Getting married young doesn't work anymore because women want to be "young, wild and free"

[deleted] · 2019-03-05T16:53:37+00:00

OP, you should familiarize yourself with the roles for CMV OPs. They are linked on the sidebar. The TL;DR is:

You must be open to having your view challenged. This means that you must act in a way that demonstrates that you are willing to have your view challenged. Moderators do not have access to your internal mental state, but we can infer your intent from your posts and comments.

Your comments over the past several hours have been flippant and circlejerky, so I am locking and removing this OP. You may appeal my decision in modmail, should you choose.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-03-05T11:11:21+00:00

Women want to be young, wild and free.

Being in a relationship doesn't by default make someone "not free", "not young" or "not wild". Only shitty marriages/relationships.

No one should marry at 18 -- very few people even know what they need in a relationship by that age. The only reason they used to do it was because there was a lot more pressure on women to be beholden to men to survive. Now that they don't have to, it's typically wiser not to.

flamingoinghome · 2019-03-05T12:42:53+00:00

People who get married at 18 divorce because the only people who get married at 18 (subsequently bucking current social trends and seriously hampering their own career/educational prospects) are, a.) the deeply religious marrying to get laid, and b.) unplanned pregnancies. Plenty of people do meet their future spouses at young ages, they just LTR for a while (often quite a long while) before marrying.

You have a slightly absurd idea of what marriages in the past were like. You seem to assume that "married young and didn't get a divorce" means that these marriages were happy and successful, or would be desirable to modern people, which is a HUGE, FLYING LEAP of logic. Heck, whether or not these people even "stayed together" is questionable--have you ever heard the term "grass widow"?

Finally, where exactly are all of these men in their late teens and early twenties wanting to get married? I lived on the engineering campus of my university my first couple years of college, so I'm not talking about the frat stars when i say that the vast majority of guys that age were at most cautiously entertaining the thought of having an exclusive girlfriend, and even then only so long as she doesn't keep him away from his schoolwork too much. They certainly knew full well they weren't ready to get married.

Hungry_AF · 2019-03-05T12:42:20+00:00

Tho only thing an 18 year old girl should care about is her education/future career, otherwise she's setting herself up for failure.

diffdedbed · 2019-03-05T12:56:36+00:00

Started dating my wife she was 18.

Got married almost 7 years later.

We didn't even cohabitate, which is really common. The pressure to get married is less now but that doesn't mean people are not in a monogamous ltr.

volchonok1 · 2019-03-05T12:04:16+00:00

No, getting married young is not working anymore because it is irresponsible. Our brains aren't even fully developed until age 25. Most people haven't fully completed education and gotten stable career until late 20s. It's just stupid to marry young in our day and age and it has nothing to do with being "free and wild".

kandyapplez · 2019-03-05T14:43:31+00:00

delayed marriage has way more to do with post secondary education and career building than it does with women wanting to whore around. most women still practice serial monogamy fyi

Irl_girl · 2019-03-05T12:23:23+00:00

You could have easily switched the genders in this entire post and it would still be 100% true.

AFAIK young men have been encouraged to “sew their wild oats” and “play the field” since the beginning the time. Modern women mimic this behavior as a defense mechanism against rejection and to earn men’s respect. But it still isn’t even entirely the norm....Where is the famous male pop star singing “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it” 1000 times while every man in the club sings along?

I’m sure there are some men who wish they could commit and can’t, however, blaming women for a lack of commitment on the whole is complete solipsistic projection.

Nevidimka- · 2019-03-05T11:13:18+00:00

- Flash forward to today and you see people who get married at 18 just having failed marriages.

That's because people who marry at 18 are lower class and / or pregnant.

I'd have liked to get married at 18 but the guys didn't want to or I would have to marry someone desperate and ugly. I have a couple friends who were super religious and wanted to wait until marriage and they all had to settle for unattractive, boring dudes. Not waiting and settling later paid off big time for me, I got the best one! I noticed that high quality guys in my country settle around 35-40 with a girl about 10 years younger who has some relationship experience before them, so I set myself up that way.

If I would have lived in a society where the best men marry 18 y/o virgins, I would have been that.

Offhisgame · 2019-03-05T12:31:39+00:00

These silly generalizations man. Everybody is different.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2019-03-05T12:34:10+00:00

Even in 1890 the average age of marriage for woman was not 18. Sure there plenty of teen marriages but there were also older ages for women which make up this average. Below is a chart of the average age of men and women for marriage from 1890s to modern times.

I got married at 18 but it was not the norm for my area, as most girls waited until after college. Most of my friends l, relatives or acquaintances married in their early to mid 20s.

https://www.thespruce.com/estimated-median-age-marriage-2303878

bonslytoss · 2019-03-05T12:56:19+00:00

There are two broad POVs you can take regarding your views of the "best path" women can take. I will tailor two responses to the CMV as such.

Women should be wild and free, then committed to a man, then committed to her children

Women with this mentality ought never to marry. They have adopted a stance that precludes them from being bonded to an individual man (unless the man is neuroplastic and changes as much as she does and at the exact same times and in complementary ways...not likely). You could make the argument that the woman is best served by marrying the father of her children and divorcing him after becoming pregnant, thus securing his resources while still maintaining sexual freedom. This path is so awful for her children and society in general that I hope no sane person ever argues for it.

Women should vet the perfect man, tailoring herself such that they have the best possible life together with the strongest possible pair bond

Ever hear of the saying, "if you want to be the general's wife, you must first marry the lieutenant?" A man's diligence, temperament, loyalty, potential, and sense of honor are revealed very quickly to a woman who asks the right questions. Marrying this man at a young age maximizes their pair bond and ensures that his loyalty and honor will kick in, meaning the woman and her children will be set for life.

Please reply specifically to the view you hold. Especially please reply if you feel you don't fit into either of these camps and tell me what you do believe.

JameisBong · 2019-03-05T13:41:10+00:00

The life expectancy was lower,tinder wasn't a thing and college was something only intellectuals aspired to go to.

unicorns- · 2019-03-05T14:15:25+00:00

I got married at 23. I hate dating, I’m not into partying or going to clubs either. I made an online friend, we started flirting and stuff, and started an online relationship, then got married.

A lot of women aren’t into those sorts of things. I’d argue the reason a lot of women aren’t marrying young is because a lot of young men aren’t so eager to get married in their 20s, and women aren’t pushing them as much as they did in previous generations.

TheSuperStink · 2019-03-05T11:22:45+00:00

Women should wait until after college to marry, same as men.

equanimous_samsara · 2019-03-05T11:12:05+00:00

It's only after she's truly lived it up, had the most blissful sex and forgotten more guys than she can remember can she ever settle down. By then you (yes you) will have just got your promotion in the engineering department, the boss loves you and most importantly, she loves you too.

This just makes it look like you're trying to provoke anger in men using a kind of half-mocking tone. The whole post, actually but especially that part.

SeemedGood · 2019-03-05T12:09:07+00:00

Yet more reasons why men just shouldn’t marry or LTR ever these days.

sublimemongrel · 2019-03-05T12:38:22+00:00

This flips hypergamy on its head so I’m guessing you are not red pill. Neither am I but this doesnt appear true for many women either. Young women still have and want boyfriends, not a revolving door of men. Most young people engage in serial monogamy until they marry, women included. While the commitment is not as serious, they are still doing LTRs.

Your OP also seems to imply young men want to marry young, which also is not the case. Most people date and LTR a bit before marriage. Couples are also typically together for years before marriage, I believe the average is 3-4 years.

whichbladeN · 2019-03-05T13:51:27+00:00

Isn't getting into a LTR at a young age the same thing as getting married young?

You can be just as wild and free in a LTR as you can be in a marriage.

Offhisgame · 2019-03-05T13:53:37+00:00

Anyone else really curious what these guys look like? To be this insecure and upset must create terrible wrinkles

KikiYuyu · 2019-03-05T15:09:29+00:00

Women want to be young, wild and free.

Sure. More and more, people want to enjoy adult life without adding more responsibilities to themselves right away.

Young women are hot, horny and have access to an endless supply of attractive men; this is what they really want.

Oh... this is another post by a silly red piller who thinks the average woman bangs a different guy every week. Smh

Theseus_The_King · 2019-03-05T15:23:16+00:00

When you're 18 you hardly know who you are as a person, so how can you know what you bring to a relationship? Back when earlier marriage was the norm, divorce was less of an option, and when it did become an option, a lot of those early married couples did end up divorcing later in life.

DaphneDK42 · 2019-03-05T11:43:37+00:00

and you see people who get married at 18 just having failed marriages.

What's so bad about breaking up after a span of years? I want to propose an alternative definition of a succesful marriage: 1) Stay married for a number of years; 2) Have some kids; 3) Part on reasonable amicable terms.

DaphneDK42 · 2019-03-05T11:40:19+00:00

Isn't the theory that men are the gatekeepers of relationships (and women guardians of the wet hole). If men are gatekeepers of relationships, then it stands to reason that the cause of declining relationship rates are to be found with men.

[deleted] · 2019-03-05T14:38:46+00:00

Marrying young is a trade off. There is no “perfect” solution. If you’re a woman your time to maximize your partner is far more limited than men. So yes, travel the world when young, move cities, date casually, but you may wake up at 27 unable to attract commitment like you used to. Of course you can get by and have best of both worlds, but it’s a risk

College used to be the ideal place to find a partner. That’s mostly gone out the window.

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2019-03-05T15:02:45+00:00

Ok, they can be young wild and free over there and leave me alone.

PlantainNationalism · 2019-03-05T13:59:32+00:00

Marriage in the West has been destroyed by the logic of capitalism. It's a racket. Getting married in America is like dousing yourself in gasoline.

AutoModerator · 2019-03-05T10:58:04+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-03-05T11:28:27+00:00

Not getting married young enough puts you at risk of becoming a single, childless woman once looks start fading. So there's decisions to make.

A middle ground is perfectly feasible by having enough fun and settling down while attractiveness and youth are still there.

Of course, all of this comes from the idea that the more sex the better our lives will be and that idea is flawed. More and more sex doesn't necessarily bring more happiness.

[deleted] · 2019-03-05T14:13:15+00:00

With this, it stereotypes is this whole idea that marriage and committed relationships suck. It's in my conclusion that certain kinds of people are only meant for certain kinds of relationships. If you're someone who hates the drag and the constant process of committing to someone, you're not made for long term relationships and especially marriage. That's a fact.

On the contrary, if you're someone who needs that deep connection in your life and that commitment towards love, LTRs and marriage is for you.

This applies to anyone of any age and applies to both men and women. People have to start learning to be in romantic relationships with others not because they seek a selfish social advantage but because they are actually most happy in life when involved in a committed LTR.

If 2 people want to get married at 18 and they're on board for understanding what SHOULD BE a life long commitment, let them. If there's people in their 50's who want to swing and live like they're young, who cares? Let them have at it. If a woman or a man wants to stay a bachelor or bachelorette until their 30's and 40's, so be it.

Lancebanks · 2019-03-05T14:20:37+00:00

Interesting point. I feel as if it can 2 ways they either don’t want to get married young or they want to. Where I live there’s been several girls who have married early for the military and other reasons. I always wonder will they regret getting married/engaged between 19-22

Irl_girl · 2019-03-05T14:56:44+00:00

Gay men hook up constantly and compulsively. Lesbians move in on the second date. Case closed.

[deleted] · 2019-03-05T15:42:13+00:00

This post is so dramatic, it almost sounds like a joke.

We do not live in the time where getting married at 18 is the norm. You are also forgetting one main aspect as to why people got married young and that was because **men pursued their careers and women pursued being SAHM** That was the dynamic. So yes, men were getting young women, getting married, having kids and mostly doing that all with one income. That is not financially feasible today.

Secondly,

How could this be? Simple. Women want to be young, wild and free. Young women are hot, horny and have access to an endless supply of attractive men; this is what they really want She can't miss this opportunity; this is not just a want this is a need too.

Are you forgetting that it takes two to tango? Do you think men are also wanting marriage and are pursuing girls do just that? Or as men now (Oh look, TRP) finding ways to go and fuck as many as they can and not settle down with them.

Who at the day in age *wants* to be married that young? You are still a child, you don't even know who you are yet and what you want. Reverse the genders and its true for men. This is not a women thing, this is a young adult living in 2019 thing.

I don't get it. So many guys talk about the past and how women were ideal back then yet forget the responsibility the man had to carry in order to achieve that. Yet, they call those people betas. It just does not make sense.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-03-05T16:28:39+00:00

agreed. marriage has never benefited women, only males who got mommywife bangmaid for free.

hell, women were expected to take the husband's name, ffs, which in my opinion shouldnt have existed in the first place, but whatever.

women should abolish marriage altogether.

shipiaozi · 2019-03-05T16:28:51+00:00

Marry before 20 or 22 is illegal in China, but some people did de facto marry in 16 or 14.

Free market failed like US healthcare system when people don't know the price. Female devalue faster than male, and devalued more in relationship due to paternity uncertainty. Marry earlier sacrifice the enjoyment of STR with high value partner in exchange of get better LTR partner.

HalfysReddit · 2019-03-05T16:53:20+00:00

Getting married young doesn't often times work because it's a bad idea. It was done throughout a lot of human history because we didn't have so much faith that we would grow into old age (life expectancy was much shorter), not to mention religious and cultural influences that aren't as strong nowadays.

Title	Getting married young doesn't work anymore because women want to be "young, wild and free"
Author	BlessedRainsAfrica
Upvotes	45
Comments	139
Date	March 5, 2019 10:58 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/axjwil/getting_married_young_doesnt_work_anymore_because/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/getting-married-young-doesnt-work-anymore-because.256906 https://theredarchive.com/post/256906

Comments