Do women want chaste men?

belletaco · 2015-03-24T19:43:02+00:00

Some women do, some women don’t, some women don’t care. I like that my boyfriend was a virgin, he’s embarrassed about it and I hate that society has made him feel that way.

chasingstatues · 2015-03-24T19:52:16+00:00

I'm noticing in this thread that there are a lot of RPM answering for women with this question, as well as explaining away any answers women may provide that contradict their already formed opinion.

And I feel that the question in itself is somewhat loaded as it implies chaste men = unattractive men. It also implies that attractive men who have the capacity to be highly promiscuous will be. As in, the only men who are chaste are unwillingly so (kind of like incels).

While I think that there are trends which show this may be true on some level, I disagree (as always) with the sweeping generalizations that try to make this applicable to everyone. As in, if my answer is that it would be a turn off to find out a guy has a high number count, I am not lying to you or subconsciously lying to myself. That's because I'm an LTR-oriented person and I am only interested in committing to LTR-oriented men.

And yeah, I kind of make judgements about people who sleep around a lot and they're not very positive. Not that I would say they're bad people or that I wouldn't be friends with them (I am friends with some promiscuous people), but I wouldn't date them.

I'd also add that my boyfriend barely had one girlfriend before we started dating and had only had sex once. However, he's an attractive and confident guy, so learning this was a really big surprise to me. But finding it out was not in any way a turn off, although that could be attributed to my lack of experience as well. Who knows? Point is, there are a lot of variables that generalizations don't take into account.

GridReXX · 2015-03-24T20:21:37+00:00

Lol...

Do women WANT chaste men? Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds (the stereotype of a male virgin)?

Why does THAT = chaste?

Are men attracted to unattractive virgins or cute ones? Where are the dudes oogling over the girl who is a virgin because she can't get laid?

So yeah, as long as both men meet my physical standards of attractiveness, I'll choose the guy with 3 LTRs over the guy with 500... 400...300...200... ONSs.

I prefer indicators of stability.

PollaTronante · 2015-03-24T21:33:54+00:00

I prefer a guy to be a virgin, yes. That's hot to me. But:

Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds?

That is a ridiculous question and you surely realize it.

OfSpock · 2015-03-25T03:31:45+00:00

Look at what women do, not what they say. Women with a low partner count want men with a low partner count.

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490701443817#.VIq71Hu2-RM

"Results indicated that, with the exception of cohabitating couples, romantic partners showed a significant level of matching in the prior number of intercourse partners."

okhello45 · 2015-03-24T19:50:11+00:00

Female here and I don't mind a virgin. Then, I'm in my young adulthood. Some people are just not interested in sex, working hard in school and there's nothing wrong with that. Or, they just haven't found the right one yet (i.e. waiting for the right girl, not just some random girl at a party). I'm definitely more towards the virgin-direction than the promiscuous one, but then it's hard to tell who's a virgin so what do I know. It's just that if a guy is promiscuous, then he probably values relationships with others differently than I do. I don't want to be just another girl, adding myself to the number that a guy brags about. Maybe this will change with age as I get another perspective, but I want more..personal things. And so far, my experience has been that these shy guys you speak of have had more depth.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T19:33:47+00:00

But its women's prerogative to care about potential suitors' notch counts

Yes. So let them decide. If they want men with a low partner count let them choose such.

If women don't care about, or heaven forbid, prefer promiscuity in men, what incentive is there for a high SMV man to remain chaste?

There isn't any.

Do women WANT chaste men?

Not a women so i couldnt tell you.

Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds (the stereotype of a male virgin)?

Probably not, but thats not all guy virgins or guys with a low partner count. its that just a stereotype, a TRP stereotype. Also its distraction you now have equated male virgin with that stereotype. ofc no one is going to want him.

If not, what sort of men are these women attracted to, and how common are they?

Confident and driven come to mind

luridlurker · 2015-03-25T01:18:53+00:00

Do women WANT chaste men?

I don't know about chaste, but I definitely prefer men with a small partner count. A manwhore would make me concerned about how he views himself (is he sleeping around because he needs validation? Ick) or how he views women (are all his past partners just objects to him?)

Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds

Um... what does that have to do with being chaste?

wonderingwhether54 · 2015-03-25T02:55:49+00:00

Yes, us more traditional women do. I read somewhere about a guy having slept with north of 40 women, I was so horrified and would run for the hills if a partner ever said this to me. But other girls do not mind.

throwinout · 2015-03-24T19:50:47+00:00

Lol no. Calling a dude a virgin is a classic insult (and probably has been for all of human history). Calling a girl a slut is also a timeless insult.

If you think about it, these two facts expose the uncomfortable (for many) truth that men and women are quite different when it comes to sexual attraction.

DevilishRogue · 2015-03-24T22:09:09+00:00

Women want men who are sufficiently in demand to be able to be absolutely discerning in who they chose to sleep with and so are chaste as a result of this condition not chaste incels.

wonderingwhether54 · 2015-03-25T02:56:23+00:00

it also depends if chaste= selective, or chaste = becuase you couldn't. Obviously one is better than the other.

kittukatsu · 2015-03-24T20:41:53+00:00

Chaste isn't really desired, but super high partner counts are avoided especially with men in my age range. Super high numbers to me indicate a string of one night stands and I'm suspicious of why no woman wants to sleep with him twice...

So while there's no reason to remain chaste (it's neither here nor there, some women might be a bit of a negative) for me, personally I avoid super high numbers. But anything between 0-45 won't really put me off, higher than that though I'll at least pause at. 75 and over is a no go zone for me personally.

historyhill · 2015-03-24T20:19:13+00:00

Ask religious women. I think you'll get a different answer.

LUClEN · 2015-03-24T23:53:27+00:00

I've had a few friends tell me that girls they liked were turned off by their lack of experience. In no way generalizable, but it does not seem to be something women chase.

[deleted] · 2015-03-25T04:07:16+00:00

The only thing I think about a guy who has slept with a lot of women...is the potential for baggage. Due to personal reasons I will not be marrying a man who already has children. Do I want someone who is 'chaste'? I could care less...but as someone mentioned below, is it because you have high standards? Or you couldn't get laid?

alexdelargeorange · 2015-03-25T14:57:10+00:00

I'm seeing a refreshing trend in this thread and it's towards low partner counts. Does this suggest that promiscuity is an indicator of negative personality traits with regards to romance/sexuality, for both genders?

If a man is concerned with his partner's high count, is he insecure (the go-to response in places like /r/relationships) or perfectly justified?

okhello45 · 2015-03-24T19:21:14+00:00

It does seem to me that a man's sexual value is judged by his sexual partners yes. This can be good and bad. If a man is a virgin this is likely to turn off a lot of women. But equally if a man has 100 previous sexual partners, this would also turn off a lot of women. You need to be in between these two extremes ideally. You need to have experience without fucking everything that moves.

In terms of women I actually see a similar pattern. While some RPers discuss wanting virgins, most men IRL don't seem to care about a woman being complete chaste. They do however avoid sluts for relationships which is understandable. So again we have the same issue as men, because a woman who knows what she's doing in the bedroom is desirable but a woman who has a lot of STDs and is likely to jump to the next cock isn't. You need something in between a virgin and a slut.

rulenumber303 · 2015-03-24T21:03:38+00:00

Chaste is a word that has a range of meanings, it is a slightly more complex concept than virginal is. It indicates that the person involved has a high level of moral restraint upon their sexual behavior. Yes, I do think that a reasonable but not excessive amount of it can be an attractive feature.

The chasteness of shy scrawny pimply nerds tends to be an unknown quantity, since moral restraint is irrelevant to those who face no significant opportunity to be unrestrained.

TheChemist158 · 2015-03-24T21:22:12+00:00

If women don't care about, or heaven forbid, prefer promiscuity in men, what incentive is there for a high SMV man to remain chaste?

It's the hypocrisy that bothers most people I think. Even if it's something that I don't care about, a guy holding me to a standard that he doesn't feel should apply to him would bother me. But if you think that this hypocrisy won't be a problem that's your judgment call. Your dating life is all up to you and I'm not going to interject if everyone is happy with it.

Do women WANT chaste men? Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds (the stereotype of a male virgin)? If not, what sort of men are these women attracted to, and how common are they?

I do. A promiscuous past is a deal breaker to me (some exceptions may exist). This doesn't mean that I'd take any virgin but a low partner count is a very big positive. I do have a thing for nerds, scrawniness included. I don't like fat guys, acne is okay but not ideal, shyness is cute but they have to open up eventually. Bitter virgins are unpleasant and if they have other serious personality issues I'll pass.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T20:57:39+00:00

When I was younger and more religious I certainly did expect that any man I married would also be a virgin. I expected him to have the same standards as I did. I left my religion and have since become less obsessed with the idea of sexual purity. I don't care how many women my SO has slept with, it matters not at all.

JP_Whoregan · 2015-03-24T19:09:20+00:00

Every single usual female suspect here will give you the predictable reply of "I don't like promiscuous men, I like chaste men, I only date low partner men", blah blah blah. Reality teaches us differently. Preselection is indeed a thing for women.

The stereotype is Chad Thundercock, not Chad Thunderchaste, for a reason.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T20:11:33+00:00

If they did, they wouldn't be chaste men anymore.

rumo_itaki · 2015-03-24T20:03:27+00:00

I cannot imagine a chaste attractive man

Ajaxeler · 2015-03-24T19:16:47+00:00

First of all, you cannot ask a woman a question like this because its intrusive and she will just respond in the most socially acceptable way which is stay she wants a clean, gentlemen who will treat her with kindness, respect and gratitude.

To answer your question, women are attracted to men who are sexually skilled and display a sexual vibe. Amongst this, they are attracted to men whom other girls are also attracted to. Girls don't work off of numbers like guys do. They pay attention much more to the status and masculine qualities a man has.

Do women WANT chaste men? Are such women attracted to shy, scrawny, pimply nerds (the stereotype of a male virgin)?

All women are different, but the men who gain the most female attraction are: Athletic, Muscular, Highly gifted at specific activities, tough, dominant, assertive and aggressive. You can't categorize a specific guy is the best because thats not how the female mind works.

Seranade · 2015-03-25T05:44:47+00:00

If a man has had 3 or so LTRs by the time he's 25, is he unsuccessful with woman just because he has a low partner count? Do you think he would be characterised as shy, scrawny, pimply or nerdy? He's probably had sex in the same quantities as men with 50+ ONS or men with a handful of short-term relationships.

To be honest, my boyfriend's count was 6-7 by the time he was 19, and that made me very uneasy. So yes, I do have a leaning towards men with a lower partner count but men with higher partner counts are not dealbreakers because I can't understand the underlying reason why I do not like the concept. I think my hard limit would be 10 - 15 at this age.

I like how the RP men are trying to speak for women and disregard comments along the lines of mine. What incentive do I have to be insincere? We're essentially anonymous on here.

[deleted] · 2015-03-24T23:34:18+00:00

My own mother said to me last week "a woman's worst fear isn't that a man will cheat on her, it's that he'll disappear without a word"

Ultramegasaurus · 2015-03-25T16:02:42+00:00

I do not think the notch count is that important to women. It's the package that comes with it. A promiscous man obviously has something very desireable going for him whereas chaste men usually do not.

kick6 · 2015-03-25T18:56:49+00:00

What value does a low partner count man bring to a relationship that a high partner count man doesn't?

[deleted] · 2015-03-25T20:35:30+00:00

Some do. See the admin of 8chan , who lost his virginity to a girl like that. Too bad the girl turned out to be crazy.

But he was the admin of Wizardchan, so I suppose he was the alpha of the omegas.

More seriously,generally no. Too sucky at bed, too slow to initiate, generally too needy or borderline autistic ,etc.

[deleted] · 2015-03-25T22:10:52+00:00

You're asking a binary question - blue pill thinking treats black and white issues as a continuum of possibilities. They like to treat each case individually - which is "fair" in the sense that each person differs in preferences and it's totally not OK to generalize a response /s. Pigeonholing a response "doesn't" matter in the grand scheme if things as each person is different /s! Asking women for their individual opinion doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things since every preference differs... /s.

In my mind, this continuum mindset creates unnecessary confusion and ambiguity to something that can be generalized to better understand, at least on a cursory level, general female preference in men. Sure, the details should not be generalized, but basics like women liking confident, physical fit men, who typically have more sexual knowledge than their current partner are generally true. Exceptions add to the specific minutia of the person you're dating, but to go as far as to discredit generalizations of female nature when you're initially meeting someone? Sounds like a disingenuous waste of time.

To answer your question, I think most women who seek out a relationship want to date a man who wants her for "her", in all her imperfect "beauty", and can get that man to commit to her. Whether he has a high partner count, physically fit, etc., does not matter as much as having a true connection. Now, girls looking for a quick lay generally want a man who physically dominates her... she may confuse herself into starting a relationship with that man, but it depends on the girl, it depends on the girl matters after you get to know her, not so much with initial encounter / ice breakers.

luridlurker · 2015-03-24T23:32:09+00:00

Mu. The question is wrong. The thing is not being able to lose your virginity in a Western society that demands it speaks volumes about the man. By the age of 20 any unlaid man who is yet to see an opportunity to lose his virginity is entirely at fault (unless he lives in a remote location or something similar).

The thing is, this starts to become attractive. Looking to seduce a nice bashful guy who will never have a better option than you? Look no further than the beta bux. The women of the PPD aren't lying when they say they are fine with it. They know it means stability. They twist past the goal of the question and weasel a way into saying they like chaste men.

Aerobus · 2015-03-24T21:05:57+00:00

I highly doubt it. The best response to this I've seen is the NAWALT argument which doesn't hold.

peacockpartypants · 2015-03-24T22:05:20+00:00

I think people tend to expect/accept someone fluttering around their equal experience level. But there's just so much variety here I can really only speak in generalities. Some will certainly base it much more on equal emotional maturity and not care about number, high, low in between at all.

I think virgins/inexperienced people would be more inclined to want a 0-3 range number of partners in someone they're dating.

On the opposite, someone with more partners 10+ is experienced enough to be more likley to not care so much/put so much stock in a number. Some come around to realize, who they're with right now is more important than who a partner had picked previously.

In-between I notice some of my peers are serial monogamists. One realtionship after another, maybe some for quite a few years, but rarely single. Some of those ladies I notice to be a bit more conservative and could very well be turned off by a high number count.

All I know is I can't speak for all women. Women, like men, have tastes which greatly range in partners. I can only make a guess based on experience, friends, and life.

Title	Do women want chaste men?
Author	TomHicks
Upvotes	15
Comments	207
Date	March 24, 2015 6:58 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/305v3l/do_women_want_chaste_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-women-want-chaste-men.283018 https://theredarchive.com/post/283018

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