It drives me how wild how society raises men to be soft, but craves men with edge.

RegretsNothing1 · 2022-02-23T13:37:41+00:00

Respect others, but you come first. Always. That's how you win.

Protocol_Apollo · 2022-02-23T13:06:19+00:00

So fuck them.

Fuck anyone trying to stop you from achieving what you want, fuck anyone who tries to shame you into doing what they want by calling you an asshole, sexist, misogynist, selfish etc.

Fuck the noise.

Forsaken_Elk_4609 · 2022-02-23T12:03:07+00:00

You are 100% right. Take a big dose of shrooms and contemplate on these ideas.

Then hit the gym hard. Take it seriously. You've seen the illusion, great. Now take action.

Grappleheart · 2022-02-23T14:07:20+00:00

Everyone wants to be a boxer until they get hit in the face. I think the problem is much more complex than just society. And you had a part to play in that too.

Firstly society does push toughness. How many motivational videos exist on YouTube talking about poor people making it. David Goggins is a motivational speaker with millions of views. People heap praises on people they believed to have been hard enough to succeed. Just look up motivation on YouTube and you will find them. So I disagree with the premise that society only focuses on developing soft men.

Edge is developed by doing difficult things. Working out, playing sports, passing a licensing exam on 2% of people pass etc. Ignoring the girl who disrespected you even though you like her a lot and want a relationship with her.

The problem is many of us talk a shit ton about developing edge but don't want to go through pain to do it. We don't want to go out and get rejected 1000 times to learn to shrug it off. Or go to the gym when we feel tired and exhausted and eat only 75% recommended calories to get lean. Hell, some of us don't even want to study to pass classes.

The truth is having edge is tough and few people want to go through the suffering it takes to have it.

If you want to start developing it you have to just expose yourself to your insecurities until you don't feel bothered by them anymore.

Silver-Variation8903 · 2022-02-23T11:43:38+00:00

Yup you’re 100% right. Let me tell you this my friend, being nice gets you nowhere. In dating or in life.

Women want a masculine dominant man who isn’t nice and men respect other men who are masculine and dominant.

Sure society breeds men nowadays to be soft, but there are plenty of masculine dominant men out there. Now that you know who to be, work on being it.

EDIT: I’m not saying don’t be kind. They are two different things.

paintsmoke · 2022-02-23T14:46:41+00:00

You need to have a balance, OP. My man is pretty much a teddy bear when it comes to me or kids being around. But he can have an “edge” when he needs to. I don’t think you have to change your entire personality / lifestyle, just find your backbone and use that. Don’t be walked all over. Stand up for what you believe in. Stand up for the people you love and yourself.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-02-23T12:46:58+00:00

"Hard", "soft", "edge"... These words are vague metaphors that have a lot of bullshit baked into them. Don't think in those terms.

"Authenticity" is the word you're looking for. It's a wonderful thing and you're absolutely right that there's a lot of pressure to be inauthentic. I'm glad to hear that you're ready stand up to that pressure and become your true self. Best wishes on your journey!

d_eggoo · 2022-02-23T10:43:42+00:00

This sounds like you had some trauma that you need to overcome. Also stop listening to others and start listening to yourself.

incognito3107 · 2022-02-23T12:15:08+00:00

As you are grown up now, you should hang around only with people that think likewise, and review teachings of your family, teachers, friends, television etc. Most people just want you to be like they want in their world, but they really don't give a shit about your wellbeing and viewpoint.

You can still make a lot of progress in this dimension. Just start with not giving away your energy to people carelessly, learn to stay silent or leave. Make gradual progress.

Gunic0rn · 2022-02-23T12:33:35+00:00

My man , I’m in the exact same situation , I recently turned 25 and I think I had a sort of “ middle age crisis” where all of a sudden I focused on who I’ve been till now and if it’s in line with my true self. I’m now on this journey of discovering myself with a focus on who I want to be. It gets hard but it is how it’s suppose to be bc there is no improvement in our “comfort zone”. Metaphorically is the same as taking off your bedsheets in the morning you can lay there or get up. I’m actually looking for a feed in which we can share our thoughts and inspire each other since keeping a productive and positive mindset is challenging.

fondlemysausage · 2022-02-23T13:13:50+00:00

Be thankful you've finally reached this outcome at 25. Most guys don't come to this realization until much later.

Now, you get to write your own story.

kyou_chan-stan · 2022-02-23T13:45:37+00:00

I agree. I feel bad for all the guys out there. You just can't win and are constantly criticized and put down while toxic feminity and female narcissism is totally acceptable and even encouraged.

iiexistenzeii · 2022-02-23T14:38:27+00:00

Reading No more Mr. Nice guy made me realise a lot about this thing.

missterrcammeraa · 2022-02-23T11:51:54+00:00

What you gone do about it? You gonna sit here and complain or are you gonna be the man you want to be?

mishaxz · 2022-02-23T14:14:56+00:00

Well step 1 is stop blaming society...

merchant_of_mirrors · 2022-02-23T12:39:08+00:00

Yeah I noticed this too. I think there's a big push to making everyone a pacifist and to promote peace and cooperation above everything else. I think the intentions are good but the problem is that it runs counter to human nature. We have to struggle in order to progress. We have to be ambitious and aggressive to get the things we want sometimes, and it's attractive to be assertive and decisive. Successful men and passive men are opposites and society is struggling to come to terms with that.

modidlee · 2022-02-23T13:15:11+00:00

Embrace your inner asshole

ThrowRABreakup2022 · 2022-02-23T14:00:23+00:00

Being nice in relationships gets you nothing. Not in romantic relationships with women, and not with male friends.

Being nice in your work life gets you nothing either. Working 50% harder out of 'company loyalty' might get you a 5% raise. Being nice in negotiations with customers, suppliers, whatever it is, gets you nowhere.

It's stupid to see that we're thought everywhere to be the nice guy everywhere in our life while it's just not leading to anything good.

trendafili_i_zi · 2022-02-23T14:41:21+00:00

Huge cope.

No man has ever been rejected for being "nice" or "soft". But telling yourself that is easier than facing the truth.

Minute-Lie-2287 · 2022-02-23T14:43:03+00:00

Glad you realized. No it's really not that hard of a gap to cross.

It's really not edge though, it's authenticity. Immature girls might go for edge or bad boys because it's the first type they are able to recognize as unapologetically doing their own thing.

2022-02-23T11:09:50+00:00

They want the best of both worlds.

Intelligent-Dingo-64 · 2022-02-23T13:23:51+00:00

nietzsha was right fuck sociey fuck religions and fuck womens

Nighthaven- · 2022-02-23T13:52:04+00:00

internet has loser bias, internet advice vs real life advice (& observation) is wildly different.
loser men and loser women - the rest of society is enjoying their lives, therefore advice from here is usually not good.

The median age in western society is 42. This too should be very alarming for the bias you get.

Basically, all the women who spent their younger years chasing their superiors but are now +33y (usually no longer desirable and no attention) and couldn't find someone to settle with - are now spend their time giving terrible advice to both men (lower your standards to non defect plain average men) and women (dump immediately and look for mr perfect), and are bashing men (how dare you bring up any issue/ differences).

Which results in this sub (vs the dating subs) being the best advice sub for men.

mightymite88 · 2022-02-23T10:36:16+00:00

Incel trash

Perfect_War5446 · 2022-02-23T14:38:01+00:00

Exactly, it’s so counterintuitive

2022-02-23T14:46:10+00:00

1000% true.

MK2718 · 2022-02-23T14:46:37+00:00

The plus side is that if you can just get a little bit better yourself, then you will basically have no competition from the rest of society.

DeJuanBallard · 2022-02-23T14:57:44+00:00

Yup, facts.

Life advice: get dangerous.

DrTommySalami · 2022-02-23T15:04:33+00:00

Thats why its important for men to remain uncivilized. Only when we live outside societies norms can we exceed them.

Joemac_ · 2022-02-23T15:05:11+00:00

I disagree. Compassion looks really good as long as you dont let people step all over you. Just don't do too much and still prioritize yourself.

ChurchofCaboose1 · 2022-02-23T15:26:17+00:00

man that's just who you are. there's no need to change who you are. I can't be that hard dude either. Very very few situations in which anyone would ever see that happen. Be the best version of yourself you can be, don't change your personality. Work on what you have and who you are.

BobbyChou · 2022-02-23T15:27:09+00:00

Edge doesn't mean you have to be an asshole to be cool and successful. You can be soft and vulnerable but know how to stand up for yourself and speak up when your boundary is threatened. I've been with men who's tough and aggressive assholes. Sure, it was fun in the beginning but definitely not for the long term.

christopherhorton · 2022-02-23T15:31:48+00:00

IMO, we are raised to be 'soft' because raising strong, intelligent men is hard to do right. Parents would rather have a submissive child that follows their every instruction and demand than have a difficult child that stands up for themselves. It starts there, then boys don't know how to interact with their testosterone, with their boys, and with girls as well. The blind lead the blind to unhealthy habits without strong role models that know respect. This turns into men that still don't know how to navigate the world, have a ton of trauma and hurt and feeling like the world owes them something. Wash, rinse, repeat. To be a cycle breaker is strong, standing up for your values, and path in life is strong. Be that strong, not walking over top of people to feel worthy strong.

SithLordJediMaster · 2022-02-23T15:43:27+00:00

If status creates sexual attraction in women, then demonstration of desire creates sexual arousal in women.

Without getting too deep into the research on female arousal (it’s messy and confusing, which shouldn’t surprise you), the leading theory on female arousal is women are turned on by bold behaviors, displays of bravery, and direct sexual desire, particularly when directed at the woman who is getting aroused.

Whether it’s Fabio the Firefighter or the sexy surfer who braves the 20 foot waves in frigid waters or the solider coming home from Nowhere-istan, displays of bravery turn women on more than anything else.

If you don’t believe me, go to your local book store and look at the romance novels. Romance novels are basically porn for women, and you’ll find that they all feature warriors, soldiers, bad boys, race car drivers, football players, firefighters, jet pilots, and enter-your-super-sexy-and-dangerous-occupation-here.

And not only are these men racy and exciting, but they’re usually brash and debonair — they say what they want and go after it without apology.

But what does this mean for a couple regular guys like you and me?

It means being nervous around her is going to be a pretty big turn off.

Afraid to talk to her, afraid to ask her out, afraid to kiss her, afraid to take her home — Fabio the Firefighter wouldn’t be afraid to ravish the shit of her, so why should you?

What it means is that despite every woman you’ve ever heard complain about men hitting on them, bold displays of interest actually work in your favor the majority of the time, as long as they’re demonstrated in a manner that is not too threatening or disrespectful.

A proper and honest sexual expression is powerful, and in our society, rare. In fact, there’s a LOT of societal pressure to hide and disassociate from our sexuality.

Many of us grow up with a great deal of sexual shame. And not only does this keep us afraid of expressing our sexual desires openly, but it creates an unhealthy neediness and worship of sex.Because honest and respectful demonstrations of sexuality are so rare, not only are women aroused by it, but it often hits them like a breath of fresh air.- Mark Manson

MeWuzBornIn1990 · 2022-02-23T15:48:14+00:00

It’s because society is sick and unhealthy.

themostgianthorse · 2022-02-23T15:51:37+00:00

I had to make the same leap at 32. You can do it!

Start here if you have not already.

AnswersWithAQuestion · 2022-02-23T16:10:03+00:00

I think it started long before human society. You see, it’s usually dangerous/risky to go out on a limb because it greatly increases one’s chances of death, injury, or being ostracized. It’s rare for risky things to actually improve one’s overall well-being, which is why they’re called “risky.”

Being safe at all times makes it more likely that the person/animal will survive to pass on their genes. But of course, never taking risks causes them to develop into the type of creature that nobody (or few other creatures or only other low status creatures) will want to mate with to pass on those genes.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-02-23T16:14:16+00:00

1

It drives me how wild how society raises men to be soft, but craves men with edge.

Society has basically spent all these years trying to cram you to being a people pleaser, but its appealing to almost no body.

Let's think about the stereotypical man's man here. Culture plays out in movies and on TV shows so let's draw from actors who play prominent characters in various forms of media.

Hugh Jackman
Ryan Gosling
Robert Downey Jr.
Zac Efron
Henry Cavill
Tom Cruise

And so on. Now what kinds of traits are reflected in the characters they often play, that reflect on what society values in men?

Strength
Tenacity
Courage
Independence
Leadership
Assertiveness, etc.

These are generally considered traits that aren't considered soft.

2

So I'm curious about how and in what way you feel you were "taught" a view of manhood that's pretty much the opposite of mainstream.

Or is to really that you're unsure how to navigate a seductive situation? Because it's pretty damn common for men to reach high school graduation age without picking up the basic social skills to do so.

And the problem there is that the skills we aren't picking up, are people skills often seen as "feminine."

3

I feel lied to, and I watch people all around me who aren't following the conventional life advice are getting success and finding happiness with others.

What advice are they following and do you have think it's working for them?

4

I get I'm soft....

In what way do you actually think you're "soft?"

10000ColdNights · 2022-02-23T18:15:45+00:00

Crushing your enemies is most important in life, don’t forget it.

Title	It drives me how wild how society raises men to be soft, but craves men with edge.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	147
Comments	89
Date	February 23, 2022 10:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/szedr7/it_drives_me_how_wild_how_society_raises_men_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/it-drives-me-how-wild-how-society-raises-men-to-be.1266088 https://theredarchive.com/post/1266088

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