Reminder: Don't get transitioned into being the forever girlfriend if your goal is to find a life partner. It's counterproductive to allow a man to 'try on the relationship' for multiple years with no commitment.

whiskey_and_oreos · 2021-06-16T17:09:32+00:00

A small number of these guys will actually marry you to unlock wife benefits while giving you nothing in return, if not actually regress to full manchild. My ex's logic was "it was the next thing to do" and I of course listened to his words and ignored his actions for years.

Don't get stuck on the idea of potential.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-16T17:46:10+00:00

Make that 2+.. they always want more

pretty-little-fears · 2021-06-16T18:57:17+00:00

I saw a post from an old coworker on insta celebrating her 12 year anniversary with her boyfriend. TWELVE YEARS and he’s still not sure he wants to be with you forever? They’re 29 and have been together since teenagers. He still hasn’t put a ring on it yet? Girl stop wasting your life!!

McChuckles2010 · 2021-06-16T18:39:54+00:00

Honestly! This was my last relationship! So glad I had the balls to end it and move on! Wish I had this resource while before I gave a year to my life to that LVM

liberty_5-30000 · 2021-06-16T20:20:56+00:00

OMG this is so true.

My gf’s bf left her to go the grad school. Came back moved in with her. Then moved out and married someone else.

They were together 3 yrs before grad school and 2 yrs after

hussy_trash · 2021-06-16T19:00:19+00:00

They will do this until women stop letting them. And then they will marry the first person within 5 ft, who gives them attention.

katiekat0214 · 2021-06-16T22:38:18+00:00

Things can change, though, once you're older and experienced. I've already been married twice; divorced the first one, widowed 2016, was married 25 years total. I've been there, done that. These days, I'd love to be the forever girlfriend, have a living apart together situation, keep finances separate, and have nothing whatsoever to do with raising someone else's children. For me and a lot of older folks, dating really is just for fun, not starting a new family or making a pair bond, buying property together, all the usual markers of young adulthood, which I get, they're super important. For young women, this advice is spot on. Older, depends on what you want, so there's nuance.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-06-16T17:14:32+00:00

My friend dated a LVM for 5 years, he kept dangling the marriage carrot in front of her while they spent 4 years saving for a house. Then he said he didn’t want to commit and get married. Why are men like this ????

GullibleAd3549 · 2021-06-16T17:24:08+00:00

A wise woman once said, girlfriends are just friends with benefits.

MissWestSeattle · 2021-06-16T16:25:57+00:00

Yeah, still working on healing from being a "forever gf" for 13 years. My entire 20s I wasted on a porn sick scrote, I regret every moment of it. Best I can do is try to overshadow that shit by making my 30s the best I can and now that I have FDS I know it is possible!

kaitybubbly · 2021-06-16T20:19:24+00:00

This was me in my last long term relationship. We had been together five years and here I was like a clown, planning for life together, while he had been making future plans for his life, not our life. Of which I was just supposed to go along and still provide him all the benefits with none of the commitment. Thankfully I finally wizened up and left him. Not going through that again, that's for sure.

xxritualhowelsxx · 2021-06-16T21:31:17+00:00

I know a couple who has been dating 13 years, as of yesterday. They had a child together last year..still no ring. When I ask him about it, he jokily says, she wouldnt want to marry someone like me. I was hoping maybe the baby would push him towards marriage but still no proposal

Original1one · 2021-06-16T21:21:41+00:00

i once dated this guy i almost basically died for (long story) in order to help him during the winter season (no one else was around) and when the commitment conversation came to surface he was acting like i was twisting his arm...yet during that time i was loyal, wonderful, blah blah...he wanted commitment on his terms but because I was still a main clownette in the circus of delusion.. i stayed...and stayed...and stayed...

0redacted0 · 2021-06-16T19:24:51+00:00

How do you stop that from happening?

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-06-16T18:11:41+00:00

Lol at there being 9 comments but me only being able to see three I LOVE YOU FDS MODS ACCEPT MY PRAISES FROM FAR AWAY LANDS XOXOXO

Hippofuzz · 2021-06-16T21:01:43+00:00

Yes, but also be wary of the guy who immediately wants to marry (at least in western culture), he is usually an abuser.

dramaakweeen · 2021-06-16T18:32:58+00:00

ouchie

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2021-06-17T06:07:40+00:00

Is it time to go back to old timey courtship-- dating several at once, sleeping with none of them?

partypancakesbacon · 2021-06-16T19:03:24+00:00

Yes but what if as a woman I’m the one with the career and home, and I need to be very sure about my partner before getting married and sharing a life and future together even if I get a prenup? I’m not about to sign away my independence and freedom and all I’ve worked to achieve just to forego my space and down time. I’m not picking up after anyone. I can’t even be bothered to be inconvenienced by anyone waking up earlier than me for work. What if it’s my partner that’s pushing for marriage but I’m in no rush to marry?

Sewud · 2021-06-17T03:50:42+00:00

I would advice my younger self against dating men who are not marriage material. I didn't have the heart to reject a guy who seemed to like me, and it seemed like marriage was so far away that it would all work out if it was "meant to be". If it ever came to marriage though I would have probably not been able to marry them because they were not hot enough, too low status, and not good people enough. If I could go back in time I would make someone ask me: but do you want him to be your husband though, this short guy who will never make anything of his job and who gets drunk and shits in people's windshields, or do you want to find a tall white collar professional who behaves more like yourself? But honestly it would have been hard because I was so against being a snob and being judgemental, I would have defended ugly losers all day.

frostedgemstone · 2021-06-17T08:07:26+00:00

Lol yeah most of my peers/friends are in their early to mid 20s, many post 5+ year bf/gf anniversaries.. I used to be jealous of super long relationships when I was younger but now I’m realizing that it just.. means... a ring is never coming

Twohagsover30 · 2021-06-16T19:10:25+00:00

[deleted]

Title	Reminder: Don't get transitioned into being the forever girlfriend if your goal is to find a life partner. It's counterproductive to allow a man to 'try on the relationship' for multiple years with no commitment.
Author	Twohagsover30
Upvotes	1865
Comments	93
Date	June 16, 2021 4:04 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o18ccv/reminder_dont_get_transitioned_into_being_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/reminder-dont-get-transitioned-into-being-the.784267 https://theredarchive.com/post/784267

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