recognize & avoid the energetic vampires in disguise: men who only target women in distress/ in difficult situations because it makes them feel superior and who act passive-aggressive when the women get better

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-12-07T19:02:57+00:00

this is a fragment from a post from some years ago. the woman's boyfriend burns the candle that her late sister gifted her, knowing very well it would be hurtful for her. that candle was handmade by her sister and she cherished it very much; it was the last project they did together. her boyfriend knew about that; everybody knew about that, yet he chose to specifically burn that candle, when she had ten others. he then proceeds to display passive aggressive behavior, deny his guilt and finally lashes at her by telling her he liked her only because she was vulnerable after her sister's death. it's a rollercoaster. the post is very long and has many updates. if curious you can find it on relationship advice.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-12-07T20:09:14+00:00

Looking back, it's stunning how many men circulated around me while I was at my lowest and vulnerable. They were like sharks in the water and they were NOT good men. Now that I'm in a waaaay better place, men are nowhere to be found. Coincidence or conspiracy? We know.

Averyhvw · 2021-12-07T19:06:16+00:00

Yes, be wary of men who approach you at your lowest. Chris Watts comes to mind…

Healingirl · 2021-12-07T19:23:41+00:00

What's wrong with men seriously... and at least, this one is overtly admitting it.. many narcissist would secretely resent you as soon as you're happy and yourself and punish you by entering into a rage or silent treatment

MissouriBlue · 2021-12-07T19:15:47+00:00

My Covert Narcissist Ex did this.

And I’ve currently someone helping me professionally, we’ve discussed the Savior Complex that we think is creating “attraction” in the form of this illusion.

bleda_princezna · 2021-12-07T20:38:36+00:00

This is so disgusting. I wouldn't give him 60 days to move out, I'd change the locks first chance I get...

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-12-07T21:50:49+00:00

She gave this asshole 2 months more to live in her house??? This guy sounds like a psycho who would do anything to traumatize her again to get her back where he liked her. This is not a good idea.

aquietsword · 2021-12-07T20:32:17+00:00

I'm so disgusted by this man.

Spittens · 2021-12-07T21:36:44+00:00

This is the kind of shit my ex-husband would pull constantly.

No telling how many things I cared about or were sentimental over that he gleefully destroyed.

Living alone is so much better than letting a man who isn't HVM into your space, for any reason.

Ocean417 · 2021-12-07T21:52:21+00:00

I don’t think we talk enough about how dangerous men with a hero complex are (aside from the fact that it stems from narcissism). The hero men only receive validation from being the hero and the best way for them to do it is to keep a woman in a low place. They will do everything they can to discreetly break you down so that THEY can build you up with their own “training”. This is why you don’t date when you are in a low place because I swear they can bloody sniff it out. When dating ALWAYS present yourself as your most successful and confident self and never share your vulnerabilities! Some men will share all their “trauma” with you early on as a way to fake intimacy and trust so you tell him all of yours for him to later use.

Hero complex and covert narcissism tend to go hand in hand (think cult leaders). They are dangerous. If I were her I would be kicking him out and changing the locks.

rainbowshummingbird · 2021-12-08T02:23:35+00:00

Yes, this was my most recent relationship experience. While we were dating, I had been sexually harassed and retaliated against by my employer. My boyfriend was a civil litigator who I now believe is a narcissist. I think he liked that I was being tortured by my employer on a daily basis, this left me too exhausted to maintain firm boundaries with him. He enjoyed that he could give me legal advice and impress me with his litigation skills and intellect. He wasn’t my attorney though, I had retained an employment law attorney.

After settling with my employer via third party mediation, I dumped him. I made my employer pay, literally, and my energy level and self possession returned to normal. They want you weak, tortured, distracted, anxious, exhausted and uncomfortable; it makes their job of controlling you that much easier. Ugh, it’s so gross to think about, but it’s true.

BleakLite · 2021-12-07T23:13:16+00:00

Not just men but also shit friends too.

When you are at your low, do not make new friends...find a therapist and heal first. Hangout with trusted and friendship tested through time.

Those people have six sense around people who are emotionally vulnerable and know exactly when to take advantage of you.

The one 'friend' who was helping me at my low turned out to be an emotional sadist.

2021-12-08T03:19:23+00:00

There's overwhelmingly only 2 types of men: those who are turned on by your pain and those who are annoyed by it and just want it to be over asap. If you expect a man to emphathize and care about you you'll only be disillusioned and be hurt more. It comes naturally to most women but men just are incapable of actually loving and caring for someone as a person. To them women are just about utility, they don't love and care for their partner, they just love what she does for him. It's just about sex, lust, servitude, and catering to their ego

2021-12-08T00:19:00+00:00

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JoanGreenCat · 2021-12-07T20:04:52+00:00

When I was at my lowest it felt like everyone and their fathers wanted to date me. Oh so many texts "if you need a shoulder to cry on just call me". And I'm a person that never asks for help when I'm depressed I just totally shut myself from the world and people so it's not like I use people to heal myself and move on.

GayBabyJail42069 · 2021-12-07T20:28:39+00:00

Ill never understand the appeal of praying on emotionally vulnerable women. I have no idea why some men go out of their way to date women who are actively suicidal, affected by trauma, addicted to drugs, etc.

Vivid-Creampuff · 2021-12-07T21:28:39+00:00

I can’t believe she gave this clown 2 months to vacate. I gave my ex husband a week and that felt generous. Gtfo my name is on everything

sophisticunt69 · 2021-12-08T01:17:03+00:00

It’s really scary how being in a low state attracts men that feed off it.

professional-fox623 · 2021-12-08T02:54:29+00:00

Love that she has the house though, and kicked him out. You love to see it

TellCerseeItWasMe · 2021-12-08T03:40:32+00:00

I see that she met my ex

katiekat0214 · 2021-12-08T22:19:28+00:00

Once again: all about power, control, dominance. No cooperation, no collaboration to be found anywhere. If this isn't an advertisement for leveling up, I don't know what is. You level up, all NVM will never approach, and you scare off the lowest of the LVM, too. Strong, confident, capable, intelligent women SCARE men. Never forget this; it's our superpower.

DiosaCordilia · 2021-12-08T22:45:42+00:00

Oh boy.. The so called "savior", at least thats what these men want to be seen as. While in fact they thrive on you being depressed, so they look better. They get the compliments of "staying" and "helping". It's good for his ego etc. It's literal emotional abuse if you ask me and you are a total fucking monster and a sadist if you're getting off by people that are depressed.

Unbelievable.

pozzalovah · 2021-12-10T19:19:11+00:00

Is it a sign of depression not wanting to look good ?Some days i just have the urge not to look good as in sometimes i wanna wear PJ to school .Is it some kind of self sabotaging thing ?

LeastInjury8081 · 2021-12-07T20:31:58+00:00

My ex was exactly like this. It’s not the same targeting of vulnerability that you get in malicious narcissists. They don’t want to grind you down further. Instead they are somehow attracted to and turned on by your vulnerability, like it makes them feel like a big strong man.

My ex also had a complete flip as soon as I began to recover, like it was a massive turn off

Edit – have now read the full post, candle guy is an absolute psychopath.

But white knight syndrome is a real thing & it’s important to distinguish it from malicious narcissism in the red flag book

easter_beagle · 2022-06-04T05:28:52+00:00

He wanted to bring her back down where he liked her. Pathetic piece of shit

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