People on the spectrum, what are the things you do that turn the opposite sex off?

gobblegoobleoneofus · 2022-11-12T18:59:49+00:00

i talk way too much about Compound Annual Growth Rate (CAGR) and how to utilize it to increase your net worth over time.

Women really don't care for it.

depressedpotato0001 · 2022-11-12T19:01:30+00:00

Those red flags are still manageable I think.

My inability to read non verbal communication has been an issue. I did not get the signals from women that were interested in me and I pursued women that were only using me for attention and self validation. This also led to me being labeled as creepy, gay, dumb, etc.

Unwritten rules too, things that were expected of me on dates as a man and I was oblivious too.

Basically anything that involves reading people's minds and acting based on "common sense" whatever that means.

And adjusting to each person can be difficult too, I've lost opportunities for moving too slow or too fast. For not being direct enough or being too direct.

By the way the "just be yourself" thing as an Autistic man? Terrible advice.

CimZim · 2022-11-12T18:29:44+00:00

Having difficulty moving on from a topic, needing to use proper facial expressions, very much disliking being touched especially without verbal permission, and not looking people in the eyes when talking to them.

Also, something I do that DOES attract the opposite sex when I don't want it to is hair touching. I have very soft, silky hair and I touch it as...idk, I guess a kind of comfort when I'm anxious or upset. Apparently in non autistic women, playing with their hair is a sign of interest towards men, so I've had to use less comforting coping mechanisms to avoid being hit on.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-11-12T21:04:29+00:00

Lack of eye contact, odd body posture and facial expressions, getting confused and flustered due to social anxiety and saying something odd or or too quietly to be heard. Having to refuse to do certain things like dance or play a social sport because I truly did not know how or have the coordination. “Stuck up” is a common label for neurodivergent women. I have to say I’ve greatly improved my social skills over the years and now do much better with men “post wall” than in my supposed prime.

bottleblank · 2022-11-12T19:25:47+00:00

I wouldn't know, nobody's ever taken the time to break it down for me.

But from what I can deduce about myself; incorrect body language, inability to properly read others' body language, solo and technical interests even other nerdy people find strange, inexperience expressing physical or emotional intimacy towards others (especially women), awkward speech/topic selection and cluelessness when it comes to verbal flirting, oversensitivity to unexpected touch leading to difficulty processing what level of closeness it represents and how to deal with it. I used to have more trouble knowing when to shut up, especially about my personal interests, but I learnt that nobody cares so it's best not to even mention them. "Be yourself" indeed.

I have other issues which I don't think are explicitly due to the autistic wiring of my brain but rather because of the way society has treated me, as an "odd" person: critical loneliness, severe self-confidence issues, reluctance to express desire towards another person, expectations of constant and permanent rejection, and feeling like I would fail to pass as accomplished even if I were a person half my age, anxiety, and diagnosed depression.

I missed a lot of socialisation, it was replaced by abuse and isolation. I have no sense of what being loved or being lovable feels like. I can't comprehend anybody looking past my deficiencies, so I don't approach/express romantic interest, nor can I comprehend anybody finding me attractive enough to reach out to me and tell me that they're interested.

It also took me an extreme amount of time to finally get a job, so financially I haven't been able to compensate or even really afford to "get out there", even if I was more mentally inclined to risk that kind of behaviour. That's something I'm working on, but I'm still trying to dig myself out of the financial hole caused by not having a job for so long.

Smergmerg432 · 2022-11-12T22:16:57+00:00

My voice’s pitch and general intonation are a turnoff.

DaMilan · 2022-11-13T10:41:32+00:00

Disclaimer: I am neither an autist nor have aspergers, but I am definitly on the spectrum. People are neither either Rainman or Prince Machiavelli, often its just a continium and how much on each side of the bell curve you are. The Nerd-Wamb ditchtomy is one useful was of looking at things.

I will have to add that it's a myth that people "On the spectrum" are unable to learn social skills, it's just that we are slower and can't learn them as good by intuition, but by explicit learning. While as a Teenager I was Travis Bickle 2.0 but years of working in customer service jobs, observing other people and reading Guides like "Learn Social Skills", made me much, much better and adept and social stuff. Lastly, as an adult you are able to pick the people you hang out with more, and when you hang out with other nerds, your lack of social skills is not as bad as when you hang out with Normies. Find your niche guys!!!

Just some of them:

1)-A̵v̵e̵r̵s̵i̵o̵n̵ Visceral Disgust towards both lying and "Pseudo-Lying", which hinders me in a variety of ways.

The aversion toward lying hinders me in intrasexual competition with other men, e. g. several female and male friends had to pressure me to set my height in online dating from 6'1(my real height) to 6'2. This is just one example to illustrate how when a lot of your competition is lying and you don't you are shooting yourself in the foot. I could list many more examples.

My aversion toward pseudo-lying doesn't hinder me per-se, but it just makes my incompatible with a lot of people and makes it really hard to find a tribe. I am active in a leftist youth party and the amount of pseudo-lies, event blatant lies otherwise very intelligent, rational and good people (who get really mad when right-wingers/conservatives are lying/pseudo-lying) are spouting as long as it fits their narrative is really, really scary. It's almost as if "Truth" doesn't exist for them; it's just another tool in the mainpulate-other-monkeys toolkit.

2) Bad at flirting/escalating. When I was a teenager/early 20s I was so sterile when on a date/on the dancefloor, I didn't know how to behave in a way that insuniated sexual interest, didn't know how to turn women on, because I was very afraid of coming across as creepy.I have also gotten much better at this.

I could write more, but other people in the comments have them already covered, its things like uncomfortable with eye-contact, bad at reading body-language, beeing either to indirect or to direct etc.

The9thElement · 2022-11-12T20:12:34+00:00

Resting bitch face

EventSea8621 · 2022-11-12T20:55:52+00:00

i come off as weird and awkward, even thought i work in a customer facing retail job for years i still suck at social interaction. Also dont know how to keep a conversation going.

KikiYuyu · 2022-11-12T23:07:58+00:00

Since I'm on the spectrum, the "red flags" you showed off would put me more at ease. For me, what turns me off the most is getting the vibe that someone won't understand me, or that they won't even bother to try. Sometimes guys are kinda rowdy and pushy and a bit slow on emotional intelligence, and those sort of things make me anxious.

KlingKlangKing · 2022-11-12T21:02:55+00:00

Have social anxiety

Willow-girl · 2022-11-12T22:31:41+00:00

I'm probably mildly autistic. I was an only child; my parents hated each other and weren't too fond of me either, so I think I missed out on some socialization somewhere. As a kid, I thought it would be great to grow up to be a criminal, so I could be sent to prison and sit in a cell reading all day without people interrupting me! Being around people tends to make me anxious and I'm always surprised when they like me.

None0fYour8usiness · 2022-11-13T01:25:35+00:00

I’m not diagnosed yet but highly suspect that I’m on the spectrum because I tick lots of boxes.

Check.

Was talking to an autistic friend I met recently and we share an eerie amount of behaviours.

weird posture and body language (ofc, some might interpret that as me being insecure)

Check

Add to this not understanding their body language, or understanding it, but social anxiety and overthinking stopping me from doing anything

talking about my special interests at length

Check

the conversations usually revolved about myself and my experiences

Check, though I also been told I don't talk about myself enough by the same people that tell me I talk too much

It's confusing and stupid

becoming completely nonverbal when meeting with their family and friends, or the reluctance to meet them at all

Check

My ex's mom was very welcoming and fun though

solitary lifestyle

Check-ish, it's more that generally my hobbies are asocial and my social battery needs a lot of recharging

inability to comfort them in times of trouble

Check

sadbitch55 · 2022-11-13T01:53:31+00:00

I have a sister totally autistic and a father on the spectrum, and I myself never had a lot of friends and never had any boyfriend. So, I can give my two cents. I was never OPEN to relationships and I often feel very anxious about a lot of situations. Also, I don't usually speak my mind and my inner problems and struggles that I face across life. So this is one of the reasons I never hold any profound relationship of friendship and of love. I am a very superficial person, and I often only talk about superficial things like work/school. My contact with others are minimal because I already know that I am going to be boring. People often get flabbergasted because I never had any kind of sexual contact at age 25, and my refuges are school, reading and other kind of leisures, like movies and videos. So, to sum it up, it's the anxiety/awkwardness.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2022-11-13T06:44:54+00:00

I may or may not be, I'm having a test in January, someone I used to work with asked if I was autistic cause she has a brother who is and she said I reminded her of him.

Anyways, I have read about the symptoms, and I do relate/identify with them.

Well, I've shot my mouth off, lost my temper, didn't keep my mouth shut about insecurities, bought/collected/hoarded too much stuff obsessively, I got kicked out of my apartment in part because of this, obsessive tendencies/talking about interests at length, worse when I was younger, I could not shut up about star wars for like 2 whole years, long periods of solitary/isolation, nonverbal/in my own head/little world for periods.

2022-11-12T18:45:58+00:00

I knew my husband was weird, and I liked him for it but the last two years have been really eye hoping. I never realized how autistic he really was. They are actually the things that attracted me most to him, it’s not hopeless.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-12T21:07:51+00:00

So my girlfriend in high school was ots ( she wasn't diagnosed until her 20s tho), I wasn't really educated on the subject at the time myself, I just thought she was kinda quirky lol and I loved some of those quirks but one thing was focused on one subject, she would talk about it A LOT lol

2022-11-12T21:47:19+00:00

I don't say words too well. I try to say them more gooder but it gets all messed up in my mouths and I don't say it no goods

scwizard · 2022-11-12T22:30:57+00:00

See right through their bullshit straight into their scared naked soul.

I've had more girls tell me about their CSA trauma then I've had girlfriends.

2022-11-13T02:04:37+00:00

I tend to commit way to quickly and strongly to women without asking anyhing in return. Sort of like being a slut but for men.

theitchcockblock · 2022-11-13T11:20:51+00:00

I ( m29) talk a lot so I may end up saying and doing more mistakes with women

2022-11-14T22:53:07+00:00

I don't share common interests and I don't have a compulsion to interact with humans unless it's about getting something I want(which interaction in of itself isn't).

dumbbitchcas · 2022-11-16T02:53:23+00:00

Everything LOL.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-12T20:04:52+00:00

I just found out that 1 in 48 boys are diagnosed with autism. This is unbelievably high.

Joyful-Adsorption · 2022-11-12T20:49:22+00:00

Being fine having just one friend, and that friend being the boy I was dating. The first time it happened I dated my best friend from high school. We spent all our time together for the two years before we dated, then after we started dating I was too clingy and needed to find my own friends. I was told this constantly and became very depressed and lonely, as I wasn't good at being independent and making connections with people. I eventually broke it off with him and we were both devastated. I didn't know I was an aspie at the time.

Most of my other relationships my boyfriend was my main friend and it was never a problem. I think they liked having me close and around all the time.

I was not the problem. The bad fit was the problem. Finding someone who matches your personality is where true happiness lies.

thisaccountaintrea1 · 2022-11-13T02:46:38+00:00

I've actually found my autism to be an advantage in the dating sphere (well, at least some of the time). Off the top of my head, here are a few things girls I've dated have told me (paraphrased):

"You've always got something interesting to say. It's refreshing."
"Ah, Anon. Never a dull moment with you."
"So many guys are just so boring to talk to. You're such a weirdo though; talking you is fun." (This chick was very high)

I think that being autistic has helped me with women because I can offer a different experience than dating most other guys- a different type of humor, a different way of seeing the world, etc. Not every girl is into that, but a lot of them are- one of my best female friends has my contact in her phone saved as "Manic Pixie Dream Boy".

That being said, I think one of the biggest things that helped me was actually putting effort into my appearance- I started going to the gym, renovating my wardrobe, and improving my grooming habits. If you look good, then women are a lot more likely to pay attention to your good points.

Of course, there are bad points in addition to the good. Depending on the severity of one's autism, these bad points can vary, but here are a couple issues that have come up for me:

Assuming someone I'm dating will tell me that she's upset/annoyed about something when she's actually waiting for me to notice that she's upset/annoyed.
Not necessarily knowing what response is wanted in an emotional situation.
Weird facial expressions or body language, though this can be mitigated with some effort.

Bikerbats · 2022-11-12T22:14:18+00:00

I'm not on the spectrum, but isn't it pretty well known that three behaviors in particular are the root cause of all this?

Pedantically arguing/constantly correcting.
Clings to a subject that is obviously boring someone to tears and resists all efforts to change the subject.
Related to #2, talks excessively about ones self.

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Green-Quantity1032 · 2022-11-13T00:51:03+00:00

Those things you displayed, that doesn't sound autistic..

Some of them are completely normal, the other are "weird" or "dorky".

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-11-13T13:09:10+00:00

I’m autistic and have not had issues dating, I tend to be overly honest and upfront but that seems to work well

Plugandharam · 2022-11-12T18:22:59+00:00

Just watch love on the spectrum bro

Title	People on the spectrum, what are the things you do that turn the opposite sex off?
Author	ImperatorInvictus19
Upvotes	41
Comments	71
Date	November 12, 2022 6:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ytejvj/people_on_the_spectrum_what_are_the_things_you_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/people-on-the-spectrum-what-are-the-things-you-do.1138872 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138872

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