[deleted by user]

caesarfecit · 2022-10-23T22:46:38+00:00

Sounds like you played it way too safe and ignored her signs.

OP it sounds like you came across to her like the nice cute virgin who wears thick wooly sweaters. Sure you might have been nice, fun to chat with and spend time with, but sexually you probably bored her to tears.

Where was the flirting, the teasing, the trying to the build the "will-they-won't-they"? Did you even try to touch her at all?

She even gave you a clear signal she was willing to go further, but you passed.

The other mistake was dawdling to ask her out. It sounds like you did a lot of the right things over text, but too much of it. You under-gamed her and it sounds like she gave you a lot of rope despite it. Some girls would have steered you straight into the friend zone or not bothered to go out with you. She's probably not sure what to do with you now, hence the radio silence.

Those rapid-fire looking for validation texts were you reacting to the feeling that you chickened out and were a big mistake. It would have been better if you said nothing at all and left her wondering if you just weren't that into her.

What this report tells me is you've got some unresolved inner game issues, specifically:

You're too in-your-head and not taking chances, waiting for her to make herself a sure thing. As Mark Manson says, polarize to attract.
You need to not be afraid to sexualize things little and flirt. I'm not saying go full horndog, that's just as bad, if not worse. This is why flirting was invented, so you can show off your naughty side a little without laying your cards on the table.
You probably spend far too much time wondering what she thinks of you, and far less time thinking about what you think of her. Looking for validation from girls you're trying to get with is how guys wind up in the friend-zone. She's looking for validation from you, and for you not to need it from her, especially that early on.

As for how to recover from this, hmmmmm....

I would definitely hold off on texting her. I'd say you've got a 30-40% chance of turning this around, largely hinging on how much attraction she lost and how invested she is.

Definitely hold off on texting her for at least a couple days, maybe longer. If you chase her now, that will likely be the final nail in the coffin.

Best case scenario is, she replies at some point with something positive or at least something that lets you shift the topic of conversation.

Failing that, your best bet is to try re-engaging after 4-7 days and turn the page with a new line of conversation. Focus on setting up a second date and playfully teasing her to bring some tension back. You've made yourself into too much a sure thing, which is why she is pulling back a little. You've given her not much to chase.

Just don't overcompensate. Your best shot at pulling this back is betting that she's already into you and just needs a little flirting to get some chemistry going. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

MeleeMalayMehLei · 2022-10-23T23:25:24+00:00

I'll bet you 10 bucks she texts you back. Just wait for it, trust yourself amigo!

bocank · 2022-10-23T20:14:03+00:00

...// a little bit and when we get to the car she says “I really don’t wanna go home, I’ve enjoyed this a lot.”

Lemme translate that for ya: "please take me somewhere and fuck me!"

Now that you have a hint probably you can deduce why she ignores you now....

Blitted_Master · 2022-10-23T20:12:01+00:00

Should have asked her back to your place after the date. Shouldn’t have sent that second text, yeah. Give it a couple days and see if she wants to get together and then go from there.

GroundedBeing · 2022-10-24T04:33:40+00:00

I stopped after "we've been texting for 2 weeks"

LAME. Hang out in person, stop texting so long

g3wb3r · 2022-10-24T04:46:37+00:00

Ghost her immediately .. do not contact .. move onto next girl and maybe she will contact you .. if you contact her again its DONE

Jaded-Environment-95 · 2022-10-24T02:26:17+00:00

Do not pursue! You’ll come across as needy and having no other options. Wait a week then reach out to set up another date. Ask her when she’s free then set up date on specific day and time. If she tell you she’s not free (or some weak excuse) then move on. Limit texting/phone next time to setting up dates when first getting to know someone.

billoverbeck00 · 2022-10-24T02:09:27+00:00

Welcome to the club, don’t worry a day or two later around the middle of the day you’re gonna get the famous “Hey (your name) I had a great time….we should just be friends or it’s not gonna work out”

ChaotixEDM · 2022-10-24T04:41:16+00:00

It’s been a day bro, chill out and go do something haha. People get busy.

motherfucking · 2022-10-24T03:45:14+00:00

Toooonnes of bullshit bro-psychology and jumping to conclusions in this thread.

OP - this really isn’t that big of a deal. Idiots on this sub seem to forget that women are just people. There are a hundred reasons someone might not text back, and not all of them are bad. Reach out again in a day or two to set up another date. If she says no or doesn’t respond then you can feel free to cut off contact.

YamiYugi23 · 2022-10-24T00:15:27+00:00

Can you please update me with the end result I had an extremely similar situation really want to see if ends like mine or if it needs differently

freespirit1963TJ · 2022-10-23T20:13:36+00:00

Too anxious, how about letting her text you after the date? Very few people enjoy telling someone that they were on a date with, that it just wasn't that great. Go in a date, enjoy it the way you said you did this one, let them text you afterwards.

TimGreen_1888 · 2022-10-23T20:55:30+00:00

Too anxious and your played your hand too quickly. Way too quickly.

Let them text back first - always

Just go silent now and see if she responds. Chalk it up to experience.

tropicsGold · 2022-10-24T06:33:09+00:00

Dating is a numbers game because there are a million little factors, many of which have nothing to do with you. Missing a signal she wanted sex is a pretty huge problem with women, I’ve never screwed that up on a first date and been able to recover, the girl tends to lose all interest.

But it could been many other things too. Another guy is very likely. Or maybe your cologne reminder her of a bad ex. Who knows? You just have to roll the dice again. And she might even come back next month. Nobody can know.

Neo-Rio · 2022-10-24T02:52:04+00:00

You met a girl on a meat-market like tinder and then took her on a picnic date...

tinder is for quick casual hookups
picnic is a dating activity - signalling to her that you want a relationship - complicating her hopes of a quick and easy casual sexual adventure
You still haven't had sex and it's been how long now?

See the problem?

If you're going to "trial" her for a relationship with the dating activities, she's going to be even more pissed off that her time was wasted, emotions played with, and that you rejected her anyway by not progressing towards sex.

Girls are just waiting for you to get down to business - and when you don't - it's frustrating for them. Then they resent you and then go fuck the scary looking biker dude - all the while complaining to you that he won't commit as a father to the child she had with him.

floppydonk9 · 2022-10-24T00:25:17+00:00

Yeah she for sure wanted to fuck. You just passed on it lol. She gave you an alley oop

Intelligent_Badger96 · 2022-10-23T23:38:58+00:00

Bruh missed opportunity to go on another adventure. She wanted your presence and you failed to deliver. She definitely took it as rejection then after you texted her she took it as you not having confidence/needy. Just wait it out and see what she says. If not wait about a week and send the generic "It's been a while but just wanted to make sure you're doing ok."

UnparliamentaryTea · 2022-10-24T04:28:55+00:00

I could lecture you and nitpick every little thing you potentially could’ve done wrong, but that’s pointless. It sounds like she had a good time and that’s what’s important. You’re definitely overthinking because you’re at least kind of into her, and that’s okay and pretty expected, but calm down. Don’t text her today, wait until the end of this week (4-5 days at least) and then reach out. She may reach out in the meantime.

As for missing the hint, don’t stress it. It sounds like you did things about 80-90% correctly and she enjoyed being around you. The idea that you need to do things 100% right to “earn” a second date with a woman is absolutely ridiculous and exactly why men have anxiety issues around dating. She’s also a grown woman who has the ability to communicate. It sounds like your goal with her is getting to know her and potentially build a relationship rather than a quick hook up only, so I understand why your head may have been on the next date and not immediately making more moves with her. Even when you do everything “right” and nothing “wrong,” it still doesn’t promise success. Dating is fickle, so keep your head up and remember to think of yourself as the prize

forwardistheway · 2022-10-24T07:27:28+00:00

Don’t double text her. And you don’t tell her she’s hot with a text. That should have happened on your date. You might have scared her off with the post date texting. When she said she didn’t want to go home she may have been hinting at something else. You played this way too friendly. Go harder next time. Take risks. As for this one leave it as is. If she comes to you great, but there is nothing you can do.

jiva_maya · 2022-10-24T07:30:40+00:00

There is always a path of redemption in these matters. She can probably sense your tension. I suggest breaking it by chilling out, talking to another girl or 2, then maybe down a couple drinks, and text her something funny off the cuff. Don't get serious. You can get back in.

Litenpes · 2022-10-24T09:09:55+00:00

Dude, its been one day, its not the end of the world.

YouGotTangoed · 2022-10-24T09:56:05+00:00

You came across cute, and polite, and as a gentleman. Wonderful. Now another guy is likely blowing her back out, and all he did was take her to burger king.

It’s tinder, if you’re using it properly you should have many options. Move on, and hopefully this will flick the savage switch in you, so that your next dates are less vanilla.

Be the man that women want to have sex with, not cuddle

ObinnaPatrick · 2022-10-24T10:44:43+00:00

I honestly think you messed up by not going back to your place or at least somewhere else when she said “I really don’t wanna go home, I’ve enjoyed this a lot”

There’s no rule for how long you should wait, if she’s interested it won’t matter

Nevertheless, you don’t know what is going on in a woman’s personal life, ghost or not. Just focus on the next batch of women and if she’s interested she’ll message you

Adventurous_Rice1065 · 2022-10-24T15:24:54+00:00

I wish guys would like me the way you liked her after yalls first date. Lucky girl. Honestly she's probably talking to multiple guys and if she's not as responsive anymore it's because your more interested in her then she is in you.

ThotBubble · 2022-10-24T04:20:52+00:00

Get another girl bro if you have an abundance of women you won’t even notice but if this is the only thing going for you more than likely you’ll start over analyzing instead of just going out in the field and practicing

DeliberatelyInsane · 2022-10-24T05:17:21+00:00

Always be escalating.

You didn’t kiss her. Didn’t even as much as hold her hand or touch her in a romantic manner.

Then you call her hot from the safety of your mobile phone.

You came across as safe. Safe is boring.

That being said, there’s no way for me to know all the nitty gritties of the dynamics between you two, so not necessarily all is lost.

When you speak with/text her next, ask her out for the second date. Take charge and make a plan for the longer date and tell her that.

What you’ve had so far has the makings of a memorable tryst for the both of you.

Grilled_Cheese95 · 2022-10-24T11:51:00+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQeezCdF4mk&ab\_channel=Neave

neversleeps212 · 2022-10-23T23:20:21+00:00

You fumbled the bag bro. You acted low confidence and needy throughout and failed to build any sexual tension. You waited too long to ask her out and then on the date you didn’t escalate physically (at least not that you described), and then you cut the date off like you had to do stuff but texted her immediately which is weird. Like it suggests that you were nervous about things escalating physically and bailed out.

Equivalent_Song_2918 · 2022-10-24T06:20:42+00:00

She prob thinks you’re slow. Lets look at the evidence: 1) you meet on TINDER, 2) she tells you she doesn’t want to go home, 3) you meet on TINDER. Women expect men to read their minds so clueless men are usually a no no.

IamWisdom · 2022-10-24T00:36:54+00:00

[deleted]

420villian · 2022-10-24T06:00:16+00:00

You’re overthinking it when someone is into you, it’s easy. What seems like a long time to you, is probably a short time to her if she’s seeing other people. I’d just continue to go on other dates.

Off2damoon · 2022-10-24T06:14:41+00:00

Need a little context here - how old are you/ her?

As many others have pointed out, the thing lacking from your date report is anything sexual. Did you kiss her? Did you hold her hand? Did you touch her at all!? If not, then yeah you done fcuked up. Your opinion of how amazing the date and interaction went is irrelevant to how much sexual attraction you built with her. She went on a tinder date with you, not a bible class.

The timing and content of your text messages after the date is also irrelevant. If she likes you, she won’t give AF about you “waiting longer” to text her. Think about how ridiculous that sounds. LOL. The only caveat here is that if you had a play-it-safe date without any physicality and then texted her some BS about how hot you think she is you come off like a coward who’s actions didn’t match your words. This is the equivalent of someone who’s talking tough through their keyboard but afraid to throw down in real life.. then goes back to talking tough after running away from the fight!

I ask how old because girls in their early twenties or late teens are going to be less rational and there is no sense in trying to apply game logic to any of it. If you and her are relatively mature adults then I would say that any negative outcome is due to your lack of sexualizing. Even if she’s a virgin, she probably isn’t afraid of some skin to skin contact. Next time; break the platonic barriers. Lesson learned my friend!

the_erudite_rider · 2022-10-24T10:21:23+00:00

Lol the phone is for setting dates not “deep convos”

West-Albatross7544 · 2022-10-24T10:52:14+00:00

After a lot searches and some few experiences , I could tell you that dating and the game of attraction are not that hard but it still needs hard work , patience , a lot of confidence mixed with being aware of most of the signs and hints she shows all along the run it's like fighting bare handed but still holding your armor when needed . I'm here referring to the situation when she told you she still won't go home , this was your chance to show your adventurous side where you can suggest her for example to go to the bar-club ( BTW I'm not a bar-club fan and It's not my playground ) or to play a game at your place or hers or outdoors (like bowling or digital games , or at the play park ) the point here is that you need to keep the game in your playground but you also should sometimes get out of your safe zone to experience new things and to show her you can take risks but in a controlled way (NOTE: you better give her the chance to take control of the ride but just for few times ) . If she refuses there's two possibilities : she playing hard to catch this where you can tease her . Or she want something else and she will give you a hint . ...

lildudefromXdastreet · 2022-10-24T12:22:08+00:00

You came off like a pussy. She tried telling you as directly as she could that she was down to hookup and you didn’t make a move. It’s not a surprise she isn’t being as responsive anymore. There’s a chance she might reach out again depending on how interested she was in the beginning tho

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	65
Comments	107
Date	October 23, 2022 8:07 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ybrkfm/great_date_no_text_back_m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1247848 https://theredarchive.com/post/1247848

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