What is the "ick" and what triggers it for you?

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-24T22:28:37+00:00

Some action or behavior that is an immediate turn-off, causes revulsion, mortification, or secondhand embarrassment. Like being rude to the wait staff, or saying something racist, or exhibiting bad hygiene.

I_DRINK_ANARCHY · 2023-02-25T04:39:01+00:00

To start off, I think it's pretty obvious no two women will have the same answer. I'd hope no one would expect the same answers.

For me, I'd use "ick" to describe a feeling that varies from wariness to outright revulsion. It's often sort of a "I don't want to be around this person" (man for this discussion, but I have absolutely had the ick from other women) feeling, but sometimes it's just disgust.

Things that cause it:

-Chewing tobacco

-Voicing a desire to/enjoyment of causing harm to people (outside of a consensual BDSM relationship and there are still limits to that)

-Voicing a desire to/enjoyment of causing harm to animals

-Ignoring/testing physical and personal boundaries

-Rape/abuse apologists

-Awful hygiene

-An inability to see other points of view at all

-Telling me how to live my life, particularly when it comes to motherhood (some people take it weirdly personally when I say I'm not having kids). Related: telling me I don't understand my own mind, wants, or needs

-Following me around in public places/cornering me/trying to guilt me into doing what he wants

That's not a fully exhaustive list, but I think it generally gives the overall impression of what icks me out.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2023-02-24T22:14:05+00:00

The ick is simply something that actively turns you off someone and isn't recoverable. My ick is someone who is rude to people in the service industry. That and septum piercings.

chikiinugget · 2023-02-25T15:57:25+00:00

Nobody mentioned this but seeing a man’s butt crack exposed when he reaches or bends down. This one’s the worst for me but you’ll be surprised how often it happens.

You just see get this feeling of them being incompetent and like a baby who you have to take care of. Instant ick.

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-24T22:39:39+00:00

It's a feeling of complete disgust that can't be pushed aside. What triggers it for me is being rude, terrible manners, bad hygiene, older men flirting with me, or attempting to be sexual in any way.

BreezyBritt89 · 2023-02-25T12:19:20+00:00

Most of the other commenters have said the same or similar to my answers. Hygienic issues and smelling like a wet goat are probably the biggest and most widely shared icks. More of mine include:

1) being rude to waitstaff at and restaurant. This includes that weird little shit where they snap their finger or beat on the counter to get someone’s attention. Not only is it an ick but it’s an embarrassment to be seen with someone like that,male or female.

2) overly sarcastic/smartmouth attitude. Being The Funny Rude Asshole still makes you an asshole. It’s a ick territory to me after a certain point. It comes off as very condescending.See also: the Im Just Telling It Like It Is Guy who wears being an asshole like a badge of honor.

3) being a flake. When I was single I would make plans with this one guy and then when the time came around it would be radio silence on his end. No explanation even when I asked “we still on for tonight?”Then weeks or months later he’d be like “Free tonight?” Nope,you were replaced two weeks ago.

4) aggressive and irritating flirting. I don’t care how attractive you are or think you are,do not get up in my face. Do not try to grab me. If I say “no” to something,do not hound me or try change my mind repeatedly. I HATE pushy it’s very offputting.

5) For the love of god this one especially,if he says “I’m gonna knock you up/I’m gonna get you pregnant” as an attempt to flirt or initiate a sexual encounter. It is the least sexy thing you could possibly be saying,kills the mood and it makes my vagina dry up and blow away like a tumbleweed. Why would I want to be thinking about my personal worst case scenario.

6) thinking that personal selfcare is feminine or something that only women do. Conversely,I really like when men put effort into having healthy skin and hair. Very sexy and you can definitely tell a difference.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-24T22:11:07+00:00

I can't speak for everyone, but here are things that give me the ''ick''

Body odor. If you smell like ass, that's an immediate ''ick''.
Greasy hair and skin. I know some people just have oily skin and hair, but if you're looking like you dunked your head in a vat of oil, hard pass from me.
Learing.
Talking shit about people or being rude to others. If you don't like one person, fine, but if you're trash-talking random people you see and make fun of them, that's an ick. If you're an ass to people who work in the service industry, you're gross.
Talking about women like we're objects and/or having some weird ''I am the king of my castle and women should treat me accordingly attitude''. Big ick moment.
Being arrogant.

As for the feeling - best way to describe it is repulsion. It's similar to how I feel when I see some poor head of bokchoy was forgotten at the back of the fridge and has turned to sludge. It's just gross and I want to finish my interaction with it as soon as possible.

Bekiala · 2023-02-25T01:32:50+00:00

Any time a promiscuous man talks badly about women being promiscuous. Ugh.

I had a friend who had sex with a mutual female friend of ours. At one point he described her as immoral. This female friend was a doctor who volunteered in clinics serving low income people. Yep. I had a bit of ick going for this guy. We happily lost contact with each other.

Safinated · 2023-02-24T22:20:43+00:00

Anything physically, emotionally or morally disgusting

RatchedAngle · 2023-02-24T23:40:54+00:00

Performative behavior.

If I can tell he’s trying really hard to be anything - funny, charismatic, etc.

You can’t force a personality.

General ignorance and crudeness toward women’s anatomy. I saw one guy say that, since they made a Disney movie about the menstrual cycle, should we also have a Disney movie about shitting?

The menstrual cycle isn’t just gross bleeding. It affects a woman’s mood, her appetite, her libido, her energy levels, her sleep, etc. Understanding the menstrual cycle and how it affects us is a big part of a woman’s life. I am glad to have a husband who understands and respects that.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-24T22:07:43+00:00

I see it as seeing someone as gross and not wanting to interact with them in any romantic or indeed usually any other manner. Triggers can include: being in general a bad person, trying to interact romantically when you're substantially older than your target, being bossy and dominating, telling me about your conquests, feeling like you're better than others, dismissing me as a person, etc.

begayallday · 2023-02-25T03:43:01+00:00

For me I get the “ick” when they say something perverted that is super wrong. Like suggestively joking about having a threesome with myself and my sister/daughter/mother. Saying anything sexual about my daughter (she’s an adult, but that’s over the line for me). Making sexual innuendos about my former job. Trying to get too sexual way too soon, or trying to force their kinks on me with zero regard for what I actually want. Continuing to be pushy when I say no.

ivyleaguehoodrat · 2023-02-25T13:15:46+00:00

I have a theory, based on the last time I developed the ick.

The ick is a fail safe for when you are plowing past what your intuition is telling you is wrong. It may be unconscious, your brain and heart may be ignoring what your gut knows, and then… your vag will say YOU CANNOT DO THIS. And you will become viscerally disgusted by someone and then, only then will you listen to yourself.

I literally went from thinking I liked someone to not even being able to stomach his smell. Given how primal scent is, I figure it has to be some ancient evolutionary trick to keep you safe.

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FightMeCthullu · 2023-02-25T06:38:28+00:00

Icks are like….little tiny behavioural things that turn you off. Like the episode of scrubs where JD dumps the girl who doesn’t laugh, just says ‘that’s so funny’. That was an ick.

Icks that are signs of an actual compatibility issue behavioural problem/deficit are red flags. Icks can be red flags, but not always.

I would get the ick from a man snapping to summon a waiter. But like, I’ve also gotten the ick because whenever this one guy kissed his eyes were half open half closed and it just made me not want to kiss him.

One of those was an actual personality defect (rude, inconsiderate to waitstaff) one was something you could ignore but for me, personally, was off putting.

Or like - my sister got the ick from a guy who would just cut his food into the tiniest little itty bitty pieces. Dumb but not a red flag. She also got the ick from a guy who made a joke based around asians and driving. One, harmless and dumb. The other, casual racism.

p_taradactyl · 2023-02-25T22:38:19+00:00

I can't think of too many things from personal experience. I guess I'm fortunate to surround myself with ick-less folks for the most part, probably due in part to giving off a "don't fuck with me" vibe that repels those looking for easy prey who are more likely to display 'ick' characteristics. I can come up with some though:

Shitty, inconsiderate drivers
Blindly following religious dogma or tradition & using it to justify hate & intolerance
Judging people based on anything other than the content of their character
Stereotyping, as in not realizing everyone is just a human and all humans are individuals
Invading my personal space uninvited
Having double standards
Poor critical thinking and logic skills; disregard for science
Lack of integrity
Incorrect usage of "your" and "you're" (though not a deal-breaker in and of itself)
Participating in dog fighting, trophy hunting, or any other forms of animal abuse (no issue with responsible subsistence hunting ftr)
Littering

Most all would apply to both men and women.

I'd describe the feeling of "ick" as a revulsion, an urge to tell someone to go fuck themselves, a strong desire to remove myself from their presence, a mixture of anger and pity. Usually ick is something deeply ingrained in a person, where it would be a waste of time and energy to debate or discuss or attempt to remedy.

riceweight · 2023-02-24T23:38:06+00:00

The ick can turn the sexiest, hottest, most relationship-minded man into the scum of the earth.

being mean to someone on the basis of race, age, gender, disability, etc. If it sounds like it could happen in high school, it’s icky. Pretty much all PPD men are excluded by this.
consistent childish behavior. I’m all for babying my bf on occasion and bundling him up when cold, letting him snuggle into my chest for comfort etc. if it’s every day and multiple times a day, then it gets icky. I think once a day max is cute.
disgusting hygiene — like going to bed sweaty, not washing hands before eating, scratch and sniffing the crotch.
being clingy and whiny and selfish. I had men whine at me for ending things between us when we weren’t even committed lol. And being such misers about their time and energy. Like ok, you don’t have to walk me home, but don’t fucking whine about it, just say no.
seeing him go after a significantly younger woman. Like ok, mentally ill 20-something’s will call you daddy but healthy young women will get squicked out.
overreaction. The sexiest way a man can respond to unwarranted criticism is “I get that you feel that way, but I’m gonna keep doing my thing.” The unsexiest way is having a tantrum.

LadyofTheGreyPath · 2023-02-24T21:54:06+00:00

What do some men do that causes you to feel icked and what exactly is this feeling if you can describe it?

I don't want to spend more time here than I already have today, but this is one of the responses I can give regarding my feelings of "ick" when men try to convince me that I'd love to be with an asshole.

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/zhh1r1/daily_community_chat_megathread/izp31cd/

Don't worry mods, it's my own comment I'm not witch-hunting anyone.

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-24T22:10:58+00:00

Any whiff of racism, sexism, anti-LGBTQ+ will give me major icks

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-25T03:48:16+00:00

There is a wide spectrum. Usually if something is morally reprehensible or is something that physically disgusting, or something that means we are incompatible and they're trying to make it so we stay together or I change my compatibility metrics

Some of the times I have felt it:

Was on a date and the guy was rude to the server
The date was dismissive of the homeless and elitist about people who are unhoused
Didn't/wouldn't follow basic food safety guidelines even though he was educated on them (raw chicken juice, how to defrost things properly et cetera) and continued to do these unsafe things that best case scenario might cause vomiting and diarrhea and worst case scenario a very painful and undignified death
Andrew Tate apologist
Puts his hands on me without my welcome or presses when he invites me to put my hands on him and I decline
Doesn't wash his ass (or other parts of his body)
Kills a bug for no reason (depends on the bug and depends on the reason)
Lack of respect for or acknowledgement of personal space, social basics, or when they are being intrusive
Getting familiar, personal, intimate emotionally or otherwise before we know each other and have that kind of relationship

SaltyPeanut-27 · 2023-02-25T16:20:53+00:00

Ick are or perceived signs of potential bad gene selection,

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-02-25T00:47:44+00:00

Ick is definitely a feeling of repulsion once you feel it you start to think that you can’t get away from the person quick enough I typically respond to it by giving short answers and try to avoid engaging in further conversation some things that cause it for me are A stranger staring at me too long like stalker ish type staring Bravado or arrogance when you can tell the guy is actually really insecure but he is trying to over compensate for it these guys usually brag about their accomplishments a lot Bragging about a high body count treating women as conquests Objectifying women and talking about how they would like to bang her or flirting by coming on to hard like commenting on your ass or boobs it’s super ick if they try and touch you like put their hand on your knee or something even worse if they grab your ass or boob or insulting women they don’t find attractive using terms like horse face Admiring or being a fan of misogynists Not being able to pick up on social cues like if I start to feel the ick and start to pull away and they continue to try and hit on me And being rude

MistyMaisel · 2023-02-25T05:42:55+00:00

It's a disgust which is strong enough to shatter minor shared history and irrevocably end a newly blossoming romance.

As for what gives it to me:

Treating people who are clearly weaker than them badly / harshly completely unprovoked.

-Treating people cruelly to make themselves seem better/ stronger

-Talking badly about people behind their backs.

-Honestly, any kind of cowardly behavior.

-Bad Kisser

-Lying

-Caring greatly to be seen as cool

-Pomposity or Humorlessness

-Bad Hygiene

-Laziness

-Childish/immature - Chasing extremely young women -Chasing sex

-Being clingy.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2023-02-25T10:40:16+00:00

It always happened with dudes I was "meh" about, I have never gotten the ick for a guy I was infatuated with.

CimZim · 2023-02-25T12:00:34+00:00

It would depend on the situation, generally.

VerifiableLemongrass · 2023-02-26T00:37:36+00:00

I would describe the "ick" as a very visceral sort of disgust, often combined with a hint of fear or wrongness.

If it's less instinctual and more rational I don't call it the ick, but some women might. Like, a guy being an asshole doesn't usually give me the ick, it's just annoying and unpleasant.

I rarely get the ick just from being around a guy, but I used to get it very easily whenever I'd try anything the least bit sexual, until I got together with my now husband.

Extreme-Nuance · 2023-02-26T02:03:28+00:00

Poor hygiene. Lack of ambition. Sophomoric humour. Transmissible infection.

Alert_Many_1196 · 2023-03-01T02:46:34+00:00

When they start being overly sexual about things they want to do to other women in messages etc and think I will play along because of my orientation.

Title	What is the "ick" and what triggers it for you?
Author	just_a_place
Upvotes	21
Comments	79
Date	February 24, 2023 9:42 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/11b2zgz/what_is_the_ick_and_what_triggers_it_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-ick-and-what-triggers-it-for-you.1153449 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153449

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