I am by no means an expert on these things but thought it may be helpful to list the things I did well and the mistakes I made. Feel free to add your own. Married 7y, together 14y, 2 kids under 7yo, got cheated on then lied to and finally came clean months later after much pressure, divorce initiated Apr'23, finalised Apr'24, UK.

Good things:

Grey rock and NC at all times - in the beginning she wanted to talk a lot about "what happened". She got dumped by AP as soon as they had sex for the first time (funny that), then rekindled the day after she left to "be by herself and find herself". It was all a spiel to ease her conscience. The idea is if they can just show you what they went through and ideally be friends, then she can't be a bad person (for herself and publicly). Don't engage. It will make you question your sanity.

Negotiate settlement ASAP while she's in affair fog. Text or email, no talking.

Double down on being the best dad. Make new memories. Be emotionally available to them. Mine told me "dad's are the funny parents and moms are the serious ones, arent they?" because she always would be stressed. Try not to think about them too much when they're at hers eg how she raises them. You can't change it. I made many super special moments with kids to the extent they are sometimes a tad disappointed when the doorbell rings during swap days.

Use these forums and lean on your friends (special shoutout to @Sanguinius!). Don't keep Switzerland friends who want to maintain a friendship with you and the ex. You don't need those people. Better to have a few solid friends than many half-assed friendships. The friend who calls you up when kids are with the ex and takes you to the driving range for a few swings and beers is the kind of mate you want.

Read Cheating in a nutshell and Lose a cheater gain a life. Best books out there.

Engage a lawyer yesterday. But shop around (see mistakes).

Use Tinder and Bumble for sex, Hinge for higher quality women. Do your research and do's and don'ts for your profile. Facetime before the first meet if possible unless you can verify their looks eg checking their Insta or FB (including tagged / non-doctored pics). Most women use filters and/or old pics. You don't want to be surprised.

Remove all pictures and things that remind you of her from house, phone, etc. Make a professional photoshoot with your kids and hang the pics all over the walls where the old ones used to hang. Don't give copies to your ex (she will ask for the ones of the kids).

Write a note to her about all the wrongs she's done to you and what you hate about her. Then destroy it. Or keep it and add to it whenever you feel down / need reminding why this hoe doesn't deserve you. I keep mine on the phone.

Maintain a log of all that happened. You may need that if only to remind yourself. She will create a new storyline.

Doubled down on gym and eating healthy. Check your posture and stand tall. Follow Pappa Swolio on Insta for motivation. In the gym, don't do cardio before lifting weights.

Buy new, well-fitting clothes. TrueClassic really are amazing and did wonders for my confidence.

Depending on your kid's age, install a (child) chatting app so they can contact you whenever they are with the other side.

Go to the Barber regularly, look sharp.

Watch Jordan Peterson talk about divorce.

If she cheated, realise its NOT your fault, no matter what.

Remember she's not the woman you're married.

Buy a motorcycle.

Mistakes I made: Spent months puking daily (not by choice).

Drank far too much and started smoking again after 10y smoke-free (have stopped both now).

Have at least 5 free lawyer consultations and chose the one who gives you the best vibe, ideally an aggressive one who understands the balance between keeping legal costs low but is in your corner when you need them. Fired my first set of lawyers for a significantly more expensive one (per hour) but got much better advice and overall cheaper.

Therapy wasn't for me. Had 2 therapists. First one I fired because he was advocating R. Second one didn't help me much. Maybe it's better for others.

I blurred the line too much when she went through a personal tragedy and comforted her for a week including cuddling (no sex). Thought I was being a good man / had to be there for the family. But that set my healing back by months.

Had suicidal thoughts once or twice.

Most motivational things I read:

You own 100% of 50% of the issues in your relationship.

Divorces are expensive because they're worth it.

Accept that women recover after breakups fast because they likely monkey-branched and/or can get a guy by just smiling at them at a bar. But it won't last. Men recover slower but in time far better once your confidence recovers and lifestyle changes pay off. Also the dating pool for women in their 30s (esp single mothers) is 40+yo guys since they can't compete with the younger women. For men it's the other way around (currently dating a girl 14y younger than my ex).

Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Don't unalive yourself.