She wont get a lawyer!

CrazySanta7 · 2023-01-30T13:03:46+00:00

What other strategy is there? Take charge and go fn file. What are you waiting for?

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-01-30T14:29:48+00:00

so what is her strategy??

My wife wouldn't file. She dragged-out our separation. I could not file because of jurisdictional and residency issues (long story). My situation may not apply to you. But looking back, I think she was doing two things:

1) She was stretching our 9-year marriage into a 10-year marriage. At ten years, she gets some Social Security benefits. Also, in some states, ten years is a bright line that defines a "long-term marriage".

2) She was establishing a "situation". That is, she worked during the marriage and earned enough money to comfortably support herself. She didn't need alimony. But before we separated, she simply quit her job and "retired". Basically just did nothing and expected me to pay for it all. I did it, for a while, and encouraged her to work again. But this stretched-out over time.

By the time she FINALLY got around to filing for divorce, she was able to say, "I've been an unemployed SAHM for years". And the idea is to tell the judge that things should just basically stay the same. Why change? The "situation" has been working for years. Bottom line: she was establishing her unemployment as the default normal state of things.

Your wife might be just plain lazy and in denial about the whole thing.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-30T14:03:32+00:00

She wants you to file so she can blame you for causing the divorce. It's the same logic behind women not responding when you ask them what you want to do for dinner, or where do you want to go out Saturday night. When it doesn't work out, it's all your fault.

Women have an entire community of divorced hens whispering in their ear. You need to protect yourself from false DV. Here's how and why: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375

You can't control her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. That's Stoicism 101. If she's saying she wants a divorce, you're getting a divorce, because she's been thinking about it for months. There's no point delaying it. You need to retain an attorney. Here's how: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13377

derelictherds · 2023-01-30T15:44:50+00:00

My ex behaved similarly. She cheated and initiated divorce then refused to file. It's been over 4 years for me and I still don't know why she did this. My advice: Don't spend too much time and energy trying to understand her behaviour. Nothing good will come of it. File for the divorce and focus on your own strategy.

FUMoney · 2023-01-30T12:12:42+00:00

Florida is an equitable distribution state. Be ready for that.

treborcj · 2023-01-30T16:18:26+00:00

My ex did this too. I got the lawyer and filed. She signed the paperwork and done. She had no strategy. She just relied on me to do everything like I always did.

vector5633 · 2023-01-30T14:58:14+00:00

ALWAYS GET A LAWYER!!!!!!!!

toooldforthisnonsens · 2023-01-30T12:09:59+00:00

File the paperwork yourself. She can then either lawyer up, or sign.

If she lawyers up, then you lawyer up as well.

playerknowmore · 2023-01-30T22:29:04+00:00

I was in a similar situation a few years back. Except she wanted to separate for six months and take our two youngest to her mother's house in Vegas. We live in Jersey and I told her she could go wherever she wants, but the kids stay with me. No offense to Nevada but education there is nowhere close to New Jersey.

She kept bringing up separation and I wasn't doing enough around the house. I think she was mad because I put a fifteen thousand dollar cap on our oldest daughter's birthday party. I thought it would be better to give her the fifteen thousand.

At the end of the month, I went and got an agreement drafted and gave them to her. She freaked out and all of a sudden I was a great husband and father. I let her squirm for about ten days and when I finally spoke to I gave her my terms for staying.

At the end of the day, all I need is contentment. Don't need a happy fairy tale. I knew the craziness I have and felt I could deal with that. I told don't tell me what chores to do, to give me a list and I'll pick what and when I do it. We are still together. Do I think about the peace of living alone; of living alone, yes! But this works best for everyone involved.

Adventurous_Draw_834 · 2023-01-30T15:09:39+00:00

Some of these posts man - I think we need to normalize the idea that 'lawyering up' should be a last resort. Where does the idea come from that that should be the immediate response when someone asks for a divorce? Not all divorces are contentious and require litigation. In this day and age, where 50/50 custody is spreading pretty rapidly as a presumptive, and judge's getting less and less authority to split the finances too far in one direction or not - it's just a waste of time and money.

The days of 'she took most of the marital assets and the kids,' is dwindling (I'm aware this still happens in some cases)

TL;DR: Exercise all other options (try to have a conversation , get a paralegal to draw up standard 50 / 50 papers, mediation. If there's still no reasonable agreement, that's when you get a lawyer. Divorce doesn't ruin lives, lawyers do.

5unshine_Daydream · 2023-01-30T17:34:48+00:00

Get a lawyer and draft an MSA for her to sign. Initially, my wife didn't care about getting a lawyer or filing. She sure changed her opinion after she saw the draft MSA.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2023-01-30T20:17:49+00:00

Get an uncontested divorce attorney if ur in agreement on everything bcs contested divorce are expensive and just charge toooooo much.

ThrowRAcq4444 · 2023-01-30T20:24:19+00:00

If you file first, things will go better for you.

Playful-Ad9901 · 2023-01-31T00:08:18+00:00

I live in fl, get her to sign the papers in the nicest way. Kill the relationship with kindness. Hopefully you dont have kids

Spodee5 · 2023-01-31T08:42:07+00:00

She just wants to blame you and get sympathy from her friends.

Seemedlikefun · 2023-01-31T17:40:09+00:00

Men Only Family Law. Offices in Orlando.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-02-01T04:06:14+00:00

The strategy is probably to paint you as a bad guy who filed for divorce so she can play victim and justify every nasty behavior that will come after you file. Alternatively, she doesn't actually want a divorce but that's less likely if she's actively pursuing you to file.

Title	She wont get a lawyer!
Author	alzdag
Upvotes	19
Comments	94
Date	January 30, 2023 11:50 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10p01ub/she_wont_get_a_lawyer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-wont-get-a-lawyer.1150711 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150711

Comments