So I watched this adele video where she’s saying everyone thought she’d be bitter and angry from her divorce and she’s not which is valid.

But I started thinking about the pressure society often puts on women to look emotionally unaffected by a breakup and not come off as angry even when we have right to be.

Yes, it’s true that you shouldn’t even bother paragraphing people from casual dating or short casual relationships but if you’ve been in a relationship with a person 1 year+ and were betrayed, humiliated, cheated on, disrespected openly etc. You have every right to let them know. And I’m kinda annoyed by the societal pressure from both ends male and female that you must never show anger about it, tell them off etc. We don’t have an obligation to “go gently into that good night”

Yeah sure leave. But in relationships where there was investment and then significant disrespect and betrayal (not saying this applies to adele’s) you have every right to be open in your anger or indignation about it. You don’t have an obligation to take all the knocks and disrespect quietly or as if they never happened, to seem dignified or like you’re handling the breakup in the “proper” way and I feel the societal pressure to do so is another form of misogyny and letting men off the hook.

I’m tired of seeing celeb and even unfamous women in everyday life try to model this kind of non chalance and unaffectedness over disrespect, just so as not to look over affected or upset. And I’m glad taylor speaks out and expresses her anger where she sees fit.

Just some thoughts. I’m not saying your expressing anger will change anything. But you damn sure have a right to do it in relationships that lasted all 3+ years where you find out he was cheating or disrespecting you. There’s this very sanctimonious tone of “well if you’re getting upset you’re just letting him know he got to you/ controls you” and I’ve never agreed with it. It’s ok to let him know he’s a clown or a punk. No he won’t change by hearing it from you but sometimes for your self respect and dignity you don’t leave with him thinking he got one over on you either.

It’s especially annoying and lame to me when it comes from other women, this pressure to keep up appearances even after having been mistreated- to whos benefit? Usually always the man’s

There are certain elements of disrespect within a long term relationship that even if you intend to leave them- shouldn’t just slide under the radar or go unanswered and that’s not because you hope to change them it’s for YOU and your self respect. Not having to leave feeling like a fucking punk who just took meek and mealy mouthed whatever was dished and for you also not to be seen by them and others in that light

We talk about keeping your self respect by not sending paragraphs or arguing. But it can be just as damaging to your self respect if you have to look at something as having ended without your ever have had the courage to speak up and say loudly- this is wrong or I don’t/ never liked this, etc. If you have to slink off with them thinking they still got over on you in someway- in the sense that they still got to pull bs undetected having manipulated you into being too afraid of how it looks or too concerned with social constraints to speak out.

It’s still giving them a win and they know that.

There really are some situations where it’s vital to your self respect and dignity to let a person have it and doing otherwise is basically punk shit

Especially if you have an introverted personality or a personality that looks weak and mild. People are already apt to read your walking away as cowardice or fear of speaking out, a form of shrinking and slinking away- and sometimes it’s necessary, better to show plainly that it’s not.

Another thing I deeply hate is when a man was cheating and doing the most and the relationship ends and everyone praises the woman, for never speaking poorly about him in public. Being classy. Never disparaging him etc. Yeah, ok she can do that if she want but she doesn’t have the obligation to protect his image by doing that. If he was a lying pig who fucked everything that walks and she speaks plainly the truth of what happened on that- she shouldn’t be viewed trashy or tactless for saying it. Or like she’s being a bitch or trashing him by simply telling the truth of what transpired in plain open terms.

The argument can be made if you’re trying to act stoic just to seem a certain way to him long after the relationship has ended. He’s still controlling you and thats a form of weakness too. But that argument seems to only ever be applied to expressions of anger which really may actually just boil down to you being true to you and finally doing what you want to do

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