Don't ever waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you.

executex · 2011-07-25T14:37:36+00:00

This is good advice for all relationships. Don't hang around with a bunch of guys that don't appreciate you either.

Protuhj · 2011-07-25T17:09:38+00:00

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Mark Twain

Calibration · 2011-07-25T15:14:56+00:00

... OR every now and then you may meet a girl you truly feel like you connect with more than with most other girls, and she may actually be worth the extra effort of convincing her of your awesomeness.

As someone who has succesfully gotten the amazing girl (recently) even though it didn't seem very reciprocal at first, if you find yourself 'naaah she's too difficult let's find a next one', jump the fuck back in there ;-)

Just trying to put some things in perspective :-) Sorry to hear your heart was broken though, hope you at least gained a great experience and had some good times with her!

PretentiousScreenNam · 2011-07-25T15:53:16+00:00

Thanks Seddit, I needed this.

I dated a girl back in high school for 3 years and she was my first. Fast forward 5 years later we start dating again and she recently broke up with me after saying she loved me then dated someone else.

Fucking cold hearted. Ive been a bee hive of emotion since.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-07-25T14:35:17+00:00

That's an important issue in pickup, you're constantly testing to see if you have attraction. You qualify her and get her emotionally invested in a relationship. If that doesn't happen, she's not worth pursuing. She should be pursuing you.

edubation · 2011-07-25T20:07:37+00:00

I can't believe how often decent people put up with shitty people.

danxmason · 2011-07-26T02:35:24+00:00

3 strikes rule. If you put in effort 3 times and you don't get anything back - move on.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2011-07-25T14:52:00+00:00

The hard part is when it's Friday night and you are fresh out of people who appreciate you! But that's when you fly solo...

ILikeBigAsses · 2011-07-25T16:10:27+00:00

Man this is so true.

Happened to me with my old HS crush. Worst case of one-itis in my life!

AstroPhysician · 2011-07-25T18:05:07+00:00

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PublicStranger · 2011-07-25T16:12:18+00:00

I strongly agree, except that you might want to ease up on this (depending on your personality):

If you're initiating anything more than she is, move on.

I'm quite introverted and shy and I tend to get sucked up in whatever I'm doing and forget what time it is. This means I'm bad about initiating contact—but I'm very receptive to it! If none of my boyfriends had been up for picking up my slack, we'd have never gotten a relationship off the ground.

Fortunately, they've all had personalities where they've been fine with initiating phone calls, etc. Obviously, if that brings you down and makes you feel unwanted, you should be with a girl who's complements you in that regard.

riychaered · 2011-07-25T20:03:51+00:00

why are you speaking to me right now

sheepcat87 · 2011-07-25T20:17:07+00:00

This is actually what's going on for me right now. I initiate everything, it leaves me feeling like I'm pawing at her and out of place.

However, she'll be gone in 3 weeks. So I continue really out of boredom. I'm in the military overseas and it's not often a cute civilian college girl does an internship here!

Priorities. I have them.

misguided_genius · 2011-07-25T22:35:03+00:00

I was in a situation where I was putting in 110%: driving 45 miles, sometimes through city rush hour traffic, doing things with her family, taking her for a night out when she had a bad day.. Regardless of what I did, she still took things out on me and only seemed to relax a little when she had been drinking. Needless to say, it culminated in a huge fight and we broke up. I'm not saying there weren't some great times, but the BS outweighed them.. I had let my guard down, kept telling myself things would improve, but that isn't the way it works.. If someone doesn't look forward to seeing you, WANT to be with you, let them go and find someone who does. I'm not a "look like you don't give a fuck" type of guy, I'm the "treat who you love like you love them" kind.. If it's work being together from the beginning, it ain't meant to be.

jazztobacco · 2011-07-26T05:12:12+00:00

And the funny thing about it is this: moving on is the best way to elicit chasing behavior from the woman.

Once she senses that you've slipped away, expect a call.

grantmoore3d · 2011-07-25T17:45:11+00:00

I'm mostly venting here, but I definitely agree. I put way more effort into my latest relationship than she did. I was constantly putting up with bullshit, trying to help, trying to "make it work" while she continually disappointed me and lacked any substantial form of reciprocation. Only towards the end did I realize I had the blinders on and should have ended it earlier. Hell, a day after I ended it, she had a date with some new guy... despite saying she "loved" me while we were together. I'll just have to go out and be awesome and find another who realizes I'm a great guy. I certainly won't be accepting that level of imbalance again.

edit: Only thing I'll add to the discussion though, is that at times there will be imbalances in effort both ways. It's gauging how much is acceptable to you that will define whether it's a make or break situation.

yollamasmama · 2011-07-25T18:49:17+00:00

It kinda sucks just because I've known this one girl for awhile, but we've only started going out a few months ago. She's got some ex issues and if she thinks something is gonna happen there, then I should just forget it. He was the controlling-type of bf, but also desperate and needy. He joined the armed services after so many failed attempts at getting back with her (this was over two years ago). Everyone important in her life hated this guy, but somehow he enters the picture after coming back.

In any case, amazing timing with this post. I woke up this morning realizing I don't much get much reciprocation of appreciation from this girl anymore since this ex came back. Even before then, I was putting in more work than her, but now it's even more apparent. Disappointing, but fuck it, I deserve better anyway. I'm not some afterthought.

Whisper · 2011-07-25T19:01:04+00:00

Hear, hear.

Just spent entirely too long pursuing someone who gave me loads of IOIs and fuck all else. Finally nexted her... next girl, first date fclose.

Some people are just selfish.

kickrox · 2011-07-25T21:17:08+00:00

Damn man, you have no idea how close this hit to home for me. Mine isn't just from a PUA standpoint, I was in a relationship with this girl for a long time. I fucked it up but I did what I could to make it right. Anyway, she has moved on partially and doesn't really want much to do with me. Ive been being all deperessed lately and trying to gain back her attention. Last night I decided fuck it. Im not going to txt her or ask her if she wants to hang out. Ill let her ask or txt if she wants to. Either she'll decide to come back or maybe ill move on. Seeing this post made me feel good about that choice and couldnt have hit at a better time.

reph · 2011-07-25T21:49:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AegisSC · 2011-07-26T01:21:23+00:00

This post couldn't come at a better time.

nosleepatall · 2011-07-26T13:18:28+00:00

If I had more than one upvote to give, I'd give them for this entry. Nobody should go out of their way for the hope to get just a little bit of attention. Been there, done that. If you allow to be treated as shit, you are feeling as shit. Don't allow your positive energy and feelings go down the drain and your thoughts revolve around the single question - how to please that special person.

ulooknatmygirlbro · 2011-07-26T17:46:29+00:00

Yep, once you start becoming dependent on someone else for your own happiness, you are doing it wrong.

2011-07-25T15:16:21+00:00

I LOVE your nickname btw :-)

kemanla · 2011-07-25T17:46:58+00:00

So fucking true. This really made something click for me. Thanks for putting it in words!

2011-07-25T18:49:42+00:00

Perfect. I've always found a nice little dose of healthy narcissism to be the best thing. It helps you go "Okay, don't like me? Don't appreciate me? Well fuck you too. I deserve better than being treated like shit."

minutestomidnight · 2011-07-26T08:14:19+00:00

I felt this way with a girl I used to sleep with. I was the only one initiating, and once I stopped contacting her I hadn't heard from her in over a month. We were not dating, but I still found it mind-boggling because we had hung out very often prior to that.

I decided to send her a text this past Friday night, and she was very receptive. We ended up meeting up and having sex again.

Later on, I realized that nothing had changed and she only wants the sex. As a guy, I should revel in this fact, especially because I've been looking for a girl like this for months; however, I will admit I want more. I don't necessarily want to date her, but it doesn't feel nice to be the only one making an effort. In all honesty, my emotional needs are not being met while my sexual needs are (somewhat).

As of right now, I will continue to sleep with her as it's convenient. But the game must go on.

Claytonius_Homeytron · 2011-07-25T16:55:58+00:00

A good friend of mine told me this - "In each and every relationship there are two classes of people, Reachers and Settlers... You don't want to be a Settler"

ehbeeseedee · 2011-07-25T14:43:13+00:00

Cannot upvote enough.

jerseykid · 2011-07-25T16:52:16+00:00

Right on. We've all put way to much time into things that don't deserve it and aren't worth it. This isn't just seduction, this is intelligent matchmaking.

2011-07-25T23:08:49+00:00

Been denied more than a few times the past 3 years.

Life is shit and all women are out of my reach

2011-07-26T00:43:39+00:00

Word.

Imatallguy · 2011-10-21T08:11:26+00:00

This one speaks the truth...wish I'd known this years ago!

DON"T waste your time on one that wastes your time

Sexy_Nerdy_Flanders · 2011-11-22T21:31:42+00:00

After reading all of these comments I am feeling much better. Fuck her, she never appreciated anything I did for her and she never did anything for me not even on my birthday. Time to move on.

wewewawa · 2011-07-26T10:22:21+00:00

Harder to do when you're married.

But still good advice.

maxxnova · 2011-07-25T17:07:15+00:00

Thanks I really needed to see something like this. I really do give up on the person I've been trying to win over and him constantly saying he's "empty" when he could talk to me but ignores me. Fuck him.

TheMortifydPUA · 2011-07-25T17:05:33+00:00

Can't stress it enough. Don't go for somebody who is lower value than you unless you believe you can change them. But be careful it's a waste of time.

MexicanRedditor · 2011-07-26T03:09:43+00:00

Protip: Insert penis inside vagina.

moronometer · 2011-07-25T19:08:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Don't ever waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate you.
Author	wishyouwerebeer
Upvotes	428
Comments	108
Date	July 25, 2011 1:53 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/iz66n/dont_ever_waste_your_time_on_someone_who_doesnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-ever-waste-your-time-on-someone-who-doesnt.1320611 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320611

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