How often does being the “backup plan” lead to a successful new relationship?

Zabadoodude · 2024-05-17T00:37:18+00:00

If you poached your girl from another guy, it's only a matter of time before it happens to you. If she's actively making backup plans while still in a relationship, that's not a girl you want. If you were a backup plan, and not her first choice, then it's even more likely

Planthoe30 · 2024-05-17T00:46:44+00:00

I don’t think the situation you’re describing sounds like a “plan b” situation it sounds more like trading up.. Being the back up plan would indicate you are less desirable than the current partner and you are only a viable option if their current option falls through.

Personally I would never be someone’s back burner bitch. I also dont trust people who start things before they finish.

Snoo20855 · 2024-05-17T01:45:06+00:00

I mean, the very idea of being deemed someone’s “backup plan” is degrading, I don’t know how else you’d view that…

Typically what I picture when I hear this is the stereotypical “male friend that you have to look out for”. It may seem entitled to say - and anyone can have that opinion if they so choose - but me personally, I don’t like being viewed as an “option” cause it hasn’t really worked out in my favour, and is overall just not something I’m happy to be. I’d rather you just outright tell me if us talking is gonna be a waste of time or not.

As for how successful it is, I can’t really speak too much to it as much as some others. Overall though, I just wanted to clear up the whole notion of being a “backup plan” in my opinion.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-05-17T01:37:57+00:00

I've always operated if I'm not the first choice I ain't gonna be any

Cethlinnstooth · 2024-05-17T07:52:45+00:00

I think that someone can be a person's first plan for a variety of reasons and some of those reasons are just due to how things went with timing not who they are more attracted to or who is going to make a healthy lifelong partner. It's entirely possible that in a specific situation one person ditching another in favour of a third person is the best possible thing for everyone and the world in general.

I also think that waiting around keeping oneself available hoping some person leaves their partner can be quite tolerable and ethically sound or it can be torturous and an ethical nightmare. It all comes down to the specifics.

Are you an ethically well developed person? Do you have a strong sense of self and what's good for you? Are you capable of calming yourself emotionally for a few minutes to think clearly about a situation in which you are deeply attracted to someone? Would you absolutely stop it if you saw it was bad for you or a morally terrible thing? If yes...you shouldn't seek advice from anyone else on this sort of situation because you can just reflect on the specifics yourself.

If you're not that sort of person you've got bigger problems than any one relationship. You're in danger all the time you're an accident waiting to happen. "Don't do it" may very well be advice that prevents specific sorts of terrible results but it doesn't exactly turn you into the sort of person you should be either, does it?

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-05-17T00:47:12+00:00

I guess this would depend on your experience and what you’ve seen from others. I think it works sometimes, you always hear about a woman running off with her man’s best friend or boss or a guy that paid more attention to her etc. But it also doesn’t work sometimes.

BrainMarshal · 2024-05-17T02:39:30+00:00

Being a woman's "backup plan" is the most insulting state of existence outside of being in prison. "I'm okay with being a man's backup plan" said no woman ever. Also that is NOT the same as "a new more desirable mate coming to take the place of a less desirable current relationship" which is also bad in and of itself.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-05-17T05:15:11+00:00

If you're more desirable then you won't be her "backup plan". There's no reason for a man to stay somebody's "backup plan" either. If you're attractive then there's no reason for you to wait for that one woman when you can go and get somebody else without waiting.

And if woman can easily jump to somebody's more desirable then it's only a matter of time before she'll do that with you too. You don't want that.

wardenferry419 · 2024-05-17T10:24:12+00:00

If a guy is willing to take second place to get with a girl then he deserves no empathy. Since he has no respect for himself.

bradlite · 2024-05-17T16:25:58+00:00

Most of the time you’re going to be a backup plan. If you really want her, you have to strike and pull back. If that means you don’t talk to her for months so be it, you have to match her energy. Girls are often still might go back with ex, have some other options currently she might think are better, dating girls have many options you may not be at top.

Being a girls number 1 is nice because it’s going to get you loved bombed. Then when that’s over she may get bored and move on, or you’ll get bored with her. Sometimes girls can realize they were wrong to have you as a backup plan, get in a relationship with you and treat you great.

Wattehfok · 2024-05-17T02:39:12+00:00

Maybe I just hang out with people who have some level of self-esteem; but I’ve never seen this happen full stop.

If you’re even considering knowingly walking into a relationship as the “backup”, stop immediately and get thee to fucken therapy. Jesus wept.

Hell - if you’re knowingly on someone’s “roster” you need to take a good hard look at yourself.

obviousredflag · 2024-05-17T05:56:44+00:00

It's a way to keep unsuccessful men from being hurt by making up scenarios that lead to the conclusion: never try!

(1) women have inflated standards and want someone way out of their reach

(2) never be someone a woman would settle for (is within reach, is not what they would ideally want as a partner)

(3) => you can only avoid being a woman's backup plan if you are way out of her reach, at which point you don't want her, for being so far below your own standards.

(4) => keep being single and hate on online dating and "modern women" on reddit

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KGmagic52 · 2024-05-17T11:56:51+00:00

Never. Being used isn't success.

Narrow_Study_9411 · 2024-05-17T12:16:58+00:00

I've never had it work for me. I don't immediately delete someone's number though, I more just stop talking to them unless they initiate with me. Like one of the biggest issues I have with women is that no matter what I do - like ask what they are doing so and so day, try to be spontaneous and humorous, etc (trying to carry the conversation basically); the conversations always feel one sided. I don't get it because some of these women even asked me out but then it's like they show zero interest. I believe that many of these women are unsure what they want. And they probably are getting tons of attention from other men.

detectiveDollar · 2024-05-17T14:22:42+00:00

Yeah, that's not what I consider as a backup plan, that's full on emotional cheating.

Her ex becomes the backup plan after she branches over to the new guy.

untamed-italian · 2024-05-17T17:05:39+00:00

How often does being the “backup plan” lead to a successful new relationship?

If it goes down the way you described: never. What you described is a form of emotional infidelity, emotional cheating. It is almost always a predictor of more cheating in the future.

RubyDiscus · 2024-05-17T21:48:16+00:00

I think its perfectly acceptable to be friends, just don't push boundaries and give her plenty of time after the breakup

Horned-Beast · 2024-05-17T00:44:25+00:00

Never works out in my opinion. The woman will try, but overall ends up being disappointed and is plagued by "what if" thoughts and hating themselves because she "settled".

The men, get a spouse that isn't really invested in the relationship. No matter what they do, the wife is never completely happy.

Unfortunately this will usually end in infidelity and or a divorce.

Personally, I will immediately opt out if I get the impression I am the "fall back guy".

If you search relationship forums, there are many examples of such experiences and the relationships just end up imploding.

DarayRaven · 2024-05-17T04:32:09+00:00

couldn’t it work out in the end for the male suitor to bide his time and be laid back and wait for her to make the decision without pressuring her?

He can but why would he ?

That's my question

Anything a woman makes you wait is never worth the wait to begin with

Turbulent-Tonight975 · 2024-05-17T02:15:49+00:00

The backup plan rarely works. Usually the guy is either a total simp who is willing to profess his feelings and dedication for a woman while she returns none of the effort, feelings, or validation. The other scenerio is the guy just wants to sleep with her and will make promises he has no intention of keeping. Maybe the guy is more desirable than her boyfriend, it also means he has options and very likely may not be keen on giving the woman the same relationship as the boyfriend she is considering leaving.

I think the backup plan, that I have had several exes do, is usually just a bridge for her to get what she needs after a relationship ends and do so long enough before she finds another option. She can get attention, affection, and sex from the backup guy, and at that point she can either ride that out for some time (assuming he is willing to commit) or explore other options and feel less of a rush because she is still getting the things she needs temporarily.

No-Rough-7390 · 2024-05-17T00:48:54+00:00

Good if you have no expectations.

McTitty3000 · 2024-05-17T03:49:42+00:00

Being the backup plan as a guy more so entails being the guy that's in the friend zone, she already has a rapport with you, maybe you have a lot of good tangible traits like a steady job and are generally considered a safe option, if she doesn't get commitment from the type of guy that she's really attracted to, she's got you waiting in the wings and some guys will take that deal because it's the best that they can get. You just got to know that if you are the backup plan / friend zone guy, she doesn't really desire you so you're not going to get her best

Title	How often does being the “backup plan” lead to a successful new relationship?
Author	cheesomacitis
Upvotes	13
Comments	62
Date	May 17, 2024 12:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1cts63p/how_often_does_being_the_backup_plan_lead_to_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-often-does-being-the-backup-plan-lead-to-a.1518705 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518705

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