STD testing before intimacy

Thestral-glow6 · 2022-04-22T20:50:13+00:00

You just tell him. You’re not prepared to be intimate with him unless he can show you he’s been tested and is clean.

You’re sexual health is the most important priority. If he can’t prove to you he’s clean, ditch him.

gingerwabisabi · 2022-04-23T01:17:19+00:00

If you feel uncomfortable bringing this up, that can be a yellow flag in itself. With one ex, I was very nervous about bringing it up, though I still did. With my eventual husband, I just said I'd want us both to go get tested first. He smiled and said that would be a relief, and we went together to get full panels done. Afterward we went out to eat and I think watch a movie.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-04-22T21:14:20+00:00

I just tell them when it seems like it might become a possibility. “I require current STI screenings before we get to that point” or however you want to word it.

Those who don’t go get one ASAP, you need to drop, bc they are hoping you’ll forget.

Tharwaum · 2022-04-22T22:22:25+00:00

One thing you can do is research the ways to do the tests where you are, and then see what he comes up with compared to the options you already know about. Like, this situation doubles as an evaluation of his intelligence and resourcefulness, and whether he takes the lead on making it happen for you. Also if he says “I recently got tested” you can ask about the logistics of his test and see if it matches with the info you have, as an honesty test. Not that his word is enough to skip the test, but a gentle probing conversation on these subjects can be revealing

hesnotthatgreatNEway · 2022-04-23T13:16:18+00:00

I brought it up to my ex and he was weird about it, he had only been with 3 women so I took the chance. He donated blood every few months and told me if he had something he'd "know by now". We were together 4 years and he gave me HPV.

My husband and I brought up std testing on our second conversation together and both agreed quickly to full panel std testing before sex. He was excited to jump at an opportunity to be with me and my willingness to std test showed him I was serious about being with him and vise versa. My hpv was gone and we both tested negative on everything. If a man even thinks TWICE about an std test, RUN, they are hiding something. My ex knew that he had unprotected sex with someone with hpv and didn't tell me until I was positive myself. LVM do not care about your health and will gaslight you into putting your life in danger to get their dick wet.

junigatsu12 · 2022-04-22T21:24:37+00:00

Have a date visiting a health clinic for STD screening...🤣

But on a more serious note, it's normal and perfectly valid to request a clean bill of health.

Any resistance or pushback by the man is immediate block & delete.

Don't risk your health for LVMs.

ycama · 2022-04-22T22:16:37+00:00

I did it with my ex and basically sat him down and said: “hey I really care about you and want to be physically intimate. However, sexual health is really important to me and I think that we should (both) get tested before we do that.”

He looked pretty uncomfortable and so I said: “hey if this makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t want to do this, just let me know. I won’t get upset and I’ll completely understand if this is something you don’t want to do.”

He relaxed a bit and thanked me for giving him a choice. He told me that he doesn’t mind but was embarrassed because he didn’t know how to go about asking his PCP. That made me chuckle 🤭 So I helped him out and it turned out great. We both made it into a cute little date and revealed our lab work to each other.

Please note that I was comfortable asking him and if it didn’t work out, I was ALSO comfortable with walking away from the relationship.

Reminder for all: If you’re scared to ask him … you might not be ready to have sex with him (This is what I told myself to be safe).

creamtart_ · 2022-04-23T03:37:32+00:00

Some questions should not be skirted around, this is one of them. Be clear and direct about this.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-04-23T06:05:09+00:00

If he doesnt want you long term he will refuse. That's a good thing. If he says no to testing and still wants to cling to you, just drop him. Health should it us be important.

TriggeredQuilt · 2022-04-23T09:06:44+00:00

As soon as things naturally become sexual. I bring it up as a requirement if things are to go further because it’s a win/win. They agree? Great some sexy time.

They don’t or refuse with things like “so you don’t think I’m clean?”

“I haven’t slept with that many people”

“Why do I have to? Don’t you trust me?”

Red flags. And sex is completely off the table. This is 100% a deal breaker for me. They need to be prepared to get tested and prove they are clean.

RareFind36 · 2022-04-22T21:25:40+00:00

My ex lied about being tested for STIs and that he hadn’t sleep with anyone for two years, so he knew he was safe. Nope lied about that and I caught something from him and when I tried to talk to him about it he straight lied. Then when he knows I’m about to break up with he admitted to sleeping with two women consecutively for months then met me and broke it off. Still broke up with him because he lied about a serious matter and he was talking to someone else online while sleeping with the two girls. Not only discuss it but make him show proof.

sinfulsugakookie · 2022-04-23T08:20:19+00:00

Also, beware of websites that provide fake STD panel test results! They're available for purchase and many look totally legit. I would love suggestions on how to avoid getting duped by that.

SocietyIsMessedUp · 2022-04-22T21:31:50+00:00

Just tell him. In this hookup culture, it should be of no surprise if your partner wanted proof you do not have any disease. I would also ask him if he has been with hookers.

Hostileovaries · 2022-04-23T04:04:09+00:00

I offer mine and let him know if he wants to get to the next sexual intimacy level I would need to see his recent tests.

AtomicBelle · 2022-04-23T00:00:07+00:00

I’d also play the ‘wait and see how he approaches it’ game. If he doesn’t bring it up at all and seems game to get down without that conversation, that means he isn’t having it with other women either.

And be very careful how he phrases any conversation around ‘cold sores.’ If he seems sketchy or nervous about it, he probably also has genital herpes. Neither HSV 1 or HSV 2 is tested for on many STD panels, and whatever your opinions on it, can be very painful and/or active in certain individuals.

fattybread83 · 2022-04-22T22:45:42+00:00

He will bring it up if you're about to sleep together the first time. He might suggest condoms until "we have time to get tested" "get papers" "visit the clinic". If not, he may play fast and loose with his health...

pathalienation · 2022-04-22T22:21:39+00:00

You mean, how does HE bring it up?

Cuz, do you want to be with someone who isn’t managing and communicating about their std hygiene on their own, or concerned about protecting your trust and your health?

WhyStateTheObvious · 2022-04-23T02:10:03+00:00

I shared that I was only interested in pursuing an intimate relationship with a partner that was willing to get tested and we share results with each other. Simple as that. He sent me his results and I sent mine.

We didn’t end up working out but that is my preference and the only way I’d be comfortable having sex.

FullTimeOrNoTime · 2022-04-23T02:02:22+00:00

Not only should you just say you require him to be tested, you should be specific to say what you need test results for, AND that he needs to bring them for you to see yourself. They need to be dated, and with his name on them. Consider it a vetting moment if he balks in any way. There is no valid argument against this requirement, and any he makes let's you know to run.

EatMePrincess · 2022-04-23T16:05:32+00:00

I tell literally everyone that I don't consent to any kind of body fluid exchange (That includes kissing--any orifice to orifice action) without consent. For all I know someone could have herpes, HPV, and all kinds of other things. Do you want throat cancer or to ruin your singing voice because of a kiss?

Btw, you may be able to do butt and mouth swabs as well for the main 3 STDs doctors test for at an LGBT center. One in my county does those tests, but PCPs won't for some reason.

Some people wait 3 months with 2 tests. They could have just been having sex with someone right before seeing you, and it can take 3 months for some STDs to develop enough to test positive. HIV can test positive as early as 2 wks, but sometimes it takes people 6 months to test positive.

MarleySB · 2022-04-23T01:54:30+00:00

I think he should be the one to bring it up if you’re having talks of being intimate. If he doesn’t, I’d be wary. But go right out & let him know. Don’t beat around the bush esp if he hasn’t suggested it first.

I’d go as far as saying if you’re dating rotationally, which I think more women should do, then you shouldn’t be having sex with any of your dates.

Do you plan to stop using protection? Has there been talks of exclusivity? If you’re not averse to using condoms, I’d suggest sticking to it even after a clean test.

God speed

yesIcould · 2022-04-23T18:38:48+00:00

"I want to ask you to get tested for STD". that's it. The only reasonable response in my opinion is 'sure' + letting you know what the results are after a while (I don't know what is a reasonable amount of time to get lab results in your country) without you having to ask again. Its not a big deal. You don't need to explain why you're asking for this, he is a grown man and knows.

Things that are not acceptable: - arguing - making you feel bad or weird - excuses - if he says he needs help to make the appointment/forgets

ThornyRascal · 2022-04-23T06:02:18+00:00

Remember: you cannot test very reliably for genital warts or herpes. Blood tests can help but in general those are the ones that need to appear before you realize what's going on. Use condoms, always!

Green_Lilac · 2022-04-23T12:25:38+00:00

I just bring up that I’m going to get checked and that they should too and that usually works

-25T · 2022-04-26T01:54:11+00:00

You just say it straight up when the topic allows. He says something suggestive or relates and you lead it how it best fits. Match his tone preferably. If you're leading it, then don't bring it up until you are ready to have sex [within a week] once you get the results otherwise he'll be pushing you for it.

"Sure, we can spend the night together once you send your STD panel to me." or "LOL. We're not virgins so we're not ready for that yet. Where's your STD panel?" or "I'm ready for the next step when the timing is right so I want the awkward stuff completed. Please send my a copy of your full STD panel. Or do you want want to meet in person and swap each other's then?" or "Here's my STD panel. Get back to me with yours soon. Make sure it's a full one. I think you know where this is going 😏"

I know you know but just in case we got some lurkers here: we don't ask for things like extensive STD panels unless we're willing to do it ourselves.

edit: any offense about it means he's probably never been asked. Trust but verify. There's no need for feelings to be hurt. Remind him that even though applicants are assumed to be drug-free and no criminal history the potential employers still test and investigate them before giving them a keycard.

AstridRavenGrae · 2022-04-23T08:04:50+00:00

You tell them ‘I only want to be intimate with someone I am dating and whom has had a recent, extensive STD panel done’

Ideally they are bringing this up proactively when you are discussing exclusivity and sexual intimacy.

Efficient_Constant13 · 2022-04-23T17:15:05+00:00

I am just straightforward about it. I don’t bring it up right before it is about to happen or a date or two before. I somehow manage to bring it up either during the initial phone call (compulsory before any date, if he gives weird vibes, there will not be any first date) or during the first two dates. Usually in a playful and casual manner, no aggressive tone, just stating it calmly. Not in an ultimatum kind of way either. Just like a part of the conversation. No one that I was seriously interested in was ever weirded out by it because they would already know what kind of person I am. I am extremely careful with my health and life choices (childfree and sterilized) and as much as I am a goofball, I also don’t give off pushover vibes. Some LVM tried to make me feel bad about wanting things “my way or the high way”, to which I say yes, otherwise I would rather be single. Someone’s bad decisions (not using protection or reckless behavior) are not going to ruin my life. They should also want me to get tested, both of us could have something, we are strangers after all.

MissouriBlue · 2022-04-24T16:22:54+00:00

We were discussing our dating history (in generic terms, not statical terms) and I mentioned that having broken up with my Ex almost a year ago, that my second round of STD Testing was due.

The conversation just kinda evolved into: while a test is required, if we think this is going in the direction of intimacy, it is not the Nookie Ticket that gets me in the sack when your results show up. LOL!

On my birthday, he got tested. And we traded papers with much fanfare a week or so later. 🤣

I have his papers in my night table, next to my vibrator. He has my papers… they were gifts to each other.

Edit to add: This was the exclusivity discussion.

elainejay82 · 2022-04-25T07:03:44+00:00

One of the most HVW I've ever known would ask for recent test papers and if the guy couldn't provide any he got dropped. The looks on their faces when they realized she was serious was some of the best shit I've ever seen in my lifetime.

Think about it... if he's not keeping up on his sexual health on his own but is expecting to have sex... the dude is all the way around dangerously useless.

One time a guy told me he had been recently tested, but I didn't think to ask for papers. My dumb pickme ass said, "Who knows how long ago that was" and drove him to the clinic. I waited in the parking lot until he was done. Way too much work on my part looking back, but at the time I was proud of caring about my health that much.

And I guess that's the thing. It might have been a recent test but who knows what happened between then and now.

Tell the guy to get tested and give you papers. It's not a touchy subject...we are at risk for a lot as women. Or go to the clinic together. If any of this seems odd, weird, or you feel like it might spook him OR if he gives you any grief about it at all, you know he is a dud and he needs to be dropped.

This is honestly the perfect time to display how much you value your health and self to him as well. Your health and protection need to be a top priority and he needs to know and see that. If he doesn't abide or like it... NEXT!

XxTrioletxX · 2022-04-23T02:15:46+00:00

I had my man donate blood. They do all sti screenings there for free and it just takes 30min or so.

victoriabowen8 · 2022-04-26T17:08:16+00:00

It's so strange to me that people are just not doing this, on their own, for their own peace of mind. Anytime I ever started dating anyone I immediately went and got tested. If I wasn't in a relationship I would still go periodically just incase. It's just the responsible thing to do and it shows the other person that you care about them and their wellbeing.

binhimsis · 2022-05-27T04:40:45+00:00

Just tell him clear and straightforward, like “Hi xxx I would like both of us to get tested (or even exchange results) before any kind of intimacy. This is non-negotiable for me and please respect that” You shouldn’t have to PLAY NICE to be RESPECTED. If they dont have the mental depth to understand that, bin him and next him(cue my username😂)

Plenty of safe d1cks in this world, his isn’t anything special.

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