CMV social skills is genetic and people can't just learn game.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-11-12T12:34:20+00:00

i think social skills can be improved, but only if the person reaches some sort of social skill minimum.

it’s kinda like dealing with an unsocialized puppy. how unsocialized the dog is matters. some of the behavior that comes with that can be trained around, some cannot.

a person who is awkward but still comes off as well-meaning has a better chance of becoming more social than someone whose social behaviors are more off-putting. one of those people has a chance of benefiting from repeated positive encounters, the other is likely to regularly be met with hostility and coldness.

gymbro718nyc2 · 2022-11-12T13:49:15+00:00

This is certainly a very good excuse to not do anything with your life.

Censoredv2 · 2022-11-12T12:45:10+00:00

I was absolutely horrible at socializing in primary school and the first 2 years of high school. Had like no friends, was constantly getting mad at being messed with and had 1 good interaction with a girl outside of school work because i was too shy to talk to them. Turned it around starting at the end of grade 8 and by grade 10 i became a confident extrovert. Claiming something is genetic is making up excuses, if i could endure a year of bullying at a new school to learn how to socialise so could you.

RedditsOlderBrah · 2022-11-12T12:32:56+00:00

It's a skill. Like most things it's easier done while still a child but there is no reason an adult can't learn.

Mr_Makak · 2022-11-12T12:53:43+00:00

No one chooses to be shy, akward, funny, outgoing or extroverted.

I'll disagree with you here. I'm shy, awkward and highly introverted. Those are the feelings I feel in regards to social interaction.

However, I'm very outgoing and outwardly confident. Those are the actions I choose to take in social interactions, because know that sadly those behaviours are gonna benefit me in life more.

You cannot force yourself to feel confident, but you absolutely can force yourself to act confident

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-12T12:22:18+00:00

It’s definitely true, but not as black and white as you make it out to be.

I was mostly isolated in my childhood. I didn’t have siblings, my parents friends didn’t have kids, and i got neglected by my parents in general. My social skills were never that good.

Now as an adult my social skills are kinds bad (i had a disease as a teen and i was majorly depressed too which didn’t help). I’m definitely learning social skills now but it’s difficult because everyone around me is already so much further in their life. People seem to wanna be friends with me now but i still shake like crazy whenever talking to a girl lol.

So it’s safe to say that if you didn’t have it by genetics and learned it in early childhood years you’re 10-0 behind but it’s not immediately over.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-11-12T15:16:24+00:00

It literally called social SKILLS , which you have to train to learn, it's literally quite the opposite of genetics lol

Equal_Ad_3805 · 2022-11-12T14:17:47+00:00

Wrong. Point blank. Social skills are primarily nurture. I’m pretty sure there are studies about this. Social skills form as a result of your biology responding to the world around you. Your core personality is dictated by your biology. It gets formed into something else by your environment. Which means - it’s malleable to some extent, you can change it.

Spit out the blackpill my friend. It tastes horrible going down, and shitting it out will be worse.

figuringMylife · 2022-11-12T12:57:15+00:00

CMV everything is genetic and nothing is learned. if you have a career it wasn’t because you studied hard for the career. its genetic. if you have friends you were predetermined to have those friends, friendship chemistry is genetic. how you groom yourself? genetic. how you text? genetic. everything is genetic.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-11-12T14:12:34+00:00

A lot of bullshit here a lot of truth here. Yes, aman can't just become a charming ladies man just because he wants to. That has to be working on it and practiced. Men can most definitely learn game if they really want success with women. You're not doomed to be a lonely and single man for the rest of your life unless that's what you want. Game/seduction has a lot to do with be socially and emotionally intelligent. Being socially aware and being conscious of body language and facial expressions as well paying attention to the your voice and varying your pitch when you're speaking to women. It has absolutely nothing to do with genetics and it is not hereditary in the slightest. You don't change your personality but you enhance it and display the best parts of your personality to women. You be yourself and the farthest away you can be from weird.

swordfishrenegade · 2022-11-12T14:39:13+00:00

The main tenet of game is that anyone can learn it. That’s the whole point.

If you were socially gifted from birth, you’d be called a natural.

What’s with all the strawman arguments here lately?

2022-11-12T14:17:57+00:00

Like all skills, your success at developing social skills is informed partly by your inherent genetic aptitude and partly by exposure, repetition, experience and practice (environment).

There is absolutely an inherent genetic component to personality, and thus to how easily or not social skills come to someone. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn to improve them, though. It just means it may be more difficult for you, or require different approaches to learning, and that there may be a different ceiling on how well you can develop that skill.

No, not everyone can be a super fun charming ladies man, but probably everyone can learn to be a little more effective in social situations tomorrow than they were yesterday.

sidbunch6 · 2022-11-12T15:02:00+00:00

we all basically have the same level of 'game'. Don't worry about that. People always pat themselves on the back thinking that their 'game' was what got them laid with a girl without realising she decided way earlier (basically at 'hi'). The best game in the world won't help you bang a girl if she's not into you. Concentrate on other things

New_Relative_8709 · 2022-11-12T15:28:31+00:00

I was SUPER shy and awkward until my 15 yo. Then i slowly became an extrovert and today im super outgoing and social

pearllovespink · 2022-11-12T17:18:20+00:00

Heavily disagree. Unless you’re suffering from a mental illness or anxiety disorder it can be learned. Even introverted people have the ability to be social. Most people gain social skills from experience. That’s why a lot of parents put their children into sports and other activities as children. To build social skills and discipline.

Early-Christmas-4742 · 2022-11-12T12:33:28+00:00

It's largely genetic but that doesn't mean you can't imptove yours. It's like physical strength. Some people are more naturally gifted, but anyone can improve theirs by working on it.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-11-12T13:31:24+00:00

Ok yeah: Some people are naturally gifted at being outgoing. But for those that are shy or introverted, they can still learn social skills and get good enough to be a social person when they need to/want to. I’m not saying they will be the life of the party, but they will be at least able to GO to the party and people will enjoy them being around.

WilliamWyattD · 2022-11-12T12:35:55+00:00

I needed addition to the discussion, for perspective. But a bit extreme. Some people can sometimes make very big, true personality changes. It is rare, and the earlier it is done the better. But happens.

And then a lot more people can make meaningful improvements, even if not a full paradigm shift.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2022-11-12T12:45:21+00:00

We all seem to accept someone with a personality disorder can't be cured but then we also claim anyone can just be a charming extroverted ladies man because they want to? Seems like to conflicting ideas here.

Lol yeah. The bluepill is basically pure, distilled insanity at this point. But still, some people will continue to fall for the Disney-fairytale bullshit when it comes to human mating…

Edit: It’s also worth mentioning that the entire “personality” meme is built on a false-premise anyways. The idea that only people with “good” personalities have success with women. Take one look at the news and you can see that this is clearly bullshit.

CimZim · 2022-11-12T13:03:56+00:00

Social skills is something formed by your genetic and your early childhood years.

It's all based on a negative or postive feedback loops you received during childhood and that's shapes who you are as a person.

In other words, it's a combination of genetics and environment. So having a different environment when you're older can give you the opportunities needed to grow and improve more than your childhood allowed, up to the limits of your genetics.

We all seem to accept someone with a personality disorder can't be cured but then we also claim anyone can just be a charming extroverted ladies man because they want to?

I've never heard anyone say this, but if they did, they're a very silly person. You can't grow beyond physical limitations (by this I mean brain structure) but you can certainly learn to expand past the feedback given to you as a child.

For example, I'm on the autism spectrum, diagnosed in second grade. My parents saw this as a flaw, something to never be mentioned or assisted with, and treated me as a neurotypical child. (I'm 37, it wasn't as accepted back then.) The only thing they allowed at the high recommendation of numerous teachers was speech therapy, which I took throughout 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. Even today I have a bit of a "hissing" lisp with words ending in X or S...but it's significantly better than when I was a younger child, and I managed to get it almost unnoticeable by taking public speaking classes in early high school. These same classes also taught me valuable social skills, like how to seem like I'm looking people in the eye when not actually, how to physically emote and use "proper" facial expressions, and really helped with the masking many autistic people eventually figure out how to do.

My true personality is quiet, introverted, not needing much social interaction, prefer to do single person activities like hiking, swimming, reading, and can get easily burned out by too much interaction with other people. I'm one of those who mentally flourished during the pandemic lol. But I am fully capable of using different masks for different occasions, and completely changing my outward personality to fit the situation. There's the "me" for visiting my family, the "me" for coworkers, the "me" for clients for job A and the "me" for job B. Even my friends groups have 2 different masks, since they have different vibes (although these personalities are very close to my real self). The only times I'm not masking is when alone or with my fwb.

It gets really tiring switching out one's social skills and personality types, but it's what's needed to succeed in the world as a whole. You can say numerous people haven't learned how to do this, and some will just be better at it than others, but I disagree it can't be learned by nearly everyone.

KlingKlangKing · 2022-11-12T14:05:44+00:00

Personality is even harder to change than looks

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TheRedPillRipper · 2022-11-12T13:50:17+00:00

someone with a personality disorder

Has a disability. So needs help.

it’s all based on a negative or positive feedback loops you received during childhood

Which is nurture based. As opposed to nature.

No one chooses to be shy

Nor do they choose to be outgoing. Though it’s debatable. Whether personality is dictated by nature, or nurture, is irrelevant. Humans are social animals. So every human has a social instinct/prerogative. Which means it can be honed.

Godspeed and good luck!

BrummieAMN19 · 2022-11-12T16:14:13+00:00

We all seem to accept someone with a personality disorder can't be cured but then we also claim anyone can just be a charming extroverted ladies man because they want to?

Just because a personality disorder cannot be cured doesn't mean we cannot manage or handle it. I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and according to you I still should be an extremely manipulative, abusive lying, attention seeking, gaslighting and validation seeking person. Is it incredibly difficult to handle our "bad" behaviours as due to the nature of personality disorders? Yes but that doesn't mean it's an excuse not to try and adjust properly to become high functioning.

Plugandharam · 2022-11-12T16:27:55+00:00

90% were married in 1950 odds are your grandpa didn't have game

PuertoRock007 · 2022-11-12T16:44:23+00:00

I disagree because I was able to do it. I'm naturally an introvert, but when I first learned of PUA I went out and practiced and became good with my social skills.

Of course after getting a gf and I stopped practicing I fell back into my default self.

SuperCrazy07 · 2022-11-12T16:57:05+00:00

As a young adult I was extremely shy and anxious. To the extent I got girlfriends or ONS it was in spite of my social skills not because of them. Truly, I was straight up bad.

As I went through life, I had a lot of success educationally/financially, got confident, got married, etc.

In my 30s I picked up weightlifting. Added muscle and looked good.

Then, I got two super friendly dogs and moved into a high rise in a densely populated big city. They were chick (and dude) magnets and before I knew it I was talking to everyone all the time.

I was already married, so no pressure, no neediness, just friendly chatting til I just got good at it. And I got good at it. I’ve had countless girls ask if I want to get a drink, etc.

Social skills absolutely can be learned.

Cold approach does work, but you can’t just “hey you’re hot, number please” - the conversation starts about the dogs, then maybe something about the building we live in, then a restaurant/bar nearby that I recommend, etc.

platinirisms · 2022-11-12T17:15:14+00:00

Even identical twins have entirely different personalities, and they’re genetically identical.

Novadina · 2022-11-12T17:18:31+00:00

I was raised very isolated and didn’t really get enough socialization as a kid, as a result my social skills were lacking when I was older. I knew it and decided to change it, I made effort to learn as a young adult what I didn’t as a kid, and forced myself to go to social activities and practice as much as possible, I bought books on how to improve it, and I just kept working at it. It got better and better over the years, today no one even knows I ever had such problems, except people closest to me who still see some bumps I hit sometimes. Sure, I might not be quite as good as if I had proper socialization as a child, or I guess if I had these genes that you think exist where I would be born with the knowledge, but I accomplished many things I never thought I could, like running my own business and getting new clients, applying for and getting powerful jobs with very difficult interviews, and meeting lots of people and making new friends. Coming from not even being able make a phone call due to social anxiety I’ve come a far way.

Socialization to learn social skills is important - I highly doubt it’s all genetic, as pretty much nothing is 100% genetic but a mix of genes predisposing you to certain thing and skills you learn as you live your life. Social skills are clearly something learned even if you have a predisposition in a certain direction, and if you put the effort in, you can learn them.

I don’t think there are really any genes you could have where you don’t need to even learn anything at all and somehow are born with the knowledge of socialization, though, as humans don’t really work that way - cultural advancements happen much quicker than evolution because we are a species that learns culture. The main genetic thing for it is is it the ability to be a sponge for it as a child, if a kid is properly spending time with many people they should be absorbing it all up. But if you didn’t get that as a kid, like I didn’t, you can also just go learn it on purpose if you want, it will be a little harder but it’s possible.

That__EST · 2022-11-12T17:24:08+00:00

I think that it's actually a result of a big family. I've made comments about guys in here who did well even though they were far from 6/6/6 and I realized that the common denominator amongst these guys was that they were from families with a minimum of three kids. I think it's a lot harder to have bad social skills when you have lots of siblings or cousins around your same age.

NewWayNow · 2022-11-12T17:50:39+00:00

I have a broad definition of “game.” Figuring out where to be and when, what to say and what not to say, what to wear. All of that is game to me. None of it is genetic.

Notsonewguy7 · 2022-11-12T21:17:31+00:00

Very few skills are genetic but I do think there's a window in which learning new skills especially social skills closes I think by the time a woman's 25 and by the time of man is 22 if you don't learn basic social skills you will always be awkward you might learn how to enter into a conversation and look somebody in the eyes but if you don't have the ability to talk to someone in a way that makes them feel that you are a human you never will be able to have a normal relationship but if you're very skilled and very intelligent you don't really need to.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-11-12T23:05:06+00:00

Game, defined as a set of social skills that can persuade a woman into a hookup/casual sex/short-term fling, doesn't exist. So yes, in that sense, because it's fictional, one can't really learn it.

As far as the malleability of personality is concerned, with concentrated effort (or dropping some LSD) one can make substantial changes.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-11-12T23:54:49+00:00

Social skills is something formed by your genetic and your early childhood years.

So how do you explain people who radically improve them later in life? I was excruciatingly shy as a child, and overcompensating tool at 20 and pretty much the man at 30. Clearly early childhood matters, but it isn't the end of the story.

Impossible_You_8555 · 2022-11-13T01:23:01+00:00

I’m a genetic determinist but even I think outside of extreme cases much of this can be fixed.

My mom had severe depression and social anxiety. I grew up in a house basically being told that If I went outside or socialized it would make life harder for the parents. They didn’t mean to tell me this, but it was what I picked up on being a shy and empathetic boy.

So I played video games, never saw friends outside of school hours, and never really developed socially.

If I had a different upbringing or some sort of early intervention I think this could have been treated. Instead I’m 36,working on losing weight, and still avoiding the therapy I need.

emeraldjade9 · 2022-11-13T11:43:43+00:00

I’m shy and awkward around people I don’t know but I am funny and outgoing around my friends.

Ohms2North · 2022-11-14T01:59:09+00:00

Nope. You’re just making excuses for your unwillingness to do the work

Title	CMV social skills is genetic and people can't just learn game.
Author	novelgrowth22
Upvotes	6
Comments	122
Date	November 12, 2022 12:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/yt5edc/cmv_social_skills_is_genetic_and_people_cant_just/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-social-skills-is-genetic-and-people-cant-just.1138907 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138907

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