The little things: Nagging

rulenumber303 · 2016-12-09T22:00:12+00:00

Men nag too. In fact some forms of nagging are much more common in men. Repeated approaches for sex when their partner has made it clear sex isn't going to be happening.. that's nagging. And it has the same burdening affect on a spouse. Just saying.

My opinion of nagging is it isn't so bad when the couple have agreed that it is OK and don't feel resentful about being the recipient or the provider. For example if he really does need something much more than an alarm clock to wake up and she is willing to wake him up a dozen times and berate him to get up, well maybe they end up coming to the conclusion together that is the way it needs to be. Or maybe they don't end up agreeing, in which case the nagging needs to stop because it is a form of poison.

TheChemist158 · 2016-12-09T21:16:41+00:00

Evil? That's a hell of a jump. It's not a good, but it's not that bad. Cheating, physical or emotional abuse, things like are relationship killers. Nagging is a negative trait, but relatively it isn't that bad.

It's also not necessarily a sign of lost attraction. People nag for different reasons. Common reasons are a need for control or feeling like they aren't being heard.

damaskrose · 2016-12-10T00:44:19+00:00

Where is the actual line between "making a request" and "nagging"? Is it about frequency, tone, wording?

I ask because sometimes my husband worries that he's a nag. However, it's common for me to intend to do something and then get distracted and forget about it, so I genuinely appreciate the reminder. He's never a dick about it obviously!

Littleknownfacts · 2016-12-09T20:59:43+00:00

Evil? Don't be silly, it's not malicious, it's just a flaw and an oversight.

But yes, it's harmful to any relationship, particularly a romantic one.

I also think it can be a symptom of loss of attraction, but also the cause. But it's probably difficult to separate the two.

future_space_boobs · 2016-12-09T21:27:35+00:00

in my experience (I don't speak for all nagging women but my mother is one) nagging is the natural result of boredom + a lack of control. When you're bored and your world is limited you get bogged down in details. You or I might never notice a little spot on the carpet, but for someone who's home all the time it becomes a huge blemish in their little sphere. They want that blemish fixed and that doesn't seem like an unreasonable request, so why are you being so flippant about it?

Wolfsouls · 2016-12-09T21:10:01+00:00

Nagging is when a woman feels she has to treat her man like a child, because he isn't doing what he's supposed to be doing. She doesn't want to do it, in fact she resents him for forcing her to do it. It can definitely be a sign of waning attraction, because when a woman sees her man as a dependent or child, she can't respect him or see him in a sexual way. It's a telling symptom of a rocky relationship, and can only be solved by the man stepping up and the woman stepping back.

alreadyredschool · 2016-12-09T20:57:02+00:00

Nagging is what happens before nexting.

Leinadro · 2016-12-09T21:23:36+00:00

Nagging in my opnion borders on verbal/emotional abuse.

As far as a character flaw Im not sure. Its like saying a husband constantly picking on his wife's weight is a character flaw and i dont hear it called that too often.

SmurfESmurferson · 2016-12-09T21:26:34+00:00

Honestly, if she married a man she has to nag, she chose wrong.

moodybela · 2016-12-09T21:35:33+00:00

Nagging is a symptom of a more fundamental problem.

haikufun · 2016-12-09T22:44:30+00:00

From divorces that I've seen, scorn is the problem. Nagging is no biggie.

cuittler · 2016-12-10T00:50:02+00:00

Sometimes when I do dishes I forget to clean the extra food bits out of the sink. My boyfriend nags me to clean it up and he's right: it's my mess, we both need to use the sink, its not only considerate but also my responsibility to clean up after myself as an adult.

Same situation when he leaves beard shavings in the bathroom: it's his mess, we both use that space, and its considerate and responsible to clean up after himself as an adult.

Neither of us like to nag anymore than we like being nagged, but it's better to say something than hold in the resentment over having to clean up/deal with someone else's mess.

AloneOnTheStrange · 2016-12-10T02:59:32+00:00

Nagging is an act of anger and aggression. Repeated nagging is a surefire sign the relationship is dead in the water.

When the wife loses attraction to the husband she gets frustrated at him. She looks for a moral reason to justify that frustration. Housework is the most obvious thing she can find. After all, at any given time there are going to be a great number of things that need to be done around the house, so there's always going to be something to point the finger at. She attributes all of her frustration on her husband's lack of housework.

She'll start to raise her standards about housework. At first the husband steps up and does what he's asked. The lawn gets mowed, the dishes get put away, the floor gets polished. But the wife is still not satisfied, because the real problem hasn't been addressed. So she raises her standards, and demands more housework be done. She convinces herself that when the husband does everything she wants, she'll no longer be frustrated and all will be well.

Because the wife is still frustrated, the husband is rarely, if ever, thanked for the increased housework he's done. Eventually he reaches a point where a combination of a lack of time, energy and gratefulness from the wife causes him to stop honouring her requests.

This causes her aggression to explode. Her nagging becomes more frequent. She'll lose her shit over a dirty glass in the sink, because in her mind that dirty glass is the cause of all her frustration. The husband will step further back, because he doesn't want to reward his wife's aggression. She will interpret this as an act of aggression in itself, further building the frustration, and morally justifying her actions.

Unless someone takes a step back and really works out what's going on, the relationship will never recover.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-12-10T05:42:00+00:00

Nagging is the adult form of whining.

VeledaofOld · 2016-12-10T12:32:14+00:00

How about men treating their women as if they are children? How is that not just as hurtful and malicious?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-12-09T21:15:54+00:00

Nagging is a result of Personality Style conflict

12isLimited · 2016-12-09T22:25:08+00:00

It's a huge deal and it's caused by overemotional sate (average female)

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-12-09T23:24:40+00:00

If your wife nags you, it's because nagging works. It's exactly the same as a child bugging you for a toy. If bugging you eventually gets you to buy Pokemon, guess what? Your kid's gonna bug you. If bugging you makes it less likely you'll buy Pokemon, your kid isn't gonna bug you.

Nagging is a sign of someone with bad communication skills trying to get something - usually something they feel you've promised them. It's dysfunctional but it doesn't mean she's lost attraction for you. It's just a sign she knows she can get away with nagging.

If you don't want your wife to nag you, don't wait until she's been nagging you for four hours before you do things. Either do them immediately, or not at all.

StickItInTheToilet · 2016-12-10T01:03:59+00:00

People without power nag. Children nag because they have no power. Some women nag because they have no power. Men haven't nagged as much because they've had much more power.

Women less often nag these days due to the fact they have more power.

Solution? Women need more power.

Win, win.

Candy_Kittens · 2016-12-10T13:26:10+00:00

Nagging I kind of associate with a parent/child relationship. Mum or dad telling their kids to do housework or whatever. Getting the children to do their homework. That kind of stuff.

So to put nagging in a romantic context, considering the association I have with it, makes it seem very creepy.

OncleJulian · 2016-12-10T19:15:06+00:00

haha, nagging is awful. It doesn't matter how attractive the girl might be. The nagging wears down the man's patience and attraction and eventually the trouble of dealing with her becomes too much and not worth the drama.

I remember this girl. Petite, very cute, really nice ass, widlish party girl. She had guys going after her that would top out of the water pretty much any guy you can think of. Guys would hang around for a bit but after awhile they'd give up because of how emotionally and verbally and passive-aggressive and nagging she was, wouldn't stop complaining about her life or about every little detail that reflected on the dude she was dating or was interested in dating.

Even the ones who managed to sleep with her gave up on her despite how good in bed they claimed the girl to be.

An attractive and pleasant girl that doesn't nag most of the time is the ideal. But you know! Not all of us can be Prince Charming and to get a girl like that you surely need to be Him.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

wub1234 · 2016-12-09T21:29:09+00:00

See number 1

Traz_Onmale · 2016-12-10T00:35:18+00:00

I think there's truth in the stereotype. The thing is, you only have to be a little more neat and orderly than your partner to always be the first one to be bothered by any mess, which can quickly lead to irritation and nagging. This article states that: "Women score somewhat higher than men on some facets of Conscientiousness, such as order, dutifulness, and self-discipline (Feingold, 1994; Costa et al., 2001)." I imagine this is especially true with regard to keeping house.

despisedlove2 · 2016-12-10T06:51:03+00:00

Nagging is evil. It isn't the sign that she has lost attraction. It is a sign that she doesn't trust you or your judgment. It definitely leads to loss of attraction in a man.

FatTaker · 2016-12-10T19:29:37+00:00

In my experience, it's a personality flaw that has no reason to not be reigned in. Nagging is never about anything major or important. It's frequently asking something/criticizing something you didn't do and making a big deal about it, even if it's not worth poisoning the relationship over. It has a negative, condescending tone to it. I'm pretty sure it's about control and wanting things your way.

I don't believe wives urging their men to visit a doctor for suspicious symptoms are nagging, as long as their requests come from a place of love and the condition looks legitimate. It can be kind of annoying when someone fusses over you, but it's not a relationship poison.

karma_time_machine · 2016-12-23T00:30:15+00:00

Maybe someone here can help with my situation. My girlfriend nags about things that I simply am not willing to do anything about. For example, I am a very conservative driver and it really aggregates her. Tomorrow we are driving cross country to our families for the holidays and she was upset that after 3 years of dating she can't convince me to use cruise control. I told her i grew up without it and am not comfortable using it but I get a lecture about how it's so much better. I can't have a different opinion. I simply am wrong. And because it is expected that I drive the majority of the way we will be late for dinner tomorrow night because of my refusal to use cruise control. After 3 to 5 minutes of listening to her arrogantly lecturing me tonight I just told her to shut the fuck up. She started laughing and told me I need to stop overreacting. She says she has the right to tell me how she feels and that she did nothing wrong.

There are no words to describe how defeated I feel right now. This latest argument is one of many where I simply can't win. I try to be responsible and respectful but I can't be told what to do constantly. Anyone else share similar experiences?

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Title	The little things: Nagging
Author	GuitarsAreGettingOld
Upvotes	8
Comments	270
Date	December 9, 2016 8:55 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5hg93h/the_little_things_nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-little-things-nagging.271370 https://theredarchive.com/post/271370

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