Well, we/I lost another one...

AnthonyZarat · 2012-10-31T19:31:43+00:00

I am sorry that your friend lived with so much pain, and that he never felt like he had a right to talk about any of it. Part of pain is anger, and feminists have pathologized male anger to the point that many men feel they simply cannot express anger.

2012-10-31T19:19:46+00:00

Losing someone close to you, especially before their time, is always tough. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

CNITB4 · 2012-10-31T21:37:41+00:00

Deja- sorry your bro cashed in and couldn't see another way to deal. I'm a firefighter who's got PTSD. When I got out I kept everything bottled up inside me. I used to wonder why a lot of people "didn't get me". I was a dick to a lot of people. My humor was very sarcastic. My "breakthrough (20 years later) was brutal. I asked for help from a couple of "typical guys" who I thought were my bros. and I got nothing. Not a fuckin thing. Not a text, phone call, stop by, nothing. Thanks Chief! My family was no help. Wife didn't understand. I had me/myself/and I. Where are the good men? Good fuckin question. I'm still lookin. They ain't where I live, that's for sure. There's more to my story, but I found that nobody gives a fuck, so I won't bore ya.

JediJayren · 2012-10-31T19:19:53+00:00

You have my deepest sympathies from someone who suits up 5 days a week and takes the elevator up for 8 hours on the jail floor. Hopefully he found a place in Valhalla.

whiteout69 · 2012-10-31T21:09:48+00:00

So sorry this happened to you, my deepest sympathies. Let me tell you, as someone who's as liberal as they come, insane radical feminist ranting is not representative of all of us, liberal MRAs are your friends and brothers too. I really feel for you, I hope you get though it alright.

2012-10-31T20:42:16+00:00

Very sorry for your loss. I struggle a lot with suicidal ideation. One book I'd recommend is, 'why people die by suicide' by thomas joiner. It has helped me come to terms with my own illness and the deaths of several friends over the years.

Crunchycrackers · 2012-11-01T02:41:21+00:00

I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Though while I agree that some feminists or maybe just society as a whole is responsible for the Cowboy Syndrome plaguing men, it needs to be said that other men do this too.

I'm not saying your post doesn't imply it, but to be sure it's overtly stated as a male myself I see other males putting each other down for expressing emotion, being themselves, not conforming, etc.

I think this discussion of men's and women's rights has become too us versus them overall. Instead, we should be saying we because we must be the change we want to see in the world. We will never be able to change other people short of force, which is against human free will. Bit of a digression, but I think you understand.

I hope you can find it in your heart to know that despite the fact that your buddy is gone, he is probably on a higher, more pleasant plane and at the very least he is past whatever suffering he was enduring. I hope that neither you nor society forgets who he was and what he did as a human being on earth.

tedtutors · 2012-11-01T02:51:07+00:00

To those of us who quit fucking smiling all the time we are ostracized as assholes, hateful, cruel, monsters, menace -- a threat to society!

I hate this so much. Complain or just comment to the world in general and you are obviously a whining loser! Not living "up to the challenge?" Clearly a weirdo! It's why I have all but withdrawn from society.

Sorry for your loss, and feeling your pain.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-10-31T19:38:13+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. Did he say at all what it was more specifically that was driving him to it?

BGoodRBCareful · 2012-10-31T23:21:47+00:00

Whoa....<embrace> Sorry for your loss.

apotshot · 2012-11-01T03:54:17+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Yeah, there doesn't really seem to be a way to let go of your feelings. It's a shame.

2012-10-31T22:07:29+00:00

I learned yesterday that the 31yo. son of my co-worker jumped last week. He was a great kid. I guess his baby-momma will have to find a new draft horse.

History will judge this society harshly. They will also marvel at the strength, dignity, and integrity that the men of our time posessed.

Godspeed, Dejaboo.

ADDER: Makes me think of This . Lots of lyrics and visuals that probably only men will understand.

Edit: Ninja would have been down.

BuncyTheFrog · 2012-10-31T19:51:31+00:00

Deepest regrets. Thankfully for all of us, it seems as if you're in a position where you can help prevent tragedies like this in the future.

Davethe3rd · 2012-11-01T00:10:29+00:00

Two things:

People calling this guy out for venting over the loss of his dead friend, let OP vent. He's hurting right now and what he needs is understanding and compassion, not judgement. Have you ever been through a catastrophic event? Sometimes people may say and do things they don't mean because they're in a state of emotional distress. Some of the things he's said may come off a little assholish, but OP's pretty raw right now. (Or alternately, feel free to judge OP, but expect the same level of understandng and compassion from others the next time you suffer a catastrophic loss.)
It's threads like these why we need a /r/MensRants. MensRights should be for discussing issues related to Men and the gender/sexual discrimination they encounter, not a sounding board for Men (or Lady MRAs) to go off on. I know I sound like a jerk right now too, but just as when someone posts a picture of their dead dog in /r/DogPictures or /r/LookAtMyDog, I tell them to post it in /r/DeadPets and downvote, this does not belong here.

rightsbot · 2012-10-31T19:14:18+00:00

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cthulufunk · 2012-11-01T01:47:35+00:00

Im very sorry man. It's a huge, huge problem that does not get nearly enough attention. I watched a documentaey called The Bridge, about Golden Gatecsuicides. One guess what demographic most of the jumpers fit into.

trmills · 2012-11-01T04:43:34+00:00

I just found out about two hours ago that a friend that I went to school with took his own life and he was just found. I feel your pain. Being military and stationed away from home, I feel especially useless since I am no where close to home to be there with my friends.

Aavagadrro · 2012-11-01T15:35:19+00:00

I've lost 7 friends that way, and more thanks to two wars in the desert. I have come very close myself, and its a constant struggle to keep those thoughts at bay. In the roughly 30 mental health professionals I have talked to over the last 35 years, two were helpful. One female on my base in Korea actually said I was far more advanced at dealing with this shit than she had been educated, and all she could do is give me some meds. At least she was honest. They have no idea what its like for guys with PTSD and other issues, because we deal with it so differently.

I have some female friends who also have PTSD, but they are quite different in how they react and think. The way I cope with it doesnt do them much good. The big difference is they have many resources to go to for help, I have the VA where I have a female counselor who is just learning about all the shit we deal with, it will be ten years before she knows enough to help us. Other than her, I have jack shit. Nobody in the community outside other veterans will help or even think about it, they are terrified of us.

Talking about it makes them think you are weak, you cant handle it, you cant just get over it and move on, you dwell on the past too much. They dont comprehend that it changes the way you see the world, and you cant shut it off or go back to how you were before. Others who have been there understand, but those people who have not been in a situation where they can develop this cannot have even the slightest understanding of it. They can only identify the symptoms, if they give a shit in the first place. Seeing us as weak, like the guy Gen Patton slapped in Italy, is most of the problem. Its worse when we get back from the shit they send us into and then expect us to just meld back into society, and then cant figure out why we dont. How many times have I heard suck it up, deal with it, man up, just get over it, and its always from someone who hasnt been there, hasnt done a fucking thing, and hasnt lost anyone. Far too often they are the same people clamoring for war and more of us to go get fucked up, without any clue as to the effect it has on us. Then when we get home, we are forgotten and marginalized, with the occasional FB thing on Veterans Day or Memorial Day.

My wife is a firefighter and EMT, she is seeing the things that have fucked me up since 1991 when she gets calls. People underestimate the effect it has on you, and they cant know until they have it just how severe and pervasive it is. She is there for me, and now she understands me, and she is my only support dealing with this. The more calls she goes on, the more people she pulls out of wrecked cars, the more she identifies with me and what I have survived and endured for longer than she has been alive. (She is 30 I am 43) My family has no clue, other than my brother in the Army, and he is ignoring it and pushing it down after his 7 tours in the desert and highlands of Afghanistan.

Nobody really cares about us. We are expendable, and only sources of income to be utilized.

2012-10-31T20:48:21+00:00

My best friend died the other night, in a lonely hotel room.

I got the call last christmas eve, when they told me the news.

I tried all night not to break down and cry as tears rolled down my face.

I felt so cold and empty. like a lost soul out of place.

duglock · 2012-10-31T21:09:35+00:00

Really sorry to hear about that bud. I think everything you said in your post really hits the nail on the head as well.

agilecaveman · 2012-10-31T21:32:19+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

We need to get our shit together and start taking care of our GOOD MEN HERE AT HOME!!!!

What do you propose we do?

Parkomas · 2012-10-31T21:40:44+00:00

Sorry for your loss... I never have any more words than that. I am selfishly grateful I don't understand the position your in, and wouldn't even try to sympathize.

cronus85 · 2012-10-31T21:48:50+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss.

Howie19 · 2012-11-01T06:52:10+00:00

Sorry to hear for your loss

2012-11-01T10:08:53+00:00

I don't even know what to say about this. You're expressing the emotions that millions of men feel every day, and one less is feeling those now. I can't say anything to make you feel better, and I don't think I can truly know how you feel, but I'm here for you, and the entire MRM is here for you, too.

red_tux · 2012-11-01T13:54:23+00:00

Sorry for your loss.

In reading other comments here I agree with what I believe is the general consensus, that there is no "socially accepted way for men to express their negative emotions." From my own experience I was always afraid to tell anyone about any deep dark emotional hole I was in. I was afraid that they would perceive me to be a threat and then I would have a 5150 in my history. Looking back I think my fear was a over inflated, but I don't think it was far from the mark. Thankfully a few things in my life have changed for the better and what were crevasses before are just dips now.

I wonder if there may be a useful therapy modality which uses men's natural penchant aggression and ties it with therapy. For instance what if you could tie counseling with aggressive exercise? Would that help to wear down the feelings of anger and aggression to a safe level, to where a therapist could more easily engage a patient to discuss what's going on? In addition exercise is known to be a good tool for helping to deal with stress which I believe often coincides and helps amplify depression/anger in men. Further as men I would argue we like to feel like we're making progress in things we are dealing with. Often when we exercise we are tired, but in that many times there is a sense of progress. Thus would it be useful to tie counseling/emotional therapy with physical exercise as a primary modality.

DayManASP · 2012-11-01T14:13:11+00:00

Right in the feels man, I'm so sorry for your loss been there done that never want to go back.

thejam15 · 2012-11-02T03:03:24+00:00

Man you are pissed! I'm sorry for your loss, it makes me sad

unkleman · 2012-10-31T21:49:39+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/u0pFQ.jpg

I am truly sorry for everyone's loss.

mcmuggins · 2012-11-01T20:14:42+00:00

Man the feminists responding in this thread are seriously some cruel and heartless people. I don't even know how they live with themselves.

typhonblue · 2012-11-01T01:03:48+00:00

To be completely fair, it is incredibly shitty of this guy to paint this as a men Vs feminism argument. I say this only because every single criticism has been met with the same response. "How can you attack a man who has gone through such a horrible experience?" For the same reason he has found the strength to actually transform it into a supposed anti-feminist equality issue. It clearly isn't. It's despicable to take such a tragedy and use it as a shield against having to be called into question for your implausible arguments. I sympathise with the real issue, I really do. But quite how this becomes a "fuck you" to female equality completely fucking baffles me.

betterthanthee · 2012-11-01T02:20:11+00:00

Calm down, your anger is counterproductive

2012-11-01T08:30:52+00:00

They want to turn men into women and women into men, then the same women complain that the men are no longer men. That we should support being second class citizens but do so with a smile on our face

AndIMustScream · 2012-11-01T01:17:34+00:00

Hug.

SpamFisher · 2012-11-01T01:32:44+00:00

In a way, this post kinda hits home. I've have been feeling really depressed lately as I have barely any friends at college, when I should really be grateful for my childhood buddies that I have back at home. Those guys and I always have a blast when we see each other that I never really thought that they could possibly feel depressed like that deep down but never show it when we hang out.

actanonverba8 · 2012-11-01T01:46:04+00:00

Great post. Very sorry for the loss of your friend. Powerful stuff that is important to get out. I like the way you did it too. Honest and straightforward. No candy arse BS. Agree wholeheartedly with your final sentence "We need to get our shit together and start taking care of our GOOD MEN HERE AT HOME!!!!"

man_and_machine · 2012-11-01T03:50:12+00:00

I'm sorry, this large block of text is completely incoherent, so I'm unable to offer sympathy in a statement relevant to what you wrote. Would someone please be so kind as to translate this into something reasonable and coherent (and English)?

MinimaL_SC · 2012-11-01T01:46:56+00:00

Holy shit that rant was ignorant.

NyoZa · 2012-11-01T05:36:37+00:00

Agreed. Fuck feminism, fuck the law and fuck the police.

Lyonette · 2012-10-31T20:17:09+00:00

FUCK YOU, you liberal cunts who can't take care of our men here at home let alone want your birth control paid for while men fucking DIE from real WAR!

I am very sorry your friend died, but I see nothing at all why you have to be a gigantic asshole because of it. It is wrong for you to use your friend's death to #1 shit all over people #2 particularly women #3 when his death is wholly unrelated to politics or this sub reddit.

You want to talk about "blind to it?" Listen, I don't know your friend or his situation. I do know that among men (already the majority of suicides), cops make up an alarming number of suicides. I know that my brother-in-law, a policeman, is an alcoholic and has major problems with depression as well as past issues related to physical abuse upon him by his father. I know that his wife (my sister), my mother and I all three have begged him to get professional help, since his use of St. John's Wort isn't cutting it. You know why he won't? He doesn't want other MALE police officers finding out and calling him a pussy. Think that could have been the case with your friend? Or you want to continue to blame "liberal cunts" for it?

Seriously, fuck you. Fuck you so much. It's a tragedy that your friend died, that he took his whole life, and it's a tragedy that you latch on to your so-called friend's death for a bullshit political (and mostly false) purpose. You're pathetic.

Gingor · 2012-10-31T22:04:18+00:00

It sucks your friend killed himself, but I fail to see how this is all women's fault.

Why are you so angry at women?

ohreally101 · 2012-10-31T20:36:54+00:00

Well, it is their duty to take care of men as well.

You're acting like a gigantic asshole, and you tell women that it is their duty to help men? What the fuck, you tell women that they are all gynocentric, latte-sucking, yoga-class-attending, constantly-talking-about-oppression, piles of shit, who recieve handouts from the state and refuse to work, who "dominate psychotherapy" (how, by enjoying it? Where is the barrier keeping men out, hm?) and for some reason birth control is bad because some men still voluntarily sign up for the military.

Well I don't think any woman would want to help you, when you're so openly antagonistic and hostile to women. Maybe you should just go your own way.

89733 · 2012-11-01T11:33:55+00:00

Sorry for your loss, but I don't think we should be hopping on the hate speech train.

This "FUCK YOU, you liberal cunts who can't take care of our men here at home let alone want your birth control paid for while men fucking DIE from real WAR!" type of rhetoric doesn't help matters.

2012-11-01T13:13:40+00:00

As a police officer, he was working against the rights of men every day he went to work. His death is a victory for the rights of all citizens of a free nation. Good riddance to dead pigs.

evilbrent · 2012-11-01T03:34:53+00:00

Had some wine before we started typing did we?

I didn't follow any of that.

Title	Well, we/I lost another one...
Author	DejaBoo
Upvotes	194
Comments	220
Date	October 31, 2012 7:13 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/12ewm9/well_wei_lost_another_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/well-wei-lost-another-one.1010167 https://theredarchive.com/post/1010167

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