What have you learnt throughout your 20s?

Zanajin · 2019-01-28T03:08:02+00:00

I learned that you have to vet people.

EmpoweredGirl · 2019-01-28T03:26:32+00:00

Ultimately as you are getting to the age that you have full control over the story of your life, you have to learn to guard that authoring with everything you have. 20's are the make and break years so just going with the flow of things instead of actively creating your reality is far from ideal. I've learnt more recently that trends, stats, ideology and data are all important, but are only whispers of wisdom that have to be used correctly otherwise bitterness can fester. I've learnt to embrace misery and dance in the face of it, as I know it's all part of my grand story. Why can I look at TV's characters moments of despair with awe gripping attention but not at my own, my own life will be the best story I will ever experience so I should enjoy it.

I've learnt to let go of my anger, and work on helping people in the way that will bring our their potential, rather than stroke my ego to validate my principles. I strengthened my resolve, built up my discipline, scrutinised my reason and embraced compassion. Honestly I feel better now than ever before, however my external situation has not really improved much. As improving yourself internally is like turning on the spot, you aren't going anywhere but you are reorienting yourself towards the goal. Once you set off the accumulated affects will manifest themselves in ways that will blow you away, this is the phase I'm currently about to embark.

Embody the optimism of the blue pill and the caution of red, and do not fret about where you are in the grand scheme of things. Rather concern yourself with the joys of consistently bring our your potential bit by bit, day by day. Sorry for the rant!

Henk7839 · 2019-01-29T17:47:24+00:00

I guess it's something normal people learn in their teens, but looks are extremely important.

The better you look, the better people will generally treat you. People will go out of their way for you more often, be kinder, invite you to events more often. It becomes easier to make friends, get into relationships with people you like and people want you to succeed.

All of the opposite happens the uglier you are.

Uncommon_Sensed_1234 · 2019-01-28T03:28:03+00:00

It's easy to get lost in your 20s. So decide on a career now and get trained for it.

Get a good paying job that will allow you to be independent.

Around age 27 time seems to speed up. And your roll into your 30s. The 30s goes by even faster. This is why getting it right it your 20s is so important.

oftheinfinite · 2019-01-28T07:51:19+00:00

Health. Man, this is the so important and I fucked up here. What is wealth and beauty when you have cancer? Reduce stress. Be physically active. Eat healthy and naturally. Cut out the processed crap. Completely cut out fast-food. Keep your mind occupied on pleasant things. Play sports: go shoot some hoops, kick a soccer ball or enjoy some physical activity like walking, running and what have you. Listen to the birds chatter and chirp; see the busy bees stuffing their heads in the flowers in search of nectar. For me, stress reduction is staying as far away from politics/current events and women because such tings in life bring a shitload of stress and discomfort. I don't watch the news or partake in political discussions or arguments concerning the

Money matters are important. Have money for a 'rainy day'. Also have disposable income to spend on yourself and the things you like but don't unwisely spend. Not all vacations or things are worth spending money on. Invest in rental property. Have at least one place up for rent for supplemental income. Don't be greedy. My cousins are so greedy and they accumulated tons of money, but they are miserable as hell. Their marriages are pathetic.

There are a lot of people who suck. Realizing this, I became totally indifferent to humanity. Not that I'm a misanthrope, I just don't care. As a result, I learned to shrug people off. Vicious people can yell and scream at me but all I hear is muffled gerbil squealing somewhere in the vicinity.

Know thyself; know thy limitations. A lot could be said about this. Knowing early will set you on the right track. As far as career aspirations are concerned, if you can't be in STEM, set your sights on the skilled trades. Looking into welding, plumbing, electrician, mechanics, and so on. In your free time, enjoy reading and learning, writing and whatever it is that interests you.

Be stoic and rational. Learn to tame your emotions. Life is going to throw some surprises, including (god forbid) financial woes, sickness and death.

What I learned in my twenties is setting me up quite nicely for the coming decades.

CreightonWAbrams · 2019-01-28T17:16:54+00:00

I learned a lot about the Franco-Prussian war in my 20s. Alas, I remember very little of it now; that knowledge has been evicted from my brain to make room for the Russo-Japanese War, the French-Algerian War, and counterinsurgency in general, all of which I learned about in my 30s.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-01-28T03:12:14+00:00

life's better when you stop thinking and just do fun shit

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-01-28T06:28:25+00:00

I'm only 24 but so far I've learned that life sucks. Also, never stop improving.

songofmelancholy · 2019-01-28T17:11:17+00:00

for context, i'm a woman.

Don't get fat. don't let yourself go. its harder to lose weight in your 30s. I'm still a size 0 and it helps with dating.
Vetting is worthless. you could vet until the cows come home but people change overtime. and no amount of vetting can tell you what someone is gonna be like in 5, 10 or 15 years.
if its not a dealbreaker, let it go.
you can't negotiate attraction. if you have it, or you don't. don't settle for lack of attraction for anything else.
if you don't want children, as a woman, then the entire 'dating timeline' is worthless. it also changes what kind of men you should consider. i don't care if i have kids or not, so i don't really care if a man is a provider or not. at all.

insecure_f · 2019-01-28T03:06:27+00:00

Don’t settle. Spend your 20s having fun and doing you. You’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process.

Eartherry · 2019-01-28T06:24:34+00:00

Don't. Get. Married. You. Idiot.

TheSuperStink · 2019-01-28T03:43:10+00:00

I learned that most people shouldn’t be getting married in their 20s, men or women. Wait until your 30s for that.

Here4thebeer3232 · 2019-01-28T03:59:11+00:00

It's better to do something you want by yourself, then to always not do those things cause your friends dont want to do them with you. People joining you is a bonus, not a requirement

Nu_Guy · 2019-01-28T13:31:01+00:00

Don't take yourself and others too seriously.

Avoiding certain situations does not make you a punk.

No one will find your happiness for you.

No one knows what happiness means for you, and be confident about what makes you happy when you identify it.

diffdedbed · 2019-01-28T04:33:55+00:00

Your 20s is when you should set your life up. If you are just living and playing you are going to hate your 30s. Get a life plan and work at it.

yasee · 2019-01-28T04:40:21+00:00

how to do relationships and be more comfortable with myself

MrAuneeb · 2019-01-28T06:19:16+00:00

I’ve learned (23) to accept two things: -you don’t owe anybody anything (except for specifics if you have them) -nobody owes you anything

To me, it was a phase of resentment and anger, then peace, then excitement. The world is a sandbox. Figure out what things or ideas or even places are important to you, and why. Then go from there.

gasparddelanuit · 2019-01-28T10:43:01+00:00

You will never stop learning and you will never stop being ignorant about most things. Whether individually or collectively, human beings are incapable of omniscience or anything close.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-01-28T11:48:44+00:00

Girls come and go. Make money and be self-sufficient.

That's the step I'm on now. Being able to pick up girls bores me, my relationship is fun and all but if we break up I probably wouldn't seek out another one.

What I will do is make as much money as I can 'til the day I die, own my own home, and drive the coolest cars I can afford.

If I reach 30 without doing this I'll have failed. It's much harder to start from step one at that age. Youth is when you have the best opportunities to establish yourself so it's foolish not to take advantage of that.

Even if you personally do not care about hustling and making a lot of money you should still establish yourself in a career regardless, that is good advice for anyone. Whether that career is blue collar or white collar, find something that pays good and move up the ladder so you are self-sufficient in adulthood.

azngirl7689 · 2019-01-28T14:29:50+00:00

Health: Establish a good diet and workout routine. It’ll pay off later down the line. Plus looking good is very confidence boosting. Also cut out alcohol. It makes you gain weight and causes hangovers. Maybe have one or two drinks but don’t get lit every weekend.

Relationships: Don’t listen to the blah blah blah people do at you. Watch what they do. Don’t commit until they’ve proven themselves. Don’t be exclusive with someone unless they’ve proven they follow through on stuff. Do not live with people, you get trapped in a prison sentence sorry I mean lease with someone you now hate.

You are single until you’re married. Don’t give these men anything they haven’t earned. They will take advantage.

Work: Speak up. If you do something good- tell your boss. If you want a raise- ask. If you don’t like something- speak up before you explode. If you’re a woman, overcome that “make nice” conditioning- it doesn’t belong at work and tap your inner boss bitch. Make those boys respect you because they will not if you show any vulnerability.

ddiogenesofsinope · 2019-01-28T15:50:02+00:00

so much.......

25 here. Things are never remotely as bad as you initially conclude them to be After 23 women, casual sex is not as fufulling as a loving commited relationship (personally) Women crave to be treated like women You must never stop gaming women. Flirting, being attractive, dressing well and being the man they want you to be. They deserve it Taking on more responsibility can stave off the extistentialism of modern life Save as much as you can With that, money is just a tool to secure greater goals. Nothing more People are not perfect, they never will be. Have patience for that. You need to be the parent you never had, and to those you love Learn a martial art. It kills your anxiety like nothing else Don't let anyone tell you what to do if they have no demonstrative experience/success on that subject fear no one, respect everyone

I could go on...

analt223 · 2019-01-28T18:55:27+00:00

1) Don't listen to anyone who says its all socially constructed

2) Don't listen to anyone who says its all biology, you can't change it

3) Don't listen to male feminists

4) Not agreeing with somebody doesnt give you the right to try and start a twitter mob attack

5) Stop giving a fuck about ghostbusters movies with women in it

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-01-29T19:05:49+00:00

I learned that we men are thirsty idiots, but that we stop being that later on.

[deleted] · 2019-01-30T00:47:20+00:00

As you go from 20 to 30, you're going to really congeal from a young man into an adult. Responsibilities, self control, delayed gratification, working hard and consistently over time, not indulging too heavily in drink/parties, and so on. With luck and effort, you'll develop the skillset you need to create the life you want in these years. From 30 onward it's just a matter of consistently applying what you already learned.

Your main goal during these years is to make sure you're building a future you really enjoy. Don't get chained to some cunt. Don't waste time in an industry or job you hate. Don't have kids unless you REALLY feel like you need that in your life. Don't get a pointless fucking degree. Don't let circumstances shape your life for you.

If you want to be happy in the future, take your life by the fucking horns in your 20s. Have a goal, vision, and dreams and start working for them - and cut anyone and anything from your life that interferes. Start a business, write a book, have some balls and go actually try to do all those things you dream about.

And most of all: DON'T FUCKING GET MARRIED.

ScootsScoots · 2019-01-30T13:35:27+00:00

About to turn 31.

You should be building a career during your 20s. If you dont often feel like you're working too damn much, you're probably wasting your 20s.

Trust me, this pays off.

You calm down as you progress through your 20s. You chill out about women, money, your job, everything. A little experience allows you to operate with a clear mind. This is better than any beer or drug on the market. If they could bottle this state of mind they'd make trillions.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-01-28T03:39:12+00:00

I learned that your kidding yourself if you think you've reached maturity at 20years old considering our prefontal Cortex develops till 25ish. Lots of potential in those 5 years. And that even the youngest baby face of them all, me, is still subject to signs of aging and need to be vigilant about self care (namely keeping hydrated and moisturized). I learn new things constantly. 27 here I come

stats135 · 2019-01-28T12:56:39+00:00

People are over complicating things. The advice is simply stay healthy, get money, and get laid.

Health:When you're young, and you do unhealthy things, your body can recover relatively quick from it. But as you get older you really do feel the consequences. So quit any drugs if you use them, eat clean, and get a full nights sleep each day. It the advice your mom should have gave you since when you're 5. Listen to it.

Money: Make and save as much as you can, as young as you can. Compound interest works wonders. And although life almost changes yearly when you are in school, there is really very little difference once you graduate into the real world. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are somehow missing out and that you have to buy everything now. Save and invest your money, let your money work for you, and you can buy twice as much of whatever you want if you are just willing to wait.

Sex: Of course the one exception that you don't want to wait on. As much as TRP might lead you to think otherwise. The oldest I've ever seen anyone date an 18 yo babe is 24. It really is one of those things that if you don't do it now, you are never going to get the chance again. If you want to have sex with young attractive woman like any normal man with a normal sex drive, don't wait.

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whatyoucallaflip · 2019-01-28T03:43:40+00:00

Don't compromise your values, boundaries, or needs just to satisfy someone else. If for no other reason than that it becomes difficult to sustain in the long run, and the effort of trying to do so will make you increasingly miserable. The more of an act you have to put on, the less compatible you are, and that will come out eventually.

hurupu · 2019-01-28T13:02:17+00:00

Don't cheap out on things unless you plan on breaking them.

It's better in the long run to spend more on something durable and take reasonable care using that thing.

Also that I'm too poor in time, energy and money to afford the mantra "fail early, fail often" so I have to err on the side of caution.

Exile_In_Redditville · 2019-01-28T17:14:22+00:00

I learned about people outside the "bubble" of my own experience. It was a gut check and forced a change in quickness to label. It was also practical experience in vetting, I could understand a perspective and not endorse it. It's okay to reject what doesn't jive well with you in friends let alone partners. Unlike your teens it doesn't need to be a big show either, you're not trapped in the fishbowl that is a hs campus so it's nbd. The flip side though is you can make excellent friends and do stuff you'd never have thought of or attempted without getting to know someone vastly different than yourself.

I learned office politics are worse than a preschool sandbox. My first "real job" I made an excellent impression because I was very focused. In reality the "older, wiser" people acting like glorified chimps terrified me, so I kept my head down. It doesn't help. If you become known for being boring and working people try harder to "get to know you" or plain get nosy. So it follows that to survive I had to learn to put on my big girl pants and make and defend boundaries. People will use your youth to try and make you feel bad about not fitting in and joining the idiot fray, but that's their problem.

I learned my friends are not family. They can and will turn on you if the circumstances are right. It was easy to dwell on that, especially with old friends. Along the same line of thought, I learned to only lend what I didn't expect back (clothes!) and to either say no in lending money or lend it happily with no expectation of getting it back.

With dating I just kept doing monogamy because that made me happy. I'm not going to get into that much because it was so long ago. Though I'll say don't be a chicken if you have a great thing. I was very tight fisted on "my" life and obligations and didn't give in those areas. If the right person comes along bend a little. Or a lot if they don't take advantage of it. I started dating who I eventually married at 20, and the very first thing I learned is he wasn't going to be an after thought or someone I "squeeze in" to my schedule or life. Previously guys accepted that, changing it was a "duh" moment for me. I gave up nothing I was committed to just rearranged it. Part of adulting is managing your life in a way that prioritizes the people you value if you do. It's not hard to do, and it's a sign of good faith. I was just unwilling previously which was a dumb show of immature strength.

Texastentialism · 2019-01-28T17:26:07+00:00

No one is looking out for you but you. Put yourself first until other people prove they can be trusted.

darudeboysandstorm · 2019-01-28T17:52:28+00:00

I have snuck across the Syrian border illegally, had my heart broken truly as it only has that one time, and started my own business. We just passed the halfway mark last week. Hope the next five years is even crazier. Going to Melbourne and Hobart soon that should be a hoot!

[deleted] · 2019-01-29T02:33:31+00:00

What's in store is the transition from being a kid to being an adult, mainly because you will have to join the workforce. Depending on you, this could be good but it'll probably suck for a few years at least. The key is to have some kind of direction.

I found that ideals I had in college didnt work in real life, and that the life experience I got in college didnt really connect to the real world in a meaningful way. YMMV.

It did give me a degree and an education though, so eventually when I stopped drifting I was able to get onto a path that has given me lots of interesting experiences.

darla10 · 2019-01-29T03:48:47+00:00

I learned to cultivate a brutal work ethic that over time allowed me to access flow state during shoots. Basically spent 10 years learning how to conceptualize and execute creative briefs. It comes down to this: prepare like your life depends on it. When it comes time to perform, forget everything and just do it. You can’t ‘go with the flow’ unless you know wtf you’re talking about.

kandyapplez · 2019-01-28T03:32:17+00:00

get that bread by any means necessary

Littleknownfacts · 2019-01-28T03:40:34+00:00

Nothing? I came fully equipped.

TheTruePirate · 2019-01-28T16:31:00+00:00

26M Here what I've learned the past 3-5 year:

Nobody owes you anything (respect, relationships, work) aka spotlight effect and grandiosity
It's easy to hate things you have no clue about.. so keep an open mind
Develop Process and procedures while life is still somewhat simple - (spent an entire year developing and refining a GTD system of handling and staying on top of all my shit..OmniFocus) - leverage technology whenever you can..basically just dump anything that comes to mind into my planner and keep my mind open for dope ideas/tasks at hand.
Don't stop improving yourself, keep learning and doing new thing..
Force yourself to enjoy being alone time, might feel weird initially but once you enjoy solitude you can cut shitty company quickly and effectively.
Audit what and who you spend your time on, does it improve your life or is it a distraction.
Failure is part of the process, fail as often as you can while not dwelling in negative emotions too long.
Spend less time talking about what you're going to do and more time actually doing it.
There is no perfect time to start, just start and improvise along the way.
Figure out a way to avoid trading time for money. (working progress, managed to get a passive income of 300/month but that came crashing down/somewhat capped out) Now I'm in the process of finishing a book (a bit or RP/Psychology/Neuroendocrinology Marketing) developing a SaaS app, and course..
Audit what works and what doesn't aka sunk cost fallacy (applies to business and relationships)

Despite being in a moderate amount of debt from past failures I love the person I'm becoming and excited for the future.

[deleted] · 2019-01-28T15:40:19+00:00

Vast majority of human beings aren't worth the air they breathe, and anyone who thinks otherwise is because they're privileged/charmed/get the halo effect so they only get shown the "good" side of most people.

Title	What have you learnt throughout your 20s?
Author	Maybelowsmv
Upvotes	4
Comments	86
Date	January 28, 2019 2:59 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/akj40y/what_have_you_learnt_throughout_your_20s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-have-you-learnt-throughout-your-20s.257580 https://theredarchive.com/post/257580

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