When you google "male friendships" this is what pops up.

thereslcjg2000 · 2021-09-15T21:50:30+00:00

Men emotionally unfulfilled, women most affected

parahacker · 2021-09-15T22:14:35+00:00

"Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat."

AmiablePenguin · 2021-09-15T21:40:37+00:00

This is a classic example of certain modern feminists hijacking male-focused conversations and making it about them.

Rfupon · 2021-09-16T00:54:12+00:00

It's the same "man have #problem, woman most affected" as always, now with a big helping of victim blaming

Sewblon · 2021-09-16T00:25:57+00:00

Duckduck Go puts this link up: https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/understanding-male-friendships/ which is a podcast with a sociologist about male friendships, how adult men don't know how to make them, and how we shouldn't judge male friendships by how closely they resemble female friendships.

But I got that same result from google. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a27259689/toxic-masculinity-male-friendships-emotional-labor-men-rely-on-women/

What Melanie Hamlet, or at least whoever wrote the headline of that piece, is doing here, is co-opting a men's issue, making it all about women. The idea that women bear the burden of men not having friends only makes sense to the extent that you believe that men don't benefit from having friends and that straight men without friends have female SOs that they can use as substitutes. Most men and most adult women are currently in relationships. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/ So most adult men do have a partner to confide in, and most men are straight, so that partner will usually be a woman. Its true that the need for socialization varies from person to person. https://www.healthline.com/health/relationships/i-have-no-friends#unique-needs And that some men are content without friends (The Buddy System by Geoffrey L. Grief). But men and women both get benefits from friendship that they don't get from their families. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/men-bad-friendship-harms-health So the idea that friendships don't benefit men, or that men can just use their spouses as substitutes and get the same benefits, is hard to argue for. I also can't find any concrete data that men confide in their partners or depend on them for emotional support. The evidence in Melanie's piece to that effects is all anecdotal. So the idea that men are just using their wives and girlfriends as substitute friends and off-loading the cost of not having friends onto their wives and girlfriends, is not supported by evidence.

Forgetaboutthelonely · 2021-09-15T20:48:43+00:00

this is incredibly problematic because it frames men's struggles as a woman's issue. In the original threat a lonely guy googled "male friendships" and this I kid you not is the first thing that pops up.

Feminists often get upset for men "hijacking the conversation" when they get involved in feminist communities and try to bring up men's issues.

But this once again is the first thing that pops up when you google "male friendships" If people have a problem with hijacking the conversation when it comes to women's issues then what the fuck is this if not one of the most egregious examples of hijacking the conversation. And it does so by framing men as being the problem.

There was even a mention of women joking that they were better off when their husbands were dead.

Yeah, That's right. An article about male friendships that jokes about how women are better off when their husbands are dead.

And it's full of victim blaming rhetoric around "toxic masculinity"

Which as a reminder is an example of Labeling theory No matter how innocuous the "academic definition is" People are still going to read the term and associate masculinity with toxicity.

"words matter" is a constant refrain of the feminist movement in every other case. "Mankind" isn't inclusive of women. Saying a little girl is "bossy" betrays a disapproval of women in power. "You guys" as a second-person plural presumes a male default. "People of color" is preferable to "colored people" because the order of words emphasizes their humanity first. In academia, the workplace and day-to-day life, we're encouraged to critically examine the inherrent biases in our language and fix them. But if men say "wow, these terms feel really sexist and harmful", suddenly it's "that's actually the academic term, it doesn't mean what you think" or "look at the intent, not the words". Or my personal favorite, "if you're offended by someone saying 'all men are trash', maybe that says more about you than them."

I'm sorry, no. Words do matter. The fact that a term is used in gender studies papers doesn't make it innocuous, and men deserve the same consideration as everyone else.

Interesting_Doubt_17 · 2021-09-15T21:53:33+00:00

The Hillary Clinton Fallacy.

Nath43673 · 2021-09-15T22:44:42+00:00

God this is sad. This conversation about men needs to be moved to a better place, and out of the hands of this type of feminist lecturing from the sidelines.

What do you all think are ways that our culture can change so that it is easier for boys and men to maintain friendships into adulthood, and then build or rebuild them if they do run out?

Here are some thoughts I've had:

Be more deliberate about showing and instructing boys in inter-relational skills with an emphasis on friendships and not just romantic pursuits.
As for men, if there is going to be movements like TRP and MGTOW, or perhaps those movements evolve with fewer negative aspects, maybe they could place emphasis on this? I don't know if they already do.
Encourage more semi-formal clubs and groups for men. Yeah, I know I've banged this drum before, but I think male-only groups with a functional purpose (eg. sport, interests, singing, work, even war unfortunately) were historically the bridges that held together informal friendship groups, which can be much more fragile among men.
I'd like to see more media where lonely men make friends. I caught that flop movie The Wedding Ringer the other day and, while not a great comedy, I was intrigued by the premise of a guy about to get married who realises he has no one to be his best men.
COVID aside, I think we need to question whether online male connections (eg. playing video games) are enough when it comes to dealing with loneliness and experiencing the full benefits of friendship. Obviously your experience may vary.

damonkutt · 2021-09-16T05:09:45+00:00

Man i wish i got any people who want to be my friends after posting this

WeirdInternational46 · 2021-09-16T14:50:49+00:00

Lots of married men or men in relationships with women don't have friends because the woman resents those friendships and does her best to break them. Whether it's jealousy, resource guarding, insecurity, desire to dominate, or the idea that "your life before me is over" or "your life began when you met me," lots of them do it.

My first wife and my mother worked together to keep me away from my friends! So to hell with this talk of their "burden."

MastermindX · 2021-09-16T18:11:49+00:00

"Men have no friends, women most affected"

"Male suicide skyrockets, women most affected"

"Men enrollment in higher education drops, women most affected"

"95% of homeless people are men, women most affected"

ninja_deli · 2021-09-16T16:45:06+00:00

What guy, married or in a relationship, hasn't experienced his SO saying they don't like their friends, don't spend enough time with the SO, or don't want them to hang out with their friends for some reason? Women can't try and restrict men's friendships but then complain that they don't have any friends. Pick a lane.

Imaginary-Sense3733 · 2021-09-15T21:24:47+00:00

Its interesting that on the face of it, this would almost be a valid and interesting point, IF it actually centered the feelings of the men affected by loneliness at all. It's so sad that so often men have to resort to showing how their gendered issues hurt women too in order to have them acknowledged.

nebthefool · 2021-09-15T22:27:35+00:00

I don't love how this article is set up.

I will say I think it does well to at least highlight that a great way for individual men to deal with emotional support. That is to say it suggests forming a group of men to explicitly support each other emotionally.

I don't love that is breezes past the much greater number of male suicides in favour of having several paragraohs about how much men struggling for emotional support is a massive pill for women to deal with.

The author also appears to be somewhat ignorant of all the barriers in the way of men forming emotional bonds with other men. Considering none of these are mentioned, there's a vague disscussion on "toxic masculinity" (everyone's favorite blame men buzzword) but no comment on what causes the social pressure on men to keep themselves emotionally distant.

hottake_toothache · 2021-09-16T12:58:00+00:00

Lol. About right.

For real, though, we men really need to up our male-friendship game.

BloomingBrains · 2021-09-18T06:01:48+00:00

Ok, first of all "men have no friends?" Really? It's like whoever wrote that has never met a man before. Or maybe she's right and I've been talking to walls all these years. More likely, when she says "men" she just means non-"alpha" five star stud type of guys. That's who these types are really talking about most of the time whenever they talk about men. Basically, it translates to "Men I don't want to fuck me exist, and that's a huge inconvenience for me."

Second: it cracks me up whenever people act like all women are universally these angelic bastions of emotional support and love. Some probably are, sure, but I've never experienced that personally, so I can say with confidence that not all are. That's exactly what they'd have you believe, though. Women are always perfect and men are always horrible inept retards, except when it comes to those who look a certain way.

Third: no, it's not us who have the idea that emotions are a female thing. It's you, author of that article. You shame us for having feelings whenever we bring up our issues. You're literally the one saying right now that we need to shut the fuck up and not "trouble" you with our emotions.

just_some_dude_blah · 2021-09-15T22:10:04+00:00

Everything is feminist controlled. I hate feminism.

PricklyGoober · 2021-09-15T23:13:30+00:00

I mean it wouldn’t be surprising if their goal is to push the already vulnerable men off the edge.

zaderexpri · 2021-09-16T05:26:09+00:00

How the fuck they will know if worlds half population have friends or not .

djblackprince · 2021-09-16T11:51:22+00:00

Who deserves more credit than the wife of a coal miner

AWastelandWanderer · 2021-09-24T07:35:29+00:00

Feminists will complain about men having no friends as though it's a burden to women while also shutting down and/or destroying male spaces and pastimes, where men typically tend to make friends, in the name of "equality".

SoundProofHead · 2021-09-16T12:48:42+00:00

That's clickbait for you.

Title	When you google "male friendships" this is what pops up.
Author	Forgetaboutthelonely
Upvotes	306
Comments	67
Date	September 15, 2021 8:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/poyhiq/when_you_google_male_friendships_this_is_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/when-you-google-male-friendships-this-is-what-pops.1070229 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070229

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