(Discussion) How much does having a feminine personality matter?

blackedoutfast · 2019-09-01T20:32:33+00:00

looks matter more than personality, but if you have an annoying personality that can make the difference between being potential LTR material or plate-only. and it's going to vary from one man to the next. some guys will prefer a more girly girl, other guys will be fine with a weirdo if they click with her and he enjoys being around her.

your biggest problem probably isn't that you aren't feminine, it's that men can't figure out what your deal is or wtf to do with you since you don't fit the normal patterns. even if a dude likes you and you like him, if you're not flirting and showing interest in the ways that girls normally flirt and show interest, he will probably assume you aren't interested or you're asexual or lesbian or some other kind of weirdo. if you can't effectively signal your interest indirectly, you may need to be more direct and explicit about it and tell guys that you would like to go out with them or whatever

also "femininity" has different forms. do you not know how to girl and put on makeup and a sexy dress and be sexy? or is it more about not having a submissive feminine personality and not knowing how to take the female role in a relationship?

being a natural doesn't matter. if anything i might prefer a girl who is thinking about it and making a conscious effort to be feminine over a girl whose default just happens to be more feminine.

decoy88 · 2019-09-01T21:11:20+00:00

IMO most men want a woman that simply looks feminine and isn’t a bitch.

Whenever I read guys saying they don’t want masculine women, it’s usually in the sense they don’t want someone rude and argumentative. To me, that’s just being a bitch. And masculine men can be bitches too.

So what we like is a woman that doesn’t remind us of a man. And if she like the same hobbies and humour, all the better.

Willow-girl · 2019-09-01T19:49:01+00:00

I've practiced a lot of advice from places like RPW and even spiritual advice on increasing femininity, but it just doesn't come natural to me.

It's better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you're not.

NockerJoe · 2019-09-01T19:19:25+00:00

I've seen obese, like 50%+ body fat obese, women get LTR's with no effort just because they can start conversations and not come off as bitchy during them. I would in fact go so far as to say being hot is secondary to having a good personality, or at least not having a bad one.

Over on subs like r/askmen you get plenty of dudes who are getting dates and relationships but hate the women they're landing because the default female attitude isn't really that great to them, so there's that.

wtknight · 2019-09-01T21:16:14+00:00

I don't think that it usually matters much except among the highest tier guys who have an opportunity to be choosy. Most guys just want a woman who is nice, but not necessarily feminine, and who has regular sex with him.

strangelovesglasses · 2019-09-01T17:46:40+00:00

more mbti, give me a break... in the real world men are going to hate women with feminine personalities, a man’s ideal woman is a woman with a man’s brain that looks good.

gunbusterxl · 2019-09-01T18:17:38+00:00

I depends on the guy. Some are really into it, and others don't care.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-09-01T22:59:52+00:00

My love of fitness, beauty, holistic health & fashion are misinterpreted as high maintenance by most people

HellenicLady · 2019-09-01T19:11:10+00:00

It depends on what you mean by feminine personality. If you mean being meek, submissive and shy then I can guarantee you that it's a turn-off for men. I am all of those things and I find that I have had better success with men when I pretended to be loud, extroverted and confident. Don't listen to TRPillers bullshit about men wanting a submissive woman. In my experience, most men nowadays want the opposite. They want a woman who will take care of them like they're babies or some shit. They're basically looking for a woman to be their mommy.

If by femininity you mean having a feminine appearance and being emotionally open and "cute", then yes men do like that.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-09-01T17:27:06+00:00

Tfw you will never compete with Natural Alpha Stacey /s

being who you are you will never be competing with stacy for the normie conformie guy anyway so dont worry about it

being psychologically feminine (yielding, submissive--not cosplay femininity) matters if you individually have a masculine dominant man

lefactorybebe · 2019-09-01T17:47:55+00:00

I haven't found that it matters too much. I'm sure there's a bunch of guys who would not want to date me because I'm overall not very feminine (I look feminine, but I'm not a giggling, submissive, demure girl) but I've never had an issue finding or keeping a partner.

I think if you're going for a specific type of guy, not having a feminine personality might be a demerit, but that's certainly not the case for all guys. Like my bf would not want to be with me if I were some feminine, submissive person. I'm often one of the guys; another female friend of mine and I have always joked that we're the "bros". Like I'll be sweet and touchy and affectionate with my bf, but not in public.

I find that I like it better this way. I'm not overly feminine, so I wouldn't really get along with a bf who wanted that type of gf, you know?

I really wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I know that you're supposed to improve yourself and not stagnate, blah blah blah, but if you're not naturally super feminine, you're not naturally super feminine, and faking it is not going to make you happy.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-09-02T06:32:58+00:00

In my experience, trying to be someone you're not is only going to make you miserable.

If you're naturally a tomboy and a bit introverted, then be that and find someone that is cool with that. If you 'fake it till you make it' the relationship will eventually break down when the man realises you're not the person you were in the start of the relationship.

I'm somewhat of a tomboy, and pretty extroverted with masculine traits (brash, crude..dark sense of humour) and there's tons of men that are into that.

My advise is to keep your social circle as big as possible, do more stuff and it will increase your chances of meeting someone. Disregard RPW as it's complete trash.

rus9384 · 2019-09-01T17:07:04+00:00

There are different men.

My ex left me for an obese girl that's objectively way less attractive than me, and this has happened in different ways with several guys I've talked to.

I am not even sure the problem is a lack of femininity...

poppy_blu · 2019-09-01T18:48:11+00:00

What people are attracted to varies across the spectrum. That said, I’ll tell you what I think based on my own experience, I think high T men prefer women with higher than average T, which manifests in being more sexually aggressive, more confident and outspoken, more physically stronger. Doesn’t mean they’re physically masculine, many are quite feminine in appearance but personality wise are slightly more masculine.

In school, all the athletes hung out with each their and dated each other, and I’ve seen guys try to date the quiet submissive girly girl types and it rarely works out. For those about tell me I’m lying/I’m an outlier, explain why so many male professional athletes marry female professional athletes or other women who are strong, independently successful/wealthy, etc. Tom Brady could have any woman in the world and he chose one who’s by all accounts masculine looking and acting. I could name dozens of examples. Even Ayesha Curry who is very feminine in appearance and demeanor is outspoken and has her own thing going on.

Based on my experience, I think (generalization) that masculine men want a woman for a LTR who is a good balance of feminine with just enough so-called masculine qualities. I’ve been told that by many men I’ve dated. When I had a kick ass body and could bench 300, men couldn’t get enough of it. Not bragging, just relaying my experience.

On PPD, men and some women (like Atlas) will tell you “real” men want submissive wallflower type women but again, if you want to know what the horse is thinking, don’t ask the squirrel.

XJR555 · 2019-09-01T17:08:52+00:00

Very important - women who are masculine aren’t attractive at all.

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pngmafia97 · 2019-09-01T17:53:19+00:00

Like others have written, it depends on what kind of man you want. This is actually very Blue Pill advice.

My mom gives me so much shit for having a masculine personality (“you’re too brash, too independent, men won’t want you”) — ironically she was similarly industrious hard headed as a young woman — but I’ve had no problem finding men who think I’m irreplaceably wonderful: oneitis for the careerwoman. Not because I am some universal ideal, not even close, but because I am perfectly compatible FOR THEM and therefore function as THEIR ideal. Girls whose personalities I am subjectively the opposite of yet have nothing morally wrong with them (good people who are just... not my type. Girly church girls who watch the Bachelor and bring home fresh flowers every week, for example) will likewise find a man who thinks the world of them, but it won’t be the men who love me.

If you want a straightforwardly masculine man, you ought to be straightforwardly feminine. Whatever is the most authentic way of being for you will attract a dedicated match who genuinely loves you. None of my exes had any problem with the masculine parts of my personality like being career oriented, blunt, aggressive, fearless, Machiavellian... In fact, it’s precisely why they loved me so much.

[deleted] · 2019-09-01T17:58:21+00:00

I only have my own life experience to go from. I've always been kind of androgynous. I used to have a buzzcut and wear men's clothes in my late teens, early twenties. I don't wear make-up or do stereotypically girl things. I never had trouble catching dudes. I just don't think being very feminine is important.

I guess I do know how to flirt. That's probably the only girly thing I'm good at. All you have to do with flirting is build the guy up. Laugh at his jokes, even if they suck. Look at them like you adore them/are amazed by them. Touch your hair and look down a lot like you're shy. Idk, dudes like that shit. Make them feel big, strong, impressive, etc.

Women don't have to be afraid to flirt. Just be confident and know that most dudes love it when women flirt with them. Even if he's not feeling you, he won't be rude. Never had a guy be rude to me when I flirted. At worst, he'll ignore you as a way to let you know he's not into it.

I really think there are people out there for everyone. I attract goofy, confident guys who like to laugh and have fun. Everybody has a market, even if the market is niche. You don't have to change yourself. It's more like, you gotta hone your market research, you know? What kind of guy would be feeling you? That's what you have to figure out.

red-priestess · 2019-09-01T18:05:16+00:00

Im extremely feminine naturally to the point where its kind of funny. Once i wore a neon pink dress, pink hair bow, took out my pink notebook and pink pen to write with. Then took a drink of pink lemonade out of my pink cup. In a upper level calculus class (basically all men). My teacher laughed at me in a nice way. I do notice that i will get more men saying im cute and stuff like that than a more masculine or gnc friend. Also i used to be very gnc as a kid/young teen and didnt get quite as many compliments then.

Seroriman · 2019-09-01T19:50:31+00:00

Personality is important for passing through a man's gate for LTRs. Not for getting sex, but I think that's obvious...really classical alpha males usually want feminine women. Other men are looking for other traits - and everyone is an individual. Still, it's a numbers game in a way and some traits work with more people. I personally don't really want a feminine woman, at least not so much, but I'm pretty beta, so eh.

I guess having an atypical "type"/image does mean you play to a different market, and you have to find out whether you like the men in that market.

Of course we only have your post to go on, AND you're pretty young, so there's a good chance you're still figuring things out - including why your relationships actually fail. It's hard to diagnose from 1000s of miles away over the internet.

LotBuilder · 2019-09-01T20:04:17+00:00

Looks get them, personality keeps them. I have slept with quite a few stunning girls where I lost interest after a few times because they didn’t have much else interesting going on and the sex was just ok.

cxj · 2019-09-01T20:22:59+00:00

Idk, tbh I find feminine personalities frustrating and overly sensitive. I’m too much of a high T wrecking ball and I think it taxes my current LTR with a very feminine girl.

I sympathize very much with your “atypical” plight as it has plagued me my whole life, but also made me a magnet for a certain type of girl.

I hope you get what you want in life, and that man who left you for a fat woman is a disgrace, obesity should be punished not rewarded 👊🏻

Christian_Kong · 2019-09-01T20:40:23+00:00

I've known many masculine/tomboyish women that have no issues getting men. They were all on the taller side, in ok to good shape, usually did sports and haven't really had a problem having a very active dating/relationship history.

Mickusey · 2019-09-01T21:27:33+00:00

It matters a lot for a man to take you seriously as a partner. That is, you’re nice and sweet and provide sex and comfort as a general rule of thumb. This doesn’t mean you have to become a slave or give up your autonomy or something, but taking on a more feminine and caring role in the relationship is 100% more preferable when men are looking for an LTR. The women I’ve dated were all fairly girly, generally studious homebodies and did things like bake me shit which made me much more dedicated in return as opposed to some slut who’s just always down to fuck but is otherwise constantly shit testing and trying to perform some kind of power struggle.

[deleted] · 2019-09-01T22:21:56+00:00

Greetings, fellow INTJ

Personally, I value femininity. Not all men share the same value and I think a lot of different combinations can work. The overarching biology applies to most relationships but there are always outliers. A lot of the time when we make "all or nothing" statements, what we are really talking about is what we believe applies to most people.

I'll give you an example: I have an acquaintance who is about as Chad as they come. He is successful, very intelligent, athletic, handsome, tall, great people skills. The only thing I would critique him on would be his slightly untrendy sense of fashion. His wife is reasonably attractive but a bit more masculine than the average female. Not super butch, but the kind of assertive woman who isn't afraid to get dirty or cut her hair shorter than most. They enjoy an ostensibly happy marriage and regularly show up to group functions together both inside and outside of "family" settings.

My recommendation would be to focus on self development and don't worry about other people's opinions. Find your style, eat healthy and exercise, educate yourself and most importantly - focus on discipline and character. I really enjoy having frank discussions with fellow men and honestly, the (vast) majority of them tell me that they would prefer a woman who is slightly less attractive/feminine/sexy but with good moral character and attitude.

Bntt89 · 2019-09-02T03:01:54+00:00

I thought before it didn't matter but it does honestly guys like the idea of a cook girl but it gets really unattractive later on. For one its impossible for a masculine man to be with a masculine women. Unless your straight up just feminine you cant and won't be able to stand very masculine women.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-09-02T08:39:43+00:00

Personally, not a whole lot. I just don’t want to be butting heads with my hypothetical partner, but I’d like for them to have a mind of their own too, if that makes sense. They’re called “partners” for a reason. I wouldn’t want to be making all of the decisions or thinking of everything while she waits for me to tell her what we’re doing or where we’re going or what she’s supposed to do. Too exhausting. Plus, that doesn’t sound like a very good way to learn about your partner, but from the way some people talk, it sounds like their relationship is mostly surface-level and they’re only together because they think that a relationship is something that they’re supposed to have so they just find one.

sayin20 · 2019-09-02T23:37:38+00:00

How much does being feminine matter and what does a feminine personality look like?

https://frithluton.com/articles/anima/

A little abstract, but in my experience, it depends on the characteristics of a man's anima and its level of integration with the psyche. The more you match his anima, the more attractive you will be to him on an emotional, subconscious level, even if you're objectively "bad" for his mental health and/or incompatible with his conscious standards. The less integrated the anima, the greater the impact of factors like "relationship with his mom" will have on his choices because he won't realize he's projecting. Maybe the situation with your ex happened because you initially matched his anima, but changed after you started dating.

A feminine personality is people-centric, empathetic, diplomatic, and willing to preserve group/relational harmony at the self's expense. Empathetic, btw, in the sense of understanding, not necessarily compassion. I can't tell you what a feminine personality looks like beyond that. Slav women and Japanese women, for instance, are both known to be very feminine. Historically, they also outnumbered men as the spiritual leaders / shamans of their lands, but the Slavs are known to be a lot feistier, outspoken, and fiery compared to the Japanese. As for a specific example, though, with mass appeal, check out Donna from Suits (TV). I think she embodies the positive qualities of femininity pretty well (in the first season at least).

In general, I'd say feminine women have the edge because they're more likely to have the interest necessary to discern whether they match men's "ideal type" and also the willingness to reshape themselves to fit that mold (healthy or not). Whether or not they succeed depends on how high their EQ is and, if acting, how long they maintain their initial image. Ultimately, how much femininity matters depends on the type of men you like.

ariesv123 · 2019-09-07T05:44:13+00:00

Looks are what gets you the chance and the personality is what gets them to stay. You can’t be gorgeous but treat everyone like shit, most genuine people will treat you just the same and the only ones still licking your feet are white-knights and plate spinners.

Usually pretty girls get more leeway to have certain personalities. I cant tell you the number of times I’ve seen this. A pretty girl does boxing? Damn she holds herself well and usually makes her more attractive. Ugly girl: seen as too masculine. Pretty girl is has a weird personality? Wow, she’s so unique. Absolute waifu material. Ugly girl: socially inept monkey. She’s so creepy. Pretty girl loves speaking of fashion and cooking/baking: she’s so well put together and classic, she’s a girl I can bring home to my parents. Ugly girl: self absorbed/probably an airhead. Probably only does that to make up for her face.

Likewise, being ugly gets you a big ass disadvantage but being fun to be around will guarantee you friends and people that’ll vouch for you, atleast for guys. Usually this standard doesn’t work as well for girls. Ugly girls usually get ignored by everyone, even other ugly girls because they don’t want to be associated with it

source: spent a long time being an ugly girl lolol

SunflowerBurst · 2019-09-01T18:32:23+00:00

I’m no good at being submissive and giggly and feminine to men who are weaker willed than me, which is a lot of them. But I also don’t want a pure alpha who’s totally volatile and a law unto himself. Things improved for me when I looked for men drawn to more alpha careers like firefighter military etc; there are men in such fields who are more strong-willed but are able to cooperate in a unit or group meaning they still have good bets traits too.

They always seemed way less threatened by my intensity, and I could be feminine with them because they are stronger. Feminist is good and all, but do watch out for men who by femininity really mean completely spineless, because they themselves are weak and can’t handle anything more.

It’s not just those careers I mentioned, they just describe a mix of traits that make for guys who can handle if you aren’t a cliche feminine, or who can bring it out in a woman.

TheJim66 · 2019-09-01T17:19:37+00:00

It doesnt matter much comparetively to looks.I would say its 80% looks 20% personality and that for LTRs only.We cant tell a difference between a natural and a "fake".

But i will admit that a thing that works ,apart from general feminity, is showing vulnerability.Vulnerable women are catnip for me.

hammerhaunts · 2019-09-01T17:24:12+00:00

It really doesn't matter much, some men will need it but plenty don't

wtffellification · 2019-09-01T17:53:46+00:00

it matters. your feminine personality shows in the way you walk, the way you talk... but this shows through your appearance, which is the only thing we can sense and percieve first hand. so, looks are still just as important.. but looks without personality is not enough. but... personality without looks might still not be enough... so. um. yeah. it's both important, your looks and your personality which make up for one whole of your appearance

Title	(Discussion) How much does having a feminine personality matter?
Author	verticordia
Upvotes	16
Comments	111
Date	September 1, 2019 4:59 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cycfwu/discussion_how_much_does_having_a_feminine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-how-much-does-having-a-feminine.254170 https://theredarchive.com/post/254170

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