Reassuring your partner about fidelity

AdhesivenessLevel379 · 2023-12-15T19:28:40+00:00

Sorry can we talk about those “compliments” real quick

Economy-Shake-1448 · 2023-12-15T19:13:36+00:00

That’s pretty messed up of her dad, very “red pill” for a man to behave. I definitely can see this messing up your girlfriend’s point of view of men. All you can do is be good to her and promise that you are trusrworthy. Maybe a promise ring or something? You can also verbalize to her that you think what her dad is saying is wrong. Also, when she asks “what if a better girl than me hit on you” you don’t say how you’re too shy to do anything. All you should say is “I would tell her no, I have a girlfriend.” Saying you’re too shy and too busy indicates that the only thing stopping you from cheating is that you can’t, not that you won’t

Safinated · 2023-12-15T19:25:40+00:00

I don’t. And he doesn’t either

Because we’re both over 30 and too old for childish insecurity, and don’t come from fucked up backgrounds

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-12-16T01:02:46+00:00

So uh, first of all, those “compliments” sound like an alien trying to flirt. Just tell her she’s pretty/hot/beautiful/etc. Now her dad’s behavior is awful and something that will affect her but that’s out of your control, best you can do is make sure she knows you disapprove. Beyond that, your behavior is what will really show her if she can trust you in the long term, don’t give her a reason not to.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2023-12-15T20:45:00+00:00

Her dads a cunt

If he has always been like this then she could probably benefit from therapy, as it’s probably caused her issues.

I used to be like this when I was younger to a degree. I have learnt that my insecurities are my problem not my partners, unless he is doing something to actively make me think he is cheating.

I sorted my own head out and I’m the happiest I have ever been.

froderenfelemus · 2023-12-16T01:17:18+00:00

Hype her up. Always. Overreact. Make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

EulenWatcher · 2023-12-15T19:14:15+00:00

I don't think my husband and I put much efforts into in the first place. We've been together for years, we've gone through thick and thing and, well, we've shown no signs of having interest in other people. We can make jokes about being jealous, but no real jealousy fits.

He knows he's completely safe with me considering I view almost all people as completely non-sexual beings. I'm demi so I don't feel attraction without emotional connection.

MistyMaisel · 2023-12-15T19:48:09+00:00

Honestly, I've always been really blunt that I'm not the cheating type, I'm the leaving type. If another man seems like such a better option that I would destroy all the years of love and faith shared, I wouldn't do it behind anyone's back, I'd do it to his face.

With that said, if you mean how do I reassure my man that all men pale in comparison to him and that he owns my entire heart and no one can hold a candle to him? I mean I tell him. I compliment him regularly. I tell him why he's so definitive and wonderful to me during intimate moments together. I tell him why I think he's unique and better than every man I've ever met or dated.

I also share with him my values obviously and why he fits and will always fit those values unless he chooses to change and that I've always been looking for the love of my life and believe it is him and no one else. And, I tend to show quite a large amount of derision towards cheating, lying, and being unfaithful.

After that, I mean, if you mean how does he reassure me? It's similar although due to him having slightly more sketchy history, I admit he's had more work to do on that front than I did. I think a big move he made which really helped was stopping talking about other women being super attractive or comparing me to exs. (He had a lot of baggage there that it took some really cold and stormy behavior from me to rectify.) And, there was probably one big blow up where I was quite upset because of how much his family talks about cheating and leaving and such that I think he made a really smart move on distancing from that aspect of his family and assuring me that he'd never do that shit to me and I'm not a trusting moron to think he's better than that.

It's tough I think, but ultimately that's what faith is, right. And yeah, a few signs and compliments do help things for sure.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-15T19:08:29+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Sophiatab · 2023-12-15T19:31:26+00:00

My husband knows how religious I am and adultery is forbidden in my faith.

sublimemongrel · 2023-12-15T20:15:33+00:00

I don’t, we don’t need that. We trust each other and neither has ever done anything suspicious to make us question each other. Your GF is insecure, not that that’s her fault or anything but unfortunately it sounds like she’s gonna need some fairly regular validation unless she grows out of it or gets therapy.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-12-16T07:57:56+00:00

I don't reassure him, he doesn't reassure me either. I trust that he won't cheat, he trusts that I won't. We've spent a year apart due to COVID and there was never an inkling that either of us would cheat, I went back to visit friends in family in Europe and was gone for 2 months, again, we weren't worried about our fidelity.

As for your gf - her father said he'd find a younger model the moment her mother passes. That would fuck anyone up. The guy is a grade-A turd, your poor girlfriend. I'm sure hearing the most robot-like compliments also isn't helping with her feeling secure in how much you find her attractive.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-12-15T21:21:59+00:00

You might not be able to convince her right now but you can be a healing experience when she goes through this time which must be very difficult and heartbreaking for her. I wouldn’t try to come up with clever answers or explanations because she’ll probably just come up with more questions.

Just tell her that you love her, how you admire her and want to stay by her side. Then show that to her in your actions. She might not like it right now but as time goes by she probably will.

badgersonice · 2023-12-16T00:35:16+00:00

Lately because of her mother’s fatal medical conditions her father has been touting to his friends he’ll find a young woman the moment she passes

Is your girlfriend’s mom’s fatal medical condition arsenic poisoning?

ConanTheCybrarian · 2023-12-16T04:03:46+00:00

Neither of us need to. Neither of us would cheat and we both know that.

I know he gets offers, he knows I do. I trust him not to reciprocate and he trusts me.

Working toward having secure attachment/ getting therapy would honestly resolve 95%+ of the issues brought up in this sub.

Her dad is being a dick. Have you called him out on it in front of her? that could help.

FillThisEmptyCup · 2023-12-16T06:06:34+00:00

Lately because of her mother’s fatal medical conditions her father has been touting to his friends he’ll find a young woman the moment she passes.

That’s pretty terrible.

Trikger · 2023-12-16T07:48:59+00:00

Alright! I am very well-versed in the language of women.

my only response is that I’d probably become self conscious and try to escape because I’m shy.

This, my friend, is not the way. Your main reason for walking away isn't because you love your girlfriend; it's because you're shy and insecure. If your social skills are what's stopping you from finding someone better, your loyalty isn't shining through.

“what if a better girl than me hit on you”

Keyword: BETTER.

"Better" is the entire focus of this hypothetical question. It's in your best interest to pretend there is no woman out there who's better than your girlfriend. A safe answer would be: "I already got the best." or "There isn't a girl better than you."

You'll lose points if you actually think up an answer that fits the hypothetical narrative since it confirms that you can imagine a woman better than your girlfriend. Still, if you choose to go this route, possibly because she claims the previous answers weren't good enough and you should just play along:

If you're socially unaware or stoic: "I wouldn't even notice her."
If you're socially awkward/anxious: (joke) "I'll text you to come and get me."
Generic but safe: "I'll start talking about you non-stop until she leaves or wants to become friends with you."

The last thing you want to do is make her feel like you want something better. It all comes down to directly or indirectly telling her she is not just enough, but just right.

Congrats on those milestones, by the way. You're successfully soaring into adulthood!

I also love the compliments. They're extremely cheesy, which is great. It sounds like you're already doing the best you can in that department. I do want to add, cheesy as they are, those compliments are still very meaningful because you gave it meaning. It's about the effort and thought.

Jessica_Rabbit69 · 2023-12-16T11:37:43+00:00

Ok this is kinda irrelevant to the question but her dad is a idiot. I hate that the world has lied on young women and now every man thinks we are obsessed with them, especially men who are grandpa age (50+). None of my peers talk about wanting an old man, the most they might want is to get a couple dollars out of them. Or have them as a connection if they need money in the future. But I wouldn’t consider that something to brag about. Anyone can pay for people to be around them

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-12-16T11:52:07+00:00

We have each other's phone passwords, but that's just for practical purposes (maps, youtube, googling something and that phone is the closest..) and not for controlling each other.

We keep in touch throughout the day. We pretty much both know what the other one is up to at all times.

We both study a lot, both live with our parents, and we have a shared group of friends. So I really don't know when the opportunity for cheating would even take place.

Lastly, there is no reason why either of us would cheat.

DreaminInChocolate · 2023-12-15T20:59:26+00:00

There's no need for that in my relationship. We're both confident in our commitment to each other. We take steps every day to show our care and appreciation, but it's never placating an insecurity.

Title	Reassuring your partner about fidelity
Author	oddkidmatt
Upvotes	17
Comments	97
Date	December 15, 2023 7:08 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18j7oc5/reassuring_your_partner_about_fidelity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/reassuring-your-partner-about-fidelity.1240861 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240861

Comments