[deleted by user]

Global-Bridge-6787 · 2021-03-03T01:52:07+00:00

Neediness happens, dude. Build an abundance mindset with your hobbies, career, finance, and social/dating life. Personal fulfillment will follow.

DonovanDunedain · 2021-03-03T02:36:44+00:00

Yeah, it's dangerous to assume what her motivations are. Her bailing on you could have been due to so many variables that it's not worth putting yourself through that kind of mental gauntlet. And I would put 1000 down that you're not a needy slug.

Therocksays2020 · 2021-03-02T23:45:48+00:00

Glad you have the right mindset. You’re gonna be fine you learn from it.

franhd · 2021-03-03T03:34:22+00:00

You don't have to assume it's you. I honestly don't believe she unmatched you and stood you up solely because you showed a bit more enthusiasm. Maybe an ex stepped back into her life and she wanted to give it another shot. Maybe she already has a boyfriend and felt guilty going behind his back. Maybe a relative died and she doesn't care about dating anymore. Point is a lot of this stuff is just out of your control and there's nothing you can do about it besides move on.

2021-03-03T04:52:26+00:00

Keep in mind a lot of girls are on Tinder looking for rebounds, entertainment, free dates, to raise their self esteem, or a variety of other reasons.

Maybe she got back together with her ex or something and didn’t want to risk it for a guy she just met.

The point is don’t blame yourself and learn from this. It sounds to me like you showed her a lot of interest but no disinterest, don’t forget to incorporate some push-pull when building attraction.

anberia · 2021-03-03T02:43:27+00:00

It’s way more likely another dude has stepped (back) into the picture. Don’t assume it’s you. If you’re annoyed at feeling needy and can’t help yourself, try telling a chick she’s kind of got you spun. If you’re not in friend zone, it will make her very happy and you’ll know where you stand.

TheOffice_Account · 2021-03-03T04:23:36+00:00

Anyways, long story short, we had a meetup planned and she bailed that morning.

Bro, you didn't do anything wrong. I've seen some people freak out at the last moment because they have self-esteem issues, and are worried that it's been going so well, OMG, now I have to meet him, and what if he doesn't like me when we meet.

If this happens with you all the time, then I'd worry. But just one case? A sample of one? An ambiguous, confusing sample of one? Naah, you're good.

Imaginary_Hornet559 · 2021-03-03T04:19:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Seesh_ · 2021-03-03T04:40:17+00:00

Something similar just happened to me, except that I was talking to this guy for like two months, went out with him on a few dates, and one day out of nowhere he started ghosting me, it’s very sad when you think you’re doing great and all of a sudden they make those decisions! But I guess all we can do is to let go and move on!

whotfiswho_ · 2021-03-03T01:58:33+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up too much. She liked you just as much as you liked her. You never know what could have happened on her end. You’re already on the right track by keeping it moving.

Keep your head up, big dawg!

Jhadiro · 2021-03-03T02:50:48+00:00

Lol I'm also needy. But also have literally no time to pay attention to women. I'm currently dating a girl. I have 0 time to text or chat, so I text her for meet-ups and dates. That is it. On those dates she has my full attention, but off those dates if she needs to text me fine, but I'll never start a conversation just to chat. I don't have the time 😂

ctaymane · 2021-03-03T03:55:09+00:00

Yeah this why exactly you need to get them on a date with minimum contact. I’ve learned my lesson to not waste so much time on any stranger until I’ve met them face to face

Ohshelise · 2021-03-03T04:51:30+00:00

Dude, it's not you. She's a shitty person. Some fuck boy she's been chasing probably threw her a bone and she ran after it drooling, leaving you in the dust. You don't need anyone like that in your life. You sound like a nice guy, sorry that happened but it's gonna happen again. This is dating today. Instead of being grateful for what we have, we keep looking for something better, something perfect. Why? Because it's just a swipe away, of course. Just don't get bitter about it and continue to do you, boo boo.

dilfdad1 · 2021-03-03T03:39:34+00:00

This is a very small loss and you'll probably pull that same move on somebody else someday, we all have a reasons.

It's actually her loss.

Lostdonkey8 · 2021-03-03T04:24:15+00:00

We’re in the Same boat . I was to enthusiastic about the relationship, “simped” to hard and blew it . Unlike you I was devasted . Your mind is in the right place. Just keep swimming !

LimitlessHarmony · 2021-03-03T04:03:20+00:00

Happens to all of us, me included. For whatever reason, she changed her mind. I never invest too much until after we hangout for more than 7 years total combined.

NgocMamBomb · 2021-03-03T04:05:41+00:00

That would have hurt me a lot more than it hurt you. I commend you.

Lazlo25 · 2021-03-03T01:36:19+00:00

Same thing happened to me bruh, keep pushing

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-03-03T04:40:47+00:00

Man. Dont beat yourself up over that. She decided to make a shitty move. Reading this reminds me you cant force anyone to like you and you gotta just deal with that as best you can.

UnparliamentaryTea · 2021-03-03T06:43:09+00:00

Hey man, sounds like we’re fairly similar with often being more passive. I’ve had plenty of experiences like this myself. I had one last week where we were talking about restaurants and the girl told me to take her out after just 2-3 messages, so of course I offered to make it happen but then didn’t hear back. I could blame myself for not teasing the date and making her invest more first, but I was legitimately excited to take her out and I thought she was too. The same goes for your situation. It sounds like you were excited to get to know this girl, and she was reciprocating until she didn’t show up for the date. You don’t sound like a sad needy guy, you sound like you were confidently going after what you wanted. Every indication was that she was into it too, and whatever she did was on her, not you. It’s okay to feel a little upset since I’m sure you were really enjoying talking to her but do not beat yourself up over it, it sounds like it’s a her thing

swagnake · 2021-03-03T06:50:30+00:00

Women are so good at smelling the desperate of men. If you just make one small move showing you are needy, they can sense it and avoid you immediately.

ANJR2 · 2021-03-03T06:57:44+00:00

Don’t sweat it. I’ve always been amazed how people can just get out of a long relationship and jump right into Tinder. A lot of people have unresolved trauma and they back peddle when it hits them. I’m not saying this was the case, but it probably had nothing to do with you. Consider yourself lucky it didn’t progress further. She showed you her true colors. Anything else probably would of been a waste of time.

ladyboii · 2021-03-03T07:20:39+00:00

Wanna know a life hack to a chill mindset. Treat it as a game bro. And realize that no matter what you think is gonna happen. What actually happens is what it is.

keepturning1 · 2021-03-03T09:56:29+00:00

We’re all stoic and in control and give out that advice here on Reddit until we meet that one woman who makes us needy and anxious and then we suddenly understand those stories on Reddit. You can even do your best to learn from the experience, tell yourself you won’t do it again... until, again, you meet that girl who makes you like that again. You just gotta hope they’re on the same wavelength of interest as you the next time.

WalidfromMorocco · 2021-03-03T14:42:43+00:00

We even had several 2+ hour conversations lasting until midnight.

Don't do this until you are in a relationship with a girl.

justmuro · 2021-03-03T15:45:03+00:00

My friend it sucks to hear this happened to you. But I have a question for you. Did you happen to ask yourself what real value she brought to your life? What about her own value? Or did you assume she was something before she proved that to you? The biggest mistake men do is creating a woman to be some fantasy before the woman actually does anything. But what did she do besides appear as the girl your gonna fall for. It sounds like nothing to me. Girls are always looking for what value you’ll add to there life and make you work to prove it. So why not make her work to prove that other than being a living pussy. Just because she’s a living female with real breast and a real pussy doesn’t mean she’s worth anything. You got to realize your a man and your the gate keeper for commitment this give you the upper hand. So next time leave the pedestal you put girls on at home. Better yet burn that pedestal or stand on it yourself.

El0vution · 2021-03-03T12:03:53+00:00

Next time don’t call them during the middle of the day “to see what’s up.” That’s a novice move buddy.

oscarony · 2021-03-03T07:13:49+00:00

Yeah don’t listen to these people commenting... learn from your mistakes and NEVER call her and stay on the phone for more than 10 mins

VDKay · 2021-03-03T08:45:18+00:00

We even had several 2+ hour conversations lasting until midnight

Why would anyone ever think that's a good idea?

Boxgineer111 · 2021-03-03T05:19:00+00:00

Sorry to hear man, I know exactly how it feels like. What I do in such situations is using that emotional pain as a catalyst for my growth. It would give you more energy and courage to get out of your comfort zone.

BadMawma · 2021-03-03T05:27:00+00:00

This guy once texted me that he n this other chick were gonna try a relationship again n so that was that. A few weeks later, he tried to set me up with his friend. That’s what I get for thinking it couldn’t get any worse😂 So these guys are right, it’s possible it had zero to do with you.

2021-03-03T05:30:26+00:00

Yeah, you suffocated her. We have all done it. Lesson learned.

Plebe-Uchiha · 2021-03-03T05:52:00+00:00

You good, Homie. It happens to the best of us. [+]

MasuzuOS · 2021-03-03T05:57:10+00:00

Hey man nothing wrong with giving more than receiving

SnooMachines1406 · 2021-03-03T06:30:54+00:00

Girls are fickle bro. Think of her as just a another number and move on to the next think abundance.if she thought u werent worth it then neither was she.

legionofstorm · 2021-03-03T06:56:46+00:00

You probably had no chance no matter how you "played" it, this wasn't you doing anything wrong it was her. From what I'm reading normally you aren't in love and play the cool hookup game but this time you actually started falling in love and acted like a moron, whitch we all do. But there's nothing wrong with that, she obviously responded well to it and that's your lesson here she liked the attention you were giving and if she feelt the same way she would have still liked it. It's just that this time she didn't feel the same used you for attention and than probably got a guy on the hook that she wanted or something else happened and you had to go.

Nothing you did, it was her and there's no point beating yourself up because you were sirious this time and acted on your feelings a little too much.

kelsier_skywalker · 2021-03-03T07:24:14+00:00

dude maybe something happened to her or she had to o this for some personal reason cuz if a girl doesnt like you why would she talk to you for 2+ hour and why wait until you plan a meetup in the middle of a pandemic before cutting you off?

2021-03-03T09:01:52+00:00

Happens to the best of us.

cooI69 · 2021-03-03T09:19:18+00:00

Mission failed, you’ll get em next time!

2021-03-03T10:20:39+00:00

Abundance mindset, why worry you'll get another

Gardenlady26 · 2021-03-03T10:32:11+00:00

You tried! That’s first the most important thing! I’ve heard it said before “You can never say the wrong thing to the right person”. That just makes me feel good! Hope you keep pushing through because the connection is worth it :)

Mephaala · 2021-03-03T10:55:33+00:00

I really don't think you should see you being open and interested in talking to her as the reason why she ghosted you. I think it's normal for people who are into each other, to want to spend time with the person they are attracted to. So don't blame yourself and DEFINITELY don't force yourself to play the cool, distanced dude if you don't truly feel this way. Of course, it's important to have your own hobbies and not see the person you're dating as the only "distraction" in your life, but I don't think that's what was happening there, so you're good.

MeteoraRed · 2021-03-03T10:59:31+00:00

Happens sometimes dude neediness is number 1 think women find repugnant, hence emotional self control is needed.

South_atlantic_ocean · 2021-03-03T12:03:59+00:00

It’s not your fault but your responsibility. Good job on blowing off steam here since that’s the first step towards progress... reflection. Who knows why this girl dubbed. I’ve had a similar situation happen to me before, and I’ll be honest I’ve even done it to a couple of girls. Not out of malice really but just because I was too busy and didn’t want to be too invested in that person. It happens. Life sucks sometimes but you did a great job getting your thoughts on (digital) paper. Keep your head up king 👑

Dwaynedibley24601 · 2021-03-03T12:12:41+00:00

the dating equivalent of premature ejaculation... too much too soon... take it as a learning experience... you have already figured out where you went wrong and that is MASSIVE. Learn from your mistake... Also, remember.. it's Tinder... she might have a boyfriend or might have been gaming you... might have even been an identity thief( You said you shared personal info) anyway its not on you and MAYBE you lucked out because if shes the type of person to ghost someone... you are better off.. get back in there.. start swiping and apply when you have learned...

osowavy · 2021-03-03T13:38:19+00:00

Same thing happened to me a while back. Girl was totally head over heels for me, had a couple chances to sleep with her but they were nixed by my son waking up. I was playing it real cool and casual, letting her initiate contact, etc. Eventually I figured it was cool to start showing some real interest, and while she didn’t unfollow me or anything like your situation, there definitely was a change in her interest. My suggestion is cut all contact and wait for her to start thinking about you, and next time, don’t give her so much of your attention.

hob814 · 2021-03-03T15:25:09+00:00

I just had to say, i f*cking love the last part really. Yes get the dust of and move on.

denl67 · 2021-03-03T15:58:12+00:00

I dont think you necessarily "blew it". There was probably something else going on behind the scenes that you missed out on. Seems like your fine with the outcome though so I guess its onto the next one

2021-03-03T16:10:28+00:00

I blew some good pussy before. It's all good.

GunsnOil · 2021-03-03T18:18:01+00:00

Amazing how common this kind of behavior has become and we now have even grown to accept it in our culture. This is going to come back to bite our generation in the ass if you ask me.

As a man, what is my motivation to pursue women in our culture who have become extremely egotistical, shallow and anti-feminine? A majority of American women can’t even take care of themselves and men are left with a small percentage of women to compete for.

When you consider how the dating economics are stacked against you as a man, how the substance of American women’s characters have dramatically plummeted, and how even if you find someone you’re attracted to, odds are they’re a crappy person, you realize that the juice is not worth the squeeze.

It completely makes sense for many men to just get into pua and play the game to sleep with as many women as possible. Why in the world would they search for somebody to commit to? For guys like me who seek a long term relationship, the only real option is to turn your focus to the international stage. Women are a completely different story outside of the Anglo sphere. I wish you all the best of luck but honestly you shouldn’t get your hopes up, and if you genuinely care about starting a great family someday, I would advise expanding your horizons to the world.

ikhurana · 2021-03-03T20:31:20+00:00

Tempering your expectations is how you avoid getting too worked up over some flaky girl. Regardless of how long or how deep your phone conversations were, always remember that there’s still no guarantee that the other person will show up and they still might stand you up. That way, if they actually end up standing you up, it won’t hurt as much.

tetrachromancy · 2021-03-06T08:07:19+00:00

You invested too much up front without her earning it.

Learn from it, and to talk to 5 more girls.

Keep to the golden ratio, for every 2 texts she sends, you send 1.

Always be slightly less invested and let her chase.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	518
Comments	95
Date	March 2, 2021 11:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lwfmmt/blew_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1510606 https://theredarchive.com/post/1510606

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