Is revenge worth it?

trpjnf · 2016-07-13T15:39:28+00:00

Pretty much everyone in the thread is saying "live well. That's the best revenge", which is great advice. I'm going to take a different approach.

Studies have shown people who get the revenge the seek are less satisfied than they think they'll be. Here's an article from psychology today that gives some explanation why revenge is a bad thing (and describes one of those studies I was talking about): https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201309/revenge-will-you-feel-better

Revenge, as the article says, is inherently self-destructive. The person you're seeking revenge on isn't thinking about you, even though you're still thinking about them. You're still in their frame. And all that time and energy you waste, thinking about your revenge, planning it, executing it? That's time you aren't getting back my friend.

Are you really better off wasting all that energy on messing up her life? Or are you better off using it on fixing your own?

Eyes_Of_The_Dragon · 2016-07-13T20:00:04+00:00

The best revenge is living well.

No, it's not worth it.

brooklynisburnin · 2016-07-13T14:50:32+00:00

Revenge won't give you the satisfaction of living a happily ever after with that woman, you have two choices here, either try and ruin her life as much as possible, or get over the fact that she played you, consider it a lesson learned and move on to better things.

There's no high road here, there's no better man, whatever you choose it's your business but no matter how bad you make her feel that won't make her crawl to your feet.

TheRedStoic · 2016-07-13T14:59:20+00:00

Live an awesome life, make snippets of it public. Good advertising and feels better than revenge.
Block her and move on. Put your rage into something productive, lifting, a new hobby, mastering a skill, gaming more women, whatever.
Find someone hotter and fuck them good.
Find someone hotter than the hotter one and fuck them good.
Fuck her friends.

Whatever you do, remember that when you set out for vengeance, plan to dig two graves. You're currently still completely under her control, your actions are being dictated by her position in your life. Don't you think that's been going on long enough already?

meh613 · 2016-07-13T20:08:13+00:00

Do I print out the Ashley Madison stuff and stick it in the mum's mailbox?

No, do not stoop to that level. Respect the man's privacy. He had nothing to do with her actions.

empatheticapathetic · 2016-07-13T14:20:12+00:00

I can tell you every response you'll hear here is "She's not worth it bro. Move on."

Objectively, it's not worth getting involved with her any longer and causing trouble that could eventually harm your life in any sort of way.

Obviously that's not how you feel. If you want to do it, do it. But if you're asking for advice on what to do, you'll get a "no just move on. She's out of your life. Learn from it and become a better you so you never experience something like this again."

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T15:14:54+00:00

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fakeplastictrees87 · 2016-07-13T15:36:19+00:00

Haha like I am reading my own story. I was pissed of like a hell. I had her nudes, I took pics when she was sleeping in the morning after I hate fucked her, and I knew the guy. I could've sent him all nudes she sent me and my pics, but in the end what's the deal? I just lose energy myself by doing that. Let the hoe be a hoe. By her being a hoe she will lose the ability to bond legitimately with person and she will live her whole life in misery.

94redstealth · 2016-07-13T17:19:43+00:00

No
Get on with your life. You shouldent give a fuck after something has happened. holding on to shit is a beta action.

RunawayGrain · 2016-07-13T18:55:32+00:00

Do I print out the Ashley Madison stuff and stick it in the mum's mailbox?

And then she goes nuclear and starts telling people 'He raped me!' or 'He's a stalker!'

Honestly, just go find a hotter girl.

beginner_ · 2016-07-13T18:55:34+00:00

So you never had sex with her in 8 month or her boyfriend accept sher cheating?

IIlllIllIIIllIl · 2016-07-13T19:38:31+00:00

This is called the anger stage, and you are not the only one to have gone through it. Pull up a search on it and you'll have more to read than you need.

See that's the thing, you get to the point where this kind of behavior from women doesn't surprise you because it's to be expected. It's in their nature to be hypergamous, this is all part of swallowing the red pill. It only hurts you so much because the concept is so new to you.

So stick around, read the top all time posts, and lift some heavy weights. You're in good company.

lionofthejungle · 2016-07-13T20:00:53+00:00

Ask yourself this question: what am I going to achieve by seeking revenge?

The answer is almost always "nothing". Alpha guys don't seek revenge; they don't allow things like a break up affect them. Just move on, improve yourself, and read the God damned side bar. If you had read the sidebar, you would know better than to wear your heart on your sleeves like a beta male.

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T20:45:05+00:00

You haven't lost yet, and you almost certainly don't understand this right now, but if you print that shit out and put it in her mom's mailbox, then she wins and you lose.

B00TYMASTER · 2016-07-13T23:56:03+00:00

Fuck it get revenge

flat6turbo · 2016-07-13T15:13:20+00:00

"revenge"? that's pretty dramatic for a babydick nobody with girl problems on the internet.

you didn't come here for the right answer, you came here for the answer you want to hear.

fuck off.

RedPilledStudent · 2016-07-13T14:46:28+00:00

The best revenge will be showing how much better you're off without her

R984 · 2016-07-13T15:12:44+00:00

live and let die, bro. You have nothing to gain from revenge. Also you have nothing to avenge in my opinion. You got laid, the relationship failed because she was already with another dude. Nothing to be mad about. Next time be more careful and try to read the signs: I can't believe that this girl you liked for THREE years already had a boyfriend and you didn't figure it out.

You can't get revenge just because a girl doesn't like you anymore and prefers another dude. She was dishonest and sooner or later will pay for this.

You have the moral high ground: try to keep it.

Sepean · 2016-07-13T15:14:43+00:00

If you do take revenge, you will find that it didn't really give you any satisfaction, didn't make you feel better about the situation, you will probably feel guilty about fucking over her dad, and maybe your reputation will tank because people find out what you did.

Unless you're unable to move on without doing something, just let it go. It won't be worth it.

Late30sMasculist · 2016-07-13T15:18:38+00:00

What have you done so far to make it less likely that you'll get played like this in the future?

McCoop_ · 2016-07-13T15:52:18+00:00

Revenge is a poison meant for the other person to consume but is consumed by you instead.

She does not give a fuck about you. You allowed yourself to be led on, as I and many others have. Accept responsibility for what happened to you because of you; work on YOU. She is shitty and you shouldn't care what she thinks. Sure she will think about you when you fuck up her life, but that just lowers you to her level, doesn't change the past and does nothing for your future. The true victory is when you no longer care or think about her. The true victory is when you grow from your past mistakes and adapt to the new challenges you face. Good luck.

Tamarin24 · 2016-07-13T15:56:56+00:00

She never played you. You played yourself by being her beta bitch. The only revenge to have here is on yourself for being a fucking pushover. Go get your life together. When you transform into the MAN you want to be THAT will be the ultimate revenge. If you ever see her again after the fact, she will see how amazing your life has become. You will get satisfaction in knowing you'll be able to tell her to fuck off. If you don't see her even better. Go find other girls to occupy your time. And don't be a fucking doormat. Oh and LIFT LIFT LIFT.

recoveringPHPDev · 2016-07-13T16:03:44+00:00

Bitterness can eat a man alive. The best move for your own wellbeing is to forgive, never forget and move on. I've been screwed over before to the tune of years of my life and tens of thousands dollars. You're not going to find what you're looking for with revenge.

jtzabor · 2016-07-13T16:16:12+00:00

everyones telling you to move on while im thinking that you should mail the Ashley Madison info to her mom aaand then move on but thats just me. I would laugh every time I thought about them then.

Bitcoin-FTW · 2016-07-13T16:25:06+00:00

Revenge for what? "She did this to me", "she led me on", "she waste my time" are all blue pill thoughts.

"I wasted my time", "i let her lead me and our relationship", "i did this to myself", "I am responsible for my own actions and how my time is spent" are all red pill lines of thought.

This is why I've always said that the anger phase is the final milestone to pass before you can possibly call yourself alpha. If you don't take full responsibility for your actions, your failures, and how your time is spent, then you haven't fully grasped TRP.

Women are gonna be women. Being mad at a woman for wasting a beta's time in order to boost her self esteem and have his attention is like beig mad at a bear for killing you when you sneak up on one in the woods. It's their nature.

You fucked up here, not her. She didn't owe you a damn thing.

So once again, revenge for what?

DoctorOfTheYear · 2016-07-13T16:43:20+00:00

I would do it because mom has right to now. Not for revenge. Focus on you. She isn't worth it.

[deleted] · 2016-07-13T16:44:41+00:00

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ChewbakkaFlokka · 2016-07-13T16:31:51+00:00

Not even remotely worth it man. Block her from your phone, social media, everything and move on with your life. Start talking to new women once you feel comfortable doing so.

JackGetsIt · 2016-07-13T17:09:29+00:00

Women don't do this shit to hurt you. They do it because it's their biological imperative. Don't hate and seek revenge on women for following their own biological imperatives. That's like women shaming men for plate spinning. I know on your end it seems like pure evil and spite but it's not. It only feels like she rubbed it in your face because guys are the romantics and feel an ownership of the women they latch onto. Therefore just seeing her with anyone else is going to feel like salt in the wound.

Move on. Don't let it happen again. Women give lots of signs if the are going to branch swing or have another guy on the side. Also try not to date girls so close or above your SMV. They will figure it out eventually and jump ship. Sounds like this girl was just in hot demand with a lot of courtiers and you couldn't keep her. It happens. Recognize that you were complicit in allowing her to do this.

randarrow · 2016-07-13T19:13:11+00:00

No revenge. No blackmail. Do him a solid before you go NC and let him know. Then, let him know you're going NC and then finally...

Go NC.

ronsoness · 2016-07-13T19:36:49+00:00

up to you. revenge isn't ever really fulfilling though. it's a motivator for human beings, but it's not a source of fulfillment unlike love, affiliation, belonging, family, relationships (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs).

there's a series of bloody films called the revenge trilogy from director park chan wook (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Vengeance_Trilogy) with movies including old boy. in every one, the lesson is simple: revenge is sweet, but it always comes at a cost.

you should look forward. revenge is time consuming, emotionally draining and forces you to stay in the past. if you want revenge, i would say, do not include the parents in this. they are innocent (unless you blame them for birthing her). however, you should try to spill the beans to her bf. not so much as an act of revenge, but to let him know what kind of wench he's dating.

keep your head up OP. my friend's wife cheated on him. it destroyed him b/c he thought he found the one. he recovered got back on the wagon and ended up meeting the love of his life, a doctor, and they have a big family now.

drqxx · 2016-07-13T21:11:41+00:00

No

Move on and replace her.

Turbosuperfastlaser1 · 2016-07-13T22:59:43+00:00

Sounds like a classic orbiter to me. Read this sub more and learn.

plenkton · 2016-07-14T00:29:28+00:00

Females act according to their environment- which you can control. You provided her one type of environment (allowed self to be led on), and she took advantage.

The good feeling that comes from revenge are the product of the evolutionary past- where males subjugated one another with physical force- and unless you do this, the feeling of revenge will subside, as you see your opponent (her current bf) maintain status.

net_ripper · 2016-07-14T00:35:58+00:00

So many girls out here in this world.

They outnumber us men.

So many of them available,

And you're caught up on getting revenge.

There are better looking ones out there who aren't batshit crazy and would be happy to respect your time. Do yourself a favor and just forget about the bitch.

Nergaal · 2016-07-14T01:06:37+00:00

You may end up spending years sulking over this oneitis. Thinking about revenge only lengthens that unhealthy period. She is being happy while you are sulking in memories.

kick6 · 2016-07-14T01:49:39+00:00

A desire for revenge means you still care. Hate and Love aren't polar opposites, they're neighbors. Love and indifference are polar opposites.

Trust me, getting to a point where you truly don't give a shit will hurt her more than revenge. And even if you never see her again to hurt her...who cares? You don't give a shit.

Surfincloud9 · 2016-07-14T04:09:00+00:00

I ain't a killa but don't push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy

Tupac

melxer · 2016-07-14T08:34:27+00:00

I don't understand this whole "don't waste your time and energy trying to get revenge and focus instead on improving your life". Sounds like strawman. It doesn't look like it requires too much energy to get revenge in this case. Even if he had to invest one or two weeks full time in harming her life it would then be life long lasting satisfaction and then he can move on.

People are saying "Does it make you money ?" "Does it get you laid ?", OP answers "No but it brings me satisfaction". You can't argue with that, how getting laid once or twice is objectively superior to having a long lasting satisfaction of having revenge. The knoweldge that there will be a bitch living on earth that will have regrets for having messed with you vs the knoweldge that you go laid with some bitch some day.

OP you've heard all the reasoning behind not doing it, now it's up to you really. Doing it won't make you stronger but will possibly give you satisfaction.

BusterVadge · 2016-07-14T12:34:06+00:00

Don't do it. Seriously, just don't. Accept what is, learn from it, and move on. Pain can be a good teacher if you let it.

Also, you mention you were best friends beforehand, why wouldn't you know that she has a boyfriend? That seems fishy to me.

RedPilldisposable · 2016-07-15T11:21:39+00:00

Taking another approach here: Of course you should live well, and that you be satisfying, but I get that it doesn't feel good in the short term.

Have you considered the possible consequences if you did out her dad? You could very well end up with her serving a restraining order against you, claiming you cyber stalked her and her family, and even be arrested for cyber harassment, depending on what state you are in. It happens, and it happens much more than you might think. Publishing revenge nude photos is now illegal in many places, and can lead to jail time. I could easily see a girl telling a judge that you looking for information on her father and family is a form of cyber stalking.

Maybe you think the satisfaction of causing her pain right now would be worth getting arrested or a restraining order served against you. Or having her tell the entire world how you stalked her (obviously biased in her direction). But wait,a few months have gone by, you care less what you're doing, but now you GET TO EXPLAIN, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHY YOU HAVE HAD A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST YOU OR HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR HARASSMENT.

It could discredit you for the rest of your life, and I'm not kidding at all. I have seen guys lose great jobs in IT tech because some woman decided to make it a project to get revenge in return. Even if nothing formal is done, women are amazing at whisper campaigns - all it takes is a few well-placed friends who claim you are a creepy stalker, or a pedo, or whatever, and you're going to be less and less popular and employable.

“He who seeks vengeance must dig two graves: one for his enemy and one for himself”

Google men arrested for cyber harassment. Is temporary satisfaction really worth the risk you could be taking? You're not even anonymous - you're taking a huge risk and she would immediately know who did it. You're being very very stupid.

edit: Final point: shitty as fuck for you to attack another man to get at your ex. Really appalling if you do it, but I don't think you will. The fact that you're posting here means you know it's a bad idea.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-07-20T02:17:30+00:00

It's never worth the effort. And it will kill you on the inside. But it's also a good force of anger in the beginning stages of unplugging. It also helps you draw the line. But it's really not something you want to dwell on to long.

ecosci · 2016-07-13T15:02:52+00:00

Leave the parents alone the fact that her dad is creeping tells you alot about her mom he probably got tired of moms games and did something about it, like daughter like mother how ironic,just move on dude and dont be her plan b she doesnt deserve it plus she is a trouble maker.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-07-13T18:40:16+00:00

Hi,

see my post history.

I divorced and I was in really hard situation, lots of uneasy emotions. And, objectively, this situation wasn't easy at all.

I dropped my dreams about revenge, perhaps around yesterday evening. I was sitting with my FWB on the balcony, beautiful evening, we drank some tea, candles were lit, Nightmares on Wax in the speaker. I know, that this girl was there just for sex and that women aren't romantics at all. Everything in that evening was there for me.

I feel much better today. My life is beautiful. I focus on work, lifting, diet, reading, saving. Girls aren't a problem at all.

I feel sad sometimes when I think about my kids, but on the other hand, is there something I could do about it? I don't think so. I should live the best live I can, so if there is an accident I'll be able to help, with my time or my money.

You want your revenge, you want some shit printed and sent in mail.

Dude. You do you.

verify_account · 2016-07-13T18:06:08+00:00

You're a beta. Stop being beta, that'll be pretty good revenge.

RedStar19 · 2016-07-13T23:43:09+00:00

If you could do something that would only hurt her, I'd say maybeeeeee.

But this will fuck up an entire family. Don't do it man, totally not worth it.

shortbaldaspiekv · 2016-07-13T14:21:21+00:00

the best thing to do is not only do that, but hide around a corner with a crowbar. when you see the girl coming and she turns the corner hit her across the face with it. when she's on the ground passed out rape her. that way you had sex with get and ruined her family

Is revenge worth it?

Comments

She doesn't matter any more.

No

Title	Is revenge worth it?
Author	throaway4000s
Upvotes	18
Comments	144
Date	July 13, 2016 2:15 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4snd3p/is_revenge_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-revenge-worth-it.108287 https://theredarchive.com/post/108287