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easteuropeangirl
[–]asianinindiaFDS Newbie152 points153 points154 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Everytime I've asked a guy out he's viewed me as loose and easy. If he asked me out then he's treated me with respect. There was nothing different about the relationship apart from how it started. I'll never ask a guy out again.
[–]cirrus_cloudRuthless Strategist65 points66 points67 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yupppp
Every time I made the first move with a guy, he thought i would just be an easy lay. Such lies in that original post
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
what should've been the last time i asked a guy out, he laughed in my face. then later pretended it was because he was shocked and we exchanged numbers 💀 you think i would've learned from this, but it took several repeated lessons of me falsely taking the initiative--see: "i'm awesome! why should i wait around?"--to get it through my thick skull that men like the attention, nothing more, and that us initiating first registers as desperate.
[–]asianinindiaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ugh that sucks. You're not the only one though, don't worry. I was one of those "but Cosmo says it's cool to do this" girls till one day I snapped out of it (Thanks FDS).
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Newbie78 points79 points80 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So wait, she should have asked him out, when he wasn’t into her and either would have rejected it or tried to sleep with her since he didn’t care, because later on he caught feelings so it’s her fault that she’s over him now. Fuck off with that, you shot your shot and missed, gtfo
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s also whack cause she lost interest in him after getting to know him better and he’s acting like her making the first move would’ve changed that....
[–]diflorusFDS Newbie129 points130 points131 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Modern men have such low energy, everything has to be convenient, they don’t want to put effort into dating anymore and it shows.
If a woman has to pursue a man, it shows weak male social competence and low confidence, which are traits women seek in men. Why do men act like women are a different species? Is it so difficult to do a friendly, non creepy approach? Or they’re just too afraid of rejection, so now women must bear the brunt.
Men SHOULD put more effort in to pursue a woman, because the woman is more of “a prize” in their eyes, she gives them sex. What does the woman really have to gain from a man that she can’t really do herself or get from friends and family? Women don’t chase sex like men do.
What is valued and difficult to attain is pursued, not the other way around. The demand does not chase the supply.
[–]2340000Ruthless Strategist40 points41 points42 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I'll add that men have always commodified women's bodies: sex, domestic labor, experimental medicine...However the incentives for marriage aren't the same in 2020. Decades ago, a married man carried more power. It gave him access to business, real estate, and finance (at least in the U.S.) Men most likely pursued for optics.
The married man was the quintessential, archetypal male. It wasn't about fidelity, love, or women as the prize. Men still had "mistresses". Out of all 45 American (male) presidents, only one was unwed. We were marketable, merely pawns in a system.
[–]project-mangleFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree 100% but would argue that is still the case for a lot of businessmen. At a certain level up the corporate ladder, it becomes really rare to find an unmarried man whose wife doesn't shoulder the domestic tasks.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
👏👏👏👏
[–][deleted] 23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
TRANSLATION: I put this girl on the backburner to see if there was anything better out there. There wasn't, so I went for my bronze medal and is was GONE. Woe is me.
[–]_HEDONISM_BOTFDS STRATEGY COACH52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is male-authored "dating advice" aimed at women. It's primary purpose is to benefit men by getting them laid.
This ONLY serves to get them laid. If you ask a man out and he says YES, it's because he's either horny or interested in you. You won't be able to tell. It's a shitty dynamic that puts the woman in a place where she can be used for sex and then discarded once the guy's done with her. She will then sit back and watch as he pursues another woman he's actually interested in and it's heartbreaking to go through.
NO. This isn't sound dating advice that maximizes the benefit to women. It maximizes the benefit to men.
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
it’s because he’s either horny or interested in you. You won’t be able to tell.
Preach. 🙌🏾
Women always forget that men are not like them! Most women simply reject men they’re not interested and move on, but most men will gladly USE a woman they’re not interested in.
The odds that the guy was already interested in you or that he’ll reject you outright if he’s not interested are NOT HIGH ENOUGH to justify a first move.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]iamjustventingFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Couldn't have said it better. Many women sacrifice so much. Men can at least be gentlemen
[–]VikingPugFDS Apprentice50 points51 points52 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
He wants a girlfriend but can’t even ask a girl out. The girl in his example dodged a bullet. Instead of reflecting on why he’s too lazy and shitty to ask someone out he makes a whiny Reddit post about it. 👎🏻
Oh god the comments section makes my head hurt.
[–]Delicious-ScholarFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am honestly baffled at the 22k upvotes for his unpopular opinion.
[–]VikingPugFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pfffttt, 22k teenage boys and confused “men”.
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ugh men want women to EVERYTHING for them.
[–]umbralgardenFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree. This would make sense if we didn't already do all the dressing up, dressing THEM, picking some place nice to go, emotional labor, organization, decoration, secretary work, cleaning, cooking... now we have to go out and hunt men for the privilege of being their 24/7 bang mommies? Pick meeeee
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed.
[–]SeaNegotiation8FDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This reads like women are consistently losing interest in him after getting to know him for a few months.
[–]NewGirl_WhoDisFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have been seeing this idea being floated around lately. Personally, it's a big no for me. I WANT to be chased! If a man likes you, he should be the one to go after you and ask you out. His not asking you out might just mean he's not interested enough to want a relationship with you so why would you want to commit to such a man? It goes against nature when a woman is the one that does the chasing. Even in the animal kingdom, it's the male animals that compete for the female attention so why should human beings do the opposite?
If shit eventually hits the fan in the relationship, I am very sure the man would be quick to scream "I didn't even want you, you are the one that asked me out and I only said yes because I didn't want you to feel bad". Nope, the sun would fall to the earth before I ask a man out.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He should communicate better. S/
[–]nutshitFDS STRATEGY COACH23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Absolutely not. I’m very anti women pursuing men. It’s not natural. You set the tone for the relationship that you are the pursuer after that. If he wanted you he would get you. All women need to do is put yourself in the position for him to ask you. Don’t approach him because even if you aren’t his type, he’ll keep you around for free sex until his ideal girl comes around.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Truth.
[–]throwahweigh3521FDS Apprentice21 points22 points23 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just nope.
Men cry big over rejection. Let’s unpack that a little. Men are miffed because of the no, not the delivery. Women are programmed to politely say no. To be kind and let a guy down nicely. And to be as nice saying no the first time as the twentieth (to the same guy).
I’m so tired of men pretending that we’re all equal and have the same experience of life. I already have a full buffet of men fuckery to consider adding more to my piled high plate. I’m not taking on asking men out because men.
I can pretty accurately predict how many men would reject a woman asking him out from working in the service industry. I have stories for days of men freaking the fuck out. Of making a federal case out of nothing. There was never anything rational or proportional about their outrage.
Dude posting is delusional as per usual for men.
[–]blk_grl_lvl_upFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So men who barley have to maintain basic hygiene or find the clitoris now shouldn’t even be encouraged to do anything. God I have see you make other people lesbians, please bless me as well.
[–]NovemberinthechairFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol!
[–]MyplummmsFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
oh my gosh, I'm dying hahaha
[–]sisima_sharazdThrowaway Account27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it was for business, or work or something other than dating yes and you must pay because it will increase your connection and the people that you know professionally. For dating neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever ever ever ever ever ask a man out because you will only increase his ego and he thinks that he is better thz'than you because you asked him out
[–]Nina-Nina-FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I spent a lot of time listening to men’s drivel in the past. They would say that they liked an “aggressive” woman, but without fail they would end up dogging those girls out or making fun of how pressed they were. Being asked out gave them the upperhand. Instead of feeling as if they needed to impress her, they were waiting for her to impress and prove her worth to them. They became the prize. I will never ask a man out. There are subtle ways to show interest that don’t involve blatantly asking a man for a date.
[–]BabyGothQFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“a lot of people flirt with me”
entitled
NEXT!
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ive always found that the women I know who “made the first move” on their now bfs/husbands didn’t really make the first move so to speak....
For instance, I have a friend who says she made the first move, but what she means is the guy asked for her number, always texted first, asked her to go on a road trip with him, and initiated workouts with her multiple times a week, but just genuinely didn’t have the guts to ask her out because he feared he didn’t fit her ideal type.
After months of that she said “I think I could be interested in you” and they started dating, still are. Turns out it was love at first sight for him and that he always hoped she would end up liking him.
Cute, sure. But instead of recognizing that that’s a unique situation, that same friend consistently uses that story as “proof” that women making the first move works and always tries to convince me and other women to cold-approach men we don’t know.
So be wary of those success stories.
[–]gursky0FDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If he doesn’t ask you out, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Simple as that.
[–]--qtbunny--FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, no, no. A woman should never ask a guy out. He’ll think she’s easy and desperate for him. The man is meant to pursue a woman. If he hasn’t asked her out yet, that means he isn’t as interested as she is into him.
I had a guy ask me out to set up a date after the quarantine ends, awhile ago. Then as we kept getting to know each other, he EXPECTED me to chase after him. I could tell was that he was a LVM who wanted attention.
[–]positivecatzFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can’t think of one good reason to ask a man out.
[–]Wait__No__WhatFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The egg doesn't swim to the sperm. Case closed.
[–]meanemadFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
sounds like he thought that he could get a"better" girl so he didnt pay attention to her. After 3 months his alone ass crawled back to her and the girl was gone🤯so strange that happened🙄🤦🏻♀️😂😂😂😂
[–]mars888999FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Like yeah buddy it took you months to realize you didn't just want to string her along and by that time she had lost interest 🤷♀️ jeez I wonder why.
[–]kirky500FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree that he looks weak if he can't make the first. Forget it. Alot of young men seem to want everything to be so easy. No. Bye Felicia
[–]outside-perceptionFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lmao no. If he can't ask the simple question of "want to go on a date?" then why should we put the energy into it?
[–]eden_elseFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He's basically saying he's not attracted to people except after a certain amount of time. Tbh that sounds pretty reasonable. Why would he want girls that he's just said he's not attracted to to ask him out then? He had no problem asking her out once he worked out he liked her. I genuinely don't see what he's complaining about other than getting rejected by a girl who'd moved on.
Uh, no.
[–]Comicalacimoc2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope
[–]kirky500FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think if it Ain't Broke....
[–]kirky500FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like the man to ask
[–]sadcelloFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Let's be real, if the girl asked him out, he would pump and dump her and he won't ever fall in love with her the same way he did because she never asked him out.
[–]azzyh4FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think it's a good idea for women to ask men out because if it comes to the point where there is so much uncertainty that YOU have to ask him out then you're an option. I tried that out (back when I was a pickmeisha) because there were so many mixed signals for an extended period of time that when I asked him out it basically gave him and ego boost and some more macho to go for one of his 'better' options. If a man wants you he will ask you out himself.
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]ItsYesMaam2uFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I understand what you're saying but I would say I only agree if by 'approach', you mean give clear signals to him that you are interested. Consistent eye contact, smiles, touch, pretty much everything but verbal.
As soon as you verbally ask him out, all the things mentioned in this thread come into play (thinks you're easy/wants the d, not thaaat interested in you but will take it because why not). Even if you're his physical type it still matters as he's even more likely to not say no because he finds you attractive.
In my opinion, the way he approaches you tells you A LOT about his intentions and by acting first you remove the opportunity to see this. For example in OLD, consider a 'hey sexy' vs 'hey there, I love your profile, I also do X activity, what got you into it?'.
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
The initial "hey I'm interested in you" is when you accept the date right?
I don't really get what you're saying, you think women approaching is better - I disagree but that's what you're saying. But then you say it doesn't matter who approaches who? Do you just mean it's swings and roundabouts?
[+][deleted] 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I don't get that. You're saying that you're filtering out misogynists, but also that it doesn't matter? I'm not understanding. That's a huge deal, that's the biggest thing to filter for.
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I understand the first two points since that comes down to personal preference, but C is the reason I don’t do it. That’s such a HUGE “if” that can have shitty consequences if you’re not the guy’s type.
You’d like to think that a guy will just turn you down if you’re not his physical type but that’s only if you’re lucky. If the woman is decent looking enough to them, a lot of the time they will string them along and sleep with them, even go on dates with them while they wait for their ideal type to come along.
I don’t make the first move anymore because I subjected myself to that soooo many times and it really really wore on my confidence down the road.
[–]cirrus_cloudRuthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, this goes directly against the FDS Handbook.
I’m sure you’ve had successes with asking guys out, but that is hardly grounds for the rest of the FDS community following suit.
[–]cirrus_cloudRuthless Strategist1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It’s the rules of the sub babe. Get used to it.
[–]cirrus_cloudRuthless Strategist2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you not understand that that’s the way all subreddits work? They have RULES for a reason.
Please read the FDS handbook before commenting in the future 👍
[–]PinkestMangoFDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Moldcell sounds just about right.
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