What are your distractions?

saywhatonemogdmtime · 2026-01-22T16:45:31+00:00

“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone” - Blaise Pascal.

Just give it some time. You’re trying to distract yourself from the pain and escape your own mind, which is understandable but only when facing it head on will you eventually overcome it and climb out of the abyss.

Good luck to you man, you can do it.

nerdzilla16 · 2026-01-17T02:43:23+00:00

I focused on my custody case. I game with friends. I don’t think I’ve focused too much on the loss of my relationship, couldn’t afford that when custody is on the line.

wparo · 2026-01-16T17:02:10+00:00

A new girl

Prize_River9642 · 2026-01-16T09:20:02+00:00

I was like that at the start too.

Flooding myself with as much dopamine as possible via apps.

I'll be honest, none of it helped. Not really. It was almost impossible to focus on anything.

The single best decision I made was to commit fully to an exercise routine. I cried before, during, and after. But now I'm 8 months in. Still fucked, but at least now I'm fucked and in good shape. I do think it has given me a base that was essential for survival.

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-16T05:52:13+00:00

affair replaying, walks making it worse, TV numbing, video games feeling pointless when your real life just imploded.....nothing fully distracts you early on, you just stack enough breaks until the gaps get longer.

Cook complicated shit you've never made - forces focus or you burn the house down, plus you eat better than sad cereal at 2am standing at the sink like a divorced raccoon 😂

Learn something random on YouTube - Rubik's cube, fix a car, lockpicking...brain can't obsess over her affair while figuring out why this damn cube won't solve itself

Adopt a dog - they don't care about your divorce, just want walks and will destroy your couch if bored, which honestly gives you new problems to think about 🐕

Rage rooms - smash shit with a bat, scream, pretend the dishes are her lies,oddly therapeutic and cheaper than actual therapy per hour 💥

Open mic comedy nights - watch drunk people bomb on stage telling divorce jokes worse than yours, suddenly your life feels less catastrophic 🤣

Jiu jitsu or boxing - get choked out by a 20-year-old named Kyle, wake up realizing you forgot about her for 90 whole seconds, progress! 🥊

Build/fix something with your hands - woodworking, car projects, IKEA furniture without instructions just for the chaos of it all

Join a recreational sports league - softball, kickball, bowling,,,,you'll suck at first but at least you're sucking at something NEW instead of replaying the same mental highlight reel of her betrayal

The betrayal replay eventually loses volume, brother. Just not on your timeline. Until then, become a divorced raccoon who can solve Rubik's cubes and makes killer lasagna.

North-Permit-1021 · 2026-01-16T05:25:55+00:00

I do play video games sometimes, I eat my favorite foods and hangout with friends once in a while . It was really hard for me at first , the memories with almost made me a cry baby but I did research and found a course online that helped me moved on and I really do feel better right now

GoldBunch7294 · 2026-01-16T01:54:29+00:00

If it helps at all, I was in a really similar headspace for a while couldn’t focus, everything circled back to the betrayal, and even the things I used to enjoy felt pointless. Exercise helped a little, distractions helped for minutes, but nothing really stuck.

What oddly made a difference for me wasn’t another “stay busy” thing, but a short course I stumbled across online that was focused on dads going through separation/divorce. It wasn’t motivational fluff or therapy-speak. More like: here’s why your brain is stuck in this loop, here’s how to get through the day without fighting your thoughts, and here’s how to show up for your kids without pretending you’re fine.

I didn’t “fix” anything overnight, but it gave me structure when my mind was chaos, and that alone took some weight off. Just wanted to share in case you’re looking for something that actually understands this phase instead of trying to distract you out of it.

Commercial_Song_7595 · 2026-01-15T23:22:44+00:00

Mountain bike snowboarding etc

tvicl69BlazeIt · 2026-01-15T22:39:19+00:00

Try out BJJ, you can focus on class for a while or get choked out

Tonyalarm · 2026-01-15T21:30:41+00:00

For me it’s structure more than distraction. Work tasks, cleaning, cooking something new, fixing small things, journaling, calling one safe person. Not to escape the thoughts, but to give them somewhere to settle. Distraction only works briefly. Routine is what slowly quiets the noise.

LimJayee · 2026-01-15T21:05:33+00:00

I cant do anything Ive been frozen since she left two weeks afo I dont know what to do or think, I just know thankfully in the money dept. we can do this but shes basically living 15 minutes away in her own atp, I staying in the house, I ant take it, I cant even turn the TV on to watch TV I just thnk and fest on impending doom comon, I lost business last Sept I had a mental breakdown over the summer, closed my shop for weeks repopinged only for NYS to come in and literally lock me out

I get it, Im no good, but she wants to work on it? Why????? I dont get it I will never be who shes wanting.

Podonkeyfkr · 2026-01-15T21:03:35+00:00

Books, bike riding, running, random reddit videos, walks at the park, gym, vicariously living through other people's joy.

I just kind of consider that old self as deceased, so now I'm starting to break free mentally and emotionally. I can even laugh again.

Gockdaw · 2026-01-15T20:05:17+00:00

I found some really simple things helped a lot.

Exercise is great. I won't go on about that because so many other people will tell you and I've nothing new to say on it. I used to grow some really basic stuff like tomatoes and I found that growing things brought me great peace. Having the turmoil of a divorce and not being able to source a hitman meant I benefitted a lot from being able to calm myself. Over the last few years though, I got really into growing carnivorous plants and mushrooms. Both fascinated me and now there's nobody shouting at me, why not embrace what makes me happy? When things were really shit and I needed to clear my head I found jigsaws to be incredibly good for me. A lot of people tell me they find jigsaws frustrating but for me they allow me to turn my brain off while I make sense of the mess systematically.

twiggyRamirez11 · 2026-01-15T20:03:30+00:00

I work from 9 to 5 and after that I am taking online classes and I am also going to the gym

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2026-01-15T19:53:30+00:00

I’m still looking for my distractions 3 months post the D-bomb. Therapy is a must, I’m trying a deeper trauma therapy next instead of talk therapy. It’s winter and it’s sucks getting motivation. I’m 100% go when I have the kids. Visiting friends and planning is all I can do now. Good luck, this is awful

Ok_Tea30 · 2026-01-15T19:22:00+00:00

I know that feeling all too well, when everything else fades and the hurt just takes over. Even the things that used to help stop working and it makes the days feel longer and heavier.

I took a course that helped me work through that intense pain and betrayal. It’s aimed at men and fathers dealing with divorce, separation, and identity loss, and it might help you too. It gave me tools to slowly reclaim my focus and peace.

Small steps matter, keep showing up for yourself, even if it’s just a short walk or a few minutes doing something that grounds you. It does start to add up.

Virtual_Safe1065 · 2026-01-15T18:19:41+00:00

As some others have mentioned try journaling. In particular "steam of consciousness journaling". Write whatever pops into your head down, no matter how crazy it sounds. No filter, no editing. Do it every night if you need to. Its like tossing little anger nuggets out of your body and onto a page. It will surprise you how much it helps. What you write is NOT meant to be shared with anyone else. Its for you.

You will eventually stop thinking about the affair all the time. It will pop into your head less and less often. You will find that certain situations or contexts will trigger you to think about it. Take notice when this happens. Avoid those circumstances if you can.

questionoffitness · 2026-01-15T17:56:46+00:00

I've been separated / divorced for 4 1/2yrs not and am still processing stuff. It helped for me to journal my thoughts and the connections I made along the way. Thinking about the ways she hurt me or pain she caused. Things she could have done different or better. Then ways I failed her. Things I could have done better or different. Helping to process things I can change and those that are out of my control.

In terms of distractions, I have been a gym rat for 15+yrs so making sure I stayed consistent in the gym has helped. After I moved out I got back into gaming a bit.. as my ex was very against me gaming when we got married, it was a nostalgic time for a bit. I also got the Audible app and have listened to a lot of books. Sci-fi, Fantasy, books on relationships or other topics of interest. I also have 2 young kids and have strived to be the best father I can be, being as present with them as i can. We have a 45/55 split, so i have them several days a week on a 4 week rotating schedule now. For the first time in their lives I am now able to both drop them off and pick them up from school... which I have enjoyed being able to do.

MrsManglesBangles · 2026-01-15T17:50:34+00:00

I'm doing similar distractions to you but also looking for social contact & connections. I joined a local volunteering group (GoodGym in the UK) and through that started going a personal trainer who not only helps me keep motivated to exercise but she also "gee's me up" during the workout and I leave feeling good. We talk about the divorce, plans etc and I've found it to be a boost.

I've also invested in some decent speakers (KEF LS50 Meta's, will soon get a sub) so can zone out listening to music (sometimes uplifting but also melancholy depending on mood). There's a local surf social group that gets me out surfing (very much a beginner but it's really invigorating even if I don't catch many waves).

I've fallen off the bandwagon with pc gaming as I spend too much time working from home. I just got a solo board game and plan to try out a local boardgame group.

Reflog1791 · 2026-01-15T17:29:19+00:00

Set some goals for your workouts.

My favorite for new divorcing guys is work your way up to 50 perfect push-ups in one go. Even if you start at 5 or 10 hitting that 50 number is awesome. You’ll look in the mirror and like what you see.

There is something very powerful about doing push-ups first thing in the morning. You’ll get worn out and shit like cheating ex wives or asshole bosses just won’t bother you as much.

It’s also a good number because you’re strong enough to do all the workouts in the gym.

bankofgreed · 2026-01-15T17:24:03+00:00

Going to the gym and taking up new hobbies seems to be the go to answer.

Have you tried therapy? That can help process your emotions.

It can be tempting but be careful of alcohol, drugs, porn or even dating. Yea they’ll help in the moment but they only make things worse in the long run

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-01-15T17:01:29+00:00

Bro it just takes some time. Took me a solid 6-7 months to process and the woke up one day, accepted where I was, and moved on.

Delicious-Curious · 2026-01-15T16:54:01+00:00

Following. Hang in there man. This all sucks.

Title	What are your distractions?
Author	ThrowRA_brsw22
Upvotes	19
Comments	50
Date	January 15, 2026 4:47 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qdoodu/what_are_your_distractions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-are-your-distractions.1571208 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571208

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