Unknowingly dreading a world class hamster. Need advice

matrixtospartanatLV · 2018-02-09T03:18:30+00:00

Fuck.

I mean...

Unfuckingbelievable.

So you’re jacked, you bank pretty well, and the land whale won’t fuck you, but most any random would...

Until they got to know you..

Like your wife knows you.

You came here and got your ass handed to you.

Wanna know why?

You just got out of middle school and showed up to the locker room in the game of life thinking you got all the shit figured out because you are in great shape and wear the best gear money can buy.

The vets in the locker room see you for the sniveling, snot nosed little prick that you are and know you can’t play the game because you just found out there even IS a playbook.

I’m not going to beat you up any more, but I’m not going to sugarcoat this shit for you either.

But let’s be clear, you are 2/3 my age, make 4x the money, and if only 50% true, in better shape than I ever have been. I have stretch marks, varicose veins, blood clots, diabetes, and from the sound of it, my wife is way hotter than yours and still wants to fuck me even though I’m leaving her.

Why?

Because I’ve read the sidebar.

What you are missing is from within you.

You see, I’m taking a year off, heal from this divorce, get in great shape, and start hunting.

Your (ex)wife, bank, collecting child support and alimony, freshly hot after hitting the gym and looking for revenge fucks....that’s some shit worth hitting right there.

Look, in case you haven’t gotten the message yet, it’s you.

You are your problem.

You are her problem.

You ARE the problem.

Kill your fucking ego.

Accept you don’t know shit about leadership. That one should be the easiest for you, your entire life is an example of it.

Do not go to the sidebar, cherry pick some cool shit, read a little and think you have it all figured out because you have money and muscles.

This shit works.

I’m living fucking proof of it.

If it’s not working for you, it’s because you haven’t done the work, or you skipped something, or you forgot something, or you rushed through it and got it wrong.

I’m going to be honest with you, if somebody were taking bets, I’d bet heavily against you.

We’ve seen your type come in here guns blazing, run out of ammo, and never reload.

Losing weight, quitting smoking, giving up drinking, and quitting porn are all easier than what you have to do.

You’ve been checking off the boxes for ten years, and it’s gotten you... nothing.

I could go on and on and on, but you get the point.

Go to the VERY BEGINNING of the sidebar.

Don’t skip anything. What you skip is where you will fail.

At the end of the day, your leadership, or lack thereof, is going to determine which man will be raising your children.

So take it seriously, and ingest the sidebar like the rest of your life depends on it,

Because it fucking does.

No more whining.

No more bullshit.

If you have a question about what you’ve read, askMRP. (see what I did there)

Now shut the fuck up and get to work.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-02-08T21:26:46+00:00

Dude, the stench of your covert contracts is foul. Really foul. It's like right after Taco Tuesday.

Look. Women fit the shape of their container. If she is treating you like shit, that means that you are a toilet.

You'd like to think that because you make 170k and sport a 8-pack that makes you deserve sex from your wife. Well news flash - you don't deserve anything.

You literally have a ton of work. Your answers are on the MRP sidebar. Start the reading. Fix your frame. Fix yourself.

Remember, MRP fixes the man. It doesn't fix the marriage.

And have some damn respect for yourself.

hystericalbonding · 2018-02-08T21:20:51+00:00

Why is she sleeping with the kids?

If you want to book a vacation, then book a vacation. Arrange for the child care yourself. She can join you or not. But don't book it if it's just a covert contract.

simbarlion · 2018-02-08T21:54:41+00:00

Geezus buddy,

You are a poster boy for getting it right physically and screwing up the rest. She has you on a leash, and she does not even give out the odd cookie.

1) There is no dread. If there was dread, she would AT LEAST ask who you were hanging out when you go out more often, or why are you talking to Suzie from work so often etc etc. She has SOOOO much faith that you would not cheat that you have not had sex in 2 years! You must be treating her like a queen not a princess.

2) It seems your non-negotiables are actually negotiable

I told her my non-negotiables were a sleeping in the same bed, a healthy sex life, doing external things together sans children (vacations and dates) and she needs to get herself back to a healthy weight and hit the gym.

My understanding is that non of this is happening. Pretty much to only one of that you can do without her is go on vacation with a friend.

My advice would be to step away from it mentally for a while, not divorce, not cheat. Immerse yourself in your kids, find satisfaction in the life that you do have, let this go while you rebuild frame and adjust your DNGAF. Then, once you have found your "way as a superior man" (its a book) slowly ramp up the dread, but ONLY AFTER you have established some leadership and frame. Give yourself a timeframe and a program - 6 months or more.

As others have said, you need to show her that your life is going great and you want her to come for the ride. But there are conditions, her healthy attitude to her body and to sex and your marriage. You dont have to spell it out (that is just argument material). Just let her decide if she wants to 'get on board' with the vision or not.

And as footnote - don't discount the idea that if you are so awesome and popular (meant in a genuine way), she feels she just cant keep up, she has let go of the rope. She gets insulated and is just wondering when you are going to leave, emotionally she put all her energy into the kids, elsewhere she feels like a failure (which she would if she used to be hot and is now just a fat mom)

470_2_700_nm · 2018-02-08T22:16:15+00:00

For fucks sakes... asking her to book a vacation? WTF. Read the sidebar. If she’s that disgusting go fuck some other bitches. She has pushed boundaries all the way out to where they are today because you alowed her to. And the catch is, when they are able to do that to us, they fucking hate us for it.

Start setting boundaries with specific repercussions you are completely ready to follow through on. These repercussions need not be overtly expressed. Do rather than say.

Persaeus · 2018-02-09T15:38:21+00:00

you've already had the back side caned off so i'll give you my take on the outline of a MAP

for the love of baby Jesus, read NMMNG a couple times and do the exercises. than WISNIFG. your the prototypical nice guy; and so of course you don't see it.

you're scared to death of divorce because of the kids. understandable; but really a molehill you're making into a mountain. read the history of 2gunsgetsome. plenty of other divorced dads killing daddydom. talk to a lawyer or two about divorce, custody, alimony, potential pitfalls of cheating if any. you might even consider reducing your income before divorcing if you have a knob on it. replace your irrational fear of the unknown with facts on possible outcomes.

read the professor's book summarized in the MRP post "12 levels of dread". some of the early steps you already have well in hand. focus on passing shit test and OYS as a homeowner and father. for you STFU is going to be a big part of your early shit test passing because you clearly talk way too much about things you should not really have to. basically start running your ship as though you were a single father (you already are in all but paper minus the parade of pussy available to a single 38 yo high value man).

your probably not very fun to be married to because you hate your fat harpy cunt wife. if you want to save this thing; your going to have to drop that shit and build a frame as a positive fun loving dude. this should be your frame because your frame by definition is independent of those around you.

i'd be doing all that stuff above before issuing ultimatums, drawing boundaries, and cutting up credit cards. i really don't know what you back it up with other than money and a d-bomb. speaking of the money. 3k a month on a CC ain't that much for a household. is this 3k everything she spends on the house and herself to keep the ship running. or is this 3k a month for handbags and lattes? big difference.

tl/dr - you have to become a valuable man instead of a paycheck in order for drawing any boundaries to be meaningful.

i still think your burying the lead. i asked it elsewhere but what kind of father are you? have you been verbally abusive of your wife? does she have a history of 1,000 cocks, mental disorders, her family is a shit show (in which case you're captain save a ho). most married people get fat together and then one of them wakes up. this story as you've told it just doesn't hang together?

on your post, i can't resist at least a few canes . . .

She even said that she will try to lose the weight but if she gets “hot” again she may not want to be with me for not being able to love her for the person she is (and so forth).

lmao, nearly 40 and grossly obese white woman . . . you'll never be "hot" again. lose 60 pounds and 40k in plastic surgery you'll be fuckable again.

reading your're brief history of marriage again . . . i think she tagged you as her beta bux from the beginning. you broke her SAHM fantasy and she will always hate you for it. execute the plan to become a man with frame and prepare for D-day; but I think your marriage is hopeless

donedreadpirate · 2018-02-09T02:56:58+00:00

Think about what is wrong with you where you would allow yourself to not have sex for two years. That's where you'll find the little nugget you're looking for.

BluepillProfessor · 2018-02-09T05:36:45+00:00

You are conflating a number of things here. Literally mixing and matching things that don't necessarily mix and match.

First, you say you have always been in shape/lift etc. but that is not the issue at all. It was never the REAL issue with Dread Game. Dread is putting the SLIGHT fear in her that she is going to lose out on a good thing unless she steps up. You do that by CHANGE. Let me try to explain. Basic attraction theory says that if you are not HAWWWT, then by becoming more HAWWWTTT you will increase a sexual response. However, if you are not getting a sexual response, then doing nothing different will get you the same sexual response. It is the change. The drive. Viva La Difference.

Second, the covert contracts, good God! Everything you do is a butthurt, covert contract.

Third, I don't know if you get that Dread Game is to make the girl horny. It is not going to do a fucking thing for your libido. Dread Game is when a girl is turning you down for sex. If the girl is not turning you down for sex DO NOT USE ADVANCED DREAD.

part of my issue is that I do not want to have sex with her until she is not repulsive to me so I am not trying very hard to initiate...frankly I don’t care.

I am obviously missing something significant

What you are missing is the point of Dread Game. Dread Game turns on women and turns that bitchy "no" into an eager "yes." However, it is unlikely to make a fattie put down the fork. It is also unlikely to make you more sexually amorous towards your wife. It sounds to me like you have it exactly ass backwards.

Rian_Stone · 2018-02-08T21:26:06+00:00

what specifically did you not understand? The professors book, my TLDR speech from florida? Be specific
this is your ego protecting you from rejection. He is not on your side.

stop looking for hand holding, go fuck it up and then learn

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-02-08T21:55:52+00:00

In two sentences say what you actually want. I don’t think you know. Even if she jumped your dick right now would you want her to? Does she make you happy? Does anything about her in your life make you better for it?

ReddJive · 2018-02-08T22:12:04+00:00

Well aren't you a pretty little snowflake.

I don't see anything wrong here. Your ego is solidly intact.

Loudandboisterous123 · 2018-02-09T02:00:52+00:00

You don't sound like much fun. What kinds of things are you doing to have fun with your wife in the fleeting moments you're together when you aren't making requests of how you expect her to live? You're requesting a bunch of shit from her but unless I missed something you don't appear to be leading her to those behaviors and telling her what you expect of her and huffing and puffing when she doesn't do it isn't what I'd call leadership.

drty_pr · 2018-02-09T13:23:41+00:00

If you took every cliche that a guy posts when he finds askMRP and put it all in one, this would be it. There is a post about dread by u/BobbyPeru on my home page right under this. I honestly thought that's what I clicked and this was satirical.

59 FUCKIN TIMES YOU SAID SHE OR HER. Whose frame are you in bro?

WorldTravels38 · 2018-02-09T01:50:19+00:00

Thanks for all the feedback. A couple of clarifications.

I HAVE read and read and read some more. I am speaking of the posts, I have the books on order as well that is next step. Probably similar to what most of you did when you started I have been reading in an obsessed focused manner. You are right to assume I have not digested, absorbed and applied…but I have read.

For those who want to light me up, that is your prerogative. I know I have fucked up and admitted that throughout my post. Your need to reinforce my fuck ups by calling me gay or a pussy does not bother me…waste your keystrokes if you wish I am sure you were all at my inquisitive and uncertain level at some point and asked for help. Your situation may not have been as bad...but it was bad for you. It is why you sought out answers.

Bragging about my physique and career was not the point…I just was conveying that I have the lift and money thing down to we can obviate that from the possible causes.

I do have a lot of pride in myself in some aspects. Anyone who really lifts and has a successful career rarely can do that without pride. If I have no pride I would not eat like a monk and lift 10+ hours a week for a wife who does not seem to give a shit. I do it for me and my confidence. However, some of that pride disappears when I walk into the house…I don’t know why. I feel like I do OYS at work and when I am out socially but there is a weird guilt with the wife and I think it is because of the kids. I am not being the captain, and that I know and see. I also think how much of a fucking hassle it will be to get a divorce and all of that mess. I know that I have to be willing to blow it up. Trapped is the operative word here.

The dread game states it is a long road (1 month for every year) and part of my feeling out here is to determine if it is worth the investment because I have been peppering elements of it now for a little while (albeit in the wrong order and before being ready) I do not get rejected for sex, I simply have no desire to even touch her right now. So in order to get rejected I first have to get her to a point where I actually want sex with her. Not even close to there yet. Maybe she will reject me if I actually try (assuming she gets in shape) but I would take that at this point something as to work with and forward step. Is it even worth another year

A significant amount of the the threads I read talk about guys who want their wife to give them more sex. I need a step further back and to determine how I can get my wife to a point where I even want it. Maybe dread is not the answer to that question(?). I could walk out on her tomorrow, but I I am struggling with walking out on my kids.

Thanks Again Gentlemen. I do appreciate the help of a newbie trying to swallow the red pill

red-sfpplus · 2018-02-09T00:26:51+00:00

I am calling you out OP

I have 17.5” arms - flexed, cold. So I know what it takes to get to 17”. Esp at the BF% you say you are at.

Post pics. Post your lifts.

Everything else you need to educate yourself on is in the sidebar and has been covered 100 times before.

rebbit_reddit · 2018-02-08T21:20:41+00:00

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Does it apply to you?

crimson_chris · 2018-02-08T22:00:01+00:00

So basically you are a hot beta bucks. As stated before you need a healthy dose of OYS.

For example, you complain about how your wife keeps the house messy. If you OYS, you are the Captain. The house is messy because you are mess or because you can't lead your family. Either way you have failed.

Next, as stated before your wife has no dread. Maybe she does not give a shit if you cheat because she makes $100k and will most like still get alimony if you cheat. For Dread to work you have to be a man that she values and being hawt helps out. Does your wife value you? Are you a man to be valued?

You make $170K, great. You are a good "provider". Being a provider will not get your wife's pussy wet AND since she still works your income means even less. Providing is also a beta trait. She does not give a fuck about fucking you because you are probably a shitty leader in the relationahip. Maybe you could land a side piece, but as soon as they get a good whiff of your weaksauce, I am sure their pussy will dry up as well.

And you have not had sex in two years? Fuck, so obviously being in shape is not your problem, right? But you give her everything she wants? LOL. She does not see you as a man. You are a provider and roommate. And it does not matter that she physically repulses you because she does not want to fuck you anyway. Think about that, your whale of a wife does not want to fuck her hawt husband. That is a mind fuck. Your answers are in the sidebar.

On the subject of Dread again. You are not a man of value to her so there is no Dread. Someone here said someting about you failing comfort and shit test - that is not it either. You are a loser as a man,l and your wife does not even want to sleep in the same bed as you. I have fucked up royally as a husband, but I don't know how the fuck that happens.

Based on reading your post, you have a huge fucking ego. "TLDR; I am an AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER but my fat, cunty wife will not fuck me. Validate me MRP". Well, fuck you. Lose your ego. How have you failed as a husband? How have you failed as a father? How have you failed as the Captian? How have you failed as her Rock? Answer these questions honestly and you'll find the answer to your problems - and one symptom which is your fat wife won't fuck you.

I think this book is way under underutilized, but I really like Way of The Superior Male. You are just a beta in alpha clothing - based on your post. You have a long way to go. Welcome to the desert of the real.

crimson_chris · 2018-02-08T22:08:08+00:00

Oh, and your user name is gay (sorry gay people) and reeks of your ego. Keep it as a reminder of where you started. "Worldtraveler" - LOL. If only we could all travel the world. Gosh!!!

Please hit the sidebar ASAP. Goodluck.

screechhater · 2018-02-08T22:26:20+00:00

Take the fucking credit card and put a limit in it.

You get my large congrats on creating “Mrs Entitled”.

Shut your fucking mouth.

Get on a god damned budget.

You cannot change her or create attraction

bob13bob · 2018-02-09T00:48:21+00:00

don't know why you getting all the hate. i would do what you can, but work through dread. eventually this probably not salvageable.

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-02-09T02:24:12+00:00

She flat out said if she could do better she would. Why are you with her?

Sc00byDubious · 2018-02-09T04:22:19+00:00

Advice - read the sidebar, work the program. blah blah blah.

Skimming through this a second time. Looks like you are asking us for permission to divorce or cheat on your wife. Is that what you want to hear? Wow you sound wonderful. You've been so patient. Forget this fat bitch. Go bang some hotties.

An Athol Kay book (not in sidebar?) may be relevant here. Chapter in Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat. Covers male mid-life crisis. Says it's triggered by decline in fertility of the wife as she gets older. Our body start telling us to find a new younger one. And everything the old lady does gets more annoying each day. Feel familiar???

Buddy, no judgment here. Fuck around all you want. But don't even think about getting into another LTR unless you truly work the program here. You do not want a repeat of this shitshow.

JudgeDoom69 · 2018-02-09T14:46:33+00:00

Being in shape doesn't entitle you to anything. You are essentially a drunk captain, but your drink of choice is working out. You aren't leading your household, you're hiding from your responsibilities at the gym.

There is much value for you in the sidebar materials. Start with reading all of it.

Then you need to start leading your household. Shake things up. If it is a clutter-fest, clean it and keep it that way. If you want to take a vacation, book the vacation and a sitter, and she can come or she can stay home. Establish a budget and stick to it. Letting her spend uncontrollably is poor leadership. Get the shit foods out of the house and cook your family some healthy meals.

She will either come around or bug out. Either way you will be better off than you are now.

Taipanshimshon · 2018-02-09T16:21:05+00:00

This makes me feel good about myself.

Now go fuck some girls with all those IOI's

BostonBrakeJob · 2018-02-08T21:36:08+00:00

I have been unknowingly been using elements of dread game.

However I am obviously not doing something right because it has not worked.

Catching a whiff of bullshit...

I have always been in shape my whole life post college. Have lifted 5+ days a week for 15 years. Varying levels of leanness throughout that time but have never gone above 15% BF and am around 6-7% right now. I have a very muscular build and have all the right proportions (46 in chest, 30 in waist, 17in arms etc). I always carry visible abs and right now I am sporting an 8pack. I have a good job making 170K+ a year and I travel the world for work. I have Masters in Science and an MBA. I have visited over 20 countries in the last 3 years. I dress very stylish with designer clothes and always look buttoned up. Never wear sneakers and have belts to match shoes to match socks and I get my hair cut every two weeks and it is always styled. Not trying to brag here, this is all honest. If I go out I get approached almost without fail, I get smiles all day at work and when out and about.

Who's hamster are you referring to in the title?

(but not a good wife as I learned). As soon as we got married and had kid #1 she went into Mom mode and only spending time with the kid was the focus. I bought her the house of her dreams in her hometown and we go on 2 vacations a year. She runs up a 3K credit card bill a month and I say nothing bc we have the money and do not worry about finances.

That's a hell of a reward for behavior you deem "shitty"

Sex life disappeared

Well I'll be!!

..and always resented that I would not let her be a SAHM so she takes away couples time to compensate (her words).

If only she had a good captain at the wheel...

she would reward me

fjjsjdkejdsksbdjkdnhsjsksbs

excuse that, was wiping vomit off my screen

When I brought that up to her

Where's that suggested in the sidebar? I must've missed that reading material..

She is also a messy person and our home is a clutter fest, I am a very organized person

Can't be both. OYS...

I started working out even more getting into best shape of my life. I joined a volleyball and basketball league. I started to stop at Happy Hours after work and coming home later. I took weekends away with single guy friends to do guy stuff. I stopped cleaning up after her. I take my boys to do manly things just us as much as possible (camping, fishing, teaching them to play hockey this winter).

Translation: "I got shitfaced at the wheel and lit a cabin fire. Then put on my swimmers, grabbed my water wings and jumped overboard for a swim."

Final straw came for me as our 10 year anniversary approached I literally handed her a globe and asked her lets go away, pick a place.

So you're not actually rewarding shitty behavior...just trying to buy your way into her pants. Good luck with that approach

She said she could not leave the kids etc.

she planned something which turned out to be dinner without the kids at a crappy restaurant in our local town.

LMAO!!!!!!!!

if she gets “hot” again she may not want to be with me because I'm a dipshit with no leadership skills and she could finally upgrade

FTFY

I did not do any of this dread game on purpose

LMAO X2!!!!!!

That's where I stopped reading, thanks for the laugh! I'm sure somewhere toward the end you asked what's wrong with her or for some advice or some shit... So here it is. Sidebar.

Good luck, Captain Morgan!

gameoflibidos · 2018-02-08T21:28:56+00:00

The dread you are doing is getting nowhere because you are failing all her comfort and shit tests.

As long as she feels 99.8% certain that A) you'd never cheat on her and B) you'll never leave her... then dread will only get so far.

You are doing a lot of things right.. but then you lay down your boundries, she half asses them... you say/do very little except stay out later. All your doing is passive aggressively trying to show her that you are pissed that she isn't trying harder and is showing very little respect for your needs.

I'm sure when you laid down your boundries and she went into shit test mode and turned everything around on you.. you probably just caved didn't you? ... I can hear it now.... "Oh.. thats not what I meant babe.. I do unconditionally love you... but I just." and then she goes off into more hamster twisting shit test mind games... and you cave again. Can't do that... you're letting her ninja hamster karate kick your teeth out.

You are gonna have to lay it down bare and stick to what you say. These things are unacceptable and if they don't change by some date/ period of time, then I can no longer be a part of this roommate sham of a marriage. She has to believe that you would do it to. If she thinks you are just saying shit and won't do anything, you won't get anywhere.

Read up on passing shit and comfort tests... read real life examples, learn to recognize them and respond correctly. If you get to a place where you are winning those consistently and things still haven't changed, then you can attempt a 2nd round of laying down the law.

Title	Unknowingly dreading a world class hamster. Need advice
Author	WorldTravels38
Upvotes	1
Comments	115
Date	February 8, 2018 9:05 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7w84vk/unknowingly_dreading_a_world_class_hamster_need/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/unknowingly-dreading-a-world-class-hamster-need.204842 https://theredarchive.com/post/204842

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