If the number of previous sexual partners shouldn't matter, wouldn't it be fair to say that past relationship behavior shouldn't matter at all to women?

DazzlingMolasses7 · 2020-04-13T21:09:40+00:00

"The number of failed business i have had in the past should have no bearing on you wanting to invest half your worth in my new business"

Why would you marry someone who changed her “man” more often than she changed her underwear?

Why would you marry someone who had multiple concurrent fuckbuddies for years and think she’s going to magically be loyal to you?

Women with a higher notch count are more likely to cheat on you and divorce you

Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour. It’s a recipe for disaster

SerpentCypher · 2020-04-13T20:15:03+00:00

Either sexual history matters, or it doesn't. End of story.

People want to cherry pick which parts matter and which parts don't based on what is convenient for them.

Truth is, it all matters. Promiscuity matters, lack of experience matters, manner of sex matters, all of it is a factor that a person can be and are judged about.

If you've had no sexual experience by a certain age then it's probably indicative of some personality defects. If someone has been very promiscuous then the same holds true.

It's okay to judge the manner in which someone accumulated their N count as well. Someone who's been involved in multiple threesomes, gangbangs. Did sex work/prostitution., porn. All are things that you can judge potential partners for, shaming can't make a person comfortable with something they're not comfortable with. Or not disgusted by something they're disgusted by.

The women here want to single out promiscuity as the one thing that doesn't matter because A) they don't like men (especially those they consider low value) to be able to judge women about anything. And B) It's inconvenient for them because they slept around but want to keep the UMC princess who's dreams all came true and have hot, rich, perfect husbands charade going.

They still want to be able to judge men on their own sexual past, or lack thereof. Which is why the "sexual history shouldn't matter" crowd are usually the first to throw around insults like "incel" or "virgin" at anyone who even slightly disagrees with them.

Basically my opinion is the same one that I have about many other subjects. Either it's all okay or none of it is. People wanting to have their cake and eat it too be damned.

tickledpic · 2020-04-13T21:31:08+00:00

However, isn't it fair to judge someone who makes reckless decisions, cheats, or doesn't have compatible views on intimacy?

Having sex with someone you desire isn't necessarily reckless. Most people desire many people so it's not even that different to act on your biology instead of trying to suppress it.

Haven't seen much excuses for cheating. Bad whoever does it .

Compatible views on intimacy? I've seen more of "men can fuck a lot, but for women it's a no, no". That's not a problem of non-compatability. It's just hypocriticy.

IcyKnowledge7 · 2020-04-13T20:32:16+00:00

[deleted]

TomahawkSuppository · 2020-04-13T22:46:55+00:00

Anyone who says that the pst does not matter is someone who’s prospects or bottom of the barrel meaning the only things they can attract are meth heads and other low life’s or they are flat out lying.

superlurkage · 2020-04-13T20:39:04+00:00

It all depends on how you handle it.

Deny your past behavior, insist that it was fine, and/or expect people to ignore it? No thank you.

Admit what you did in full, make it clear you don’t want to do it anymore, and gracefully accept that people might judge you for it anyways? Now we’re talking.

I mean....this is kind of adulting 101.

Troy016 · 2020-04-13T21:00:48+00:00

It’s all on people who don’t like being held accountable. But he answer is it shouldn’t , but you might get called a misogynist if you do say that😭😂

2020-04-13T21:20:30+00:00

It is fair to judge people on their history. This is your life, not theirs. The people who tell you otherwise are offended you might not consider them a long term prospect in spite of their own idiocy and immorality that's all. Remember, it's your life. If you run with reckless, cheating assholes, expect to be treated similarly to their exes.

FeniZio94 · 2020-04-13T20:49:18+00:00

The best way to predict future... is by knowing the context of the past

The present moment comes and goes, if you can’t objectively/rationally trust a woman... then she’s worthless

SplushkaMcOwlFace · 2020-04-13T22:23:46+00:00

For me, sexual history matters a lot. For example, if the man had too many casual relationships or str, I would suspect he has a problem with a pair-bonding, he might have a lack of empathy and be in general not a very nice person as casual sex is very often involves using and hurting women, also he might have narcissistic traits. For me, it's not relationships material and ladies should avoid them.

Also, the men who didn't have a lot of casual sex but badly wanted to are also dodgy, they are very often aggressive and bitter towards women.

Of course, men also have the right to have requirements about their women previous sexual life. I think that's fair.

reluctantly_red · 2020-04-14T02:39:16+00:00

If you're hot enough your past doesn't mean shit!

M4sterDis4ster · 2020-04-14T07:46:21+00:00

It is not just about sexual past, it is about past in general.

My friend who is 25, changed about 30 jobs so far. He never worked the same job for 2-3 months.

Now, you think he will magically find one job and keep working there ? Would you as employer invest in his education and tutoring ? Would you really count on him to be on good and bad days on the job ?

I would` nt.

ThisIsMyAccount135 · 2020-04-13T20:40:49+00:00

Safe to assume the vast majority of people have at least some kind of sexual history.

It's also safe to assume that a woman will probably have a higher n count than me at my age. Male SMV peaks in the mid to late 20s.

Dating a virgin girl can be annoying, as you have to show her everything in bed and move slower. But it's also really cute and sweet at the same time.

n-count for women can build up real fast. An ex had 2 partners before me, and last time we talked about it she was at 8. I hate to say it but most non-top 20% guys have to accept that most women have slept around. If not there are other options, like joining a religion community for instance.

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-04-13T21:38:50+00:00

I don't care about the number of previous partners, just like I don't care about the number of previous relationships.

I care about what behavior happened during previous relationships, just like I care about what happened during previous sex encounters.

Two one night stand or ten one night stands, doesn't matter. The person with ten, probably had more opportunity to have one night stands. The person with two, probably wishes that they could have had ten. The actual count is irrelevant, because all it shows is how much opportunity/luck that person had and that's not relevant to me.

What's important is that they are having one night stands, because that shows a bit more about their values concerning sex and that can effect me.

Barneysparky · 2020-04-13T20:58:08+00:00

When you decide to build your life with somebody you need to be able to live happily with each other.

That's in the end what you need.

naamshiko · 2020-04-14T01:21:34+00:00

Sexual history: as long as you and the other person were consenting adults and not involved in shady practices, or adultery, I don’t want to hear about it because I have nothing to say about it nor can I judge.

Past relationship behavior: if you cheated or abused a previous partner then this tells a lot about your character in general and you are not a person I want to date.

Simple.

To me sexual history is not something I would judge someone on (I’m not talking about men who have fucked 30+ girls. I’m not judging them but I just don’t think we’d be on the same page since it means that we probably view sexual intimacy differently), but behavior with people other than me is something I take into account when considering a relationship with someone.

2020-04-14T01:29:13+00:00

How someone treats another person is different from how many people they've treated. I'd rather be with a guy who's been great to 10 partners than ones who've been a pos to 3 partners.

Rahim556 · 2020-04-14T05:03:26+00:00

The past absolutely matters, and this is in all aspects, not just n count. This is also both for men and women. Ppl are judged based on the things they've done in their lives, as that's all we can judge them on, their actions.

2020-04-13T20:39:23+00:00

I am genuinely unclear....

If you look at the battle of the sexes under the lens of "Hypocrisy" it all makes sense.

Everybody says: I tell you how I am going to judge you, but I don't want to be judged by the same metrics and I don't accept your way to judge me; but I still want to judge as I so wish.

mangolover97 · 2020-04-13T22:00:57+00:00

I think both are fine. I don’t judge men for not wanting to date high n women. That’s their business, personally I view high n-count as a red flag in men because they tend to have the same issues as high n women. With that said I think it’s also fair to judge both men and women on past relationship experience. Where most people mess up and why there’s complaints is they feel the need to lecture others lifestyles and judge openly. If the individual didn’t personally ask you for their opinion, dong share it. Just soft next them and keep it moving.

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-04-13T21:09:55+00:00

Men and women employ one of two mating strategies:

Individuals with a more restricted sociosexual orientation are less willing to engage in casual sex; they prefer greater love, commitment and emotional closeness before having sex with romantic partners. Individuals who have a more unrestricted sociosexual orientation are more willing to have casual sex and are more comfortable engaging in sex without love, commitment or closeness

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexual_orientation

Women who value commitment much more than male quality have a restricted sociosexual orientation, and women with opposite preferences have an unrestricted orientation. This variation has been hypothesized to be maintained by frequency- dependent selection (Gangestad & Simpson, 1990).

Do individual differences in sociosexuality represent genetic or environmentally contingent strategies? Evidence from the Australian twin registry. J. M. Bailey, K. M. Kirk, G. Zhu, M. P. Dunne, N. G. Martin J Pers Soc Psychol. 2000 Mar; 78(3): 537–545

Individuals exhibiting sexually permissive attitudes and those who have had a high number of past sexual relationships are more likely to engage in infidelity (Feldman & Cauffman, 1999). In a study of supposedly exclusive dating couples, it was found that individuals exhibiting an ‘unrestricted’ sociosexual orientation (SO) were significantly more likely to pursue extra-pair involvement (Seal, Agostinelli, & Hannett, 1994). Individuals are said to be unrestricted if they score high on the Sociosexual Orientation Index (SOI). Items on this scale include a question tapping whether the respondent feels that love is a prerequisite for sexual relations with a partner, the number of ‘one-night stands’ a respondent has had, and how many partners he or she hopes to have in the next year (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991)... individuals reporting a past history of infidelity tended to have a greater number of past sexual partners than those without a history of infidelity... individuals with a history of infidelity, compared with those without, have a relatively unrestricted SO.

Barta, W. D., & Kiene, S. M. (2005). Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples: The roles of gender, personality differences, and sociosexual orientation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22(3), 339-360.

Individuals with an unrestricted sociosexual orientation (SO) are less committed to their romantic relationships and more likely to engage in infidelity. BECAUSE OF THE PREVALENCE and consequences of infidelity (e.g., Vangelisti & Gerstenberger, 2004; Weiderman, 1997), being able to predict extradyadic behavior is important. One known predictor is sociosexual orientation (SO). SO is an individual difference that reflects one’s beliefs and behaviors toward sex and is measured on a continuum ranging from restricted to unrestricted (Simpson & Gangestad, 1991). Those with a restricted SO prefer to engage in sexual behaviors within the context of a close and committed romantic relationship, whereas those with an unrestricted SO do not need a committed relationship in order to have sex. Not surprisingly, an unrestricted SO has been associated with a greater willingness to engage in infidelity when using either self-report (Barta & Kiene, 2005; Ostovich & Sabini, 2004) or behavioral measures (Seal, Agostinelli, & Hannett, 1994). Previous studies have shown that those with an unrestricted SO are generally less committed to their romantic partners (Jones 1998; Simpson & Gangestad, 1991), and low commitment is often a predictor of infidelity (Drigotas, Safstrom, & Gentilia, 1999). Similarly, those with an unrestricted SO are often looking for new, attractive partners (Simpson, Wilson, & Winterheld, 2004).

Sociosexual orientation, commitment, and infidelity: a mediation analysis. Brent A. Mattingly, Eddie M. Clark, Daniel J. Weidler, Melinda Bullock, Jana Hackathorn, Katheryn Blankmeyer J Soc Psychol. 2011 May-Jun; 151(3): 222–226.

There is a 50-50 split between women who have unrestricted sociosexual orientations (are promiscuous) and those with restricted sociosexual orientations:

Overall, our results suggest that the proportional split in males slightly favours an unrestricted (short- term) mating strategy, with a 57 : 43 split on average for the three datasets, whereas females have a reversed split (47 : 53). However, the mixing proportions in the 2D : 4D digit ratio dataset suggest that a slightly higher proportion of the unrestricted phenotype is present in both sexes (males approx. 62%, females approx. 50%).

Wlodarski R, Manning J, Dunbar RIM. 2015 Stay or stray? Evidence for alternative mating strategy phenotypes in both men and women. Biol. Lett. 11: 20140977.

Monogamous long-term relationships with promiscuous (unrestricted sociosexually-oriented) women is bad for men

They found that sex drive is highly and positively correlated with sociosexual orientation, and that both sex drive and sociosexual orientation are positively correlated with lifetime number of sex partners.

Ostovich JM, Sabini J. How are sociosexuality, sex drive, and lifetime number of sexual partners related?. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2004;30(10):1255–1266.

In illustration of this, the odds ratio of 1.13 for lifetime sexual partners obtained with the face-to-face mode of interview indicates that the probability of infidelity increased by 13% for every additional lifetime sexual partner, screenshot...[W]e evaluated the association between infidelity and sexual experience, as prior studies have found that people with more sexual relationships in the past are more likely to have secondary sex partners (Bozon, 1996). Regarding the correlates of infidelity, results indicated that on the basis of both methods of assessment, the probability of sexual infidelity (a) was greater for Blacks (relative to the remainder of the sample), (b) decreased with higher religiosity, (c) increased with higher number of lifetime sexual partners

Sexual infidelity in a national survey of American women: differences in prevalence and correlates as a function of method of assessment. Mark A. Whisman, Douglas K. Snyder J Fam Psychol. 2007 Jun; 21(2): 147–154.

Number of women’s pre-marital partners: percent who cheated once married

2: 10.4%
3: 14.9%
4: 17.7%
5: 21.6%
6-10: 26.0%
11-20: 36.7%
21+: 46.8%

Female Infidelity Based on Number of Premarital Sex Partners

Women with 0-1 partners were the least likely to divorce. Women with 10 or more partners were the most likely to divorce . those with fewer sex partners were less likely to divorce. However, there are considerable differences by marriage cohort. For all three cohorts, women who married as virgins had the lowest divorce rates by far. Eleven percent of virgin marriages (on the part of the woman, at least) in the 1980s dissolved within five years. This number fell to 8 percent in the 1990s, then fell again to 6 percent in the 2000s. For all three decades, the women with the second lowest five-year divorce rates are those who had only one partner prior to marriage. It’s reasonable to assume that these partners reflected women’s eventual husbands. The highest five-year divorce rates of all are associated with marrying in the 2000s and having ten or more premarital sex partners: 33 percent. 2000s: Results are hazard ratios indicating increased odds of divorce compared to reference category of 0 partners (total abstinence before marriage).

0: --
1: 2.54
2: 4.05
3: 3.5
4-5: 3.18
6-9: 3.22
10+: 4.25

More articles:

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/210277

Contrary to the myth, partners who’ve had many partners have a harder, not easier, time remaining monogamous. They are significantly more at risk of straying than those with little or no prior sexual experience.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2014/08/a-look-at-infidelity-why-do-partners-cheat/

The surprisingly large number of Americans reporting one lifetime sex partner have the happiest marriages. The difference between having one and more than one lifetime sex partner is most consequential in predicting marital quality.

https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness

Individual characteristics: People high in narcissism and neuroticism are more prone to infidelity. As mentioned earlier, insecure attachment style is also a predictor, as are a history of promiscuity and more permissive attitudes toward sex. A history of parental infidelity also predicts infidelity. Unfaithful parents beget unfaithful children, although of course many exceptions exist

https://humansciences.fsu.edu/secret-affair-cheats/

Promiscuous girls cheat. Past promiscuity is the best predictor of future infidelity. Commit to a “former” slut at your own peril because non-sluts (approximately half of women) don’t cheat nearly to the same extent.

Relative to sociosexually restricted individuals, sociosexually unrestricted individuals are more likely to: 1) engage in sex at an earlier point in their relationships; 2) engage in sex with more than one partner at a time; and 3) be involved in sexual relationships characterized by less investment, commitment, love, and dependency. Sociosexual orientation (just like all other personality traits) is a relatively stable trait of individuals over the life course; in other words, people are either sociosexually restricted or unrestricted most of their lives.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200811/the-50-0-50-rule-in-action-sociosexual-orientation-and

Promiscuous women never stop craving sexual variety which is why they’re more likely to cheat by a factor of 4-5x.

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SeemedGood · 2020-04-13T22:23:46+00:00

News Flash:

Men and women are fundamentally different!

Sexual interaction has different implications for men than it does for women and past sexual behavior signals different things about men than it does women.

In other breaking news:

Equality =/= sameness, actually implies difference!

ifosfacto · 2020-04-14T04:08:30+00:00

" "teach" and become more of a parent than a partner. " - imo this aspect overplayed by lots of women, especially if they have never been a relationship with a dude who has been single for ages and had a shitty experience, but they read about one in cosmo so thats next best thing. They will tell from his looks & charisma whether its been because he was enjoying the foot loose fancy free lifestyle, focusing on himself but still getting snatch every so often when he wanted or if he was single for so long because of limited options, and its the latter guy that will get that line.

They will worry about the first type just using her as a another fling if she wants more. Unless the guy is a Sheldon type or is very self absorbed, it wont take long for him to pick up the ropes of being a boyfriend and she can mold him the way to suit her. Its much more a case of it being a justified way of saying she sees him as less special/lower value because other women are passing him up. How many guys worry about it being too hard having to train a girlfriend. imo the bigger risk is the guy being desperate and saying yes to any woman just so he is not single anymore.

DXBrigade · 2020-04-17T21:23:13+00:00

Just lie. People are too judgemental nowadays.

chattanoogacat · 2020-04-18T01:50:55+00:00

You know what’s strange about this thread and makes me want to dismiss the n count talk as just a “Reddit”thing, I’ve never had the n count conversation before I’ve had sex.

Every girl who I’ve dated and have had sex with has never asked me about my sex history until well after We’ve already started having sex. Without exception. And I’m from a Chad

Bntt89 · 2020-04-13T22:43:26+00:00

Because previous sexual partners isnt actually and indicator of anything inherently negative unless you are religious. If you are religious and dont have a lot of sexual partners than sure it makes sense to think this. But if you hit up clubs to get as many women as possible than you're a hypocrite. While cheating Is an indicator of cheating before. They arent in the same level.

ZealousidealIce2 · 2020-04-14T00:19:21+00:00

[deleted]

DareyFathom · 2020-04-13T21:10:25+00:00

It's pretty simple. The ability for a man to have a lot of sexual partners requires being of at least some value. The ability for a woman to have a lot of sexual partners requires limited value. Therefore, there will be a major inequality in the sexual history of each gender respectively.

Title	If the number of previous sexual partners shouldn't matter, wouldn't it be fair to say that past relationship behavior shouldn't matter at all to women?
Author	ZealousidealIce2
Upvotes	15
Comments	139
Date	April 13, 2020 7:56 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/g0qccu/if_the_number_of_previous_sexual_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-the-number-of-previous-sexual-partners-shouldnt.653792 https://theredarchive.com/post/653792

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