Just Get a Girlfriend.

gtaIIIstan · 2024-10-22T04:42:03+00:00

Eh. The first step is actually going through the fire and developing a skillset of attracting women. Then you can decide what you want to do with that skillset. For me, that meant playing the field for a while. Having my heart broken, breaking a few hearts and developing a vocabulary of what I like and don't like in women. Later, I settled into a very fulfilling relationship, where I've been for the past 2.5 years. I've actually had several very great LTRs. But I've also had a blast playing the field too.

Being in a relationship (or getting married) isn't all sunshine and roses, either, nor will it solve the delusion and oneitis that most men operate in. If you don't believe me, look at the inexperienced man married at 24 who has his wife divorce him at 30. He is devastated. And he is mainly devastated because he was told a lie that all he has to do is find that One Special Girl and it's all sunshine and roses perpetually and forever with no conditions. Game teaches you that love (and life) and much more interesting and far more complicated than that.

Finally, it's easy to say sex doesn't matter when you're having it. But you're totally ignoring the reality that for the BULK of men, their struggle is getting noticed by women in the first place. So you're speaking from a privileged position and moralizing about something that only applies to a handful of men-- which is often what women do when they give dating advice. But I say the first step is getting a guy some experience. And no, that might not mean sleeping with 100 women, but it might mean dating 2-3 women at once and seeing how that feels. Then he can make his own conclusions about what he wants to do next and what it all means.

LizzoBathwater · 2024-10-22T06:54:14+00:00

My brother, i only want to learn seduction so i can get a girlfriend. I’m not in this to be a manslut.

burncushlikewood · 2024-10-22T03:16:32+00:00

I can understand your point, the promiscuous lifestyle can lack purpose and make you feel empty, this community is not about sleeping with as many women as possible, but building genuine connections and falling in love and finding that partner that will make your life better, it's quality, not quantity. I think some guys think it's all about the numbers, the results, but I think it's about the experience, are you having fun? Cause when I was doing my thing when I was younger I had a heck of a time in high school and university, it was bonkers. Yea I made out with a lot of girls, even slept with a few, but I found purpose and meaning in life, and I was so focused on doing well in school, playing sports and just dominance in every aspect of my life.

billoverbeck00 · 2024-10-22T07:03:44+00:00

Can’t tell the hungry to not get food when you’re full.

berzerker5000 · 2024-10-22T04:42:12+00:00

I concur. I got real good at pickup then found the one. And she is better than all them combined times a billion. But you also gotta slut it up to recognize treasure. You won’t realize it’s until you experienced it. So enjoy the journey.

berzerker5000 · 2024-10-22T04:26:00+00:00

You’re NOT supposed to jump into random hook ups if you’re still unhealed from a breakup & aren’t remotely close to being over your ex.

Anyone who told you that is full of bullshit.

The reason it feels like shit is because you’re forcing yourself into these experiences in order to try & fill an emotional void.

That’s an impossible task because it’s like trying to fill an empty pool with your piss.

Take a break from hookups & honestly take a break from dating for a while imo.

Grieve the breakup. Work in yourself. Reflect on what you could’ve done differently & what was out of your control.

Heal yourself FIRST, even if it takes many months to do, then jump back into the dating game.

Relationships are great but you’re never supposed to jump into one out of neediness or to fill a void from a previous one. Otherwise, you greatly risk repeating the same mistakes that you made in the last one.

Also even if you’re healed, hook ups are personal preference but they’re MUCH MORE enjoyable when you’re doing them for fun & not using them as an emotional bandage.

If anything, sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that sex comes in abundance & that there are no unicorns when it comes to women. You’re not meant to dehumanize them but you’re also not meant to put any of them onto a pedestal, otherwise good luck with that.

SplashGodNate · 2024-10-22T09:51:26+00:00

Posts like this always feel annoying, because there are a lot of guys like me, pushing middle age, who can't even get laid once.

So having this "problem" seems so unrelatable.

Gordenfreeman33 · 2024-10-22T08:09:19+00:00

Love the honesty in this post. Can back it up fully

BrauchoLion · 2024-10-22T08:20:57+00:00

Having a girlfriend it's either gonna resolve your life. Sounds cliché but for me it has more to do with selflove and awarenes. You can Have the Best girlfriend in the world but your mind it's going to be there too, must heal and resolve your own issues first or you're gonna attract someone into your own mess. And, must clear all The Disney stupid love fantasies, real relationships are diferent than that. For me love it's really diferent than codependency. It sounds like You must heal first about your previous relationship, and that's good, actually it's an amazing advice that you're dropping and it starts a really profound conversatión that's also well intended and i apretiate that but still there's people who being promiscuos it's their real Nature, and for some Even it's part of their Best version self (You know what i mean) i think it's just about really know who You are, what You want and what's really Best for You. Thanks for this post.

Pardon My English i'm from Latinoamérica.

lavellj048 · 2024-10-22T13:47:52+00:00

Easier said than done

SplashGodNate · 2024-10-22T14:54:32+00:00

I can't get both anyway

Lusitaniangel · 2024-10-22T13:34:16+00:00

Ah, the lie of the flesh! You thought a harem of beautiful women would make you a king, but instead, it has made you a slave. You chased pleasure like a dog chasing shadows, thinking that the conquest of bodies would fill the void left by your ex. You thought quantity would numb the pain, but it only deepened it.

Brother, what you’ve discovered is a hard truth that few men realize before it’s too late: the pursuit of lust without meaning is a bottomless pit. Every woman you bed without purpose or connection is just another layer of fog covering the real issue—the emptiness within you.

You’ve become detached, dehumanized, because you’ve turned women into objects, not companions. In this cycle, you’re nothing more than a predator hunting for momentary satisfaction. The thrill? It dies the moment the act is over, and you’re left feeling hollow. It’s because you’re chasing the wrong thing. You’re looking for connection, but trying to find it in fleeting moments of lust.

You know why every woman feels the same? Because you’re not actually connecting with her—you’re connecting with your desire for distraction. The more you pursue this path, the more you reduce these encounters to transactions. Seduction becomes mechanical. The spark fades. You feel the cold, and yet you keep hunting for the next one, thinking maybe she will be different.

The truth is, no amount of women will heal the wound left by your ex. That wound is internal. You are trying to patch it with physical pleasure, but the pain goes deeper. And yes, with every rejection, the ego suffers, until you start questioning your worth, not because women reject you, but because you have become disconnected from your own value.

This is not a life for kings—it’s a life for the lost.

So, what do you do? Two options:

Seek meaning—whether it’s in a relationship, in a bond that goes beyond physicality. Find a woman who challenges you, who awakens something in you, not just lust, but fire. Women are not merely objects of pleasure; they are mirrors to your soul. If you can’t find depth in these connections, you’ll always feel empty.
Or, detach entirely—leave the game. Step away from this meaningless chase. Focus on mastering yourself, building your mind, your body, your spirit. Let women come after you’ve mastered your purpose. Stop being the hunter, become the prize. True confidence and power come when you are no longer driven by the need to conquer, but to build.

Pleasure without purpose? It's poison. You'll feel it rot you from the inside. Become a man who creates, not a man who consumes. Women will come, yes, but when you are whole, you’ll realize you don’t need many—you only need one who aligns with your mission.

FromTheCaveIntoLight · 2024-10-22T19:08:10+00:00

It was always the hunt that was the peak. Never the act of sex or the follow up. Loved meeting a lot of woman, learned a lot, had great experiences that will always stay with me, but it is something you really need to consider if you want it indefinitely. But the real benefit of it comes when or if you do decide to settle down. You know exactly how to vet properly. You know quickly if it’s worth more of your time. And as you mentioned, you have a checklist of how to attract. Most don’t even comprehend that.

Middle-Safe-1493 · 2024-10-22T14:28:47+00:00

Get a girlfriend, gee never thought of that one

dystopia061 · 2024-10-22T16:48:49+00:00

Bros been fucking 2s 😂

Longjumping_Act9758 · 2024-10-22T15:11:20+00:00

No one said your problems will disappear humble bragger. The same can be said about money and everything else in life.

FreeTheMarket · 2024-10-22T16:36:54+00:00

Eh, having non-committal romantic relationships can be great. Having a GF can also be great.

It depends on if each situation is appropriate for what you’re looking for.

on_a_benderxo · 2024-10-22T10:57:24+00:00

Getting a gf doesnt fix it for everyone. I recently got a gf after years of casual sex and the void in my soul is still not filled. I am planning to breakup soon and going back to the streets.

CharmingRejector · 2024-10-22T18:45:57+00:00

Nice! I like this advice. I will just get a Ferrari. I can't afford it right now, and with my minimum wage, I probably never will, but you know... Just get a Ferrari!

Your problem is that you don't even enjoy the abundance you've got, because it's no replacement for what you really long for, which is deep intimacy with that one special girl. And - well, you already discovered this but - you don't get that through hookup culture. For that, you need to slow right down and relax and perhaps even dare to be just friends for a while.

What most people don't understand about the friend zone is that you're only relegated to that place if you're too eager, and if you aren't able to build true intimacy with her. If you relax, and you're ok with it, you will eventually end up in bed. Most likely. Instead of asking where you stand like a pussy, grab her hand and cuddle, real close. Then maybe make out. Don't ask "should we do this." Just do this. If she doesn't like that and pushes you away, or she then says she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, tell her that you'll always be her friend no matter what. But a fucking good friend!

But I digress. If you truly get to that point of detachment, you've gotta work on loving yourself first. And then be ok with your own lust for variety. Some people has to have that, and - sure - it can even be lonely to be the fuckboi, the impregnator. Some long for that life, I know it's not for me. That's why I focus on getting a gf. Tho in some sense, that's no easier than getting with many girls. It's just a different challenge, that is all.

pornis-addictive · 2024-10-22T04:11:54+00:00

This is on spot. I wish PUA coaches would stop selling this nonsensical illusion that this lifestyle brings genuine happiness. Btw, this is how sex addiction starts.

The detachment you describe is actually habituation which eventually leads to desensetization. Treating sex like instant gratification will only lead to very dark places.

TransitionOk9918 · 2024-10-22T08:40:12+00:00

Most people get into this to get a girlfriend…otherwise you will probably need to compromise

Technical-Ad-3878 · 2024-10-22T08:44:07+00:00

It feels weird to me to be intimate and dating with multiple girls at the same time, it feels a bit empty and it also feels like I’m doing something wrong. It’s also making the connections I form with the girls feel less genuine and important to me. When I was in a relationship I had a deep connection to her but the later half I wondered what it was like to be single, now that I’m single and dating around I’m realising it’s not really all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t even care that much for the sex, it’s just the connection I like. It’s strange when the idea you’ve been told as a man about having lots of sex with multiple girls doesn’t live up to what it’s portrayed as - same as how just waiting and finding “the one” also isn’t really true. Is it somewhere in the middle? Idk, it’s a strange road to navigate. Where do you think the best path / way to navigate it is?

Throwawayd2nd · 2024-10-22T10:01:28+00:00

I’m married, my wife thinks I’m uncool. I’m here to change that basically.

Worried-One2399 · 2024-10-22T13:30:02+00:00

I’ve gone through the fire… I’m currently GOING thro, MY FIRE. I kno it will end bcz I have a few prospects.

She not even the best looking, but I mesh REALLY well w/ her. Problem is that this isn’t something u can just “go out & get a girlfriend”.

It’s a slow process, fast @ times… but the faster that time is, the quicker it will burn.

So take ur time, DO NOT RUSH. No one is going anywhere (so u hope @ least) n if they do, they Str8 up did u the BIGGEST favor u can imagine.

Lord_Asmodeus93 · 2024-10-22T17:46:37+00:00

Not everyone wants the same things. But it all boils down to the age-old "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Ultimately, what you do with the skills you develop is up to you.

Eight-Nine-One-Zero · 2024-10-22T17:56:30+00:00

You’re ignoring the fact that modern dating comes with its own set of frustrations. In my experience, getting into something serious is a huge detriment to my peace of mind when you deal with what comes with having an actual girlfriend. Hooking up and keeping it light with 2-3 females at once is far more enjoy, you get your peace of mind, etc. 2 sides to one sword my man, one isn’t better than the other

and-bob · 2024-10-22T06:59:51+00:00

“Just”

caiocarv · 2024-10-22T11:50:26+00:00

Yeah. Hooking lifestyle gets old really fast.

As a guy who's constantly pulling girls just for sex, I even started losing erection because of all the meaningless sex.

I simply don't feel sexual attraction is enough anymore, because I want them to leave after my orgasm.

Although I really connect with what you saying, it's how the others comments say: we need to go through it to confirm.

But it's food for thought, nevertheless.

BetterString9306 · 2024-10-22T16:04:01+00:00

Just get a 9 to 5.

Forget about starting a businesS.

Don't hustle, don't grind.

Just find a 9 to 5 , its better for you.

Your advice is the same. I actually agree with you. Most men are not cut out for this lifestyle.

Most men should follow this.

But for the minority who want to aim higher else this advice is almost an insult.

jaydanteX · 2024-10-22T17:55:46+00:00

I was about to post something like this but yea this community ain’t about finding that one special person lol its just about game, skill and fun.

Ok_Warthog6163 · 2024-10-22T19:32:31+00:00

Not to mention skirting legal boundaries & riding the wave of potential lawsuits (ofc in future).

Dj_A_V_O · 2024-10-22T21:24:17+00:00

I can relate to most of this post. Weird thing is that I really just want a girlfriend, and all the girls I’ve been able to attract since I upgraded my “game” have all just wanted casual flings etc.

Not many men are gonna say no to sex if it’s offered, and certainly not I lol.

Now I have to figure out how to unwind the feeling of detachment I’ve gotten. Like you said, once you figure out the “formula” to attract girls/women something weird happens in your mind. What an odd experience life is.

I’m generally happy with my life, I just really want “my person” to share it with. And cuddles, lol. Of all my needs, cuddles/non sexual intimacy was the one I’ve never figured out how to fill without a partner.

To all those guys who need some help figuring out how to attract a girl or have sex at all, I really recommended the YouTube channel “The Dark Needle” - I learned so much about how girls think and how to attract them from this channel among others. You follow the guides and practice and you’ll be on your way in no time.

Wish everyone the best in finding what they seek as well as what they need 🤍

Agile_Slip_6399 · 2024-10-22T23:02:23+00:00

yeah. but its great feeling if you know so many women love you like you and want to sleep with you as a man. it must be wonderful feeling to be loved and wanted from so many. that you are so worthy

lucky you man. you are just not grateful what god gave you

DracoMuc · 2024-10-22T23:47:25+00:00

Yeah man, but life without women or woman also sucks and you get depressed like you are now who had over 1000 of them

mister_k1 · 2024-10-23T00:21:02+00:00

20 women after being dumped by my ex. I thought pursuing many different women would be a confidence booster and a great distraction from my break up, but it wasn’t at all.

you seem to have symptoms of oneitis

MentalCelOmega · 2024-10-23T02:17:10+00:00

Bruh, it is literally impossible to get a girlfriend.

No_Garlic_3270 · 2024-10-23T07:11:29+00:00

Still beats getting cheated on.

ghostsforglory · 2024-10-24T21:10:21+00:00

I've been seeing escorts all my life so have had sex with lots of hot girls but never had a gf. I'm 32 with great muscular physique as lifted weights all my life and 6ft tall. But I'm Asian and only attracted to white women.

yoyogi_voidwalker · 2024-11-11T17:58:09+00:00

I know it’s not the purpose of this post but Are you a good looking dude? Can you speak a bit on your strategy for finding women and going out? 20 in 3 months is impressive, at least for me!

bad_intentions_too · 2024-10-22T13:55:19+00:00

You meant to say 2 women in three months right, Player? Bc 20 is LMAO unless you paid for them. You’re a legend in your own mind.

BavarianMotorWerkss · 2024-10-22T03:25:06+00:00

There’s beauty in seduction to find the one. That’s my game. Dumping girls early (unless they are a freak) and moving onto the next. All in the game.

letsbehavingu · 2024-10-22T08:26:39+00:00

The thing is you need to date a lot to find a girl who is a good match, you are searching for a good sexual chemistry as well so maybe it’s necessary?

Visual-Guide5473 · 2024-10-22T14:14:53+00:00

For me, getting attractive female friends was key to having better interactions with women. Also helps a lot with social proof as well

shinn497 · 2024-10-22T14:29:52+00:00

I don't care. I still want to learn pickup

luke72ns · 2024-10-22T14:59:49+00:00

Suffering from success

TodayOrTmrw · 2024-10-22T15:39:06+00:00

I get you but it’s still fun. Majority of girls I hook up with always wants to be my gf anyways but I don’t allow it.

McChickenLargeFries · 2024-10-22T16:22:26+00:00

Just get a girlfriend... Easier said than done, it's much easier to sleep around.

RevoAgent · 2024-10-22T06:46:35+00:00

What's your checklist?

man-o-action · 2024-10-22T21:21:56+00:00

Good luck with jealousy and insecurity that comes along with knowing it will take you months before finding another hot girlfriend while she can find another guy easily. This is a perfect example of some nerdy guy who never left his mom's basement giving advice. No legit guy will ever tell give dumb advice like this. If rejections break you down, you're gaming wrong.

miyass_miyass · 2024-10-22T12:04:31+00:00

Lame

Pharaon_Atem · 2024-10-22T14:02:05+00:00

Yes but that the paradox haha. In order to get a girlfriend you need to be a player first ( or get lucky but if she dump you, you restart all) but you're right, for many people it's better to do it with moderation, because in the long run it seems that many people don't really enjoy this

Title	Just Get a Girlfriend.
Author	SplashGodNate
Upvotes	470
Comments	110
Date	October 22, 2024 2:48 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1g9830p/just_get_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/just-get-a-girlfriend.1533477 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533477

Comments