Am I handling outbursts properly?

ReddJive · 2017-03-13T17:09:48+00:00

You're going to get a ton of comments about how much of a pussy you are...and they're right. you are. BIG TIME.

So stop doing that.

I am not sure what you have done but you are way too concerned about her and her emoting. You are literally living for it to happen. Her emoting happens around you. Its outside your frame, which is how I can tell you have none.

Even the eye roll and "what now" is a response she wants. She's got you.

She says I want to talk.

You say, me too. what are you wearing?

Or

Her: we need to have a talk

ME: Sure...but so you know I am still not sick of you.

or

Her. we need a serious discussion

Me. right. Look I love you and I love tacos. Don't make me replace you with tacos.

Then you can take it in a hundred directions.

Maybe come home. Grab her and kiss her hard look at her and say. of all the women in the world you repulse me the least.

Then walk off.

Get your shit together

PurpleVeteran · 2017-03-13T20:26:05+00:00

If you're not a complete troll, then you're a complete faggot. I'm not sure why anyone here is giving you any credit.

Let's see...

She wants to talk. You blow her off for TV.
She wants to talk. You turn her down because she's trying to set aside time to talk.
She tried to chat with you, and you blow her off because its a bad time.

You've avoided talking to her for an entire day about whatever the problem was, and get pissy because she's not working it into your schedule... you then continue to ignore her. And when she calls you on being a whiny little bitch, you feign ignorance "gee honey, I was just kidding".

This crap is infuriating

No shit. Stop acting like a 13-year-old.

sh0ckley · 2017-03-13T19:52:54+00:00

You're a total pussy. I was too. It's not ok, but might become so, if you keep at it. I skimmed the post and here are the failures I noted:

Texting is for logistics only and...

You are failing to lead.

That laundry thing sounds like a cluster fuck. Sort that shit out.

Organize your life as though you were single.

Do not rely on her for anything, and then be amazed when she steps up her contributions. Once that happens you can direct her.

I had a lot to do this past weekend, mine tried to make it more difficult, I said "I'm not enjoying this either but it needs to get done, can you take care of X, and I'll handle the rest. She did. Then I did. Sorted.

1.) Happy Life and only then... 2.) Happy Wife

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-03-13T22:21:04+00:00

For fucks sake, how many times can you complain in one thread that you didn't get a chance to finish your Netflix documentary?

SgtSilverBack · 2017-03-14T02:39:11+00:00

First Off, Dude I was just like you when the wife threw her temper tantrums. The Result is all your fault. I get it. You feel you do so much, you have no time for yourself, she's shitty ALOT, you've read a bit, you are trying to implement what you've read. I did exactly the same thing.

Everyone here is trying to open your eyes but because you haven't crossed the bridge like they have you can't see the wisdom in their words. If an internet stranger calling you a faggot or pussy makes you defensive or makes you feel judged how the fuck can you not feel judged when you wife does it EDIT: BY BEING BITCHY , someone that knows you way better than we do. So before you get defensive, take the time to really, Really, REALLY think about what they said and if a tiny bit may be true.

Secondly, here is my take since I feel like I was in your same spot or close to it.

Yesterday - she came home and she asked me if the clothes in a basket were dirty or clean to which I replied "they're mine, so don't worry about it." I don't like her doing my laundry or I risk it getting mixed in with her's and kids's and washed with excessive smelly crap. Besides, I enjoy doing it as I get to wander down to the basement and get a few minutes to meditate alone.

Who the fuck cares about laundry, have actual fun. No really, have fun. "Yup, they are dirty, like the clothes you have on. We better get those off of you and into the hamper" the problem is you are still so angry an caught up in your ego and her frame that her saying something feels like she is judging you. You probably can't even see that. It wasn't long ago that when I started OMS and cooking good food to meet my values for my family, my wife would say "What's for dinner?" Id tell her "I'm making it, don't worry about it" I'd think, hey I'm happy, I don't have to tell her shit like the interweb peeps have said. But fuck me if that isn't just some autistic passive shit, I could've grabbed her danced and told her Emeril is making something tasty, slap her on the ass and say "BAM". Or told her to get whine and help while playing some good music. but I was caught up in my ego, "I'm the damn captain now, its my way or the highway" OVER FUCKING DINNER. I led her to a bitchy mood after that not away from it.

but I am watching something on Netflix which has 15 min left, so I ask politely to wait until I am done. She presses, and I do not bend. She gets huffy and passive aggressive, and I continue about my show. She never comes back to discuss, and I do not bring it back up.

Other have said it, regardless of what the topic is, you can see it as an opportunity to practice all you've read, you can see it as a chance get something resembling closeness back in the marriage. But you saw it as your time, fuck you if you can interrupt it. Even that is fine. Its how you went about it. Next time try with a life loving smile "Sure thing babe, but id rather give you my full attention. Go throw some wine in the freezer and when the shows over we can have some wine and talk" But again, see every frame comment, boring comment, anger phase comment. you are still pissed at her and haven't let it go. You felt judged by her instead of yourself. NOONE JUDGES YOU BUT YOU.

just that if you are going to have a fit right when I get to work I am not going to indulge that and waste my company's time text messaging you. It is so easy to get angry at this, but that never ends well.

Everyone here gets it and has given you the same answer in multiple perspectives. Women think/speak/listen covertly. You think/speak/listen overtly. You think, I don't want to text at work except for emergencies. AWESOME we all get it. But when you text back for other than emergencies, what she sees is the covert "He texted me back so he can talk" and you get frustrated. the way to covertly respond to a text you get at work and don't want to respond to is.........................................................DON'T RESPOND. She will get it. It may take a couple days or a week but she will get it. Now about you getting angry, it is exactly the same as the above issues. You are in her frame (IE you are letting her be the judge of you, she determines your feelings) I did the same shit, even after sidebar 1.0. It didn't click that b/c she felt mad, sad, bitchy that I didn't have to. I determine my actually happiness. Like /u/sexyshoulderdevil said

And since I can see this via some writing....she can see this like a glaring spot light. The problem is you're still too new to establish real frame.

If you think you are happy but aren't she can see that from a fucking million miles away. You have to be happy to your core, you have to finally let all the anger about her, the marriage, the respect, the sex, the laundry, the texts at work and your fucking documentary go.

Finally. Everyone is giving you shit about Netflix, b/c no one gives two shits about how busy you are. Your wife especially. Being busy and OYS isn't an excuse for a break, it's being an adult. And if you want to be "THE FUCKING MAN" in her life you should NEVER use it as an excuse with her b/c she doesn't care. IF you want to be that man than you ~~have to~~ should want to be the first one up, the last one down, be the MWR (MORALE, WELFARE AND RECREATION for all you civilians out there) director, the janitor, the navigator, the captain, and the fucking maid if that is what it takes for you to run your ship the way you want. IF, you pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize that you aren't doing that without resenting her, then you will finally see her step up and be whatever you have led her to be. OR she will still be a bitch and you finally reached a point to make a knowledgeable decision that she brings no value to your life and doesn't deserve to have you as ALL those things that you do.

EDIT: I forgot a lot of capital letters, fuck all you.

OH I forgot this....................FAGGOT.

redmountainpill · 2017-03-13T16:46:45+00:00

You're absolutely not handling these shit tests well. And I bet that you're likely doing stuff that eggs her on. You're not setting appropriate boundaries around your time. You're not communicating well with her. You're probably acting like an autistic retard, expecting her to just "get it". Which of course she doesn't because you've got years of BP behavior.

Learn to pass shit tests, bro. That's the only thing you should work on now. Amused mastery. And get out in front of her. Have a plan and communicate it. Do your laundry in a timely manner.

Be attractive. Pass shit tests. Handle your own shit. It's not that hard

sexyshoulderdevil · 2017-03-13T17:17:06+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/5wk34a/i_choose_the_wrong_life_path_and_i_am_spiraling/

Well, shit. You posted that just 13 days ago. You were a wreck.

But in THIS post, you sound like you're trying to sound how we expect you to sound. It's all bravado....sound and fury signifying nothing.

And since I can see this via some writing....she can see this like a glaring spot light. The problem is you're still too new to establish real frame.

You need to slow down and get your feet wet. You really need to dig into the sidebar. It's good you're trying to set boundaries. But you need to finish reading WISNIFG and all the other books there on the sidebar before you inadvertently go all Red Pill Rambo and not know what the fuck you're doing.

WerewolfBillionaire · 2017-03-13T19:40:27+00:00

Your currency is your attention. As a man with an attitude of abundance you give your attention freely, withdrawing it for bad behaviour.

Reread your post again from the perspective of your wife asking for your attention and not understanding why you are ignoring her. What did your behaviour communicate to her? What did you want it to communicate?

Also; texting is for logistics only.

SirGaetanDugas · 2017-03-13T21:15:48+00:00

omg, dont take anything a woman says as serious

TexasThomas · 2017-03-13T17:04:55+00:00

I am new to this forum but my experience is that simply ignoring the tests doesn't generally work. Instead it's better to act like a seasoned politician and spin the situation in a way that will neutralize her anger and then point her in a different direction. Good politicians, good men, don't ignore and walk away from controversial topics or accusations; they "address" them by smoothly spinning and redirecting. Merely walking away will do nothing but allow her to stew over it.

discobolus_ · 2017-03-13T17:57:16+00:00

How much time do you spend watching "your shows"?

If you're in the "figuring out how to own my shit" phase, and your woman fucks with you during "muh shows", it means you need to find something not worthless to do with your time.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-03-13T19:08:33+00:00

Why are you DEERing in a text? It's no coincidence that that's the spark that set her off.

logger1234 · 2017-03-13T20:19:01+00:00

"I want to talk about X later when the kid is in bed."

I used to do this, my wife hated it. I've come to believe it is a feminine thing, and okay. Of course, that means I was being feminine and my wife as in a dominant, masculine role - not satisfying for me and not inclined to create attraction.

Basically, I'd suggest, if your wife says that, say "oh, find me when the kids are asleep" and ignore. If she has some sort of covert message she is trying to send, ignore. If you find yourself worrying, that is a sign you are in her frame. If you are angry/annoyed, it is a sign that you Give a (F) - that you are not DNGAFing.

This morning when I get to work she is texting me about this and I say something like, "I just wanted to finish my show, and that I was not meaning anything particular by my 'what now' comment" and she flips out.

Texting is for logistics. When she texts you about it, you can say "seems important, let's talk about it. Phone now or after home?"

Question here is am I handling this well or is there something I can do better to cut down on these little fits and stupid comments so that I can focus better at work and not have to quell these fires that keep popping up?

LEAD her to some boundaries about texting at work?

For example:

Stuff you can reply OK to is fine. For example "Please pick up a gallon of milk on your way home"

Emergencies are fine. "The house is on fire, please come quick. I have already called the fire department, kids are okay."

In the middle are things that should be done over the phone at lunch. So coordinate a time to call that you can reply "okay" to.

It reads to me like she got frustrated and angry, then tried to text about it, then REMEMBERED you didn't want her to text, then got mad about that.

I'd say come home, pretend it never happened, all smiles. Pick her up. Dance with her. Play with the kids. LEAD her to the conversation above "I haven't been clear enough, or consistent enough about how to talk at work. I came up with these today. (RULES)"

tranx19 · 2017-03-14T16:47:56+00:00

Clearly there is something that she thinks is important and wants to "talk" about it. Why are you being such a hard-ass to her? Just fucking let her get it out?

It seems to me you're on the RedPill Rambo road and view everything as a challenge to your frame. Through this, you cause her to outburst and then fail at handling said outbursts.

JDRoedell · 2017-03-13T17:19:18+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5yyzc4/from_the_source_how_to_deal_with_woman_being_a/?st=J08DJ65Z&sh=2aaabb21.

Read this if you haven't. It's a start. The rest of it will be internalizing the sidebar. Doesn't happen overnight.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-03-13T18:26:19+00:00

Stop handling them, fuck with her for your amusement.

Youve already got it handled, you d9jt need an attaboy from her

valvadi · 2017-03-13T19:16:17+00:00

Treat her like the child she is. Do you care when a 5 year old throws a tantrum? No, you hold your frame and tease the shit out of her for being a whiny 5 year old. Having a serious discussion with your lady is fine and often necessary but she has to be an adult about it. If she can't, and picks fights with you to bring you into her frame (she is and you're failing miserably) you have to shut that shit down. Holding your frame, getting what you want, having the relationship you want isn't selfish even though she will tell you it is. You do you and if she wants to be mature and tag along, great. If not, it's time to cut bait and pull anchor.

AmericanViking64 · 2017-03-13T20:32:55+00:00

Read this a bunch-

Verbal Intercourse is Optional

Seems like you lost as soon as you agreed to entertain her complaints.

BobbyPeru · 2017-03-13T22:35:18+00:00

Later in the night, same story, she wants to "have a talk" about something.

A&A - I don't know honey. I'm pretty busy for the next couple weeks. But, I know how important this is to you, so Check out my calendar so we can see where we can pencil in this big talk about the laundry.

Then a smile and a slap on the ass

she can't be mad at me because of something I posed on reddit about her son,

1st rule of fight club

I am not going to indulge little comments like that

No, you're just going to let it consume and "infuriate" you. You are balls deep in her frame.

As far as your question: Texting is for logistics. Period.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-03-14T01:18:51+00:00

After going through all this again, a simple question.

Everyone who offers critique is wrong. You say youre doing everything right.

Cept youre still failing. What do you think the problem is...

trpbritguy · 2017-03-14T15:28:59+00:00

See the way you react to the comments on this post?? See the way you react to your SO??

Say your piece than STFU! Don't go back for seconds and thirds.. That's called arguing. Arguing is a woman's game and you won't win at it!

Learn to spot arguments (especially circular ones, a woman's favorite) and step out of the loop!

If your wife wants to talk about something get it over with then and there!

tslextslex · 2017-03-13T19:18:15+00:00

When a child has a tantrum, it is nearly always because they simply lack the emotional control to moderate their reaction to a set of circumstances (often exacerbated by being tired, hungry or similarly stressed). It's not really the child's fault, exactly.

All children are like that (ACALT) to a certain degree -- their emotional control has limits. You respond by making sure they're safe -- moving the flailing toddler from the tile floor onto a carpet, or put them in their crib -- then you IGNORE THE TANTRUM. It will burn itself out in time, and you move along like it never happened, knowing it will happen again. No point being angry with a child for doing what children do.

Hmm. Why am I telling you this about children? :-)

Aechzen · 2017-03-18T12:59:25+00:00

It's lame that finishing your tv show is more important than talking to your wife. If you're going to watch tv, it's not actually important. You can ignore your wife while you finish your last set lifting, but not because you can't press pause.

Make a policy that you ignore your personal phone during work hours. Even better, leave it at home on the counter some days. Just treat it like carrying a phone is a burden and something you don't care about. Don't only ignore her when she's having feelings.

If your detergent stinks, tell her that, throw it in the trash, and replace with unscented soap. You're right about this. A lot of laundry detergent reeks. Nobody knows why laundry that smells like flowers or whatever is a good idea.

You didn't post anything about ages. Is she menopausal or something?

screechhater · 2017-03-13T17:01:43+00:00

"Later in the night, same story, she wants to "have a talk" about something. I do not buy this "have a talk" crap - if you want to talk about something, talk about it, don't say "let's have a talk later" or be ambiguous say "I want to talk about X later when the kid is in bed." I make some dramatic sigh and say something like "what now" not being serious but more playful and she says something like "well if I am going to be a burden well just forget it." Fine. I walk upstairs and shower and then go to bed."

AKA let's fuck ..........

Beta fags don't realize that they can push the pause and talk Generally the "we need to talk" especially when the kids are gone is her way of telling you let's get it on..... but since the show is more important,

"I just wanted to finish my show, and that I was not meaning anything particular by my 'what now' comment" and she flips out"

You shut her down and she is wondering WTF ? Why is he rejecting me ? I just want to fuck ..........

Title	Am I handling outbursts properly?
Author	aceopterix
Upvotes	10
Comments	123
Date	March 13, 2017 4:33 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5z5zxm/am_i_handling_outbursts_properly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/am-i-handling-outbursts-properly.198998 https://theredarchive.com/post/198998

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