UPDATE: Part 1 of my 3 experience implementing the 3 month rule. I HAVE MADE A HUUUUUGE MISTAKE with cohabitation.

Well Queens...spoke too soon so I want to emphasize the importance of checking FDS as it's a LIFESTYLE--the potentially HVM you think can slip their mask at any point whether it's 1 year...a few months...or even 30-50 years down the line, and you need to be prepared to dip the second the disrespect confirms they are a LVM or NVM as it will take a considerable amount of time and transition afterwards that will gravely hurt you more than it will hurt the LVM in these situations (sexism).

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gt2g2d/my_experience_implementing_the_3_month_rule_on/

I have grown a lot since the original post and took a few months after breaking up with the ZVM/NVM-in-HVM-clothing after realizing their red flags put me at a high likelihood of being victimized by domestic violence so I got my ducks in a row and GTFO before things escalated. I LOVE FDS and want to affirm that FDS is similar to other self-help and mental health recovery models where they emphasize that you must "walk the walk and do the work" each day for you to be intentional and continuous in making sure you put yourself forward as well as staying vigilant with the fuckery of men as triggers, environmental/social/cultural pressures, and our own biases/lived experiences can often downplay many red flags that could have the potential to harm you in a variety of ways long-term. This is some of my story since the original post and I plan to make this a few parts now that it's been 6+ months since the nuclear breakup/escape so I have time to process, reflect, and share some insight that I feel may help some of you in your own healing.

After this "test" with my ex along with some time after we had sex, they SEEMED like a HVM "enough" for me to cohabitate with them. For context, this was at the winter/spring peak of the pandemic in 2020, so it was the PERFECT opportunity for a predatory NVM to use cultural/societal circumstances to manipulate their way into my newly (started reading FDS) logical, FDS centered mindset so as a newly recovering pickme, I didn't use the same cynicism I had initially to question WHY there was such a "sense of urgency" for us to move in after this point and went ahead believing that the "money saved, pandemic risks of spreading virus, etc." excuses would justify me moving in with a man I BARELY knew since "it's like moving in with a roommate, but someone you are dating." Now I know how WRONG I WAS and FUCK THAT NOISE. What I was trying to justify was cultural conditioning from liberal feminism (particularly Millennial style if you are within this age range because our generational vulnerabilities with the housing/rent market and other societal issues is the perfect shitsorm for NVM/ZVM to use those factors to prey on you) and although it's a mindset that permeates around us with our friends, colleagues, and other people you may know...you have to QUESTION EVERYTHING for your own SELF INTEREST, WELLBEING, and PRESERVATION OF LIFE. Let's be real...living with a significant other that isn't FOR SURE (or close to 99% certainty) they are a HVM with an engagement ring/wedding date previously set IS NOT THE SAME THING as cohabitating with a relative, college friend, or female roommate. It isn't. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not putting your best interest first and you need to question why they are giving a complete stranger "the benefit of the doubt" because NoT aLl MeN versus the HUMAN BEING THEY KNOW that is a woman knowing that the world generally is stacked against us.

Anyways...I wanted to break down some of the MANY red flags that were present that I had either misread due to my neurodiverse identity, my own denial, cultural conditioning, and the manipulative fuckery my NVM displayed to lure me in like a total POS user predator he inherently was.

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• Using the pandemic (in my case) to "justify" a sense of urgency for us to cohabitate/move in together sooner than I had initially mentioned by taking aspects of my character/values to manipulate/gaslight me into considering and/or compromising on my truth/boundaries I had initially set. I do not see any value in continuing to beat myself up over this situation as I've learned A LOT, but this is the one thing that initially "felt off" to me but I was naïve to get input from pickme friends/family/coworkers that had me questioning my gut reaction. Trust your gut reaction (read "The Gift of Fear" too). What started as a situational "we are going on dates during the pandemic start" turned into him trying to escalate the relationship sooner and with more intensity...AKA LOVEBOMBING...but he was able to mask this with excuses/justifications. This is also a KEY THING an abusive men will do early on: take begin things you do/want then twist or undermine them with what HE WANTS along with justification on why it "makes more sense" for them to not hear you....to see if you will CAVE. And I did. And the "reasons" he noted "made sense" at the time, but it was not what I had wanted or was comfortable with so he would either neg or try to mantrum their way into my head. Clearly if I was able to cave this quickly...it's CLEAR NOW that I was not ready to date FDS style and would encourage anyone lurking here or recently broken up/considering dating again to take your "wait time" and extend it 6-12 months longer, but hindsight is...interesting.

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• "But we will save money living together and plan to both have roommates anyways!" Yes, I was going to need a roommate to continue to financially be in a better spot than living alone, but a roommate is a CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT that you legally can dispute/discuss, but other than sharing a living space and keeping the mutual shared areas of a living space clean, there are NO OTHER RELATIONSHIP expectations or emotional labor expected or pushed upon by other parties. The first 2 months living together was a "honeymoon" period but by month 3, it was evident that the male entitlement of having a woman present as their roommate AND BANGMAID 50/50 girlfriend was a RECIPE for disaster. By month 4 I was questioning leaving and by month 5, I was job searching to leave and GTFO before I saw other red flags that made me have to do a quick escape (I'll share that tale another day).
  • What started as "can you get groceries and I pay the electric bill?" turned into me paying a $200-300 grocery bill per week because this POS scrote was over a foot taller than me and started eating like a linebacker because they had a 50/50 girlfriend where they could go hogwild with food and their "electric bill" was usually $300-500 THE WHOLE MONTH. They will "innocently" suggest these things and try to downplay or make you feel like they are doing a "sacrifice" by taking one bill over another type of expense but do not even entertain that BS for a minute. By month 2, I knew I was PLAYED by this "agreement" and I had spent $500+ in moving costs to "cohabitate" during the pandemic to "save money, get to know each other as we date and reduce risks with spreading covid" because I truly for a second got swept into the 2020-2021 pandemic hysteria, but a LVM/NVM will see this as their chance to land a person beyond their league and drain you emotionally, financially, psychologically, socially, and with your time.
  • He used holidays during 2020 to not plan or do anything. When I went to my parents house, he would then use COVID as an excuse to try to get me to isolate from MY FAMILY because of "covid exposure" yet this scrote smoked e-ciggerates and had a bunch of health aversive behaviors so it's ironic to see the manipulation NOW.
  • When we first started dating, he mentioned this 1 "aunt" that he had. I don't even know at this point if it's a real person or a fake delusion he created because he knew deep down how shitty he was and that no woman would honestly want to spend time or be around his home 24/7 otherwise, but he told me that he had an aunt receiving CHEMO in January 2020 before the pandemic. During the pandemic and when we started living together, he would constantly mention this "aunt" and I had offered to drop off groceries, get their mail, and assist as he claimed she lived 5 mins away. I NEVER MET THIS AUNT. I don't even think she's real. She was a ploy to get an empathetic person like myself who was vigilant of healthcare during the pandemic to continue to be isolated and under his reign.

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I'm heading to work and will continue to add onto these flags, but there is a laundry list.

He tried putting his finger in my butt during sex to groom me for anal....he would "call me" when I was at the grocery store EVERY TIME I WENT to "add or remind me of things we didn't put on the list" (the EVER EXTENSIVE LIST FOR HIM) to keep tabs on me and to get more $$$/groceries out of my pocket, and he GOT A PUPPY FOR ME as "a gift" 3 months before I left as a fakeass grandiose gesture to keep me tramuabonded and invested because it was a FRESH CUTE PUPPY so it would be harder for me to leave. I'm proud I left, but this tale will take some time to share and it's emotionally draining to go back through my notes.

PLEASE KEEP A JOURNAL OR NOTES when you date or cohabitate or even just go through life. It has saved my life many times, and in this instace...it made ALL OF IT CLEAR in documented evidence.

If he was a HVM, I guarantee there would be no pressure or sense of urgency to get me to meet some arbitrary cohabitation milestone so from here on out, it's not even going to cross my mind as something I need to compromise on anymore. I've seen how a bad relationship can set you back emotionally, psychologically, and financially.

It's month 6-7 of our post-breakup and I JUST NOW am getting back on track from that shitstorm. I paid off the moving costs and am living at my parents. It's not ideal, but it's better than being put down daily, gaslit, and having my central nervous system questioning EVERYTHING. It's better than seeing a man you dated go from 0 to punching a bunch of drop ceiling tiles in front of you to intimidate you with their anger to silence you and it's better than trying to make things work with an abusive man who would eventually kill me or put me in an inpatient psych hospital with their fuckery.

If something is costing your mental health, inner peace, and/or freedom--it's TOO MUCH OF A PRICE TO PAY.