LTR lied about attending a part while I was out-of-town. Need advice.

horologist2018 · 2018-11-07T16:03:22+00:00

Later that night, she texts me and says she's not going to the grad party after all.

Obviously there's not much to read into here. But I find it interesting that she dropped the grad party, only to later on go to the Halloween party. My hamster is spinning with this: She obviously already knew about the Halloween party, but she didn't want you to know about it. It makes me think she's interested in someone you know, who was at that halloween party. But I'm making a huge supposition with that statement. Like I said, my hamster is spinning with this detail.

She's not wearing anything slutty, but she does have her "on point" makeup done.

Considering that most girls take a solid hour to do their "on point" makeup, this is telling enough about her excitement for this party.

Basically, just videos where she looks like she's having a good time, nothing alarming except for the fact she didn't tell me she was going to a huge Halloween party.

Could still be forgivable at this point.

she tells me and leaves out any mention of the party.

How convenient...

At this point, I know something is obviously up

Yup.

wants to know "why I'm acting weird".

She's prodding for what you know.

She reacts defensively and indignantly asks why I'm mad.

She is using Female Logic: Your PRESENT state of being mad is justification for her PAST action.

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me

Just forgot? Negative.

and that her phone was left at her place the entire night

It's 2018. Her phone was with her.

She swears that it was her roommate and other girl friends who dragged her out to the party

Which must have been why she took an hour to do her makeup.

when she was already in bed.

"I'm innocent"

She also says she was going to tell me because of this totally weird/cool thing that happened at the party.

Then why didn't she?

I ask to see her phone to check if her story adds up.

For newbie RPers: This is not okay with a plate. Totally reasonable for a LTR.

It doesnt.

Of course it doesn't.

She is enthusiastic about going with her friends to the party in her messages, and initiates attending.

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Her friends never dragged her anywhere.

Clearly.

At this point I'm done with her and just want to rest after a very long weekend.

Sucks man. Sorry this happened to you. Genuinely.

Long story short, I broke up with her Sunday night but she still stayed over insisting we're not breaking up.

Trying her hardest to not be broken up with, so she can break up with you.

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

That's cool and all. But she still lied her ass off to you.

So guys, am I overreacting?

No man, you are not overreacting, not even a little. Over reacting would have been screaming/etc. You kept your cool, broke up with her for being a liar. It's simple. I am truly sorry that she turned out to be a petulant childish liar though. Way to end a weekend, ugh.

Why would she lie multiple times in a row?

Who knows? Could have been any list of reasons. Doesn't matter why she lied, it matters that she lied. Trust is gone. Cut the snake's head off here, like you did.

Side note, she had just finished her period by that Friday.

Good that this is a side note, because it doesn't matter.

Update: Just found out that one of the girls she went with had sex at the party.

Great.

You did the right thing man. Most of us here have zero tolerance for liars. Get away from this shithead immediately. She will just make your life miserable.

derrtderr · 2018-11-07T16:48:53+00:00

All her friends are huge sluts but she’s the virginal princess wifey material? Cmon.

-sho-ryu-ken- · 2018-11-07T15:38:15+00:00

When they lie, there’s a reason. Guilt. Hiding. Stay with her only if you enjoy that shit.

BatmanVsThanos · 2018-11-07T15:54:18+00:00

Ghost this lying whore. If she didn't cheat, she was definitely going to soon.

CainPrice · 2018-11-07T15:56:56+00:00

There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend going to a party with her friends. Nothing at all.

Which means that she had absolutely no reason to lie to you and not tell you she went to a party with her friends. Why wouldn't she just tell you she went to a party with friends and had a good time?

She didn't tell you because she didn't want you to know. If she had just innocently gone to a party with friends, with no bad intentions of any kind, just to have fun with her girls, why would she hide that from you?

She didn't tell you because she had bad intentions.

We can sit around all day wondering about her bad intentions and whether they were seriously bad or just vaguely bad, but that really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if her intentions were only slightly bad. Your girlfriend has demonstrated that she is very comfortable keeping things from you and hiding things when she doesn't think you know about them.

You've already dumped her, and that was the right choice. I guess if she keeps fucking you, go ahead and keep fucking her, but fuck other women, too. If she asks, remind her that you dumped her a week ago.

SandyShoes08 · 2018-11-07T15:44:43+00:00

You made the right decision to dump her. Either she fucked somebody or was trying to, no other reason she'd be hiding the fact that she went.

KingSlapFight · 2018-11-07T16:29:48+00:00

It doesn't matter if she was faithful at the party. What matters is she's lying and gaslighting you. Next.

Chadster113 · 2018-11-07T18:22:10+00:00

You should find another plate soon if you want this break up to stick like you want it to. If you don't find a plate soon you could develop more feelings along the line. Not too many people on here are good at plating an ex.

freew33zy · 2018-11-07T15:41:14+00:00

Probably made the right move. Seems sus

moltenw · 2018-11-07T16:26:12+00:00

She could have done something and she could have done nothing at all.

It doesn't matter either way because the bottom line is - based on her actions, she doesn't respect you, and that's more than enough to end the LTR.

Good on you for ending it, it was definitely the right call.

beginner_ · 2018-11-07T16:33:23+00:00

It doesn't even matter what happened you obviously can't trust her anymore hence right decision.

UnluckyPenguin · 2018-11-07T17:35:03+00:00

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted. She swears that it was her roommate and other girl friends who dragged her out to the party when she was already in bed.

Trickle truth. The more you use dread game like you did, the more truth comes out.

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

I believe you and him. She wasn't being unfaithful from what a man could see, but I guarantee she's looking to branch swing. It's too bad you gave her exactly what she wanted. Even worse, now she's the victim because you broke up with her.

So guys, am I overreacting? Why would she lie multiple times in a row? Side note, she had just finished her period by that Friday.

The only way you overreacted would have been dumping her instead of turning her into a plate. She's definitely not LTR material. Although she probably didn't physically cheat on you, but give it a month flat and I bet you that she has a new boyfriend (or emotional tampon).

Electric_head · 2018-11-07T16:26:39+00:00

Thanks for the replies, guys. Sometimes all of us need a form of reinforcement for tough decisions.

This sucks because I thought she would have been a wonderful wife and mother. She is intelligent, makes good money in a feminine industry, and is nurturing. Along with all those things, she is a liar.

The most confusing part of this is that the LTR seemed fine. Lots of sex that's kept up with the pace of a year long relationship, productive weekends together, etc... It still seemed fresh.

I consider myself lucky for this episode to have happened. I can see the gut-churning reality that would've been my life had I continued with the LTR and married this woman.

She is still pretending Sunday night never happened. I am ignoring her "I love you's", and treating her like a plate.

chazthundergut · 2018-11-07T18:19:41+00:00

Understand that chicks love this stuff.

She loves that you were thinking about her and checking up on her on social media.

She loves knowing how much it bothers you to see her all made up at a party with other guys around.

She loves the drama. Even if she is crying and you are shouting, she fucking loves it

And no, you aren't overreacting. Her going to the party isn't the problem. Her lying to you/ being deceptive is the problem.

You said you broke up with her but she insisted you weren't gonna break up. Good. You have the power. Chicks will very rarely leave a guy who wants to break up. They want to be the one to walk away.

So tell her that her lying/ deception is a deal breaker for you. But if she wants another chance she will need to prove her loyalty to you

"How can I prove my loyalty?"

This is how you get your ass licked. This is how you get threesomes. Don't be afraid to make demands- she wants you to take the lead and punish her. She wants to know that you aren't fucking around. You aren't afraid to walk away or be an asshole.

So tell her shes gotta suck a whole lotta dick and lick your ass. And if she doesn't want to, put her shit in a box and send that goofy bitch home.

shredzro · 2018-11-07T17:58:07+00:00

You already know the answer to this OP. But I understand that sometimes we need to hear it from someone else. First off no woman alive leaves their phone home. Not only is it unsafe for a woman to leave her phone while going out, it just doesn’t happen. Hell, MEN don’t even leave their phones home.

Second, she may have not done anything. She may have not cheated. But she lied. If you stick with her you are saying “I am okay with being lied too.” RP is about men living the way they want. So if that’s how you want to live then so be it.

Leave. Go no contact. She’ll tell her friends you’re a dick. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. At most just say “she lied and I don’t tolerate being lied too.” THATS all. Move on, my friend. It’s over.

RemyBucksington · 2018-11-07T17:21:49+00:00

Good shit. Hold your ground and dump her.

Tiway22 · 2018-11-07T18:30:02+00:00

You absolutely made the right choice. You cannot stay with this woman. If she will lie about attending parties, for whatever reason, the trust is gone.

You will always wonder if she’s being truthful, or faithful, and that’s poison to an LTR that will kill your relationship slowly.

Save yourself the future heartache and rip this lying bitch off like a bandaid.

mr_lucky19 · 2018-11-07T15:43:04+00:00

Do you really need some one to spell it out for you?? Demote to plate if you still want her around but I'd advise against it. Your gut feeling was right! Stick with it, why date a woman that has no problems lying to you.

actanonverbal · 2018-11-07T17:41:46+00:00

How stupid is she, why not just tell you about the party which in itself isn’t a problem haha

DVidojkovic · 2018-11-07T19:29:36+00:00

Since I'm still a beginner don't take my words for granted.

TRP is against social media because it causes a lot of drama, it helped you in a way here, but you shouldn't be that invested in anything that doesn't revolve around improving yourself - LTR is excluded.

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted.

She didn't know how to get you to be pitiful so she cried - classic girly drama. Soft nexting was an option - different soft next from TRP's one. (When a man removes a woman from his life for a short period of time, usually three to seven days, during which he completely ignores all communication from her, because of drama she gave him. At the end of the soft next, the relationship resumes as normal. Soft nexting is one of the most effective tools in a man’s relationship arsenal. Soft nexting is impossible to use on a woman you live with.)

You don't need to mateguard nor check her phone to confirm a belief of yours or to confirm something she said. As you said, she had her make-up on point, but she told you that her friends dragged her out of her bed, which is a clear lie that you could've realized without the need of checking her phone.

You gave her so much attention and of course she used it against you, hence the reason so many people are against LTRs. You can see it even after the break up; you contacted a trusted source to confirm whether or not she cheated on you during the party. You don't need to know because you're not together anymore and there's no need to feed her more attention, whether it's directly or indirectly.

To answer your questions:

am I overreacting?

That's for you to decide.

Why would she lie multiple times in a row?

We're not your ex-girlfriend so you can get the only real answer from her(not necessary to do though). But it could've been because first she told you she wasn't going to one party, but instead went to another without notifying you(which isn't necessary to do btw). So she tried covering up about going to another party so you don't think that she's got something planned for that night.

Her friends were a red flag from the start. What would a "normal" girl be doing with a whole lotta hoes and skanks that have no motivation in life, but to boast about the time they got drunk as fuck and had speed all up in their nose.

CalvinRichland · 2018-11-07T16:31:43+00:00

Good call.

kellykebab · 2018-11-07T16:54:17+00:00

because of this totally weird/cool thing that happened at the party

Wonder what that could be?

Seriously, you made the right call. The repeated lying is bad enough, regardless of what she did or didn't do.

AwakenedSovereign · 2018-11-07T17:36:02+00:00

Dump or silently demote after the 1st lie. You made the right call.

verily_rp · 2018-11-07T19:46:57+00:00

You made the right decision to break up with her. She didn’t fuck this guy she wanted because her friend got to him first. That’s why she wasn’t unfaithful that night.

In any case, she wasn’t ever going to tell you about it. She lied to you not once but TWICE. In fact, if she felt any true guilt she would have confessed about why she lied to you and made herself vulnerable and receptive. But instead she tried to manipulate you for sympathy (breaking down, crying) and gaslighting you (why are you so mad??). This was about power to her. It probably hurts to hear if you're still slightly bluepilled, but that’s how women simply are when they choose instinct/hypergamy over their better judgement and rationality.

More likely than not she was looking to branch swing, but you pulled the rug right under her and so now that she has her feet wet, she’s shamelessly trying to win you back. But even if you would, she’ll just end up losing respect and and even if she won’t she’ll just look for a way to end the relationship on her terms by dumping you.

You made a good call. Your gut was right on target. Always listen to it, but don’t overthink it and start having doubts either. The best thing you can do in these sorts of situations are making your thoughts externally so you can see how sane they are. List what you know, and what you don’t know, and look at it rationally. Are there inconsistencies? How likely are they to be coincidences? And feel free to reach out for help. You likely won’t need to if you’re honest to yourself though.

SirKolbath · 2018-11-07T20:29:48+00:00

She lied to you. It’s done. Next! And she does not get to tell you that you are not breaking up. That is your call, not hers. The very fact that she said such a ridiculous thing means that she is trying to control you.

You have two choices and exactly two.

One: You accept her apology and take her back, in which case she will never respect you again and slowly begin to cuck you in other aspects of your life.

Two: Nut up and pitch the bitch. In a situation such as this, she won’t even get closure. She gets ghosted. No contact on any platform. Return any belongings you have of hers and consider anything she has of yours to be lost.

She lied. The end.

Cold_Blueberry · 2018-11-07T20:44:19+00:00

On one hand, it's probably a bad sign she lied. On the other hand, if you break up with every girl who lies to you, you'll never have a relationship that lasts more than a few months.

macheagle · 2018-11-08T05:31:16+00:00

Thanks for sharing, OP. I had almost the exact same scenario happen to me with an ex of one year. I was on a business trip (at the time, still in my 20’s) and she said she would do chores and sleep in early on a Friday night. Turns out it was a party. Found out on social media and one of the club’s owners happened to be a friend of mine. Later on found out her ex was at the party also.

I contacted my owner friend at the club and actually requested to see security footage. Nothing happened on camera, and at the time I was not yet RP and forgave.

Then the real nightmares happened - because I forgave, she knew I could tolerate her behaviors. It was another way of me saying what she did was OK. So over the following year, more of the same patterns actually emerged and they were just harder to detect because she was more careful than ever before.

I’m glad I’m out of that mess. These small lies are often early signs of their long term behavior and also tells you something about their core values and principles. I’d suggest moving on and don’t look back - it’s not worth it. Plenty of fishes in the sea, brother. Take care man.

Aesthetic_God__ · 2018-11-07T17:40:41+00:00

Update us. Send me the update in a message.

Shirye · 2018-11-07T18:30:51+00:00

Downgrade to plate status or next. You cannot trust a person that lies about things that they didn't even have to lie about. To me, it seem like she was ready to cheat if it came down to it, but ended up not doing it- the lie was for just incase she did.

redditaccountiuse · 2018-11-07T18:38:26+00:00

Tough to read man. I generally agree with the replies on here. At the same time I wonder if any woman will act perfectly and not make these mistakes. I’m 30 now and doubtful such a thing exists. I had an experience like this but not as bad with current gf. Ultimately went against my brain and gave her another chance but have made it clear it’s over if more happens. In my case she didn’t outright lie like your gf, more was slow to tell me what happened.

SoulRedemption · 2018-11-07T21:24:11+00:00

Its odd how she lied knowing full well the photos would be on social media.

Anywho, I resonate pretty much with everyone saying you did the right thing. Do not get back together unless you want suspicion hanging on your mind everyday.

Terra501 · 2018-11-07T21:50:00+00:00

The most damning piece of evidence here is the simple statement she made...that she left her phone at home. Not these days, not a woman. As if.

SalporinRP · 2018-11-07T21:52:34+00:00

She breaks down, cries and swears she "just forgot" to tell me and that her phone was left at her place the entire night or she would have texted.

Lol. No girl in 2018 is leaving their phone at home when they go to a party. To women if snapstories/pictures aren't posted then the party didn't happen.

ChadFromColumbus · 2018-11-07T22:50:31+00:00

You did the right thing. How many times did she lie directly to your face? Exactly.

She had no reason to lie unless she had bad intent at the party. I’m guessing she wanted to show off for an ex or some Chad that was there, but it doesn’t matter. This girl is an idiot.

newbie3hunna · 2018-11-08T00:28:23+00:00

Just let her cheat.

HurricaneHugues · 2018-11-08T01:27:52+00:00

"I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth."

Never do weak shit like this. What if he was the one who fucked her? You think he would tell you? Never ask other people to give you reports on what your girl is doing or has done. Your LTR already revelaed herself.

Your LTR already gave you more than enough reasons not to stay committed to her. First she dodged every chance she had to admit to attending the party, then she blames everything but herself as to why she never told you, then she lied about nevet wanting to go to the party when in fact she was very enthusiastic about it, and finally she resorted to the classic female tactic of emotional terrorism by crying about it all as if she's a victim in all this with the hope of using your emotions against you.

Birds of a feather fuck together. The company she keeps tells you who she is. And when people show you who they really are, you should believe them. My advice to you is to next her for all her lies and attempts at emotional manipulation, but I know you're not gonna do that and instead you will keep contact with her in hopes that you can "plate" her even though she doesn't respect you.

Kornell2018 · 2018-11-07T18:24:10+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d8-AU65BZU

knrddk · 2018-11-07T19:47:10+00:00

Did she eventually explain what weird happened at the party?

319Skew · 2018-11-08T02:14:45+00:00

You did right. Trust your gut. If she can't be trusted then you have no future with her.

There will be others.

Also is 1 year a LTR now? I take at least 3-6 months to vet a FWB or a plate to even make them a gf.

Christ, I have a plate that hasn't even seen the inside of my home and it's been almost 2.5 months.

Sexandswishers · 2018-11-08T02:43:10+00:00

Wtf? Hahaahha 🤣

throwitdownman · 2018-11-08T06:56:07+00:00

List of things she did: 1. Gaslighted you. She thought she could get away with it. 2. Lied. No respect. 3. Did not bring phone to a high alcohol setting. Zero awareness. 4. Blames friends. No accountability.

Reading this post made my stomach turn. Next her, seek out a partner who fits your criteria. She still wants you to still commit? Too bad. Prioritise your own feelings, not hers. You want a GF, not a hoe. Somethings gotta give and it shouldn’t be you.

RPAlternate42 · 2018-11-08T07:32:07+00:00

I don't need to read this; the title has the important information.

She lied.

And that's all I need. She lied about this. Lying is deception. What other deceptions is she doing?

My dad ended his marriage immediately upon learning that his wife was having lunch with a man she explicitly said she wasn't.

"I'm getting Divorced."

"Again? What happened?

"She lied."

"Sounds right."

Then he related his story.

If you tolerate lying, then she assumes lying is okay.

RedHoodhandles · 2018-11-08T09:44:46+00:00

As I have nothing to add here because basically everything has been said, let me tell you just this:

You did great. From start to finish. Interrogation skills on point as well. It always amazes me how women are able to look you straight in the eyes and lie to the man they supposedly love.

Well done.

Bedtimeshine · 2018-11-08T11:40:46+00:00

She lied to your face. It’s over. Period. Not to mention... there’s a reason she lied. Stop being soft. Cut her off.

CocoaPill · 2018-11-08T12:30:57+00:00

If you have trust issues and are jealous then she will hide stuff from you because she doesn't want to feel guilty when she is having a nice time without you.

Likely she did nothing wrong at the party and if you broke up just because of this one incident then you clearly overreacted. Going through her phone is over the top, clearly jealous and controlling behaviour.

Cheating most times is a self-fulfilling prophecy - accuse your girl of having cheated on you and she will fuck someone else just to make it a reality. Plus, cheating is part of any relationship so you better get used to the idea that your girl will get fucked by someone else while you two are together. It's just part of life.

friendandadvisor · 2018-11-08T16:27:37+00:00

Update: Just found out that one of the girls she went with had sex at the party.

OK, that makes at least 2 women that had sex at the party. Any others??

I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth.

OK, at least we know whom she fucked. Do you really think that he kept such a close eye on her to give you a fair accounting? If so, wtf was he keeping such a close eye on her???

Dude...you did the right thing in dumping her.

friendandadvisor · 2018-11-08T16:52:57+00:00

Friend WAS watching her all night. Maybe not fucking her, maybe not being too odious, but, of course, a woman knows when a friend of her LTR is watching her. OK, so, she either fucked him, or somebody else. BUT, she didn't do it at the party.
She even told the Chad "Listen, I'll meet you at X, after the party. LTR's homie has been watching me all night, so, you go one way, I'll go another, and meet you at the dumpster!"

OOOOOORRRRR:

3. She left with her friends, and at the afterparty, fucked one or several of the Chads there. Maybe pulled a train, maybe did multiples with her girls. MFM, FMF, FFF, etc...

IOW, your friend's assessment is worthless to you.

bob13bob · 2018-11-08T17:03:45+00:00

both of you fucked up.

you're being over controlling and obsessive. Being so jealous makes you look weak and insecure. She perhaps knows this and was try to avoid confrontation by lying to you (she fucked up).

Depending on the relationship and what you want, i would consider keeping it going. don't go through life unwilling to take risks/get hurt.

AlfredKinsey · 2018-11-14T01:42:54+00:00

Hope you've kept her away and stuck with the breakup, dood. Something is obviously up and this is not a trustworthy woman.

joeswo214 · 2018-11-07T17:10:53+00:00

Sounds like she is scared to tell you about going to a party. She is a young girl and needs freedom to do these things if she is to be "yours". Make sure you let her know she can do as she pleases.

The__Tren__Train · 2018-11-07T20:42:29+00:00

who cares what she did?

she's a plate. as long as ur getting sex during the best years of her life, and ur not getting STD's, it doesn't matter what she does

Title	LTR lied about attending a part while I was out-of-town. Need advice.
Author	Electric_head
Upvotes	122
Comments	156
Date	November 7, 2018 3:31 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9v0dyn/ltr_lied_about_attending_a_part_while_i_was/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-lied-about-attending-a-part-while-i-was-out-of.136706 https://theredarchive.com/post/136706

Comments

"I also contacted a man I deem trustworthy who was at the party and he told me she wasn't being unfaithful or disrespectful, for what it is worth."