Why do people double down with age? Why not just adapt?

risdeveau · 2022-09-12T04:41:41+00:00

People have adapted. Marriage and childbearing is creeping up into the 30s

This makes sense when we can expect to live into our 80s and all of our babies live, and it’s good to have more money for both

EulenWatcher · 2022-09-12T05:28:37+00:00

The more people live on their own, the more comfortable with it they become and the harder it will be for them to start cohabitating with someone. If all your needs are met without having a partner, chances are high you won't be really that eager about dating. Also with some experience here and there you're more aware about your own tastes and preferences.

Caring_Cactus · 2022-09-12T07:29:52+00:00

How old are you? This was a lot of virtue signaling.

To parallel what you said is no different from telling a depressed person to stop being depressed.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-09-12T05:37:52+00:00

I’m older I’m LESD vulnerable.

The bullshit I put up with at 20 wouldn’t fly now, because my confidence and life experience have changed. This idea of older people having to be desperate must be a young people idea because it’s just not reality not even logically, I’m not going back to being broke in the bus eating Kraft Mac and cheese, my life’s better now as are my standards.

bunnakay · 2022-09-12T07:00:32+00:00

If we're talking specifically relationships...not everyone is miserable being single. I've been doubling down ever since I started dating, because a mediocre partner who adds nothing to my already awesome life is worse than being alone.

DaoMark · 2022-09-12T08:50:11+00:00

Never understood this. If I was in my mid 30s, I would try and adapt to my situation so I could have a good life. It seems that the further one ages, the further they double and triple down on their things that there's a less and less chance they'll get as they get older.

It is more so that people come to understand the few things that they truly value, and if they are not able to get that out of their current circumstances, they will not change those values; they will instead double down on these values, and work even harder to fulfill them because they know they are running out of time.

People do actually end up compromising on the more superficial thing, its just that because people end up identifying their 'must-haves' with greater clarity, it gives the impression that they are not willing to adapt.

Though, it should be said that while women might not necessarily be happy with their single status, they are much more content being single considering finding sex is never an issue, they tend to have stronger social networks, etc...

So women end up holding on to far more 'must-haves' then men, even if they too are willing to compromise on some things, so it might seem like to men that they are being stubborn, but in reality, they actually can get away with this as long as they aren't too unreasonable - its pretty rational, honestly.

People really underestimate just how much control women have in the dating market, and the only area they are really disadvantaged in is that men have more leeway when it comes to sleeping around, and not having that cause issues finding a partner later on; but, even with this, women can just lie, especially if they moved to a new area, and there are not any "slut" tells unlike what many dudes around here think - you will never know unless you are on some Sherlock Holmes shit.

Do they think they're somehow weak if they start accepting things instead of holding strong and waiting for some perfection? Of course, this doesn't apply to dealbreakers but it seems to me that EVERYTHING is a dealbreaker to these people.

Well it depends, unreasonable standards for a partner are usually ironed out in those first two years post University.

Guys give up on finding 10/10 intelligent, cute, feminine girl that is somehow still a virgin despite the ever present sausage fest that follows her around; and, while women do hold out a little longer, not many women 30 and up think they are going to find that chiseled prince charming - a man who is wealthy, 6 foot tall with a ruler in his pants, who is also intelligent and emotionally intimate.

So its not so much about thinking they are weak for compromising on a standard, its just that people have a sense of longing for their dreams, and its not a good feeling giving that up - men just tend to be humbled quicker cuz of how the dating arena plays out.

Plus, it seems that they just want instead of give. If your standards are high, why not raise yours? I didn't want to date big women so I lost weight and improved my own life. That's also a positive adaptation but no, they want to be accepted but they don't accept much.

Pretty simple, people want things without effort; you could make a case for what they should do, but delayed gratitude is a bitch, most people can't hold out long enough to see the results for something like that

jldreadful · 2022-09-12T15:01:08+00:00

You're mad an older/heavier woman turned you down, and now you're trying to make it societies fault so you don't have to realize that your personality is so terrible that all the money and good looks in the world won't get you a date.

Oli_love90 · 2022-09-12T14:38:03+00:00

Judging from your comments you’re not here to argue in good faith because you have pre conceived notions of specifically older single women. You assume they fucked around and are now miserable and old because they were holding out for Prince Charming who doesn’t want them. If you believe this and doubt anyone who says otherwise, why even ask?

throwaway316stunner · 2022-09-12T04:35:31+00:00

Because you supposedly know what you want by that point?

Geismos · 2022-09-12T06:59:44+00:00

Older people tolerate less bullshit, they're also better at spotting it.

prizefighterstudent · 2022-09-12T11:22:19+00:00

I understand the stereotype but I'm not sure how rooted it is in truth.

My personal experience is that I've seen people double down, settle, and leave altogether. There are plenty of men getting with older women, people in their mid-30's finding love with one another, and men leaving the dating world in droves.

A niche YouTuber I watch predicts there will be a reckoning in 5-10 years when Gen Z men, indoctrinated and inundated by social media and a sense of entitlement to young, hot women, will have a realization that their SMV doesn't measure up because of all their BP / RP conditioning. Because of this, I see Gen Z visiting either end of the extreme (doubling down or leaving).

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-12T12:50:44+00:00

because they have less time to waste and it becomes less desirable to curtail their freedom for a bad deal. in your 20s you can afford to throw away 2-3 years a couple of times

Katatonicsnake · 2022-09-12T08:35:53+00:00

Because when you’re not in your 20s anymore, you know yourself better and maybe even like yourself more. Not knowing what you want is a status you can’t go back to.

And even when women lower their standards, there are many men who are pissed about it. So it’s a lose-lose situation, unless you get very lucky.

Dan240z · 2022-09-12T05:45:15+00:00

I'm open to anything within reason

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-12T09:03:20+00:00

But they do adapt. “Adapt” doesn’t have to mean settle though.

debatelord_1 · 2022-09-12T10:19:18+00:00

Sunken cost fallacy

Willow-girl · 2022-09-12T13:14:41+00:00

Because if you're "older" and have already figured out how to support yourself, a man is much more an accessory than a necessity.

nemma88 · 2022-09-12T22:21:24+00:00

From their POV, lowering standards to get a lesser mate will not add enough to their lives to justify doing it.

Keeping a guy happy is work for women too, and people will form their own judgement on at what qualities in a guy make it worth it.

dbz19_kai · 2022-09-12T09:26:11+00:00

Cause you can still have be good looking if you take care of your health + now you have a career and money, which you didn't have at 21

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TheRedPillRipper · 2022-09-12T04:43:26+00:00

Why triple down?

Fear. It prevents people from changing. From growing. Especially if you’ve spent a few decades doing things your way. Habits become hard to change.

Conversely; ”on the other side of fear, is success.” ~ Dr. Eric Thomas

Godspeed and good luck!

ruboyuri · 2022-09-12T18:42:18+00:00

Uh, they do? That’s what settling is

SouthernGrass3 · 2022-09-12T22:46:40+00:00

I don’t understand the vulnerability piece. Could you explain a bit?

I’m terms of the standards, those things they don’t want to compromise on may be non-negotiable for them, and they may have enough experience being single to know they can tolerate continuing to be single it if someone doesn’t meet their requirements. They might also have experience dating someone who didn’t meet non-negotiable standards, and know that they don’t want to repeat that process.

I do agree with you that self improvement is important, and there’s merit to examining one’s standards to determine requirement v. preference, but enough folks really would rather be single than date their options.

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-09-13T02:41:57+00:00

i stopped being so picky and learned to enjoy it with girls who don't really have too many dudes hitting on them

Hekinsieden · 2022-09-13T03:02:00+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGrfhsxxmdE

No way man we're gonna keep rockin' forever

forever

for... ever...

Title	Why do people double down with age? Why not just adapt?
Author	Geismos
Upvotes	15
Comments	75
Date	September 12, 2022 4:33 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xc3cs3/why_do_people_double_down_with_age_why_not_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-people-double-down-with-age-why-not-just.1131338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131338

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