What exactly is a desirable/marriageable man, anyway?

BROWN-TOILET-PAPER · 2020-11-23T16:03:41+00:00

Looks like an alpha, acts like a beta. Makes more money than her, the more the better.

groupme_throwaway · 2020-11-23T07:25:16+00:00

Generally he will have zero debt and a decent net worth, chances are he's building a life for himself

Usually he has some personality characteristics that are nice but less typical in women. He has good father characteristics.

He comes from a good family. Asian cultures really know how important this is.

I mean, all you really have to do is ask yourself why you even want marriage and the answers will emerge on their own.

wtknight · 2020-11-23T14:31:38+00:00

I believe that the most desirable man for woman is one with equal alpha attractiveness traits and beta provider/support traits. So besides his physical attractiveness, he'd also have those other intangible qualities that a woman considers attractive. Confidence is almost universally one of these traits, but how this confidence manifests depends upon the individual woman's personal tastes.

Beta traits should include earning enough income to help effectively support children, providing some measure of emotional support to her, and providing some level of household support in the form of maintenance/chores, including in some cases child rearing. How much a woman wants a man to provide when it comes to each of these qualities depends upon culture and upon the individual woman's personality.

Mimoxs · 2020-11-23T09:03:11+00:00

There's a chunk of women that want their personal calvin klein model while they look like lena dunham and men project that mentality onto all women.

To answer the title question, that's something every woman determines on her own. Men act like there is a universal and there's really not. I've never met two women that want the exact same thing in a husband, and I haven't really met a lot of women at all that actually desire the ~Chad~ picture painted by bitter men.

Generally, however, desirable traits include:

employed, decent salary
not obese
interesting personality, shares some interests or hobbies with the woman
takes on somewhat of a normal "man" role in exchange for her taking on a somewhat feminine role
responsible, kind
good father figure

There's plenty of women in this world that don't look for much more than this, despite what men here may screech about.

Cimorene86 · 2020-11-23T10:58:20+00:00

What is the desirable man, in this case?

It's going to be different for each woman according to what she finds important in life and a partner. Someone who wants to settle down in a nice neighborhood and have 5 kids is going to be very different from someone who is career-oriented and wants to travel the world.

A desirable man imo is one who does care about my past achievements and is supportive of the ones I'm currently working on. Also same sense of humor, ability to adult, has a similar work ethic, doesn't want kids or marriage, not high N, has a high libido, and is sexually adventurous in my bed. Huge bonus points if he's able to trust me after I prove myself capable of emotional labor for him.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2020-11-23T11:18:53+00:00

so in your probably at least 3 decades of life now, no cultural tropes or fiction or non fiction or movies or tv have REMOTELY informed you of anything regarding what it might mean for a man to be "marriage" or "husband" material. you cant even IMAGINE what they could POSSIBLY mean for normie women. at all.

nomadunkown · 2020-11-23T13:02:19+00:00

He’s rich, high status, good looking but most importantly...

Every girl wants to fuck him and in your mind you could lose him any time.

That’s the perfect partner.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-11-23T07:20:45+00:00

Check on the dating subs and the subs that mock women on the dating apps and you will see what women are looking for.

But it comes down to money and status: women want men with established careers and life goals. Men that can stand for themselves and play the provider role if needed. Men that don't need a woman to clean after them and cook.

Women became the men they wanted to be, now they are looking for an equal or higher status partner.

Hoopy223 · 2020-11-23T17:11:06+00:00

It depends on the woman’s eyes, not the man’s. How she was raised, childhood experiences, education, personal circumstances, drug/alcohol use etc.

A buddy of mine is happily married to a nice woman whose blue collar father and extended family get along great with his father and family.

Meanwhile my ex had a weird fixation with her father. Not so good.

SecondHandMatron · 2020-11-23T11:53:02+00:00

It depends. If you are younger than 30, you can still go for man with potential and a promising career trajectory. You will get much more leverage out of your looks, and there is a risk/reward payoff. The typifying example would be Zuckerberg's now wife.

If you are older than 30, the youngest man you can find needs to already be in a good career. Because these are low-risk, they are "priced" close to their value. That means you get exactly what you "pay" for in youth and looks.

2020-11-23T13:20:08+00:00

Marriageable man? It really depends upon the woman he is marrying! For me I wanted a man who could be my other half in life, someone I found attractive yes but also one with whom I respected, could debate with, was honest, true and was as ambitious as I am. The man I married had all of these qualities as well as a killer sense of humour and the cooking skills of a god.

LittyKitsune · 2020-11-23T16:31:59+00:00

Men are weird about this but a "desirable" man isn't a fixed construct that carries through for all.

For a woman who cares about career/education and thinks men should too it's valid to see a guy who doesn't care about those things as unmarriagable. Especially if you're thinking about the long game and want any kids, including daughters, to be educated and have careers. A woman who doesn't want kids or wants her daughter to follow in her footsteps as a housewife might feel differently about this.

Asbelowsoaboveme · 2020-11-23T18:41:28+00:00

He has looks, money, and status. He protects and provides and is monogamous. He is capable of being a good leader and father.

GreatRedYonder · 2020-11-24T21:35:33+00:00

I wrote this list a while ago:

- Bad hygiene

- Bad at sex/don't care about your enjoyment (likely learned almost everything from porn which is women being paid to fake enjoyment)

- Psychopathy/Narcissism/Other personality disorders

- Porn sickness/ED (90% of men watch porn regularly)

- Unequal distribution of labour (E.g will not cook or clean and will constantly expect you to do everything in the house, while working a full time job)

- Men who only want sex/casual relationships

- Men with double standards (it's fine if I've slept around, but not you)

- Gaming addiction/drug/alcohol/tobacco addictions

- Overweight/Obese (Plus expecting an in shape partner)

- No long term goals, plans, or strategies

- Manchildren who still live at home and cannot look after themselves without a woman 'babying' him to the extreme

- 'Nice' guys who weren't actually that nice and just lovebombed you in order to get you into a relationship. (Same guy who bought me flowers in the beginning was also the one shoving me into a door frame and laughing while I cried in the end)

- Men who are sexist/misogynistic/hate women/mommy issues

- Madonna/Whore complex

- Cheaters

- 'The red pill' beliefs/philosophy

- Promiscuous past

- Serious insecurity/jealousy issues (E.g 'You can't wear that dress around other men!')

- Pseudoscientific 'jordan Peterson fanboy' bros ('I know you think you wore that dress because you like the style but this in fact relates back to evolutionary psychology...')

- Risk of physical/sexual violence

There's also the fact that a huge number of men are now balding in their 20's (maybe endocrine disrupters in the environment?) and some even grow breasts and lose most if not all muscle mass.

If you filter out all of the above (including the porn ones) that's around 90-95% of men undateable.

I'd say being none of the things on this list is a start lmao

jdobrila · 2020-11-23T16:29:50+00:00

According to who?

Women settling at 30+? In that case he just needs to be "stable".

Or in general? Then Chad.

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87AudreyHorne · 2020-11-23T09:06:21+00:00

It really depends on the person. If you wanted to look at it logically, you could say that what makes people marry as opposed to just live together or date indefinitely, on both sides, would imply some need or desire for the legal recognition of the union which would point towards people being right about sorted finances and somewhat stable lifestyles which they want to combine and legally recognize (on top of love which is totally individualistic). Or people will have a kid, so good parent traits make them decide to take that step and with it to marry.

But in reality, people get married just because and most marriages I know didn't involve any real stability, sorted lifestyle, financial security or readiness to be parents. In fact in reality, its usually the most unsorted people that rush into marriages young, while living with parents and having no jobs aside from being unpaid philosophers.

So I don't think there's any rule.

2020-11-23T18:27:20+00:00

Someone intelligent- they keep up with current events and have a thirst for knowledge. He can understand if I explain a complex concept and we value each other’s opinions and advice; this also includes emotional intelligence. Stable- that means stable relationships with family and friends, emotionally stable, has a job and isn’t financially dependent on anyone for his lifestyle. Ambitious- he should have a passion for his work and should have plans for his career, hobbies and personal life. Dedicated- he is loyal and works hard to be a man of his word. We keep promises to each other and we show generosity to our community. Has taste- that means he can navigate social circumstances with ease, chooses acceptable/good clothing, cologne, restaurants, and that our values on politics, family and the community line up.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-11-23T19:05:38+00:00

Whoever provides the most perks and benefits with the least drawbacks and flaws.

2020-11-23T20:17:08+00:00

someone I LOVE fucking. He has a high sex drive, stamina, an open mind and sexual prowess/ technique.

He's easy to get on with and hard to argue with. We can stay up late drinking and giggling and don't fall out often.

He doesn't have any addictions, debts, dramas or mental health issues.

He's respectful and reliable. He texts back on the same day, he respects my boundaries, he's open and honest.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-11-23T21:11:50+00:00

From what I’ve seen, (watched three older sisters go through many boyfriends and then finally get married)

Humor, can make her laugh.
Handy, one BIL is a carpenter, one is a grammar editor, one is a lawyer. All three can provide some useful advice or help.
Stable, no randomly quitting jobs, drug or excessive alcohol use, responsible with finances.
Good with children (two sisters have kids, one is planning)
Dad bods, all three BIL are 30+ and have a gut and lack any muscular Definition but my sisters are still Very attracted to them.

Mayhem977 · 2020-11-23T23:28:45+00:00

A desirable man is someone who is good looking and rich.

Laytheblameonluck · 2020-11-24T00:41:21+00:00

My lived experience hasn't provided me with any frame of reference for this

Are you fatherless?

classicliberal1 · 2020-11-24T19:46:24+00:00

Just remember, women marry the lifestyle, not the man.

Krychek26 · 2020-11-24T19:55:22+00:00

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

xFallacyx69 · 2020-11-24T20:28:02+00:00

Me. Hey how’s it going?

Nah jk it obviously varies from person to person. No surprise there.

anomanderforPOTUS · 2020-11-25T17:12:50+00:00

Me, haha. At least my wife's friends seem to think I'm the epitome of a great partner. And many of my friends too. But why wouldn't I be when my wife is one too?

I'm a very resolved and strong willed guy, no women who isn't also those things is going to work in a relationship.

Weak men want weak women.

I'm attractive but not extremely. I'm in great shape but not ridiculous (light 6 pack but not ripped).

I have a great professional career but I don't make an insane amount of money. Environmental biochemist that monitors water quality for my city and state.

Easy to communicate with, not emotional inept.

I'm also very protective. I can come off pretty aggressive but not I'm never like that with a partner. I've never raised my voice to, or hit (obviously) any partner I've been with. And that is 16 years with my wife so far.

prelude12342000 · 2020-11-27T05:14:57+00:00

6ft tall alpha, dumb as a rock, boring/lacking conversation, crap job = marriage material.

JohnDoe9564 · 2020-11-23T11:30:13+00:00

Money

SeemedGood · 2020-11-23T10:23:11+00:00

Looks good / has money / displays status.

classicliberal1 · 2020-11-24T19:39:06+00:00

What exactly is a desirable/marriageable man, anyway?

A man who is rich, has high status, is extremely good looking, has been pre-selected by all other women, and yet is completely committed to the one particular woman.

Of course, if a man has the first four qualities, he would never have the fifth. It makes no mathematical, evolutionary, or psychological sense for a man with the first four qualities -- or even just two of them -- to forgo many sexual partners for one, particularly one that could take half his wealth.

To evolution, such a man would be wasting his opportunity to spread his genes. No matter how good a woman's genes are, she can produce only a few children. What's better than one womb, one thousand wombs.

To psychology, such a man would be forgoing awesome sex with a variety of sexual partners. What's better than one woman, one thousand women with different attributes.

To mathematics, such a man would be choosing the lesser of two options in a rewards table regardless of whether or not the woman chooses to cooperate.

Life is all about trade-offs. The pipe dream only distracts from realistic expectations. If a woman wants commitment, she can only pick one of the first four characteristics. Even Harvey Weinstein only had two of these qualities, and he had no commitment.

Of course, men don't want to marry up women with sexual pasts, and men know all women have sexual pasts, so it's largely a mute issue today. The sexes are simply going to have to come up with a new system in which there is no marriage. Marriage requires cooperation by both parties, and having sex with other men is defection for women just like leaving when after a woman has given birth is defection for men. Cooperation is not possible in a market dominated by defection. That's game theory 101.

Title	What exactly is a desirable/marriageable man, anyway?
Author	MissPearl
Upvotes	13
Comments	86
Date	November 23, 2020 7:09 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/jzcyzh/what_exactly_is_a_desirablemarriageable_man_anyway/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-exactly-is-a-desirablemarriageable-man-anyway.736507 https://theredarchive.com/post/736507

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