CMV: While men do cheat, a man would be far less likely than a woman to try to justify their cheating in such a shameless, selfish, pathetic manner as below ("should have been more empathetic towards her internal conflicts and supported her through her journey")

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-12-21T01:37:17+00:00

I have to say, pretty chilling and TRP-friendly read. I don't care how good monogamy can be. If this is a possible result, it ain't for me

im confused as to which aspect youre reacting to.

lots of men just cheat without justifying it and their friends all cover for them and help them lead double lives. is this better somehow?

sublimemongrel · 2018-12-21T00:37:21+00:00

Nobody talks like that that’s not “women.”

You know what my ex-bf’s response was when he cheated? “It just happened” like she fell on his dick. Twice I might add.

Cheaters come up with all sorts of idiotic rationalizations.

NalkaNalka · 2018-12-21T01:03:01+00:00

People that cheat will justify it in any way they can. The exact verbiage depends on the person, who cares what words they use exactly.

As for it being a woman thing... Let me tell you about this guy I know that was cheating on his wife while she was in labor with his child. Of course he had done nothing wrong then played the victim when she left him.

Shitbags come with both sets of dangly bits.

storffish · 2018-12-21T00:59:45+00:00

could be that you're scouring reddit for posts that reinforce your worldview and either don't know any shithead guys or are ignoring them. my sister dated a guy who tried to justify cheating on her, I wanted to put his head through a window.

RedditRouge00 · 2018-12-21T00:18:11+00:00

Women are often told “You deserve better” and “Your dream guy is around the corner ,dump that loser.” So they can have validation and confirmation from others to justify shitty behavior. Obviously not all fall for this sort of peer pressure , but many do.

Wandos7 · 2018-12-21T00:58:31+00:00

The AITA OP is also a woman and was so appalled by her friend's actions and excuses that she made this post so you could all jerk about it. Yes, the friend is selfish and terrible but there's no evidence that women are more likely to do something like that from this thread. The friend is trash and most people agree regardless of gender.

321PK · 2018-12-21T00:26:17+00:00

shameless, pathetic, and selfish manner

Ya I think that men can, and often do, justify their cheating in a way that’s just as awful as what women do. I think we’ve unfortunately got equal opportunity griminess going on.

rathyAro · 2018-12-21T10:46:14+00:00

a man would be far less likely

Not convinced on this. Lying is cheap. If you're cheating you're already lying anyway. Spewing some nonsense is just smart strategically if you already got caught since what is there to lose?

Also in the case you provided, while I don't think it's a good excuse, I don't think she's lying. I'm sure she had genuine internal conflicts and probably was on some "journey of self discovery" where the discovery is that she wants a different dick.

I don't care how good monogamy can be. If this is a possible result, it ain't for me

Now this is some real shameless, pathetic lying. You are scared of commitment because you have trust issues. Don't blame it on some random internet anecdote. Embrace honesty (the thing you supposedly cherish).

passepar2t · 2018-12-21T00:40:27+00:00

Why does it matter how they justify it? The important thing is whether they cheated.

GradualDecomp · 2018-12-21T02:19:56+00:00

I've heard all kinds of shitty excuses for cheating. My friend's fiance said he did it because he was "forced" to sleep over at someone else's apartment because their cat was sick and he couldn't stand the meowing through the night. Another friend justified her cheating because her boyfriend didn't want to play tennis anymore, so of course she needed a new tennis partner who just happened to be an attractive single man and...woops!

As far as tattling on people who cheat, that's trickier. There have been times I've been tempted to tell on my friends and associates who step out on their partners, but I really struggle with that being completely none of my business. I will however warn people about known cheaters if they are considering dating them.

Crashlands · 2018-12-21T03:52:18+00:00

“I don’t care how good monogamy can be, if this is a possible result, it’s not for me”

That’s definitely a shit attitude my dude. Could you imagine if I was like “I don’t care how awesome driving a car could be, if dying by being burned alive is a possibility, count me out.”

In life, everything is a risk. Successful people are the ones that take risks. The true meaning of alpha isn’t dominant. It’s being willing to pursue what you truly want in spite of risks. A real masculine ass man pursues a relationship if he wants one. He’s not afraid of what will happen if he fails because in his mind, he won’t fail. He is determined...just like every other aspect of what it means to be successful at anything.

Not saying it to be mean. I’m just being real, your attitude will hinder the fuck out of you in life bro.

SpaceWhiskey · 2018-12-21T19:11:14+00:00

50% of the women in that story think cheating is wrong, I don't know why you're trying to say this means women are more likely to cheat or somehow justifiy it to themselves differently than men do. A woman posted that question, a woman got yelled at her friend for saying "No fuck that, I'd tell him". And also you seriously think men who cheat don't expect their friends to lie for them? Please.

LUClEN · 2018-12-21T02:18:30+00:00

"men are built to cheat" is pretty shameless and pathetic. Men are also built to shit, but if you crapp on the Thanksgiving roast you're a fool with no self control.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-12-21T00:24:55+00:00

Talked about this yesterday, but women are constantly reinforcing each other about the man they “deserve.” It’s incredibly entitled and I think it often gives them the rationalization to cheat.

Men are far more opportunistic when they cheat it seems.

whatyoucallaflip · 2018-12-21T14:21:19+00:00

men don't try to excuse and justify their failings? of course they do.

I have to say, pretty chilling and TRP-friendly read. I don't care how good monogamy can be. If this is a possible result, it ain't for me

then don't. no one is forcing you to get married. Marriage isn't for everyone. if you can't hack it, don't do it. others find lifelong fulfillment in it - so they will get married. You are free to make whatever decision you want.

wobbleelbbow · 2018-12-21T20:06:30+00:00

Men cheat when the wife's not giving him any.

Women cheat when they want a new man.

KeyAssumption · 2018-12-25T09:55:33+00:00

Men do it worse, they'll say the wife only cares about the children like it's a bad thing, the wife has cancer, the wife's vagina is not tight anymore, the wife is old and not pretty anymore, the wife doesn't take care of him enough, the wife doesn't want to give blowjob after work, etc.

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AlexCoventry · 2018-12-21T01:38:04+00:00

Your expressed view is too vague to engage.

Firstly, it's a question of prevalence. What information would change your view on such a question, apart from a survey interrogating the frequency such behavior?

Secondly, "such a shameless, selfish, pathetic manner as below..." Do you mean men aren't so shameless, selfish and pathetic in their justifications for cheating, or that their justifications don't involve narcissistic expectations like this, of "support" from friends for bad behavior? If the latter, I could see that maybe being more prevalent among psychopathic women, because Western women are more likely in general to think about relationships in terms of support. If the former, I think many men come up with equally shameless, selfish and pathetic justifications for bad behavior all the time.

I could totally see a man getting upset at his buddy for ratting him out to his girlfriend, but it would be some kind of code of Omerta between bros or something.

Willow-girl · 2018-12-21T13:55:32+00:00

This isn't really about cheating; it's about loyalty within a friendship. IMO, if you're having an affair, keep it to yourself. Don't let your friends in on it and then expect them to keep a lid on it or (worse yet) provide you with an alibi! That's almost shittier behavior than the cheating itself, lol.

Persephoneia_Eresh · 2019-01-05T10:31:55+00:00

Lol reasons my (male) ex gave me for cheating;

he didn't think i was attractive anymore, because i temporarily lost 15 pounds due to health reasons. He gained 30, but apparently that was not relevant.
he felt i was to good for him so he cheated with someone who he thought was more on his level.
his higherups in the army told him all women cheat, so he wanted to be the first one to cheat.
he didn't love me anymore
he loved me so much he panicked and cheated.
he wanted to fuck someone else (he fucked multiple someone elses btw) to find out if he was actually ment to be with me.
he is a man and couldn't help himself, because men want to spread their seed. When i asked him why he wasn't man enough to be upfront about that when he told me he wanted a monogamous relationship, he told me "you wouldn't have wanted a relationship if i had".
he went went abroad for a language course "alone". I stupidly choose to believe him until i saw picture of him hugging his ex at some tourist attraction on facebook. He was smart enough not to post it himself, but he forgot to ask his ex not to post anything. When i called him he lied about being there with her for the first few hours, and finally tried to cover his ass by saying he went as friends and didn't sleep with her. He kept this lie up for at least a week after i had already broken up with him.

This is all out of the mouth of one man. Honestly i mostly blame myself for all this. I stayed with him for 3 years. I knew the red flags, i spotted them at the very beginning, but ignored them because i was in love.

MGTOWtoday · 2018-12-21T10:20:28+00:00

Cheating: difficult for men, easy for women. This is why we need to bring back slut shaming.

Unconfidence · 2018-12-21T19:01:59+00:00

Meanwhile, people on this subreddit are literally arguing that a man whose wife doesn't have regular sex with him, for any reason, is fully entitled to seek extramarital sex with or without her approval.

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