There has got to be some sort of justice in this world.

tellmemorelies · 2021-12-28T15:49:10+00:00

I have now been separated since 1998.

At that time I had been married for 17 years.

My Son, who was 16 years old then came with me, he could not stay with his Mother.

My Daughter who was 13 years old stayed with the WW.

WW did all the dirty tricks during separation and divorce, including false domestic abuse charges, child alienation with my daughter for 9 damn years.

I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars defending myself and attempting to get visitation with my daughter. WW did every dirty trick she could think of to keep me from seeing my daughter. It was horrible.

Fast forward to today.

My son is now married and I have two wonderful grand children. I spent Christmas morning watching them open presents and helped put together toys, install batteries and just having fun with the children. My daughter was with us as well.

These Grand kids are now 7 and 4 years old. WW has never met them. My son does not have any contact with her. I did nothing to damage that relationship, she did it all on her own.

My daughter figured things out because her memories were not matching up with what her Mother was telling her. She contacted my son, who in turn had her contact me when she was 19 yrs old. We quickly got our father/daughter relationship back on track.

The ex had Christmas by herself. My daughter has limited contact with her occasionally.

To me, this is her Karma for what she attempted to do to my family.

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-12-28T14:50:57+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you, except it's been nearly 3 years of pain, including false criminal rape allegations that I've been fighting. While I went into $200k in debt, she bought a new car, goes on vacation with her bf every month, all the while I'm funding her lifestyle through my child support (in reality, "Mommy support") payments.

I'm asking myself the same thing. Yet, I focus more on my health. I have forgiven her, as it's the only way for me to function given the evil she has caused me and how the system actually helped her.

The only other thing I can say is that karma is not always fast. Sometimes it takes years to take effect.

elduderino197 · 2021-12-28T16:02:36+00:00

It’s almost 2022 and men are still being dragged through the mud 24/7. This has to change.

sicrm · 2021-12-28T14:57:27+00:00

karma isn’t an overnight thing. in the meantime, focus on the actions you can take.

write out how you ideally want the rest of your life to go. then work on a plan to make it happen.

build and keep an active support system as well. you need people who can help you keep your head on straight.

have at least one hobby to help keep yourself levelheaded (cooking/going to the gym/jogging, etc.)

look into reading No More Mr. Nice Guy as well. it’ll help you avoid another relationship like this in the future.

fps81 · 2021-12-28T16:22:20+00:00

I was in an abusive marriage for 13 years, and am 3 years into an abusive divorce, and i'm sorry to say there is no justice. I spent years while married thinking - if I could just find proof of her cheating I could bring it to a marriage councilor and the marriage councilor would tell her she has to stop and work on her family. Nope, didn't work that way. Marriage councilor and personal therapist told me I should file for divorce and there was no saving it.

During the divorce process I thought if I could just take concrete proof that I was a caring, supportive father to court, they'd let me have my kids. Nope, she claimed I was an abusive alcoholic drug user (somehow with no record and no police reports ever filed and no witnesses.) Well, turns out her word is worth more than the truth and it's really hard to disprove an accusation. So I see my kids a couple days a week and every other weekend and pay her 1/3 of my salary and $20K/year in legal bills trying to keep my kids.

You need to move past it, because you were used and the system we have in place is designed to enable it. Family courts are designed to line the pockets of women and attorneys. They will always win. Women know this - they enter relationships as a way to earn financial dividends down the line. Zero emotion. Be aware that if you're looking for someone who is "deserving of my love, loyalty and faithfulness." you're just setting yourself up to be another paycheck for the next one. You need to protect yourself and your kids. The only person deserving of your love and loyalty is yourself and your daughter.

derelictherds · 2021-12-28T17:24:28+00:00

I don't believe in karma or a god that punishes people, but a person's shitty life choices catch up with them eventually.

kapriece · 2021-12-28T22:05:32+00:00

You can either understand them or love them. You can't do both. I chose to understand after my divorce and life got better. You will recover and you'll see how much your life will improve without her. The children I know are a sore spot and there not much to do there except document and record ALL interaction. Divorce and deaths bring out the worst in people. It's to be expected. The unsung truth is men get better with age and experience while it's all downhill for them. Once it's over DO NOT DEAL WITH HER beyond the children.

My ex handed me an ass kicking through debt and child support after the divorce. The man she left me for ended up being a bum in the end. I ended up making 3x as much money because I focused on my finances. It seems without the distraction of the wife and kids I was doing better. Years later she's not doing so good. I have no idea how my children are doing bc she won't let me see or talk to them. Karma

Karma also says she can't get an increase in CS bc the law only allows for that every three years lol. By that time the kids will be 18. CS expires for one child next year. Her income is dropping while mine rises. There is light at the end. The Karma for the 45 yo passed around, evil, new to the dating market, overweight, bad attitude, and maybe bipolar woman took years. She tried to come back but I had some choice words and enjoyed rejecting her.

Classic_Dill · 2021-12-28T14:46:53+00:00

If you have the funds, drag your feet through court and cost her $$$$$.

wesley3212 · 2021-12-28T15:01:07+00:00

I understand what you are going through. I went through the same phase when my ex divorced me. She was not kind and didn’t realize what she did to me financially and mentally. I look for these Karma moments when they present themselves. An example is when she decided work was more important than her kids and our daughter wrote on a school projects that she wishes her mother would be around. Also, because of her actions, our kids know that I will always be there and not leave them. Currently she is gone for the month of December to get plastic surgery. I love that the kids are here with me, but this is also not the first time she has done this. Karma also got her because she was fired from a semi-lucrative part-time job. The same job she picked over our kids. She is also going to be recuperating for another 3-4 months from this surgery. So karma got her again. I think it would help you to focus on the small victories and your kids.

Objective_Problem_90 · 2021-12-28T19:22:48+00:00

I've been there myself. Ex wife got everything she wanted from the divorce. She became debt free, bought and paid for brand new car, while I moved into an apartment where a roach or two has been the occasional roommate. Lol it's been difficult though the past year because I've been trying to see my son more often and fighting her on that. It's been heartbreaking for me and really am just trying to move on. I hope you are able to find some peace and happiness, especially when it comes to your child.

Eedoryeong · 2021-12-28T22:09:04+00:00

First, I'm truly, deeply sorry to read what you are going through. It makes me want to break something. I'm going through a separation, I can't imagine something like what I read.

I offer the following in the hope that it empowers you, and provides clarity for a way forward towards serenity and, eventually, happiness: my understanding is 1) There is no justice in this world except what justice we make. 2) people generally don't get in life what they deserve, they get what they negotiate. 3) The justice system is an imperfect, evolving document, and requires paperwork (e.g. the documenting of our lives) be pushed to shape it into a more recognizably compassionate system. I think the sooner you make your peace with that, the sooner you can move onto meaningful actions that can actually have a chance at fostering your lasting happiness. Because of 1 and 2, you may have lost some ground, but you still can and need to document everything. Record, photograph, copy forward everything into a cloud folder. Include a spreadsheet matching every claim against your wife to a specific piece of evidence in your cloud folder e.g. charge x, proof y, audiofile x1, timestamp y1, transcript z. These are the armaments with which you will empower your lawyer(s) to fight for you. In most regions in the world you are allowed to record any conversation in which you are a conversant. If you want more facetime with your daughter, or untimed, or a day visit, you're probably going to have to fight for it - via court injunction, while you push for divorce, compensation for pain and suffering, her cruel and unusual behavior to the kid, etc Your circumstances and evidence will tell you what you have a chance of getting.

I've been bingewatching Tracey Marks psychiatrist youtube videos and it has been eye-opening. I.e. brought a lot of clarity to the mental health issues surrounding my wife and I, and the trap I have escaped because of my wife losing her shit when I put my foot down for no more abuse. I recommend all Marks' stuff and pause the video and take notes whenever you recognize either yourself or your wife in any of her explanations or scenario descriptions. Any such insights may further help ypur lawyer and help yourself to understand how you got into this mess. It may make forgiveness (of self, of her) easier i.e. it's not all about squashing her, but understanding to make the best case for the child's best interests. The good news is that the Tender Years doctrine (the polemical go-to of women's custody battles) has been struck down in court repeatedly and can be done so again.

Women have created gender lobbies that have skewed legislation to now shield a margin of truly evil behavior by some women, and the false social narrative that drives their lobbies' positions. There's a lot of work to be done to push back, but the good news is a lot of people have done some incredible work to shed light on the bullshit that needs to be corrected. I recommend 1) the works of Dr. Warren Farrell, particularly the Myth of Male Power 2) the Canadian McGill/UBC Press series 1. Spreading Mysandry 2. Legalizing Mysandry and 3. Replacing Mysandry; and 3) if you're having issues expressing anger cleanly, I highly recommend Dr. Les Carter's The Anger Trap Back to my earlier point on the political lobbies, the other truth with them is as sure as there's shit in a cat, you can depend on feminists (and publicly funded feminist institutions sucking up grant monies intended for pushing equality) never lifting a finger let alone standing up when men are clearly abused as a class in the courts by women, despite the abundant, available evidence. And we as a class of society need to go after their funding bodies (councils) when they enable socially repugnant behavior. Therefore, while It may not replace your immediate personal need for a court battle, nevertheless you may derive some personal satisfaction -and I recommend this to all men, and those who love them - by being part of something bigger than yourself by joining men's rights organizations/lobbies and volunteer your time to help them fight back against these injustices that you and so many other men are facing. Finally, while you are diligently doing the above, and fighting the good fight, you may need also to do some forgiveness as a totally selfish act of self preservation, even if only to claim back some of your energy to efforts to shape the life you want. The mental health awareness, the clean anger expression studies, these may help the forgiveness come more easily, and they may give you more articulate arguments when you are presenting your case to the court for your child's welfare.

I think this is probably the closest you're going to get to a cosmic accountant. Rest assured her shitty choices are erecting her own private hell. But, acknowledging everyone's freedom, including her freedom to fuck up a good thing (but NOT to compromise the welfare of a child, or break the law), hers needn't become your hell. And much of it rests with you to act. Faith plus works. Calvin was wrong. Good luck.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2021-12-28T22:58:12+00:00

I took her back

Make your own justice. Start by boundaries. Once a cheater....

and to move on with my life and eventually when I am ready to find someone deserving of my love, loyalty and faithfulness.

I know where you can find this person.

Find a mirror. Look in it. That person is YOU brother. Start by loving yourself. Sounds like a cheesy Hallmark card, but once you start doing that, you stop giving bad people additional opportunities to hurt you. It ain't selfish. It's self preservation.

Best of in 2022. We're rootin' for you.

Little_Bluebird4131 · 2021-12-28T16:43:12+00:00

Going through similar situation. Somehow.his walking out in the family for another woman who had parenting rights taken away is my fault. He cheated regularly, drinks heavily and walked away from his kids leaving me to pick up the pieces for them. Sees them a few hours a week. And somehow I it's me who is the problem. It's not fair but think about how miserable it must be to be a person who would do that. Karma does come around. I am counting on it.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2021-12-28T21:34:11+00:00

Nope. Stories like these is why I’ll never be married. I don’t even want kids. I’m 34 and decided it would be best to not bring children into this world or put up with women’s shit. Cause I’ll sit in jail before I pay alimony to a chick that doesn’t wanna work.

Darkfire66 · 2021-12-28T22:10:10+00:00

Stop worrying about her and invest that energy back into yourself.

treborcj · 2021-12-28T22:27:41+00:00

I have posted this before

"The best revenge is living well. After my ex cheated on me, she married the guy. That guy cheated on her and gave her 2 more kids. She now lives in a 1 bedroom apartment with her kids in a bad part of town and someone broke into her place and took her most valuable things. Also she wreaked her only transportation so she has to walk everywhere.
What you throw out in the world comes back to you. Don't worry."

pegleg_legal · 2021-12-29T04:13:33+00:00

Life is not fair.

Eve-3 · 2021-12-28T15:30:59+00:00

I'm not trying to be a jerk but I'm pretty sure that's what you'll read. Hopefully you'll see it as I meant it.

She's completely wrong for cheating, no other words needed there.

she still continues to lie and hide shit from me

You're going through a divorce. Is it that surprising that you aren't her confidant any longer? She's going to avoid telling you anything she doesn't want to tell you, including lying to you. It's not great, but it shouldn't be a surprise.

going so far as to put a time on when I facetime her to see my daughter

I'm with her on this one. She may suck, but she still has a life. She's not there to jump every time it's convenient for you. Make a schedule that works for both of you. Stick to the schedule. If it's not scheduled time you are interrupting both of them. Don't do that. (This is assuming it's a regular thing. If you call once every three months during her hours that's not a big deal)

There's always the chance that she's doing it to be a vindictive jerk. You'd know that better than me. Just thought a bit of perspective might help it hurt less when she does these things. That most likely she isn't trying to cause extra pain for the fun of it, she's just trying to get on with her life.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2021-12-28T16:04:42+00:00

I understand what you are going through, brother. I'm dealing with a ton of crap myself, and the legal system is a complete joke.

And yes, there is a God, the one true Christian God.

What hope do we have after this life? An eternal life with God, in a new heaven and new Earth, where this pain doesn't exist. I would encourage you to find a Church and make new friends who can provide encouragement.

Mynewadventures · 2021-12-28T17:58:26+00:00

If you want to believe in karma or some sense of "cosmic justice" then you are going to have to think of what you have done in the past to have this happening to you.

The Universe is just fucking random. The idea that there are fairies flying around that make sure that your trespassers get their righteous comeuppance is infantile at best, and narcissistic at worst.

Justice does not emanate from your existence.

Now, having said this, your hurt is justified and I feel for you. To heal is to not wallow. Stop thinking about what is "being done to you" and being so self pitying (actually, take an hour of every day and feel sorry for yourself - it helps), and just realize that she is awful and that your luck is starting to turn around BECAUSE you are getting rid of her.

Think of what YOU are going to do, not what she is doing.

oldskoolflavor · 2021-12-28T16:52:59+00:00

She's trying to break every single bit of you. It's time to change who you are and the way you think. Man tf up and don't look back. Shit will hurt but it's time for you to endure and be smart.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2021-12-28T20:51:25+00:00

Nope, no such thing as karma or the Just World theory

All you can do is accept reality for what it is

Anything else is a cope

JD-Anderson · 2021-12-28T23:25:06+00:00

I have taken the tactic of living well post divorce. I have worked hard on myself (and continue to do so), worked to be more successful in work and my personal life, etc. Years later after my wife told me she was gonna find a man better than me to marry and pump another baby in her has not come to pass.

Now I don’t go for self improvement to “show her what she’s missing” anymore. I do it because I love my life now. She now sees what The Lord has blessed with me and it makes her angry, but now I don’t really care. The best thing she did was backstab me while I was at my lowest and I barely had a dollar to my name. I’ve dated women since that are more attractive than her and some great ladies, and now I feel grateful to her for doing what she did back years ago.

Gattsama · 2021-12-29T13:37:22+00:00

Ultimately the only and best Justice is to live a great life. Do NOT do this for the ex, do it for you. But nothing hurts and passes women off more than seeing their ex live a great life that doesn't include them. Do not care about her, because she is not important, and should she learn this (again cause need for you to tell her) that will be the best justice you can hope for.

Title	There has got to be some sort of justice in this world.
Author	Funny-Caregiver-8127
Upvotes	20
Comments	54
Date	December 28, 2021 2:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rqh41e/there_has_got_to_be_some_sort_of_justice_in_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/there-has-got-to-be-some-sort-of-justice-in-this.1090242 https://theredarchive.com/post/1090242

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