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[–]throwawayjp2025 360 points361 points362 points 5 years ago (72 children) | Copy Link
I love this reminder.
Because of all the flack men get nowadays for looking at women I feel guilty sometimes for finding people attractive. Like I’m doing something wrong if I suddenly want to have sex with a sexy woman. And this is even without me approaching her or staring.
[–][deleted] 155 points156 points157 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is why i always pretend to be not interested, because i don't wanna be judged.
That's also the reason i'm single, though.
[–]throwawayjp2025 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Gah. I know this feeling all too well. Talk about suppressing your natural instincts.
[–]rannn7 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know what ya mean, I get the head games a lot. Which usually just ends in me lookin like an idiot.
[–]throwawayjp2025 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do you deal with suspicion a lot ?
[–]rannn7 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah quite often
[–]DanTactical 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Two sided sword
[–]Gent_Scholar 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuckin nailed me haha.. gah that's deflating and empowering to have the awareness at the same time.
[–]JakeMullerRE 163 points164 points165 points 5 years ago (54 children) | Copy Link
Trust me, most women will never admit it out of fear of being slut-shamed but, they secretly love all the attention they get from guys they find at least remotely attractive. Its also normal to hold eye contact with women (or anyone really).
[–]throwawayjp2025 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for this. And This has got to be true. You only get shamed from women who aren’t interested in you physically. C’est la vie.
[–]Cynical_Doggie 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Not even shamed if you look like you at least take care of yourself a bit, and are aiming within 4 levels of your perceived physical attractiveness.
[–]throwawayjp2025 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Can you rewrite this? Do you mean, they shame you less if you take care of yourself and are 4 levels within your own perceived attractiveness level?
[–]Cynical_Doggie 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes.
Usually, I see guys with absolutely no chance (as in doesn't put in as much effort as the 'hot girls' they go for) shooting for the moon, and getting blasted out the water.
If a guy is reasonably attractive, simply trying results in a 'maybe next time' as opposed to a 'omg get away from me loser'.
[–]throwawayjp2025 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ah yes, I see what you mean now. I haven’t tried enough to have that practical game knowledge ;)
Nice insight
[–]Cynical_Doggie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just look at yourself in the mirror. Find areas you want to fix, and fix it.
Otherwise, you will never overcome that insecurity, and it will be seen by everyone. Not your weakness, but your insecurity, which is what turns girls or just people in general, off.
[–]throwawayjp2025 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is excellent advice
[–]thebochman -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
rule 1 and rule 2 the only rules that matter sadly
[–]theintellijentdragon 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True to every word. I had a strong feeling for a girl in my university days, and we did strong eye contacts when walking past each other. It was very strong eye contact for seconds and I am glad it was reciprocated from her side. Though we never went out, because it became too complicated due to major issues. Though she tried asking me out a year and half later, to which I didn't respond. I was seeing another girl, so bad timing for both of us. I always wanted to be with her, but sad the timing fucks us sometimes.
[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
they secretly love all the attention they get from guys they find at least remotely attractive
This is the key part here. Sadly the threshold for being considered attractive is high and is constantly increasing.
[–]BlackWalrusYeets 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol you're probably just getting uglier.
[–]cumslutitup 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
It kind of sucks when considering who projects the slut shaming.
[–]Dominus-Prime- 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, it’s usually women! Lol Even though most of them want sex more than men do. Women are super competitive. If it’s not to be the prettiest it’s to be the sexiest. If it’s not to be the sexiest it’s to be the most prudent. Fucking crazy they all are lol
[–]zenpriest99 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep, its about suppressing the competition - a social check and balance. A slut in the tribe is a threat of losing her resource provider for the her children, so she needs to be deterred at all costs. That's why you see women becoming so passive agressive towards other women, the sudden change in character can be jaw dropping.
[–]cumslutitup 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
are there other women in this thread right now?
[–]zenpriest99 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Its evolutionary biology
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
But none of them "need" that because of supply/demand. Besides if they want/need it, there's always Shad
[–]Dominus-Prime- 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Who told you that? Is this from your own experience of fucking hundreds of women? Or are you just spouting some nonsense you heard on YouTube? Stop speaking from someone else’s “experience” and start speaking from your own.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
If you can get something at any time, from any guy you want (mostly Shad, since there's no reason to choose anyone "lesser") it would be hard to call that a "need."
So you could say the real need women have is for quality longterm relationships, that's where they have scarcity. But to have sex, without the premise of a relationship? No scarcity, it's the opposite. All they have to do is find a high quality guy on a dating app or whatever, and that's all.
Half the time I'm talking to a woman on here about it, they're saying "I don't need that. I can get that at any time. I need a good relationship, that's what I'm looking for."
[–]Dominus-Prime- 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
You have no idea what you are talking about. You’ve read too much and have not experienced enough. You really need to stop spouting shit that was popular on the internet from 10 years ago and form your own opinions from your own experiences.
Women want sex. Women need sex. You simply have the wrong perspective and can’t see it. They also want relationships. They also want nothing to do with them. But you know what they really crave?: reliable emotional stimulation.
By the way, what the heck is a “Shad”?
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
You have no idea what you are talking about.
I may have limited social experience overall, I'll grant you that. But you don't have to be brilliant guy to observe what's going on out there. The whole online dating/social media thing has given women endless options, especially if they want something more on the "casual side." They've literally no need to accept anyone who isn't top 10% at least. This is just how supply-and-demand works.
Perhaps you could say they need sex, but since they only want top 10% guy for that... that then means any guy who doesn't fit those elite requirements, has to be "relationship-material" instead. You follow?
[–]Dominus-Prime- 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You’re still not speaking from your own mind. You are speaking from the mind of someone else. How do I know? Bc I know you didn’t come up with it. Get that nonsense that some other dude said out of your head. It’s convincing you of a reality you don’t even live in.
Do you follow?
All that shit is just getting in the way of you learning about you. That you can’t be put in a box or be copied. Once it’s strong, that authenticity and trust in ones own judgement and choices is like a drug for most women. That is whats alluring to women. Unless you look like Quasimodo. Then you’re pretty much fucked
[–]cumslutitup 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BKBooklover 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Actually, we would enjoy it a lot more if not for the threat of vaginal tearing, unwanted pregnancy hospital Bill's and more. Even hot guys can be creepy.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
If your vagina starts tearing up in response to a man looking at you, I'd see a doctor.
[+]BKBooklover -11 points-10 points-9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Any interaction can get out of control. It always starts as a look.
[–]zenpriest99 -4 points-3 points-2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well maybe you should not look back.
[–]BKBooklover 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You know what you're right you probably know better than an actual woman with Decades of experience with guys hitting on her and access to what other women you say to each other after dealing with men. I'm not here to argue with you. What I'm simply trying to convey to you is that it's not an evil plot. There are a lot of things going through a woman's mind when a guy approaches her sometimes those things don't have anything to do with the guy sometimes it has to do with constantly dealing with guys like you who want to make it about something adversarial.
[–]zenpriest99 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Well you know you are right you probably know better about my experiences with women than I do and how my interactions have gone. What I'm simply trying to convey is that you are projecting your own complexes and insecurities and blaming ALL men for it. There are a of things going on through a man's mind when a man approaches a woman. Sometimes those things dont have anything to do with the girl and sometimes it has to do with butthurt women like you who want to make it about something adversarial when it is not.
And please, dont harm yourself... Your fatalistic worldview is only hurtful to you. Self compassion goes a long way ❤️
[–]pandachica 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wtf?
[–]pandachica 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why is your vagina tearing?
[+]Sacha117 -15 points-14 points-13 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Translation:
I like rough sex and I want to get pregnant ‘accidentally’ so that I can bitch about how shitty men are.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I noticed...
[–]Sacha117 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just like all the other girls when I walk past.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Somebody does not care for women...
No I don't 'care' for women, they care for me.
[–]JetPillar 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I appreciate the point you’re trying to make with this post, but don’t claim you know what women are secretly thinking.
[–]Dominus-Prime- 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Relax. He’s only saying that having a sexual drive and impulses are nothing to be ashamed of.
[–]JetPillar 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I got that part. I was talking about the part where he said he knew women secretly love attention from guys they even find remotely attractive. There’s a difference between enjoying sex and stuff and the idea of enjoying all attention from men you find even remotely attractive.
[–]Dominus-Prime- 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In my 43 years and being what you would consider a player, I would agree wholeheartedly. Attention is the currency of tons, if not most women. The difference is that not all women appreciate the same attention. That’s where lots of guys mess up, don’t understand and make assumptions. Also attention is different per person and per situation.
You think women are out here in majority fucking dudes for attention ?! Do you know how much attention the average woman get? Goes double for attractive women. Look at OLD. Cute girls inboxes are so full they don’t bother to even acknowledge some of the attention they’re getting.
[–]Dominus-Prime- 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don’t disagree. Except the part about women fucking dudes for attention. Some do. Some like just knowing they are wanted sexually. They like all kinds of attention. But I’m a little confused about why you seem agitated.
[–]Johnny_Ruble 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course, it’s ingrained. Women don’t go out to the club wearing miniskirts, makeup and push up bras because they want to keep a low profile. They want to get attention. The issue of course for women which I understand on a logical level but can’t really relate to is that women need to filter out the attention and only accept the attention they want while ignore the attention they don’t want. They will use dirty tricks to do that, no doubt...
[–]frdmbtytrthlv 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
For me, attention is complicated. Yeah, it can be flattering to feel like you look good that day, or attract someone you like or think is cute. But attention has many nuanced feelings, and attention is defined differently by everyone (is a look attention, but leering/being pushy not attention?...).
I hope it goes without saying, just because I take issue with assuming women all secretly love [fill in the blank], I agree, no one should feel ashamed for feeling desire.
Just don't make assumptions about what people like. You really don't know. Just be respectful, ask questions, and listen.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This man does not lie
[–]Eternal-defecator 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Fuck what other people thing though. When approaching a girl there’s always a predetermined chance that she’ll find it creepy or inappropriate. There’s also a change that it’ll work though. I can attribute many of my relationships and experiences with girls to approaching them. I’m not creepy either, I’ll literally just be like ‘hey, how are you?’ At a bar or something, and that’s still enough for some girls to act like I just killed their cat. Most of the time it works though, even if it’s only friendly.
Funnily enough one of the only times I’ve spoken to a girl with the intention of just being friendly she told me to fuck off and acted like I was a rapist. She looked like mr bean though so I wasn’t exactly bothered.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Eternal-defecator 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic, lol
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Eternal-defecator 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh good haha. I think guys understate the simplicity of such a phrase. My mates always think they need to conjure up some Shakespearean masterpiece in a nightclub but I think most girls appreciate when you respectfully approach them.
Wow I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels guilty. I don’t know why I feel guilty but it’s so hard not to
I get it!
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Even if a man isn’t saying anything or even if he’s not thinking anything and somehow accidentally gets bumped into a woman he’ll be shown as a pervert when he wasn’t even thinking about anything of the sort and THAT IS THE ACTUAL REASON WHY MEN LACK THE CONFIDENCE NOWADAYS.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]patilyn 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow... Absolutely correct!!
[–]throwlowesteem 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I may be having this shame. How to solve?
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean, it's common to feel it.
But as OP said, it's natural to feel desire for another person. Or at least to be curious about them and to wonder what might be possible with them.
Nothing about that is shameful.
The problem is when someone pushes what they want, and steamrollers over someone despite what THEY want. Seduction is a team sport in the end, not a one-sided thing that one person does to another.
So the place to draw the line...... the thing to be concerned about is whether you're paying attention to people as you interact with them. Are you actively listening to them? Are you observing the situation or are you in your head drowning in shame and anxiety?
This is a battle inside yourself. You need to remind yourself that there's nothing shameful about desire itself. And actively listening and paying attention to the girls you interact with will give you the information you need to know in order to know when you have a green light versus a red light.
[–]squeezycakes19 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
too late: i've internalised the belief that my sexuality is a nuisance, that it's not wanted, and that it's something that is best killed
[–]dr_fetus13 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Only once you have detached yourself from all that is shallow will you obtain supreme life.
Stay strong, brother.
[–]NightTripInsights 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Get your T levels checked, say what now
[–]tkbagel 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
and do what with that information?...
[–]garlic_bread_thief 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Perhaps up the levels
[–]dzmisrb43 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Lol maybe he is pedo or something
[–]NightTripInsights 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That's totally uncalled for, maybe you're projecting because you're the pedo. See how that works and how it isn't nice
[–]dzmisrb43 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I don't mind if you say that lol wathever.
As for the reason why I wrote that it's because your logic doesn't make sense. Maybe there is a reason why he has given up on his sexuality and why he supresses it. And I hate these feel good advices without knowing the background or truth of situation.
[–]NightTripInsights 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Getting your T level checked isn't feel good advice, it's actually quite humiliating and should alarm them for their sexual health's sake. Get over it
[–]dzmisrb43 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Again you are missing the point. Maybe there is a reason why they supress their sexuality and giving someone libido boost is not something that should be given, not everyone can enjoy their sexuality it's hard truth. So you first need to know about their sexuality before saying they should boost their sex drive some people are better off sexually unhealthy and should be kept that way. Maybe not op specifically but people in general who you would give this advice to. It all depends in the end.
[–]NightTripInsights 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
LMAO at "some people are better sexually unhealthy and should be kept that way". Like wow haha. Also getting your levels checked simply means that, not getting boosts or whatnot. Just checking where you are at
[–]dzmisrb43 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Why lmao.
Pedos and people with rapists tendencies should be kept as sexually unhealthy as possible. You don't agree wut?
[–]NightTripInsights 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You think pedophillic and rapist tendencies can be a part of a healthy sex life? You are very lost
[–][deleted] 128 points129 points130 points 5 years ago (29 children) | Copy Link
As a woman I wholeheartedly agree but the assholes who are so horny that they forget that women are actual human beings kind of give the rest of you guys a bad rap.
[–]JakeMullerRE 42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ya I get you. Some guys and girls have too much bitterness, no self-control and a very bad inner.
[–]throwawayjp2025 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Totally
[–]bestyelpreviewer 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
That’s exactly what I was thinking. There’s a lot of guys who won’t respect your boundaries regarding sex
[–]cumslutitup 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yep
[–]relatedartists 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What do you encounter as a cum slut?
That question is laced with assumptions.
[–]cumslutitup 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. It’s like “who can you trust” and then other men are upset that we can’t trust them. Well at least I use that to weed those people out. A person can be sexual to any degree no matter their gender.
[–]Aeon199 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How should awkward guys approach the game, though?
I'm getting up there in years and lost so much time, and quite envious and frustrated of those guys who've done well (or, had any decent experiences with this, at all.)
So I have to take the bull by the horns, then. They're not going to approach for me. But how should it be done?
[–]relatedartists 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Depends, how old are you?
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago* (18 children) | Copy Link
What the horny asshole does shouldn't affect the reputation of any other man. This is YOUR lazy stereotyping and resulting prejudice. (I don't mean you, I mean people who make this assumption)
This assumption has everything to do with you and nothing to do with me, so hands of my reputation! No one has any right to judge me by the actions of someone else who I have never met.
If I see a Chinese person eating an ice cream while riding a bicycle and singing 'my way' by Frank Sinatra, I don't from that moment forward think that all Chinese people do this. If I meet a new Chinese person I don't immediately think 'great, he's about to burst into song and cycle off into the distance in search of a cone'.
No, I recognise I am meeting an individual whose identity is not defined by my experience of another person who happens to have something in common with them.
Can't we all just stop this infantile stereotyping?
If a man gives you unwanted attention and you're angry about that, you are not angry at 'men', you're angry at 'a man'.
[–]chuckvsthelife 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Stereotyping is also human nature. Doesn’t make it right but it’s natural for humans to have bad interactions and form associations with them then avoid people who match that.
If you have enough creepy interactions with men (which girls get quite a few of from a young age), it is natural to form barriers against all men.
Clumping is useful although not right.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Completely agree.
Breastfeeding is natural too but I grew out of that.
It's the same when men have stereotypes about women or, as I was saying, any judgement we make about a person based on our experience with someone else who happens to share the same gender/race/haircut.
Forget for a moment about it being wrong in a moral sense, it's simply incorrect. It's an illusion, and we can do better.
[–]chuckvsthelife 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Well it can actually prevent harm in many instances too, it’s a functional shortcut of the brain which creates bias.
Ie women who avoid men also avoid predatory men. There is no other particularly common demoninator. If you want to avoid those interactions you avoid men. Simple as that.
So yes we as men need to be better. I’m not saying you can’t approach women or find them sexy but you do need to be more conscientious sometimes. You can’t just get mad at women for being upset about it.
Unlike say.... police or educators or congressman women’s jobs are only to do what’s best for them. They don’t owe men anything, including being open to their advances.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
It's absolutely right for women to be upset about getting treated badly. But to judge people who do not treat them badly as being the same simply because they were born with a penis is wrong (i.e incorrect)
My dad got knifed by three black men many years ago and as a direct result of this became very racist. Is it ok for him to be racist because he is still upset about what happened to him? Does every black person he interacts with deserve his scorn? No! Because they have nothing to do with what happened to him. If he thinks all black people behave this way he is wrong.
I hope it did not come across that I was angry at women, that was not my intention. I tried to make it clear that my points were not directed at the person I was replying to, but the hypothetical person who sees all men through this stereotype of being predatory (which the person I was replying to didn't suggest they were)
A huge amount of our societal problems are caused by this 'othering', by putting a group of people in a box and putting a label on it which is in almost every instance incorrect, because the people in that box are so diverse. And it's always based on this shortcut of the brain which you are defending. I'm not saying there aren't positives to it - it's an important part of our development. But we are all able to develop a bit of self awareness to rise above it. Why shouldn't we all be striving for that?
'women who avoid men also avoid predatory men' - by that logic I guess I'd better not go outside, just in case I get hit by a bus?
[–]chuckvsthelife 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think we are in agreement here. It's nuanced.
I mean there are lots of women who totally avoid going outside alone after dark and such. I know my ex had a few bars she refused to go to without driving with someone else because the walk was too dark. It's a real thing, and your risk of being sexually assaulted is much higher than being hit by a bus. Obviously different people have different perceived levels of risk and different risk tolerance.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is exactly what it's all about - nuance. People are nuanced, all men don't fit into one box, so to believe they do is incorrect. Sometimes that illusion is beneficial for survival (and evolution has found many ways for us to delude ourselves in the name of survival) but to announce it as being true is a mistake. And that mistake causes harm: read any oppression based on gender or race. Hence my original point - that any opinion someone has on me because solely because of their experience with someone who has the same gender as I do is mistaken.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Agree. Wasn’t say I prejudge men by this but rather offering an explanation for why men are sometimes shamed for wanting sex. Flirting is fun, but it’s a shame that many women have been in so many traumatizing experiences that they see sexual interactions with men as threatening situations that need to be vetted first. Imagine if your home had been broken into, for the next few months you would definitely be skittish for no reason even though statistically speaking it probably would not happen again in your lifetime.
The problem is that some assholes do not take no for an answer and it is difficult and sometimes scary to figure out if someone you literally just met is one of those assholes.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course, it's really messed up that people behave that way. I'd never deny that. And perfectly understandable that bad experiences can and probably should cause caution. But any discussion of men have 'x behaviour' is automatically wrong. This is my only issue, which it sounds like you aren't disagreeing with at all.
It doesn’t help that men have routinely taken advantage of women and actively suppressed women over the years as a historical pattern
[–]dream-monzstar 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That sounds on point
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I don't know you so I won't say what is happening here, but I will say that what happens for a lot of people, myself included, is we attract the same type of people. It can be anything from the signals we send to the way we talk to the kinds of places we go, to our background, our education, the way we dress, our career, our interests, our outlook in life. Let me make it very clear I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong or deserve the assholes you're getting, I'm just saying that this is a thing for all of us.
Somewhere on the other side of the world there's a buff Zen monk who's a bit gutted you concluded all guys are like that before you met him. There's probably a few decent ones somewhere between asshole - buff Zen monk too.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is really interesting to think about actually. I've not really thought it through before, but I can think of a lot of situations where I've met a girl or just noticed someone, and the way she is presenting herself draws attention to the her body or her assets in one way or another, and then this is in the back of my mind when I'm talking to her. Something has been triggered in me and want to have sex with her, so this directs my intentions.
But just as often I'll notice a girl in a coffee shop, for example, and I'll think what is she reading? What is she working on? Who is this person? There will be intrigue and the fact that she is cute will be a part of something bigger. I want to know the person in a different way to if I simply want them sexually.
There are lots of ways to meet people and maybe shaking that up could give different results. I'm not gonna suggest you dress differently, but maybe think about on what level you want to connect with a guy and, if you're not approaching, reflect that in how you draw his attention.
Your last point makes a lot of sense too, I'm sure this is why a lot of women become jaded with men approaching them if the majority of men doing it are primarily looking for sex.
[–]GrandMasterB19 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I've actually heard this from female friends of mine. And these aren't even super hot fit girls. But they say because they aren't doing the approaching, they don't get the guys they want. Because the guys they really want don't approach them, they say they feel like they have to take what they can get, which is like choosing the guy they dislike the least.
So I don't know what the solution is. Women start approaching? Lowering expectations? Unfortunately, I think everyone hates this because I don't want to be with a girl either just because I was the best option so she chose to settle for me. So personally I only tend to approach once a girl shows a little interest, so it feels more mutual.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Well the thing is they all want the "wine and dine" thing and I'm not even looking for something "serious and committed" to begin with. It seems like Ashera is one of those "only wants serious guy looking for longterm" but I'm not one of them.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well the woman doesn’t know you or how you’re going to react by being rejected. It’s their way of staying safe because some guys can’t take rejection.
[–]Heizenbrg 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Examples?
[–][deleted] 67 points68 points69 points 5 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link
Never feel bad, my dudes. Embrace your masculine sexual energy. Just channel it in the proper way you'll be fine.
[–]chhurry 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Proper way
That's begging a lot of questions. Not that I don't know social etiquette (I do), but how would you define it in detail?
[–]A_Wild_Zeus_Chase 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
Approach in a place where a woman might possibly want to be approached, like a bar or somewhere else where the goal is fun and she can leave your area if you’re creepy, and not at a place where she has to be, like her work or a getting groceries.
Start a conversation with something either lighthearted (both at bar waiting “I bet I’ll get a drink faster than you”) or complimentary about a decision she made (“I like those heels by the way”) and not about her body.
Observe her reaction! This is the most important part. Does she turn towards you? Does she give anything more than silence in the first example, or a thanks in the second?
If no, turn back to the bar, wait to get your drink and leave, maybe with a “have a good rest of your night” as you do so.
Guys sometime get embarrassed by this part, but understand that in that interaction you have done nothing either undignified to yourself or offensive towards her. You could have made a similar comment to a guy. It all good, go try again with someone else.
If she engages with you (ie gives you more than a couple word response, especially if she asks you a question), then things get interesting.
There no rules for engagement as women all have different preferences, but some recommendations are to smile (less threatening), make her laugh if you can (strong indicator of non-antisocial tendencies), ask simple question that cause a more than one word response “so why did you choose this bar”, of friends “so how do you know each other”.
Take the information used and ask follow ups. Add in quick related anecdotes as you go, but keep the focus on her.
Observe, react, and practice. If she is not engaging, leave. If she’s with friends, understand she will want to get back to them, and end the conversation early saying that your sure she wants to get back to her friends but you’d like to see her again and would like her number. Maybe dance with her later if she’s willing.
Do it again. And then again. Observe and react. Analyze the situation after. Did she not engage initially? If consistent maybe shower, fresh clothes and gym then.
Did she engage initially but then suddenly grow colder later? What did you say beforehand, or did an event happen like friends arriving that could cause that.
Finally, understand you will fail, if your definition of success is picking up woman for one night stands, A LOT. Like, almost all the time.
Either accept that and find enjoyment in the experience, or don’t accept that and get bitter about it.
Have fun and you’ll be fun, and people will want to have fun with you.
[–]pelota 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a great answer that deserves more visibility.
[–]blindgirl27 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should write a book! Thanks for this!
[–]GrandMasterB19 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is good advice but I disagree with the grocery store. I get straight up choosing signals at the grocery store so that isn't off limits to SOME women. I wouldn't advise doing pick up at a store though, choosing signals makes it more natural and organic.
I'd also like to add that if your only goal is one night stands, go for women who are looking for that as well. I'm usually weeding out this trait, but seduction works much more seamlessly when two people are on the same page.
[–]chhurry 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fantastic and detailed answer! You explained it better than anyone else here.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M,🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years agolocked comment (0 children) | Copy Link
5 day ban for breaking Rule 4
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawayjp2025 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Respect woman as people first, learn how to initiate, practise and implement consent. Learn how to define, integrate and change boundaries in sexual relationships.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Realize and accept human beings are sexual beings by nature. Come to terms and comfort with your own sexuality, and do so in a subtle and modest way.
[–]chhurry 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That didn't even answer my question - I wanted concrete examples and rules
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Don't come off thirsty. That answer your question?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
By having and showing empathy towards women. Make them feel like they are important and not just a notch on the bed post.
[–]chhurry 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How would they perceive whether you come thirsty or not? speech? your vibes? something else?
Great question!
[–]Dominus-Prime- 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It means be sexual but also a gentleman. Sean Connery’s James Bond for instance
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But it seems they only want relationships or they want to think you'll be some "serious committed guy" down the line, at least.
I can't do either one of those. So would it be dishonest to date at all, under these circumstances?
Is the casual thing for Shad only? I guess that's the rub...
[–]mivipa 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I see you were not raised Catholic
[–]Green_Guitar 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Hello fellow Irishman
[–]mivipa 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Not only Irish but Italian. I have no self esteem in my ancestry, only shame and emotional repression.
[–]Green_Guitar 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Ya.. Catholicism does that 😂
[–]yarajaaee786 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
If you guys don't mind, could you elaborate? I won't be judgmental, I'm a fellow believer too, just not catholic lol curious to learn more
[–]hijo_de_Lucy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Catholics are shamed about sexual urges.
[–]yarajaaee786 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Just to clarify, like even just spontaneously having the urge itself is wrong? Even if you don’t act on it/consciously do anything about it and its just there? Isnt it like out of your control then, is it like you guys believe humans have something intrinsically wrong with them? Sorry I hope I don’t sound condescending I literally just wanna learn more
[–]hijo_de_Lucy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So basically it’s the whole sex in any context outside of the holy matrimony is wrong. So if you have impure thoughts about your teacher it’s a sin since you two are not married and that is someone’s wife. So double sin. That’ll be three Hail Marys and one our father!
[–]Green_Guitar 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well religion tends to look down on sex outside of marriage. They also arn't big fans of people who aren't straight.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sex is like breathing and sleeping. You never realize how much you need until you’re not getting enough.
[–]Ploikblah 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Thank for this! As a 23 year old virgin, I get tried of people advising me to try get a girlfriend, as if that's even easy. I'm not ready for a relationship, just want to have some sex, and there's nothing wrong with that!
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
22 year old virgin right on your heels. People treat it like it's ridiculously easy to find a connection and hook up with someone
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You need to have a relationship if you want that, though. There isn't much demand for that outside of relationships, that's the point.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or just become hot and then get casual sex pretty easily lol. Either way, if you are a guy it is work.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some not-hot guys cannot compensate by getting buff, if they don't have the innate physical structure for it. Take me for instance, 5'9", thin-build, can't get buff, I even have the thin wrists. Would it be impossible for a guy like that to have casual, then?
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
35f. As a single woman with a high sex drive, I will absolutely and openly say that I really miss having sex. I’ve been single for years and never enjoyed casual sex because it left me feeling empty and used. I’ve always had long term monogamous relationships and really loved the feeling of sharing myself with someone who cared about me and wanted to spend time with me. After my last relationship ended, I tried to get back out there in the world with dating apps, boy was that a shit show lol. There’s so many creeps and weirdos online. Even though I’m deeply lonely and would love companionship, I’m selective about who I spend my time and energy with. I got lots of messages online and flirtatious invites for dates but it was mostly guys just looking for a 1 nighter and that’s not my style. I crave affection, closeness and intimacy. I miss being touched, kissed and held. I love the feeling of being with a man who isn’t in a hurry. A man who wants to take his time and just enjoy my company. I haven’t been in contact with anyone for about a year. It’s the longest I’ve ever gone without sex in my adult life. No dates, no kisses, no hugs, not even a handshake lol. I live in Massachusetts and the news has reported an increase in new coronavirus cases and more deaths from the virus reported every day. The big message these days is stay home and stay safe. I live alone. The only time I leave my place is for work and grocery shopping. This is obviously the worst time in history for trying to meet new people. The more people you expose yourself to, the greater the risk of contracting the virus. I take comfort in knowing I’m not exposing myself to random strangers and with living alone, I can quarantine in peace. But I do get lonely. I miss being close to someone and feeling desired. I miss having someone to dress up for, someone to laugh with and talk to. Someone to slow dance with me in the kitchen, someone to cook for, have drinks, watch movies, snuggle on the couch, roll around in bed together, shower together, lay down and go to sleep together, wake up in the morning and have coffee, talk about what we want to do that day. I’m most comfortable having sex in a caring, committed relationship with someone I can trust, someone I can share all of myself with.
[–]bornno1 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
As a single person. Yea its a difficult period. But I'm fortunate to have close friends and hang out together. I hope you meet someone who is truthful to you soon.
Edit: I also spent my time increasing my self value and attractiveness. Working out. Skincare. It helps with motivation.
Thank you for the positive words. I agree with you also about self care, that’s important.
[–]preston21 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I resonate with you so much on this that it hurts
I’m glad to hear someone can relate. I think loneliness is probably one of the most common feelings that most people have experienced at some point.
I don't understand what's so wrong about being a guy with desire, but low social-desire. (Which is many, but this is very common for autistic men.) You say you don't like those who have such an outlook, though, if I understand right? You want only "relationship-centric" type who accept the social mores and standards associated with that. But at the same time, you also have high desire.
The deal with men is, not all of us are able/willing to compete in the cutthroat world of "traditional relationships" with all the complexity of social interactions and having to feel as if they're competing under the watchful eye of others. If you can minimize the "traditional relationship" framework, there is far less pressure, though. And so the entire reason so many men don't want "serious" relationships in general, is because the insecurity is felt in ways women don't typically experience. Having to deal with the burden of "social competition" along with all the other compromises needed, is a major issue for many of us.
This is one of those "guys be like that" things and I wish it was not shamed so much, but more understood. It's not simple to say these guys "only want sex" either, rather the problem is, they cannot always take on the demands of a "conventional relationship" because of the stress. It's very gender-specific, a problem with the way men process emotions, that's what causes it.
For autistic guys all of these problems are magnified by 10. And I wish this could be understood, rather than dismissed.
I can only tolerate social interaction in small bits... you're talking instead about "full commitment" and "social integration" I can hardly fathom it. It's nothing to do with laziness, either.
I seek to find a solution to this (and no, it's not going to be "just pay for it.") And it's just not right how many hurdles and conditions and requirements are thrown at guys, and how I have to be excluded permanently because I can't check some of those boxes...
[–]i_never_get_mad 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Also remember that the opposite is also acceptable. Not wanting or being interested in sex is perfectly acceptable. Don’t argue or push someone into having sex just because it’s “natural”
[–][deleted] 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I really think the MeToo movement was a reason as to why men being sexual is now a passive problem.
Whilst I'm intrigued by the structure of power and privilege being a component in taking advantage of individuals, and relieved that demonic systems of aggression can be destroyed with enough noise from the average citizen- harassment and attraction are not mutually exclusive.
The mark of a civilised human being is to draw the line between the two. Problem is the lines between what's acceptable and what isn't have blurred to the point of invisibility. We either think two things- being sexual is wrong because it makes us look like perverts and that could get us imprisoned, or women aren't worth it altogether and we just take our own way.
Humans are hardwired to want each other. Attraction and intimacy are entirely natural.
[–]vizualXmadman 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yes yes yes, its like we crimizing social skills
there is good examples of metoo but really really bad example of metoo where there is a situation social cause are just off.
[–]lazyrepublik 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You can thank religion for that narrative.
[–][deleted] 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
One of the ironies of being an Indian like me is that we have such a hush hush conservative attitude towards sex. And yet, our population is around 1.2 billion. How does that work exactly? Indian Parents frown on seeing condom adverts in late night television but do they use it? The fuck they do! 1.2 BILLION, bro!!! Just admit you like sex and wrap yourself, man!
[–]vizualXmadman 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this meme in a nutshell lol
[–]dream-monzstar 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha my own Indian friend is mystified by it. He says it’s religion. I guess the poor believe in contributing more bodies to a religion, or just really try for a lot of boys. And perhaps some don’t just believe in birth control
[–]BlackBirdG 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Yeah we're all sexual beings and if someone turns us on, it's not really a bad thing even if they don't feel the same.
But honestly alot of people are sexually disingenuous and full of shit about their sexual desires.
[–]cumslutitup 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
What do you mean “full of shit about their sexual desires” ?
[–]BlackBirdG 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
In terms of like for example a guy saying he wants to be just friends with a woman but he really wants to fuck her but doesn't have the balls to tell her that.
And women pretending like they don't like sex so they don't get slut shamed when we all know they do.
[–]timmyboyoyo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How often do men vocalise that they “want to be just friends”?
[–]throwawayjp2025 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link
I think as a society we should be more*** sex positive.
I personally believe if we had better more comprehensive sex Ed that empowered both men and women, safety and pleasure. This would curtail this problem.
[–]dream-monzstar -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Lol I hope you mean HIV positive, because what’s wrong with being “sex positive?” Does that mean openly talking about sex?
The confusion I always had is, is it safer or more dangerous for women to discuss sex with men? A friend of mine from high school got rape threats from a guy when she flirted excessively with him, and the bulk of that included sexual conversations. I imagine the creepiness factor comes from bad parenting, but I always wondered if there’s other factors at play.
[–]throwawayjp2025 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I meant “more pos sex Ed”. A comprehensive sex Ed program would also tackle gender norms and the entitlement men feel toward women, the excuses men make for their bad behaviour and how much they blame genetics for their poor sexual behaviour, like cheating and needing to be with multiple women.
Good sex Ed would tackle what healthy masculinity looks like because most people believe it’s just genetics. Including socialization in this conversation makes room for change in gendered behaviour which would directly impact conversations between men and women about sex, and, safety of women.
[–]dream-monzstar 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I wish. That’s a good idea. Anything but an abstinent only marshmallow education is good in my book. Just makes me want to feel the squishiness of the marshmallow inside my mouth. It’s sad, but I think a lot of shitty behaviors in men come from bad parenting. And I will say that parenting is partly gendered. Fathers don’t seem to realize how much they influence their sons. My mom did of course have an impact on my brother, but for whatever reason, psychological or otherwise, he was more influenced by my dad. At least he respects women, but he did other things like drop out of school. I just don’t think a well raised man would cheat on his wife. It’s hard to know because men are so tight lipped.
[–]throwawayjp2025 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Parenting is 100% gendered. Parenting is one of the socialization forces.
There are many reasons why people make the decisions that they do, it’s take a lot of commitment to understand why, I think.
[–]dream-monzstar 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
And if so then the conversation needs to be about men being better fathers. I feel like most women do enough to be mothers
[–]throwawayjp2025 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That’s a great point. But I think both mothers and fathers need to take an active role in challenging gender norms and educating kids.
Parenting is always better done as a team!
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is gonna sound dumb but sometimes as a man I feel like I’m disrespecting her by wanting it, even if I feel like the feeling is reciprocated.
Thank you for saying that man. I almost feel like society paints this picture that sex is something to be taken from women. And their goal is to keep as much people away from it as possible. I hate the idea of that. I don’t wanna be an aggressor. I just want to love. Share my heart.
[–]vizualXmadman 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
shout out to modern-day media weaponizing sex and using against men
A man liking and wanting sex doesn't enforce some weird gender dynamics that only disjointed people believe. If a woman feels the same, she isn't a slut; she just like sex. The women who are sexually confident but sexually confident on the down-low are some of the fucking best; they're always powerful professional too; lawyers and business ladies and shit. So sexy
its human nature dammit
[–]michiganwinter 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Please inform my Wife.
[–]Dominus-Prime- 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is a good reminder. Tap in men! Women love dick. Don’t forget it.
The issue is the current climate that is very anti-man. It used to be “toxic masculinity” which turned out to be a very vague concept and quite subjective. Now it’s morphed into all masculinity is toxic.
Don’t listen. I remember a study where they had women looking at pictures and videos of various archetypes of men. You know who were deemed the most appealing? The cocky, arrogant, “toxic”, chauvinistic men who were confident and comfortable with their sexuality and had an “I don’t care” attitude- even amongst the toughest purple-haired feminists.
Do NOT drink the kool-aid boys. It kills your balls and makes most women yearning for a real man.
[–]Carmelita-55 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think you’re mistaking confident virile men who ooze masculinity and strength to men who act like dogs in heat chasing women’s skirts and looking at them like they are undressing them with their eyes demanding sex and thinking all women want his cock We love confident men who ooze that masculine vibe that is protective Not the vibe that just wants a warm hole and then off Think of the most votes sexiest men alive and you’ll see what women mean
The men who received the most appeal from women were dogs. They were classic chauvinists. That’s why the study was so surprising. There was nothing “protective” as you say, about it (in reference to the study). The vibe was “I like to fuck, I’m good at fucking, I probably get women when I want, and I don’t prioritize women”.
This attracts women (according to the study as well as in my own experience) like bees to honey.
The protective energy comes from a guy who can stand on his own and does what he wants, whether he is a dick or a gentleman. That’s why girls go after the “bad boy”. He has this energy.
I think the #MeToo movement is great so that women who have been sexually violated have a place to share their experience and reclaim their voice.
However, a metoo movement without the coupling with education on safety, consent, boundaries and aftercare is necessary otherwise we have a group of women who feel entitled to insult and degrade any notion of sexual energy between two people. Which may actually result from lack of knowledge or judgement, not always legit fear.
[–]Iam_nameless 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Instructions unclear: people who don’t want to have sex with me are now unnatural to me
[–]tacticalassassin 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol y’all act like sex is the easiest thing ever to get
[–]Mortician69 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Even if the person you want to have sex with isn't your wife or husband?? Lol. I agree lol.😁Perfectly natural.
[–]JakeMullerRE 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, its also natural to feel sexually attracted to someone that isn't your partner. That doesn't mean you can hop on their lap or enter the cave. Still keep your intrgrity and stay loyal to your partner.
[–]stumje 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel we need open communication on this
[–]leilacarpenter10 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If a girl's feeling it for a guy and he sees it there's nothing more natural. If a guy's feeling it for a girl and she sees it and responds to it ditto. It's those little messages that get passed from one to the other that are either recognized and acknowledged or disrespected or even just not recognized and that's where the problem lies for some people it seems to me.
[–]RaitheRedditor 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I live with 2 incredibly Christian parents. They don’t talk about sex nor do they talk about intimacy. Whenever sex is brought up, they always see the dark parts of it (rape, sexual assault, basically any sexual suggestion/action that is not consensual). Ive learned through friends and education that sex (both talking about it and the actual act) is completely natural. Thank you for this reminder and I hope everyone has safe and healthy sex!!
[–]JakeMullerRE 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is very common in conservative and 'traditional' families who believe in old values (which is fine, let people be as they are) but those values are no longer viable in the modern world. Media is also at fault because it loves to put tue bad aspects of human sexuality to the front. When its done out of mutual attraction and romance, sex is one of the best experience one can have in life.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fellow Christian here. Thankfully raised by a wonderful sex is normal Christian mother. The bible discusses sex over 375 times. God made it to be enjoyable he just wants it to be under his covenant of marriage. If you’ve not watched Mike Todd’s relationship goals series from transformation church I’d highly advise it. Straight talking sense with no frilly bits. He just goes straight in and addresses the issues with faith and sex. Most churches have shied away from what is a much needed conversation🙏🏻
Some people feel ashamed for their sexual thoughts. They learn this type of reasoning from religion (which is trying to control you). Weird, when you don't normally feel ashamed at eating food, unless it's anything from Carl's Jr or Jack in the Box.
[–]Carmelita-55 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn’t want to feel men’s sexual energy at every corner because that’s what makes us resent them and treat them like dogs in heat The thing is to be respectful and gallant and treat us with an interest in who we are rather than what we have between our legs It’s awfully frustrating feeling men’s gaze at work or sensing their sexual interest when you’re trying to get on with your day I don’t think you guys see it from our perspective, being bombarded with unwanted attention whether it’s crossing the road going shopping or getting a coffee at work...
[–]PC__LOAD__LETTER 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Ngl this sounds a bit borderline.. saying that a woman was “asking for it” because of an outfit she was wearing and also “boys will be boys” would fit into that same narrative.
Men have varying sex drives, just like women. It is natural for men to find women attractive and have desires related to that. At the same time, human beings are perfectly capable of handling those feelings in mature, healthy, and respectful ways. Men trying to learn how to better relate to women is also perfectly fine. But I really don’t think anyone needs to be lectured about how women should try and understand men’s urges about them.
And I know that you say “we don’t mean harm,” but there are plenty of men with unhealthy perspectives who, while they don’t intend personal malice per se, are more than capable of inflicting emotional or physical injury to women in the name of following their urges.
Let’s all just aim to keep things respectful.
[–]Acrimonious_cheese[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
absolutely natural.
[–]i_never_get_mad 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. It’s just a matter of how one practices and/or expresses that desire.
[–]Allison4476 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even on the medical standpoint. It’s on the hierarchy of needs. Yes it’s an actual need not a want. Hell it’s up there with food and water!
[–]shinn497 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is good to hear that. I have actually been feeling a lot of sexual shame lately. From all of these articles of asshole men that can't take rejection to the many asexuals in my life. Feeling sexual desire just increasingly feels like something I should hide and not show anyone. And I am a man.
[–]malwaremayhem 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've gone 7 years without because of this belief. Now I have no sex drive. Any advice on how to get it back?
[–]Asa-Ryder 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Short answer: yes!
[–]LakersAreTerrible25 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, that urge would go away though if men started doing semen rentention. Not for the bs benefits that some people say, but to learn how not to be so thirsty like a lot of guys tend to be. Ive been with enough women to know that sex will never supercede being about purpose and in the gym. If you can't go a day or two without nutting, then that's a serious addiction that should be addressed
[–]YouAlright_Boah 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
nowadays sex for the average male involves a couple of tissues, lotion and a laptop.
[–]firelitother 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are probably preaching to the choir. The societies who need to hear this the most aren’t receptive to the message.
[–]Kiddmoon3000 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Breaking: water is wet
[–]dkroetsch 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought sex was supposed to be fun. Seems there comments take the fun out of it.Too complicated.
[–]Carmelita-55 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I get that men are more sexual and need sex but it’s not an excuse to have their sexual urges control who they are to the point they dehumanise is and we become ambulant vaginas there to please them and oblige We react very well to genuine charm and consideration and don’t mind a mans confidence what we don’t want is that creepy sleaziness where we can feel radiating from the guy that need to release their load and we aren’t some breeding mares to put up With it Plenty of men I know have sex with different women each weekend and they do it by being attentive charmers who place her needs first and it works as I haven’t known him to fail at wooing a girl He never ever stopped being a gentleman and never made it upfront that he isn’t interested in her and just in her body We can tell when a guy is just after the body and it makes us equate men with animals in heat then they resent us and wonder why we complain Truth is we love being wooed and charmed we just don’t need the creepers who think they are owed sex
[–]ld20r 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Just because humans have a natural desire for sex does not mean they feel owed it. Someone might have a desire to participate in the Olympics but that does not mean they are entitled to be put on the team nor is it a guarantee. But they are entitled to at least within reason to give it their best shot.
Honestly it's easy for you to say
Having testosterone flowing through your veins and a neurochemistry programmed through millions of years of evolution to be "looks based" makes what you say more difficult than you think.
[–]Pathocyte 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s like our duty you know. Reproduce.
[–]SettingIntentions 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And they want to have sex, too!
Just when I’m having second thoughts about really wanting to have my first sex with my 3rd boyfriend but not wanting to get pregnant, this popped up in my notification. Thanks for the boost!
I didn't get any shares in the Sex Corporation.
Well, let’s be honest here. There’s a gender bias. And there always will be one until the end of time. It’s evolutionary.
[–]toolmantimmy 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good post but not that simple.
[–]Ducharbaine -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thes3 arw the kinds of women who judge you. Why care what they think? http://imgur.com/a/6S4DXr2.
[–]GrandMasterB19 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They're missing the cheap hair dye, short hair cut, thick rimmed glasses, and boyish features.
[–]Mel_gibsoned -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish every women I see had the same mentality as yours
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