What is the actual reason behind the huge gender disparity on dating apps? Why are close to 80% of major dating apps’ users men?

fathergoose77 · 2023-02-07T22:10:54+00:00

Well, meeting a total stranger from online is potentially dangerous, especially for young women. If they can meet people organically in person, that would probably be the preferred option. There are literally dudes in the news who have murdered their OLD dates. An 18 year old girl is way less likely to take this risk compared to an 18 year old boy who is hoping to get laid.

More men than women use the apps primarily for trying to hook up. Many women are aware of this and know a lot of guys will swipe on anyone and they’re just shooting their shot at anyone who might have sex with them. It’s a lot of time spent and a risk taken to meet up with a guy who may just see you as an object (this is why my current partner stopped using OLD, and her friends share a similar sentiment).

Some of the women I’ve known who are just looking for a hookup tend to go to bars/clubs because if you’re just looking to have sex, it’s easier to scope out chemistry in those places rather than vetting a total stranger online.

Also, many women are still shamed and judged for being on those apps. I have a cousin who believes that it’s considered trashy and desperate for a woman to use dating apps (I don’t agree, but many women do feel this way). The stigma and biases are still alive and well.

Inareskai · 2023-02-07T21:25:26+00:00

Generally speaking I've found that it's because there are a group of men (not all of them, but a high enough number) who are so weird on dating apps. And not in an 'oh they're a bit awkward' way more like in a 'sending dick pics / telling women to die / getting really gross and mean' way. And that makes women just leave the apps. Or, not even join them, because networks between women are strong, and even if you've not personally been on an app we all have one or two friends who've been on and maybe met some OK guys but also had some really off putting experiences.

One of my friends stopped going on when one guy who seemed decent out of the blue asked if he could have her dirty panties - they'd not even set a first date yet. That's just... no.

Another got messages 'praising' her because she said in her bio that she was a fan of the Legend of Zelda and Pokemon and they would try to compliment her by talking about how she wasn't like other women/talking down about other women and she just didn't think that was cool or nice. Alternatively, some men opened with things like 'you like video games, let me impregnate you' which we assume was a joke but maybe not something to say to a someone who is essentially still a stranger.

Another had a man literally offer her money for sex.

On the 'not how girls work' subreddit there was someone sharing screen grabs (anonymised) of things men had said to her on apps, and like... yeah I wouldn't be on them either if that's the sort of thing I got sent.

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-02-07T21:36:41+00:00

Yeah as a woman who's used apps but won't now, its what the above comment says.

People seem to lose a sense of decency behind a screen. If they're not looking in your eyes it seems to free people up to say horrendous stuff they never would in person. When frankly if it was in person it would literally be a crime.

It's 90% of messages, the good guys aren't as aggressive at messaging everyone so it can give the impression most men are like that. But in reality its a loud group pestering without shame, every woman, multiple times. Sad for the normal blokes tbh. I feel bad how easy it is to be judged like the, being fair, sex offenders by moral standards.

Although I think non consensual dick pics are finally illegal (not that anyone would take it to court rn I imagine, you'd somehow feel guilty). But the internet still isnt very safe for woman over all. Revenge porn etc. People stealing your pics and setting up wierd sexual accounts and messaging other girls, stealing your pics and making deep fake porn even 😬

xvszero · 2023-02-07T21:57:39+00:00

My speculation, which I admit is not based on data at all and could be super wrong, is that men approach women significantly more than women approach men. So a woman can just live her life and get some dating prospects that pop up without thinking she needs to go look online for that, but for a lot of men, that's not the case.

My wife, for instance, didn't really do dating sites until she moved to a new country and had no social network. Before that, her dating mostly came from her social networks. Just getting out into the world, meeting friends of friends, getting asked out, whatever.

Mind you she didn't really do a ton of dating either. But she did some. Meanwhile I did no real dating outside of people I met online. Literally never been asked out by someone I met in the real world even once that I can recall.

Anecdotes though.

deityknowsphilosphy · 2023-02-08T05:49:22+00:00

Men don’t exactly treat women well there.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-02-08T04:32:03+00:00

Because women gain nothing from casual sex, which the majority of men on those apps want.

Also, the way men shoot their shot so broadly (because it's easy), just leaves us feeling like a product being advertised for use (which is demeaning, especially since most are looking to be uniquely connected).

JonF1 · 2023-02-08T02:25:55+00:00

You know how lockers in high schools had dicks, 420 , 69, swastikas, shit stains, srandom scratches, maybe a bit of gang graffiti on the walls?

That's how its like using tinder as a woman.

Meat_Vegetable · 2023-02-07T23:17:10+00:00

I HIGHLY recommend making a female account, you can use Faceapp or something to augment your own pictures. And just enjoy why so few women want to explore that shithole.

This is something I did when I was still in Redpill hell amd it was one the thing that pushed me out of it.

HappyRainbowSparkle · 2023-02-07T22:16:13+00:00

Dating apps are just kinda crap and most guys swipe yes on everyone so it's kinda pointless from my experience, but I just find it difficult to be interested in a few photos and a few generic lines, like I like travelling or nothing at all

vcreativ · 2023-02-08T09:26:05+00:00

It's seemingly the path of least resistance. Dating app failure is acceptable for most. But being rejected in real-life scares a ton of people, men and women. In contrast to this, women usually get more attention in real life, so I don't expect there to be the same need. Or if they do go online, they likely won't for long. Either because they find someone, or because they're frustrated at what they found, lol.

A friend of mine decided to find a bf on Tinder. And she told me about the arduous task of scheduling a bunch of pointless dates over a six week period. She's now been with him for as many years. I think if one wants to understand the other sex and their behaviour, it's critical to attempt to emphasise with their circumstance.

Men get way less attention on average. Viz, none. At all, basically. And that hurts. I can't blame a bunch of guys going off the rails while having to navigate that with testosterone fueled mental states. I think they need to become more if they want to be men, but I completely see where they're coming from.

I also think that men in general aren't super good at entertaining social circles and get an unhealthy attachment to dating and sex, because they don't have enough social contacts and project platonic intimacy atop sexual intimacy.

Which again, really doesn't help.

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-02-07T21:48:48+00:00

I think that there's a subset of men who aren't really comfortable cold-approaching women and lack robust social networks to meet women via conventional or traditional means. Women, on the other hand, tend to have those social networks more clearly established and therefore are better equipped to be able to meet the men they are interested in.

There's also the fact that lot of these apps are characterised as hookup apps and therefore you get a certain swath of men approaching as if that's their general purpose and women who aren't interested in hookups eschewing the method.

You probably also have women who feel like it reads desperate to be on an app.

Opinion Piece

Generally speaking, I think the experience of being on dating apps is generally more rewarding for men than women. Especially when you factor in the creeps.

camellight123 · 2023-02-08T12:57:19+00:00

Personally I stopped using them because they are tedious. It's much more fun for me personally, to cultivate a friend group, go out to the same place for a month or more, see who the regulars there are, strike conversations and maybe if someone there is my type or we vibe, I or them, decide to shoot our shot.

Instead of the endless mindless scrolling, uninspired convos devoid of fun, cringely and forced on both sides, stilted. And first dates that feel like a job interview. Or feel like an interaction between a prey and a predator trying to lure me to his den for a quick fuck.

But on the other side, when I was socially awkward, had no friends, and no rizz, only could talk about anime and games, no one IRL wanted to spend that much time with me, so dating app were easier than forcing myself to just be "chill with it" and enjoy platonic company of strangers, friends etc.

tinyhermione · 2023-02-08T14:32:08+00:00

1) More women have active social lives and more men are socially isolated. It's more fun to meet someone at a party or through your friends and it's easier to see if you click from the start. However this requires you to have friends and do social stuff.

3) Maybe dating apps just don't appeal that well to women's desire? Maybe men get something out of Julie and Jane in bikinis, but I just think "I have no idea who I'd be into in real life". It's just a bit flat. Most of the people I've liked in real life, I wouldn't have swiped on on an app.

anthonyrecenello · 2023-02-07T21:50:20+00:00

Hey! Dating coach here who’s been online dating since 15 yrs old. This is simple. Society’s old fashioned customs of having men pursue women is why. No, this has nothing to do with red pill faux- psychology/biology.

The more we fall into conservative customs, the more this will happen.

The more we stop slut-shaming women, and the less we objectify them when approaching and just staring from afar, the more welcome they’ll feel to strike up conversation with men and get purposeful about their own dating lives.

Does anyone think that because there is a disparity, that online dating is more enjoyable or successful for women? While men are taught to message as many women as possible, women have to filter through most of those thousands of matches who just want to use them as sex objects. It’s not pleasant on either side.

Strong_Opportunity32 · 2023-02-08T01:57:39+00:00

Because men go on there to fuck, and women are not on dating apps to be free prostitutes, so they get off the app.

ginzing · 2023-02-08T00:45:28+00:00

women have a potential biological and social burden of reproduction tied to sex/partnerships - that difference inherently means women have to be careful and picky then add in that they also have to be far more careful about trusting who they are around since they are usually physically smaller and less strong so it can set them up for an unsafe situation. women are far more likely to be victims of assault and date R-word so they have to be more careful. meeting male strangers still doesn’t feel safe or worth the inherent risk to a whole lot of women. i mean even as a male would you feel safe blindly meeting up with most of the men you see on those apps? now imagine being a female and doing that. it’s fucking scary.

ZealousidealFig5 · 2023-02-08T02:50:51+00:00

Are there statistics available on the male/female ratio by age group on dating sites.

VigilanteJusticia · 2023-02-08T04:15:30+00:00

Just my assessment. No data points.

Even though men are encouraged to do the pursuing, rejections still affect us negatively. It’s easier to handle a rejection online than in person because in person there’s also a social price you pay especially if it happens in public or surrounded by people.

Online, there’s a bit of a shield.

Women on the other hand, get approached a lot in person so they don’t have to spend as much time in online dating.

Different-Item-7994 · 2023-02-08T15:38:30+00:00

I'd like to add, for men, IG and other social media is not used as much for dating compared to women. Whereas women can find dates easier, and faster on social media vs. men, so men go the specific dating app route. Note the disparity of gender on social media apps is not that great at all.

tromp-et · 2023-02-08T16:42:24+00:00

Men are more desperate for sex and relationships. They are more likely to be on like 5 dating apps. Women almost never do that. They might be active on only 1 or maybe 2 apps, but not on literally every possible dating app in existence. Men are also more likely to want multiple (sexual) relationships. Women are more likely than men to be voluntarily celibate or single.

FilthyTerrible · 2023-02-08T16:42:27+00:00

When I was on there, it was nothing but women. Check your settings.

Only-green420 · 2023-02-08T02:09:16+00:00

It’s simple women get who they want (meaning they don’t have to go seek partners).

Men get who they can (meaning they have to actively seek partners).

This is just for the average man or woman obviously there are exceptions but for the general person this is how it works

solarnova00 · 2023-02-08T11:58:20+00:00

Women have not developed…

They are brainwashed in to thinking they are more mature mentally when they only are more mature physically.

They are stuck in basic instincts and have decided that’s enough to get a man.

https://www.youtube.com/live/VXoVrr5vsSg?feature=share

Longer break down at link above

Title	What is the actual reason behind the huge gender disparity on dating apps? Why are close to 80% of major dating apps’ users men?
Author	willstdumichstressen
Upvotes	21
Comments	77
Date	February 7, 2023 9:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/10wd609/what_is_the_actual_reason_behind_the_huge_gender/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-is-the-actual-reason-behind-the-huge-gender.1151576 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151576

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