair every morning so randomly bought me a ghd just to make my life easier.

I nearly bled to death after surgery for cervical cancer & he saved my life by rushing me to hospital. He broke a land speed record because we were there in about 2 minutes flat. He also changed my blood filled adult diaper in hospital, no hesitation.

Sometimes I ask him why he does so much for me...he says I'm easy to love & we're a team. One time he said something mean to me (not entirely undeserved either 😬) while drunk, there's a big drinking culture here, & he was so upset with himself he quit drinking entirely & restructured his friend group to ice out the disrespectful drinking buddies in favour of his other hvm mates.

Oh & he does housework despite working 13 days on - 1 off, 10 hour shifts plus a 4 hour commute. He once drove 2 hours just to make sure I got home safely from work after a homeless guy threatened me.

Did I mention he has a huge cock & gets off on my pleasure? Never pushy.

I've never met anyone like him. He's the best man I've ever met & I consider myself very lucky to have him. He's just...everything that Salt N Pepa song was about. I never need to worry. If something goes wrong I know he's there for me. He encourages my personal growth.

Sorry, I monologued there.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-03-13T07:55:35+00:00

I’m married to one, and I’ve posted/commented about him a lot here. He has integrity and a strength of character that’s unmistakable. I go to sleep every night knowing, without even a shadow of a doubt, that nothing matters more to him than I do. And he acts accordingly.

He respects women: truly and deeply. He surrounds himself with quality friends who all love their wives and children. He doesn’t watch porn or go to strip clubs. He’s highly educated and accomplished in his career. My nieces literally use him as the example of the kind of man they hope to marry someday. I didn’t used to know men like him exist, but now I realize that a HVM doesn’t want to waste his time with a LVW. When I started leveling up and working on my shit I was able to create a space in my life for someone who is worthy.

Ladies, they’re out there. But you’ll never find him if you’re wasting your time, energy, and emotions on losers who don’t deserve you.

FDSFemmeFatale · 2020-03-13T04:09:40+00:00

He wants to spend time with you whenever he can, is interested in getting to know you better, and inserts himself in your life. After our first date, he asked to see me again the day after. We had 4 to 5 dates in 2 weeks and he asked me to be his girlfriend by the second week. He never asked about sex or for selfies or pictures. He introduced me to his friends and family within a month. I never have to ask or worry about his interest level because he always texts , FaceTimes, or calls. He always wants to see me. It's also a given that we're going to hang out during the weekend. He makes it clear that I am the only one. He doesn't follow tons of girls, or any thots, on IG. He is educated, has a stable career, and has a good paying job. We have similar interests. We can have intellectual and silly conversations. I can be myself around him. We can talk about absolutely anything. Good or bad. We don't fight. If we do, it's about where we're going for dinner on a Friday night. He asks me about my day and how am I doing and gives me advice. He genuinely makes me a better person. Being with him or talking to him doesn't feel like a chore. Everything just clicks. No headaches. No stress. He is my best friend.

I’ll add some more.

He doesn’t look at other girls when you’re with him because he only has his eyes on you. He doesn’t talk about any girls. He thinks about your future together and he considers your future together when he makes important life decisions.

Fitncurly · 2020-03-13T03:29:26+00:00

Married to one, and in a word: Queenly. They want to spoil you however they can, and you won’t have to ask or beg or plead for any of it. They actually plan every detail themselves and with you in mind. It feels like someone not only knows you, but wants to impress you with that knowledge. Also, sex is actually fulfilling because they care about your experience, and the same care for impressing you outside of the bedroom translates to inside the bedroom too. They care about your health (because they see a long future with you) and check in on you and make sure you’re well. They are dependable in an emergency. They adore their family (the one they made with you) and put them first. There’s more, but those are off of the top of my head.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-03-13T06:39:34+00:00

It felt easy. Most of my other relationships were such a struggle and so stressful. With him, it didn't feel like that. He made me feel cared for, supported, respected, and safe. I felt seen and understood for the first time in my life. Unlike other men I had dated, I felt completely comfortable bringing up any concerns I had, and I knew he would listen. I also felt comfortable saying no. He wanted to get to know me better. It was like he was proud and excited to share time and himself with me, and like he felt lucky that I was sharing myself with him too.

Queen_Evergreen · 2020-03-13T09:03:29+00:00

Married to one. Relaxing. Calm confidence. There is space to focus on myself, my own hobbies/passions/interests/work without constantly obsessing over “us”. I express what I want or what I think we should do and he makes it happen or gives me a thumbs up to make it happen.

He listens when I ask for something. He was really receptive to that comic about mental load and made an effort to contribute to the household systems on the houses schedule versus his schedule - unloading/loading dishwasher, taking out trash, laundry, cleaning the bathrooms etc.

he spends Sunday’s with our kid for daddy days (he usually comes home after baby is asleep during the week). We share thoughts on how to parent and it’s like a shared passion project. He is always in good humor around the baby.

He isn’t my best friend. He doesn’t feel like a friend. Even when we were dating he felt like a distinct male presence. He has his own interests and hobbies and he puts time and money to those without getting defensive if I ask about it.

He doesn’t feel like a knight in shining armor. But a consistent “of course we are going have the best case scenario”

He has an interest in his own grooming. He has his own style. He takes care of his things.

He doesn’t shout or yell. If he gets irritated at something I get an eyebrow. He doesn’t bring up the past unless it’s good memories.

I hope that helps!

jalapenopancakes · 2020-03-13T03:07:50+00:00

Married to one.

We work for the same company and we’re both at a conference this week. He escorted me home, bought me drinks, surprised me with a pint of ice cream (blackberry. Like I’ve been craving) back at the hotel, set me up with a networking opportunity and texted me all day telling me how gorgeous I was.

Wouldn’t trade him for anyone.

ctrlcutie · 2020-03-13T06:53:14+00:00

also, where to find one.. 🤔

sweatydeath · 2020-03-13T03:55:47+00:00

It's really great. He always makes me feel cared for through the little things:

He gets me flowers every 2 weeks because he doesn't like seeing the old ones die
He tries to hang out with me all the time, as if he can't get enough
Is respectful when I can only see him 3 times a week because I still want to focus on work, hobbies, and friends
I don't have to wonder if he'll remember the holidays/my birthday. He always remembers!
I get romantic gifts. Each one thus far has been a nice jewelry set
He brags about me to his friends and family
I don't remember wondering "does he like me?" when we first started dating. He said I love you first.
Great sex. He always wants me to orgasm when we have sex, so this means he goes down on me more than I go down on him.
Tells me I'm beautiful all the time.
Doesn't let me pay for dinner dates. He enjoys showing me that he can provide.

mmmaria91 · 2020-03-13T03:18:27+00:00

My relationship with my HVM is just easy. There's no guessing games or mind games. When he's done something that's upset me, I talk to him about it, he acknowledges it and then he makes a clear change. No breadcrumbing. For example, we were video chatting and he went to a bar or grocery store and when someone talked to him (to ask for his order/ ring him up), he answered them while I was still talking. I mentioned that that bothered me and I saw that immediately he changed - he would politely raise a "one minute" finger to whomever he was talking to and let me know that he needed a second. It's simple things like that. I don't nag or beg - because heck no if I'm investing in Build-A-Boyfriend, but I'm open about when things bother me.

We're currently long-distance while I finish teaching for the school year (but with the COVID nonsense, that may happen sooner than later) and we video chat every evening. He's bought me at least 5 roundtrip flights since January to visit him/meet in another country for a weekend date. But even if he didn't spend the money on me, it's just an easy relationship. We geeked out one weekend and grabbed a bottle of wine (or three), some food, curled up together on the couch, and created a shared Excel file about set goals for the next 1, 5 and 10 years. Where we wanted to travel to, when we wanted to get engaged/married, where we wanted to live, etc.

I've said this before in another post... but if someone wants you in their life, they'll move mountains to make it happen. It's not rocket science. If it's not a "hell friggin yes!" about someone, it's a hard No. And it's mutual. When I've hard a hard day with my adorable but satanic students, he let's me vent and when he's stressed out, I listen.

The sparks are still there, but it's just a feeling of safety. I have my own life, my own goals, my own funds, etc., and it's just nice to find someone who matches the same "leveling up" aspect that I try to achieve every day.

Also, don't go looking for HVM. OLD is garbage. Do things you enjoy doing - outdoor activities, taking a cooking class, etc., and it's more likely to run into people (not just men) who have the same interests who can then introduce you to potential HVM (who you should still vet).

helena939392 · 2020-03-13T10:14:47+00:00

This thread is making me cry, I honestly have never met anyone like the men in the comments section. I have sometimes heard of them, but these men are not usually originally from my home countey. I live in a country of generally Low Value Men, and it seems to be a cultural thing of not putting any effort into a relationship with a woman. In fact, women have mostly taken the role of a man in family, careers and relationships. Men just drag along, like children, they don't put any effort into anything and they need constantly be taken care of. It's appalling and gross.

blackopium777 · 2020-03-13T10:52:04+00:00

While most of the time it feels so simple, I also worry alot. I am scared to lose this person one day, because I know that there is nobody out there who could step up to him, ever. My husband never gave up on me. I know that other males would have left, while he still showed me love and support. He is a loving husband, a great father and an amazing person overall. I am his priority and he isnt ashamed of that. We've been together for 8 years, we had barely any fights in this time. I am talking about 2 or 3 where only one was serious. Our views and expectations match perfectly, so we dont really disagree with each other. He knew that he wanted to marry me and spend his life with me after our first date. He never broke a promise, was always reliable and trustworthy. I know that I am more than lucky to have met such a person. The level of thoughtfulness and respect he has for me is unique. I really doubt that there is a person out there who could fit me as good as he does.

spacebubbletea · 2020-03-13T09:26:17+00:00

He picks you up from YOUR place, makes sure you get home safe, always opens door for you, helps you with your coat, does all that old fashioned stuff. You feel courted not picked up. You feel like a lady, not a piece of meatloaf on a display, waiting to be bought. Your company is an honour to him. He LOOKS like he cares - he looks better than normally, his outfit is ironed and his hair done nicely, nails clean, shoes shining. He pays, because he wants to prove you that he is a good provider, generous and with good manners. Conversations are interesting, intelligent. He makes you laugh. Takes you to the places you haven’t been before. Is kind to waiters, servers, any people that are around you. Doesn’t touch you in any inappropriate ways. Those were my experience with my boyfriend of 6 months right now. Today he’s taking me to a newly built water park because yesterday I told him I miss swimming, so a HVM is also listening to you. Ah, plus. A HVM doesn’t change over time. My parents are 26 years into their marriage - dad still takes mom on dinner dates, on dates in general, surprises her with nights out, not necessarily expensive but nice gifts. I’m a fan of their relationship, lol.

18924549 · 2020-03-13T09:40:35+00:00

Pure bliss. Mine is incredibly supportive and encouraging of my personal goals, reminds me constantly how much he loves me, goes out of his way for me with cute surprises even though we’re doing long distance atm. Too many things to list tbh. Don’t settle for a LVM, ever. There are definitely men out there that exceed expectations and go the extra mile. Keep your standards high and know yourself and know your value would be my advice.

Thenightsaresolong_ · 2020-03-13T14:03:52+00:00

I’ve dated lots of LVM, and am with a HVM right now. It’s veeeery different.

He remembers my schedule. He knows what nights I like to go out with friends, and plans dates for us around that.
He brings me small gifts (books I like, bottles of wine, etc) whenever we see each other.
I didn’t have to initiate the “what are we?” talk. He brought it up first, he expressed early on that he wanted me and only me. I never had to wonder if he was into me or not.
He lets me pay for things if I say I want to, but never expects it.
Sex is always amazing. We communicate very well in that area, and I have never felt uncomfortable telling him what I like or don’t like.
He was shocked when I asked to accompany him to something, because I’m used to having to beg boyfriends to take me along if they’re going out with their friends. He said “since you said it sounded fun, I just assumed we would go together”.
This is gonna sound weird, but he loves my cat lol. It’s hard to find men who are cat people, a lot of men who don’t like women claim to hate cats, but he’s always trying to cuddle with my cat and asks me how he’s doing. The other day I woke up and the cat was on top of him, and he kept taking pictures of him and fawning over how cute he is.

There are many more, but it really is so different. I never knew things could be so easy.

eng2fly · 2020-03-13T03:25:35+00:00

I’m still vetting my guy seeing as it’s only been 3 months but he has shown nothing but HVM characteristics. It’s the easiest relationship I’ve ever been in.

If he upsets me, I tell him and he sincerely apologizes and changes the behavior. No excuses, no gas lighting, just ownership and change.

He’s affectionate and clearly demonstrates he wants to be with me in public. He opens the car door, pulls my seat out for me, always pays, and asks what he can do better in our relationship.

He starts my car in the mornings if I stay over, cooks dinner and cleans up without me mentioning it. Helps take care of my dog when I don’t ask or expect him to. Helps out with things within my family without hesitation.

Comes home from work and rubs my feet or my shoulders. Tells me good morning and goodnight beautiful. Remembers small things I tell him. He’s not perfect but god damn does the man try and I adore him.

greenwalrus1999 · 2020-03-13T10:33:53+00:00

Gonna throw my hat in the ring since I *think* I have one. I've never met anyone like him, not remotely. He is wonderful. His university won't let him come back because of corona, not even to get his stuff, so a mere two weeks away from each other due to a family trip has turned into...god knows what. I've been sobbing for two days because I miss him so much. I have no idea when I'm gonna see him again. It's maddening. He says he's gonna see if he can come back and at least live in the area in a sublet, so we'll see. But I'm devastated, as is he. We were really looking forward to seeing each other again.

Gonna make a list of things he's done that make/made me feel great, not comprehensive:

He picks me up and drops me off without asking if I "need" it. He actually likes doing it. He just does it, like it's a given. No "gas is expensive" shit.
He comes from money but doesn't act like it. He's the sweetest, most earnest guy I've ever met.
He said 'I love you' first.
Doesn't care about my (sadly) huge body count (I hate that phrase), which is more than quadruple his. He still thinks I have value. Unprecedented.
He likes showing me off. He always holds my hand and wants to kiss me in public.
He gave me a wonderful Valentine's Day, complete with flowers. I've never gotten flowers.
He got me a relatively expensive souvenir on his family trip, and he was planning to take me to a restaurant centered on my favorite food for my birthday. I don't think it will happen now, as explained above :( And he was also planning to give me more gifts. I've never gotten birthday presents from anyone.
He pays every single time we go out without question. I don't even have to think about it. And the kicker is that he wants to go out to different restaurants all the time, so that's a lot of money. I've already been to more restaurants with him than I have in probably the past few years put together.
He likes doing things outside of a bed. Wants to all the time. Wants to go out and do things, things not related to alcohol, things during the day. We love alcohol but I'm shocked he actually wants to still do date-y (healthy, normal couple) things.
He worships me. When I wake up next to him in the morning I'm at my absolute worst. My face is raw and red from his beard, and I have curly hair so my bedhead/sex hair is extra terrible. But he's complimented me so many times in that state. I don't get it.
I never wear makeup around him. I don't feel the need to. That's amazing to me, that I don't need to wear makeup to feel pretty and feel adored.
I'm super paranoid about pregnancy despite being on the pill, and he even got a test for me and is cool with doing it with me. Usually the mere mention of this would scare guys away. But he's the same as ever about this.
He doesn't watch porn, and he literally gets hard when I talk to him on the phone. Or even just hold his hand. He can go again a few minutes after being done. It's incredible.
He actually cares about getting me off. Like, for real. Guys always say that but he really does. Really. And for the first time in my life I feel close to an orgasm from just penetration. Which I never thought possible. I just love him so much and feel so close to him...casual sex is never happening again. This is everything. Fuck one night stands.
He's all about eye contact during sex.
A few weeks ago I got sick of texting and wanted to hear his voice before I went to bed. That's kickstarted a habit of us talking on the phone for literally an hour almost every night since then. That includes the vacation he's on right now. Like, wow...
Nothing scares him away. Being affectionate doesn't scare him away. He's the most affectionate, upfront, straightforward guy I've ever met. He's all over me all the time. He's never been moody or played hard to get. He texted me first for every single date pre-relationship. He says he loves me constantly. I cannot emphasize that enough. He is the embodiment of a secure attachment style.
We've been sending lots of extra mushy texts since thing corona thing came out, and I sent him this really sad long one, and he replied with texts twice the length of mine. He's the only guy I've met who would double paragraph texts instead of run away from them.

This list is absurd, I'm sorry, but I'm so happy rn lol. Minus the corona-induced separation :( I can see us being together for a long time. I hope we are

PltEchoEcho · 2020-03-13T10:22:39+00:00

I’ve always seen relationships as teamwork, and he really proves that. He supports and encourages me no matter what I do. He offers me options. We’re both in the same line of work, and my company recently went bankrupt, leaving me with no chance of getting hired in the next few months. We had discussed getting married and supporting each other financially, but he told me to not worry about it, that he would be just happy to have me in his life, that he would gladly provide for us both. He told me all of the ways he would be willing to make me happy.

It’s not what I want, I’m far too qualified and educated to give up my career, but having that pressure taken off of me has been such a relief. And I would absolutely do the same for him, so knowing that I’m with a man that is just as committed as I am to this relationship is such a beautiful feeling. Not only do I not have to worry about my relationship, there’s less stress on me to find a job when no jobs are currently available. I never expected him to be my safety net but I’m so glad he’s willing to love and protect me.

1Here4Bach · 2020-03-13T13:19:59+00:00

I’m surprised this hasn’t been mentioned but a HVM is NOT co dependent. He lets you be 100% yourself and feels safe to be around.

He’s not possessive. He doesn’t treat you like you’re just a secondary character in his book or one of his accessories. He acknowledges that you’re a human with your own likes/dislikes, flaws, friends and hobbies.

He won’t get mad if you go to brunch with friends. He won’t get jealous or insecure if you go on a girls trip to Hawaii. He won’t get mad if you join a club that involves one of your hobbies.

Of course when two people are in love they want to spend all their time together. But there’s a difference between wanting to spend time with someone and over saturating yourself with someone, HVM know this. LVM don’t.

LVM are clingy, they don’t like you going out with your friends much or at all. He doesn’t respect your individuality or hobbies. He’ll “jokingly” call them stupid or talk down on them. This is his way of getting you to spend less time on hobbies and more time with him. LVM want you to quit your friends/family, hobbies and sometimes even your job so you can focus all your time on him. (Don’t take up a man’s offer to quit your job and move across the country with him🙄 he’s isolating you and setting you up for an abusive relationship that would be difficult for you to leave.)

LVM literally want there to be one identify in the relationship: his. He craves control and wants to strip you of everything that makes you, you.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-03-13T14:31:36+00:00

He makes you a priority and you know it, and he's excited to do so.

He never acts like treating you well is some favour you owe him for.

Even when you fight, you feel respected.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-03-13T11:09:34+00:00

So that's what I have been missing, and will probably never get. Interesting.

2020-03-13T14:43:39+00:00

He's full of surprises, he looks out for you. He doesn't ask questions and is there to support you when you feel weak. He doesn't forget and is very affectionate. A lot of other stuff was already mentioned by the other commenters, but personally these are the most important to me, or at least these are the things that he's done that I really cherish!

Another commenter pointed this out about personalised gifts, but I remember my boyfriend talking in an almost guilty tone when he said that he couldn't find any pretty pink flowers so he had to get dark magenta ones, because he knows that light pink is my favourite colour. I felt a little bad, because I was happy he got me something so nice in the first place. He's careful with what he gets me, even though I wouldn't call myself high-maintenance.

nosynobody · 2020-03-13T14:38:38+00:00

I never had doubts about his commitment to me. After our second date he told me he was looking for something serious. There was a week long break because I was out of town but he texted me and then kept the conversation going. Before I moved back(a month later) he asked me to be his gf.

He picks me up for all our dates (ofc even though I have a car and can drive) and the first thing he does is kiss my hands. We've been dating for a year and a half and every date till now(whether we are angry, irritated or grumpy) he has always held my hand without fail.

Tons of smaller gestures like he remembers my favorite food, sometimes subconsciously picks out the pieces of food he thinks I will like, always is affectionate and level headed. Even when I am angry and stressed he always calms me down.

dilligent_squatter · 2020-03-14T06:24:30+00:00

Together almost three years at this point. He is happy that I’m intelligent and will challenge him, and doesn’t see it as an undercut to his manliness. We can have all kinds of conversations, and he can give advice without condescending. We have a lot of similar interests, hobbies, and musical tastes. He plans the future with me in mind, and we are able to encourage each other towards our goals both together and individually. He always pays, asks what I need, or how he can help. He notices details, plans special dates, and does things that he wouldn’t care about on his own, but does them because he knows they make me happy. We’re of the same religion/culture, and hold the same values, beliefs and family goals. He sends me purple orchids at work for Valentine’s or just because, because he knows they’re my favorite. He picks up drinks and snacks he knows I enjoy when he sees them. He doesn’t try to one-up me or make me feel small compared to himself. He talks about his problems and feelings with me. We end up splitting household tasks because we’re both observant adults and just do things when we notice they need to be done, because he’s not a man-baby. He cooks well, and cooks for me regularly. I seldom eat meat, and he will make separate plant based portions for me (ex he’s having a meat dish, he’ll make a juicy portobello mushroom for mine) or when he plans dates he will specifically make sure a restaurant has food that I enjoy/will accommodate my dietary restrictions. He gasses me up when I’m not there: he’s naturally a loud and gregarious person and we attend a lot of social and charity functions together, I’ve overheard him telling others how great/kind/smart he thinks I am. We both enjoy volunteering and being active within our community. He’s not a porn addict/teen fetishist/anal sex pest and cares a lot about my pleasure during sex. He dutifully tries not to disturb me when I sleep in Sunday mornings (the only day I can snooze) because I’m working full time in my field while putting myself through school for a third professional degree, and picks up breakfast for me.

One weekend morning it was snowing and he had some extra work to do from home and we were lying in bed. I said “oh well if you’re going to work for a bit I think I’ll go to the gym for a while.” He got out of bed, bundled up and went outside, scraped off my car, and made me a coffee. I’ve never known any man to add any peace to my life, but he sure does it.

Ninauposkitzipxpe · 2020-03-13T12:04:53+00:00

Surprise gifts: my bf bought us tickets to a book tour in Nashville we're both interested in and surprised me with them. He also bought my plane ticket for vacation since he asked me to go.

Does things he hates for the good of the household. With the whole COVID-19 thing the stores have been crazy. He went grocery shopping last night which is a chore he hates because we needed stuff. Normally I would say this is a normal person thing, but it was above and beyond what I was willing to do lol.

General self-improvement. I would say my bf wasn't motivated to better himself before me, but he's taking steps now to meet my standards.

He's not a HVM in all ways, but those are some good qualities he exhibits.

Uncle_Iroh107 · 2020-03-13T16:50:46+00:00

I'm in a LDR (I know, we can't help it with out careers) but when we're together life is in easy mode. He travelled for almost 36 hours from South America to Asia to help me move to a new apartment, fix my computer and put up paintings on my wall. I lost the jewelry he gave me and he bought a new one without blaming me (which my ex would've totally done).

Midnight_Sun_Flower · 2020-03-13T11:07:44+00:00

As someone who is now married to a HVM after wasting an embarrassing amount of time with a LVM:

1) Arguments don't repeat. I would get stuck in cycles becoming increasingly "crazy" and "harpyish" having the same arguments over and over again. LVM was never accountable for maintaining an acceptable level of behaviour. The arguments are different with my high value husband. Instead of rushing to denials or justifications he becomes quiet, processes what I have to say and acknowledges will feelings. He usually takes a few hours to reflect and comes back to me. There is noticeable long term behavioural change on his part. Not usually overnight change but a sustained movement forward which means that even if future arguments are in the same vein they're less intense and I can see that he's working towards change. We're all human; sometimes I'm in the wrong. But I can actually see that now; when every criticism is met with gas lighting, denial or false promises you are so trapped in a fight just to be heard that you're not looking at the bigger picture. High value men will look at each argument on its own merits, not constantly leap to the defensive and get nothing done.

2) He has a high amount of self discipline and drive. He holds himself accountable, not just to his own actions but to being an adult and dealing with circumstances even when they're out of his control and less than ideal. I have to admit that this has been on my mind a lot lately; he had 7/10 abdo pain overnight and wasn't discharged home from ED until 03:00 AM. We both went to bed exhausted. He got up again and took himself to uni because "I'm really struggling with the physics part of this course; I need to attend every lecture I can." It isn't something I myself would have done (I called in for carers' leave). It's something that I greatly admire about him. And my God is it such a breath of fresh air from my last fucking deadbeat who was born into privilege and had me supporting his arse but couldn't even finish one wash up because the thought of doing it depressed him. Instead of begging, pushing and crying in desperation for someone to do basic fucking chores I have an active adult partner. A partner isn't someone that you have to totally lean on or have them lean on you; it's another competent adult they can do their own thing and work with you towards a shared goal.

3) When we were triaging each other as romantic partners (we were friends first) he was able to articulate concrete relationship goals that weren't aside wetting his dick or general waffling (the whole "see where it goes" BS). He wanted to work towards a marriage, a few years of living together as a couple and then children. He periodically checks in with me during our relationship to see if we were still on the same page and if everything is going well, let me know how he is feeling etc. as well as taking steps to upgrade the relationship. No bread crumbing. Ex is a serial dater and user. We kept talking after we broke up (I know; I've learned) and his biggest comply complaint was that his pee pee wasn't getting serviced. He did want emotional commitment from others but didn't want to be tied down emotionally himself. He was talking to one woman who for fucks sake was going through separation from her partner due to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ISSUES and was becoming a single mother with no family support (her parents died at a young age) and expected that she was going to be jumping on his dick as soon as he found the courage to break up with me because he gave her internet hugs and support while also taking up her time telling her how crazy I was and demanding her emotional support while sucking my resources dry. When that didn't happen he pushed me to restart our relationship because "men are different to women; we need to cum in women; women don't need that" and "Everyone (He) thought we were going to get back together; they (only him to) were really surprised that we didn't immediately." That's all our relationship was to him: get his dick wet, give up all forward or critical thinking and let your carer do all the work. Suck them like a tick until they're dry. When my HVM husband says that he treasures the relationship we have, the time we spend together or myself I feel the sincerity of it in his voice and body language.

4) My sexual boundaries are respected. My ex wanted a porn star performance from me for two minutes of fluttering thrusting. He always told me how I could improve the experience for him but everything I brought up was too hard for him. I told him I didn't like having any hands around my neck after an assault where I was lifted off the ground by my fucking neck. Guess where his hand would always end up while I lay paralysed in bed waiting for him to finish? Husband respects my want for vanilla sex and learned what I needed to feel good. I've rediscovered my high sex drive and feel like I've been in hibernation for years. And yeah, yeah, you can't control your dick size, but you know what you can control? Your fucking obsessive need for reassurance about it. My ex kept asking me if my now husband "is bigger than me?" IDK dude, height wise you're 5'4, he's 6'3, shoe wise you're size 7, he's size 12, you sound like a woman on the phone and could pass for an eight year old if you shaved that shitty beard. He... could not. That Adams Apple alone can be seen from a mile away. Do you really want me to break your delusion that you two could compete in that department? My husband always assumed that he was probably average, because "I'm not that lucky" but trust me, magnum condoms just worked so much better. There's a difference between tight against the skin and taking two minutes to roll the condom on only for the penis to look shrink wrapped.

And you know, this just happened again tonight, but whenever it is that my husband wants sex but I don't he always answers something along the lines of "don't worry about it hun" or "eh, these things happen". I used to be so pestered and pressured and guilted into attending to my ex's needs that I actually still find myself apologising years after that break up (that relationship was pretty damaging to me and it was my first sexual relationship on top of that) only for my husband to look me in the eye and tell me that I don't owe him anything.

There's also so much love language, so much attention to my likes and habits, like the fact that he started changing how he organised the kitchen so all my tea stuff was in one easy to reach place for me. There's just so much to get from an individual who genuinely wants to get to know you and spend time with you and make you feel good.

Robot877 · 2020-03-13T16:34:03+00:00

Has paid for every single date, has never asked for a dime. Puts effort into relationship and doesn’t make it feel like it’s a chore. Enjoys and WANTS to spend time with me. Hates social media so doesn’t have any accounts but doesn’t care that I have them. Doesn’t look over bank account or police me on any spending.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-03-13T20:11:04+00:00

You guys are living the dream, it's so wonderful to hear 😭💜

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Title	[QUESTION] What's it like dating a HVM?
Author	greenteaapplepie69
Upvotes	166
Comments	62
Date	March 13, 2020 2:36 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fhsm66/question_whats_it_like_dating_a_hvm/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/question-whats-it-like-dating-a-hvm.693195 https://theredarchive.com/post/693195

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