What is the difference between being creepy and flirty.

Woujo · 2020-08-17T13:55:26+00:00

Creepiness is emotional over-investment. It is ok to want to eat a sandwich for lunch, but it is creepy to think about the sandwich all day to the exclusion of everything else. Girls want to be desired, but they don't want you to invest too much of your thoughts and emotions into them.

Figuring out the "right" amount of emotional investment in a girl is difficult, but a good rule of thumb is this: how much would an attractive man with a fun life and a lot of options emotionally invest in this girl? If the girl is being bitchy or ignoring him, probably not a lot. If the girl is being friendly and flirty, he would start to emotionally invest in her. Another way to look at it is to emotionally invest in a girl in the amount that she has done something to deserve it. So, for example, if a girl looks pretty it is ok to say "hey you look great today." But if you stare at her for 20 minutes because she is pretty that is creepy because being pretty doesn't merit being stared at for 20 minutes.

This is a very rough draft of an answer; I am working on an article about this very subject.

Lagstravaganza · 2020-08-17T10:34:45+00:00

Flirtation is sexually harassing a willing participant.

tawwei · 2020-08-17T08:19:20+00:00

It depends on whether the girl is interested in you. If she doesn't like you you are creepy no matter what you do

nielsjeeeee · 2020-08-17T09:30:21+00:00

Look clean, dress clean and don't smell (no axe deodorant). Approach from the front. Furthermore pay attention to how comfortable a person is with you and base your conversation around it (or end it). Is the posture open? Is there any eye contact? Are their feet positioned towards you or ready to run away? What helps sometimes is to give a excuse that you have to leave in say 10 minutes. this way she doesn't have to be afraid to be stuck with you for the entire day and to brush you off.

Cheers

Drekalo · 2020-08-17T13:33:13+00:00

Attractiveness.

Masol_The_Producer · 2020-08-17T17:24:11+00:00

Forget flirting.

Be fun to talk to. Talk about what she likes, let her vent.

She’ll decide if she wants to take next level.

LongLiveDetroit · 2020-08-17T11:25:50+00:00

Bruh if you're ugly af literally just saying hello will be looked at as creepy, if you good looking tho you can basically say w/e you want lmfao.

therealMericGetler · 2020-08-17T22:00:47+00:00

Unpopular: hot guys can be creepy af. I've seen this firsthand.

Rodders88 · 2020-08-17T09:53:15+00:00

Your looks. It’s only creepy if she thinks your ugly.

harry8008 · 2020-08-17T10:05:22+00:00

Follow rule 1, 2 n you r not creeper

klippklar · 2020-08-17T17:38:51+00:00

My opinion might differ from most, but I don't think it's a question of whether she's attracted to you. You can definitely flirt (or at least make attempts) with any girl without coming off as creepy.

It's a matter of how needy you appear, whether you make that lusting I've got a big boner face that girls hate. As long as you're amused, outcome independent and not hold back by anxiety (-> confidence) you're fine.

Ever seen a gay man jokingly pinch a girls butt or comment on their boobs (without coming off as creepy)? What's the difference? Try to figure out the answer and it will vastly improve your game.

Last thing is ambiguity: you can flirt in all subtlety. Watch stealth seduction by Richard La Ruina, you can be very sexual with girls in all subtedly, no isolation needed. They love it

HJGamer · 2020-08-17T18:35:32+00:00

Again, I’m gonna mention Models by Mark Manson because this is yet another thing which he covers in that book. Basically no matter what you do there will always be some instances where a you will come of as creepy.

The most important thing (aside from not looking like a creep) is keeping your intentions clear, an example saying ‘do you wanna hang out sometime?’ could be considered creepy because your intentions are vague.

‘You seem cute and I’d love to get to know you better’ (in the right context of course) is probably not gonna creep anyone out. It shows that you are interested in her romantically without coming of as needy or vague.

Creepiness is a kind of fear.

Again, I can recommend Models, it has the answer to pretty much all questions regarding dating.

Komnenos1180 · 2020-08-17T11:32:14+00:00

Forget about the looks stuff everyone is saying. I'm pretty sure a lot of people here look 10/10, but are still creepy.

You will know the difference between creepy and flirty when you stop making theories about seduction and get in the world. Talk to people, interact, understand boundaries, get useful, develop yourself, respect others and be curious about them, etc.

You will understand that "creepy" people just make others uncomfortable for a reason or another. If it were just the looks, this subreddit would not exist.

Cultivate a friendly personality and be nice with everyone, not only girls, and it will take you far in life. Of course, respect yourself and work hard, I'm not saying you should be a doormat.

Ultimately, you only have to get outside and enjoy yourself. You will learn to know yourself and you will learn to know others. Knowing yourself is power.

Take care my friend, I know you will have a good life.

FrankenBeanTheGreat · 2020-08-17T10:30:46+00:00

A good baseline is the context. Firstly, are you in an environment where flirting is appropriate. If you approach a girl while she is at the gym or an exercise class, most of the time she will likely find it creepy cause she is there to work out and will feel like you have been watching/staring. Similarly approaching a girl who is alone or busy is very intimidating. And also, if she is at work, particularly customer service rolls, she is by the nature of her job forced to be nice and so you won't be getting a proper read of her personality or interest. The next thing is that most girls don't like some random person coming up to them and straight up diving right in with flirting, especially hardcore flirting. Generally speaking if a girl thinks you are only interested in her body then you will only really get a positive response from girls who are similarly only interested in your body.

Alex_O7 · 2020-08-17T17:52:05+00:00

I' really concerned where this community is going right now.

Seeing that the most liked comment (even awarded, gd) is basically contradictory to what seduction is, and is borderline incel theory, is very heartbreaking and a shame to this community...

Too many shitty post lately and too much wrong mindset in here 🤦‍♂️

2020-08-17T15:45:37+00:00

All you need is some self awareness, you just need to know boundaries and limits.

Trust yourself and your gut.

bugoscsiga · 2020-08-17T17:35:38+00:00

I sometimes fell into this pit every now and then (22m).

I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time, moved to and came to a uni in a new country a year ago and I'm still figuring out my friends and connections and such. It seems finally I found a really nice girl who I talk to sometimes (I try not to on Facebook etc, much more in real life). We have pretty good conversations, I like hanging out with her, I think the feeling is mutual, however every time when I crack a joke and see her laugh I sometimes find myself cracking another one, and another one and so on. I don't know, just because I like her smile and etc and I feel like around the 5th joke comes across as a forced joke even from me and when I look at her I also see this polite smile on her face which says: 'ok you're funny but just chill out dude.' I usually think: 'ok, that should be it.'

So yeah, if you want to be creepy, just do like me lol

Mizay · 2020-08-17T18:41:36+00:00

Creepy is when a dude is ugly flirty is when the dude is handsome. Haha

2020-08-17T20:03:48+00:00

If she likes you it's flirty, if she doesn't it's creepy. Other than that, there's nothing you can do to change it.

relentless_pma · 2020-08-17T20:09:35+00:00

I also don’t really get IOI’s or get checked out so I quite frankly feel blind out there.

I recognize this. I wonder do you feel bad about it? A lot of advice here are about reacting to IOI's and flirting with the eyes and that kind of advice makes me feel worse.

hotshot117 · 2020-08-17T20:22:00+00:00

Be good looking and you won't be creepy, flirt away. Unless you deliberately act like a massive retard

2020-08-17T08:20:41+00:00

The difference between being creepy or flirty is essential how good you are looking.

It's mostly very easy if you are very attractive what you say will have a higher chance of having a positive impact.

That's it and my advise is just talk like a normal human being with other people. Chances are high that you will have a nice conversation ✌🏻

Have a great day!

Dominus-Prime- · 2020-08-17T14:07:15+00:00

There’s value in what people are saying: a good looking guy can appear charming for saying the same shit an ugly guy says who comes off creepy. But also a lot of it comes from being graceful in a confident way. Creeps are not graceful or confident usually. They may be bold but that’s often compensating for a lack of self.

But here’s a tidbit I’ve observed: the guy who is often concerned with coming off as creepy ends up coming off as creepy in his attempt to not come off as creepy. Sort of like when doing a task you can screw it up the more you try not to. This is by no means where all creepiness comes from. It’s just another source of it to consider.

“One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.” - Master Oogway

27club_inductee · 2020-08-17T16:08:37+00:00

If she thinks you’re attractive or not

Cboubou · 2020-08-17T09:33:51+00:00

It's no looks (see Tom Torero or Teddy Eddy, not the most attractive dudes in the world... They're flirty not creepy). It's not about if the girls find you attractive. In cold approach the girls sees you for the first time. So you start from a blank canvas. She is not attracted to you yet.

It's all about the way you deliver "your lines". As Owen from RSD (Tyler for the old school purists) all needs to be a "joke", i.e. light-hearted, fun, cheeky and funny. If you say "Gooosh you're hot" on a needy way then yes it's creepy af. If you say with a smirk without giving a shit "Goooosh you're hot... Go away from me. You're distracting me a sensible, shy and religious boy" then it's flirty and it will probably be received well by the girl.

The rule is "have fun" and "the girl is your mirror". If you have fun, stay light hearted and just laugh about it, what you say won't be creepy. If then she tells you off and calls you creppy just say "sorry I was just joking around, never mind" and leave and go to the next one... In any case the girl won't be fun and you won't enjoy your time with her.

Dolokhov88 · 2020-08-17T13:55:29+00:00

looks

earsurgery9 · 2020-08-17T10:49:47+00:00

Basically 'attraction'.

If she considers the guy to be good looking/attractive, it's likely his flirting will be well recieved - No matter what he does

If the guy is not her type, then it can easily become 'creepy'. What young girl wants a guy who she's not into, flirting with her? Plus she doesn't want to flirt back and give him the wrong idea, so the whole thing gets awkward fast.

paul_brightside · 2020-08-17T12:13:48+00:00

Listen carefully, bro. It depends on you.

If you're someone who knows a thing or two about flirting, respects the girl, and most importantly, your own self, I don't see how you can come off as creepy.

As someone pointed it out, some girl who doesn't like you probably finds you creepy. But let me tell you this, I've approached girls who didn't initially like me (my ex used to hate me aggressively even), and found success. And even if I didn't win them over, I left the conversation without seeming creepy at least. Because it's perfectly fine for a straight male to find another female attractive and hit on her. While doing so, respect her, know some boundaries, be receptive to her reactions to you, and know THIS inside yourself that by just trying to take your chances with a chick who you find attractive doesn't make you a creep.

What makes you a creep includes acts like fumblingly walking up to her and dragging on a conversation which is dead, avoiding eye contact, texting on and on someone who clearly isn't interested, following or stalking someone, ogling at someone, stuff like that.

TLDR, Respect for the people in the conversation, for boundaries, is what makes you not be creepy.

Brutal-Black · 2020-08-17T16:43:59+00:00

It’s most likely the amount of desperation in your tones and behaviors

MyScapeGoatee · 2020-08-17T17:04:53+00:00

How you look and how hard you are trying to do it.

But even If you do it real smooth, if she doesn’t like you; you’ll be labeled creepy. Harsh double standards.

AkranarKun · 2020-08-17T17:51:38+00:00

Framing.

andychampagne · 2020-08-17T18:08:37+00:00

Don’t be concern about being creepy just respond to the signals you get. Creepy only matters when it can’t accept rejection. Otherwise it’s just par for the course

Bella_027 · 2020-08-17T18:18:53+00:00

Totally depends on the situation and the level of attraction between the two people. Just be sweet and funny in the beginning and if the girl is clearly into you then start being more flirty/dirty.

2020-08-17T18:38:07+00:00

Be well dressed, cleanly groomed, and don't approach with solely sex on your mind (but still a little bit). The trick to not being creepy while flirting is finding that contextual balance on making your sexuality clear but also realizing you're dealing with a real person, with emotional desires too. It really just comes with practice. I'm better than I once was but still become creepy every now and then.

Be too covert about your sexuality, and she'll see you're hiding sick intentions about her. Be too overt, and she'll think you just want her for sex. Which maybe works if you're trying to pickup at a bar or club, but not necessarily for day game, or a romantic date. The balance requires constant calibration and you always gotta be 100% on point picking up the cues she's giving you.

Buno_ · 2020-08-17T18:39:51+00:00

Whether the other person is flirting back.

FinalPush · 2020-08-17T18:43:36+00:00

I feel like many of us especially me as guys are afraid of pushing boundaries with women. I don’t have much experience with women because I never initiated or anything but I have a feeling that women want to be pushed around and lead in all sorts of directions. They’re not the ones to do any initiative, it’s on you as a man.

Ghosty_Guy3 · 2020-08-17T19:00:42+00:00

Watch this video it will really enlighten you on this whole thing. https://youtu.be/cCSDFjWaPBY

throwawaygang21 · 2020-08-17T19:10:41+00:00

A big difference is making your intentions clear as soon as possible. If you interact with a girl platonically and then start flirting with her out of nowhere it’s probably going to creep her out, but if you establish that type of cocky/funny, fun, and flirty vibe when you first meet her then she’ll either get screened out (saying she has a bf or she’s not interested) or she will reciprocate. This saves you time anyway.

Now as for how to flirt with a girl you just met. It depends on the situation. You just need to learn to read the situation and social ques. The way you can flirt with a girl you just met in a club at 1am might be creepy with a girl at the dog park. Use common sense, you can also flirt without relating directly to sex. You can honestly flirt while saying anything. Depends on how you say it and it helps to hold eye contact. You can throw a compliment, you can tease her, etc. she’ll pick up on it without you having to eye fuck her and make a sex joke out of the blue when you were originally talking about the stock market. Shit like that will come off so weird.

socialanimal_us · 2020-08-17T19:30:55+00:00

That video talk about exactly that: https://youtu.be/bZAgGiDf2lo

2020-08-17T19:33:39+00:00

Being attractive or not.

agent_sugarlumps · 2020-08-17T20:04:11+00:00

Confidence and jokes works well for me. Start by working out and that will help build your confidence.

I like to have the mentality that we're friends first, or you're just getting to know her. It takes a lot of mental pressure off of you.

Practice also helps.

Reading a book called The Natural by Richard La Ruina had some good tips. Not a be all end all of course, but gave some form / structure to it.

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-08-17T20:09:16+00:00

Creepy is usually the result of one or all of these three things:

Flirting with someone where there's no mutual attraction.
One party having a significant higher level of attraction/investment than the other.
One party hiding their attraction from the other party, so their actions mismatch their intentions.

You'll also notice that these three behaviors are generally needy and unattractive in and of themselves. Look up my comprehensive guide on here called: "This is how you stop creeping women out or stop feeling creepy around women."

St_Nicolos · 2020-08-17T20:16:25+00:00

If you being creepy then you might not be socially calibrating the interaction. (Your going to have to adjust the tone. We all have to do this.)

If your flirting your at least creating polarity back and forth/negging/ just being an overall fun (normal dude.)

ImportantHead3 · 2020-08-17T20:31:05+00:00

You ever been really tense or nervous and said something that came across the wrong way and it was "creepy"/"cringe"? It's a subtle energy and vibe thing. It feels different to genuinely ask someone what time it is because you really don't know then to ask them that cuz you wanna start a conversation to flirt.

If you're relaxed and you feel good as you walk up to a girl, the odds of you coming off as creepy and menacing go down. But if it's you're first time approaching a cute girl you don't know of course you're going to be a little nervous, tense and probably come across as a little weird. But that's just part of learning and growing. As long as youre being respectful and not touching them without consent, you should be fine.

2020-08-17T20:34:21+00:00

The only creepy things are if you ask for sex or kinky stuff right away, and act like you already know them imo.

jj4red2021 · 2020-08-17T20:34:31+00:00

Being able to make her laugh or smile enough to forget she started off uncomfortable during the conversation is key. I am naturally weird enough to be looked at as creepy. I am not that good looking and have tourettes syndrome. I also am naturally shy when rejection is a possibility but I love to make people laugh. Once I learned most women want a man that can make them laugh all of my defects stopped being an issue. I have purposely been creepy from the beginning enough times to still hook up with a woman to be secure with saying just make them laugh while being creepy and it wont matter

CoastalExpress · 2020-08-17T20:35:06+00:00

If you don’t have experience in being flirty, focus on just being playful for a few months and don’t make any direct comments on appearances until you’ve put in the reps on casual playfulness and it feels natural.

Playful = jokes that you would make with men and women, very light harmless teasing, etc.

And spread out the attention, like if you were at a small get together don’t focus attention on one person for 20 minutes. Maybe chunks of like 2-5 minutes of small talk sprinkled throughout an evening.

dracoj21 · 2020-08-17T20:44:59+00:00

Imo high value vs low value

derpledooDLEDOO · 2020-08-17T20:55:59+00:00

Learning to laugh about a mistake later will allow you to push those limits and not feel too bad about it. It’s ok to make mistakes and say the wrong things or come off as creepy.

It’s ok to look back and say, “I can’t believe I said that...”

2020-08-17T21:32:30+00:00

Ive read and watch a number of programs on this and there is a VERY define rules over creepy, and they make understanding it VERY simple. I want this to be short, but i bet it ends up long over explaining it...

- If you are aware you come over creepy this means theirs nothing wrong with you understanding how women act towards you, as others will claim you cant read any signs, clearly you CAN as you KNOW you will be creepy, most guys KNOW they come over sexy, even when the woman says shes not interest, he knows she is, just saying no... where as you KNOW they really have no interest

- There are 3 states of mind with women:

: fear / rejection, never wanting to be near a guy, like maybe walking down the road alone and being so scared they will be attacked

: attraction, totally opposite to fear, when they want to be so close to guys and do sex

: CREEPY, this is key, its neither fear or attraction, its in between, generally it turns in to fear, never attraction, as you give off confusing body language that doesnt match your actual actions, thats why you hear "hes always creepy around me" meaning she knows your wont attack her but she knows she will never like you, but really other than her knowing you want sex, she really doesnt want you around

The above means you may act like you want to go out with her, but what she reads your unspoken body is not that, its normally blank so your spoken word so actions dont match your unspoken body language.

Creepy has turned in to a bad word, to mean ANYONE wanting sex with someone who they are not interested in OR currently if she works out you want sex before you said that to her or made advances to her to make that known.

What i have not worked out is why women hate a guy when he acts like hes not interested when she thinks hes still creepy, there is clearly some unspoken language they are picking up they dont like when you say you have no interest as no one is interested in you, you then get the speech "no one owes you anything", that line clearly came form somewhere, and according to exerts seems to imply them voicing there guilt, trying to make you aware they are not the ones at fault when clearly it is likely them and not you..... You are you, you cant change only the actions towards you, but with everyone calling you creepy, you cant fix that without altering who you are... abit like acting "less gay" which also isnt possible.

BrexFlexx · 2020-08-17T21:50:57+00:00

The way you look

robinater · 2020-08-17T21:55:51+00:00

Whether or not they think you're attractive.

supersoy1 · 2020-08-17T22:02:02+00:00

Creepy is when you are ugly, flirty is when you are attractive.

OscarM123 · 2020-08-17T22:25:58+00:00

Difference is if they want to fuck you or not......

2020-08-17T22:40:45+00:00

You don’t try to flirt, it just kinda happens. Kinda like how people most people don’t always try to be funny, they just come up with jokes that are relevant to the conversation. Same with flirting, but be charming and not sexual. You never have to give the hint that you want to fuck, she already knows. You gotta get her to want to fuck you

AdvocateReason · 2020-08-17T23:42:42+00:00

Regarding actual creepiness it's all about instinctual confusion.
If you confuse (not just verbally, but visually, or physically) for any sustained amount of time without first properly socially proofing yourself your threat level will be re-assessed.
If the subject's mind (the one whom you are concerned about) cannot find resolution in the conflicting information that's creating the confusion then they will experience "creepiness".

So how does one avoid being creepy?
Make yourself cohesive, a singular vision that does not create confusion.
In other words: Make Sense.

Undercovermother19 · 2020-08-17T23:53:54+00:00

If it is reciprocated then it is flirting, however if it is not then it is just being creepy

Vidmario_Bros · 2020-08-18T03:41:02+00:00

There is a good chance you will come off as creepy, I have, many times but after that you will never see the girl again so the best thing to do is count to 3 then approach

2020-08-17T14:11:01+00:00

The difference between creepy and flirty, also the difference between being persistent and being a stalker is if the woman finds you attractive.

revente · 2020-08-17T13:29:08+00:00

It's half attractivenes and half frame/social adjustment.

bDsmDom · 2020-08-17T15:45:21+00:00

Being attractive

2020-08-17T15:49:52+00:00

The other party being attracted to you

Bvllvj · 2020-08-17T16:19:21+00:00

Ugly vs not ugly

violoncristy · 2020-08-17T16:20:46+00:00

Depends on how well you’ve known each other. If a guy I don’t know starts trying to flirt with me suddenly that’s creepy. If my friend since middle school started flirting with me, it’d be surprising, confusing, maybe comical but not creepy.

_DEMONSLAYER64 · 2020-08-17T10:49:19+00:00

If you are hot you are flirty. If you are ugly you are creepy

Maelmin · 2020-08-17T13:31:38+00:00

If its a random approach, I try to draw attention to my awareness of that by saying something like "hey this is totally random but would you like to gang out sometime?" This is good if you are already vibing on something else.

roadtoretention · 2020-08-17T13:32:59+00:00

Indifference

starfire_xes · 2020-08-17T15:32:39+00:00

Creepy means you like sex, and society approves. Flirty mean sex talk is ok by social approval. There are social constraints.

reddit_of_SID_ · 2020-08-17T16:22:13+00:00

It’s all body language. Think about it, you approach a girl out of nowhere and then tell her “I want to impregnate you” in a very nervous and fidgety way. Now that’s creepy. On the contrary, you already made some eye contact with the girl, you have a confident body language. You approached the girl while making a solid eye contact with her, a cheeky smirk on you face. And then you tell her “I want to impregnate you” as if your words doesn’t mean shit. She is going to give your her whole attention. It doesn’t matter “what you say” but “how you say”

greyman0425 · 2021-11-18T03:36:52+00:00

There are other general definitions out there but pushing boundaries when she is not interested will get you labeled a creep every time. It basically boils down to being attractive and socially acceptable versus not being attractive and not socially acceptable to her at that time.

If she is not interested, just saying hi or even being with 10 feet or (about 3 meters) will be seen as threatening, creepy and annoying to her.

Fortunately, women are as subtle as a punch to the face. When they like a guy, holy crap women become little creepers. Every creepy PUA trick you have read about here on reddit, many women have been using since middle school, most since high school.

Honestly just engage in small talk and being "friendly" not need to push for socials. Just keep an eye out for ~~creepy~~ flirty behavior from women

Title	What is the difference between being creepy and flirty.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	199
Comments	153
Date	August 17, 2020 7:46 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ib9t9g/what_is_the_difference_between_being_creepy_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-is-the-difference-between-being-creepy-and.1500565 https://theredarchive.com/post/1500565

Comments