How are we supposed to afford to live?

OwnerAndMaster · 2023-02-22T13:47:24+00:00

Why are you moving out?

You pay for the place. You get to live there until a judge or police say otherwise, unless your name isn't on the lease

What you SHOULD do is immediately invest in a body camera & high capacity storage space for it so that when the False DV accusations and TRO inevitably come you're covered. Her lawyer will tell her to make them 100% of the time

Speaking of storage, I'd also rent a storage unit and move all of your personal valuables into it. Many soon to be exes will steal your stuff for money or spite. I'd also keep an emergency "if a TRO happens I need these essential items to keep going" bag, for if you have special work equipment, or just fill it with toiletries & clothing

Lastly, if you ARE removed from the home long-term, consider moving in with your parents until you're financially stable again. Start having that conversation TODAY just so they're mentally prepared

And more than anything else, CALM DOWN. STAY CALM. If you snap, she wins everything, and more importantly you lose everything. Don't be rude or aggressive, even as a joke. Don't say anything that can misconstrued as a threat. If she wants to argue or insult you, become a gray rock. Say nothing, express nothing. Withdraw 100% from this situation emotionally. You just happen to live there with an annoying woman in your apartment. This is now strictly a business transaction where your only goal is to survive without going homeless

Reconciliation is impossible. She filed and you appear to not know why. That means another man is involved. Remove all emotion from your thinking, because she no longer has any feelings for you and never will. Contact a lawyer who has a history of success with divorcing men, and protect yourself at all times

And no matter what, DO NOT have sex with your ex wife. Last thing you need is a maybe-baby in the middle of a divorce process

khaldrogospg · 2023-02-22T13:18:14+00:00

System isn’t fair

Rich-Positive36 · 2023-02-22T13:42:22+00:00

You’re not. Welcome to hell.

WartimeDad · 2023-02-22T15:44:33+00:00

It’s a brutal blow at the beginning. I recommend not worrying too much about the future at this time. Just focus on the triage.

Everything will work out.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2023-02-22T13:21:23+00:00

First off......don't move out yet. Unless she is violent, or threatening false DV claims(as many do), you have the right to stay in the home you rent.

Second, get a lawyer. A lawyer can give you a better idea of what you might actually have to pay, not just what she tells you to pay. Remember, she's the enemy now. Don't take her at her word.

jimsmythee · 2023-02-22T14:31:08+00:00

Stop the mind-set that "I have to pay for 2 households now!"

No, you can get time with the kids while she, while she, while she, Gets a job and works!

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-02-22T13:58:16+00:00

I didn't move out and got accused of rape. This is something not mentioned by most people. You don't want to piss off your ex to the point of her making false allegations.

JonathanApple · 2023-02-22T14:28:06+00:00

Sorry just got riled up reading about yet another woman not contributing then expecting it all when she quits. No answers but this entitlement needs to end. Mine was same. Daddy issues? Systemic US issue? All plus more?

Small-University-875 · 2023-02-22T14:15:41+00:00

Don't move out and have a recorder running 100% of the time.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-02-22T19:22:36+00:00

Dude, I am so very sorry. Your comment shows why I tell young men 'Never get married'. I am serious, there is nothing in it for men, absolutely nothing.

EarlPronk2 · 2023-02-22T22:44:00+00:00

Omg do NOT move out.

treborcj · 2023-02-22T17:31:37+00:00

My Ex was doing the same thing. Going out on dates, coming home 3-5 am. It was messing with my mental health. We were also renting at the time. I spoke to my lawyer and he said that I could ask her to move out. I spoke to her and told her it would be best for her to move. I said that if she didn't move, I would move. She wouldn't be able to pay the rent and would have to move out anyway, I could pay to stay. I would think she wants the kids to be in a stable home. She agreed and left.

She asked for the divorce and I executed it.

nillinpendulum · 2023-02-23T01:42:57+00:00

Why do men always fall for this? Don't move out. Stay there with your fucking kids and make HER leave. Uncomfortable? Suck it up for your kids. Its divorce it's going to be uncomfortable. Shes PURPOSEFULLY trying to get you to leave and make you uncomfortable. Then you leave your kids there and she brings random men around them and says you abandoned the family.

Like just STAY. STAY and make HER uncomfortable. Stay and don't get fucked over.

The number one advice on here by men is to STAY. and no one ever listens. I do not understand why men don't Stay put and wait it out.

MoronLoserF · 2023-02-22T19:02:00+00:00

Don’t move out.

Get her to move out. By being in her vicinity when ever home. This will annoy her. So keep doing it.

Try to spend more time at home. More time with kids. Try to grow a very close bond with them in the remaining months you have left to having them 100% of the time.

Head to the gym. Now you need to look your very best. Get those abs and pack on muscle.

Plan your divorce. If you will go through mediation or court. I suggest mediation.

Be a fucking man and don’t move out. Its your damn place. You pay for it and you live in it. She has to fucking move out. How dare she speak to other men while living in your place. Just restraint your self from violence for the sake of your kids. No more mr nice guy to a bitch of a wife you got or ex wife now.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-22T18:08:45+00:00

> How am I supposed to get a chance at my own life again when I have weights tied to my legs?

Men never stop leveling up. Life doesn't get easier as you get older, you get better at solving your problems. Figure out a way. The most liberating day of your life is when you realize no one is coming to save you.

mehmench · 2023-02-22T17:24:18+00:00

If she can't stand it, tell her to move out.

Let her do the work. Why is it always on you?

Xan-Diesel · 2023-02-22T18:55:45+00:00

I remember thinking I didn't have any time in the years before I had kids and - somehow - we made more time. I remember thinking I was always broke when we were married and I'm still surviving after the divorce. Obviously: surviving isn't thriving, but it's important to know you'll find a way.

When I was married we split all the bills pretty much 50/50 along with "work" (she did more dishes than oil changes and I maintained the property more than I did the laundry). The difference when it came to divorce is that I helped support her while she went to school and I didn't get part of that degree. She saved very little and I saved 10% for "our" retirement. She gets the degree and half of my 401k and that's it. Nothing I could do about it.

That injustice stung and still does. She could've saved as much as I did rather than spend on personal projects and concerts and outings ... but she didn't. Tremendously frustrating to watch your hard work get ripped from you and handed to somebody who decided to burn your families lives to the ground while they galivant around with their affair partner and reap all the benefits. Some lessons are much more difficult than others.

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-02-22T17:50:19+00:00

Don't move out!!! If she can't be around you then she can leave.

Record everything when you are both together. Start putting everything in text. Don't talk to her about anything that isn't child related.

Get 50/50 in writing because when she learns she'll get more money if she has the kids more she will absolutely do that.

Get a lawyer.

Grey rock her.

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-02-22T19:30:57+00:00

Systemic Western “civilisation” feature . I’m sure as Hell not doing that again .. next one might actually Win.

But ah… Body Cam ! Lawyer! Best behaviour (within reason depending on control coz this will take a while..) NO SEX! This is now a Survival Horror situation where most endings are gruesome painful and expensive and you’re aiming for the one where , naked and bloody, you pull your azz into the Choppa. That’s “victory” when you have a final order sit in some cave count the shells/bodies and get to spend your days meditating (or therapising if that’s your thing or pointlessly weight lifting or hookering if any change left tick as per pref and left energy , sanity , and appetite. Might get some viagra as getting panic attacks if anyone even says pussy , you see a cat 🐱 or a bra isn’t conductive to erections).

cttonliner · 2023-02-22T23:57:34+00:00

Whatever you do, DO NOT move out until you have consulted a lawyer!!!!!

breakbelowHL · 2023-02-22T19:07:03+00:00

Rookie mistake. What’s the solution? Never get married !

FineTransition96 · 2023-02-22T14:12:23+00:00

Why would you pay child support if you split them 50/50? At least it should not be very much?

Objective_Problem_90 · 2023-02-22T23:36:22+00:00

I hear you. My ex has signed up my 4 yr old to therapy because of "my inconsistencies", whatever that means and now wants me to pay half the monthly bill. 40% of my check already goes to her in form of child support, daycare, and medical bills. Now she is suing for more child support. On top of that, she has been denying me my weekend visits for almost 2 months now, and i cant afford to take her to court on that.I'm working overtime, not for fun, but just to survive. It's not right. Fathers should not be bleed dry or forced to spend thousands of dollars over ex's bad behavior. Yet, we miss one child support payment and the state goes after you on HER behalf.

crypto_keeper88 · 2023-02-23T15:15:38+00:00

There should be no reason to move out! It's your house too, she won't bring dates over if you and the kids are there, tell her to move out if she wants to ho around town.

Title	How are we supposed to afford to live?
Author	ISleepToGetAway
Upvotes	47
Comments	51
Date	February 22, 2023 1:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/118y8t0/how_are_we_supposed_to_afford_to_live/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-are-we-supposed-to-afford-to-live.1153757 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153757

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