A first year of not downloading Tinder out of boredom and depression

AutoModerator · 2021-12-09T12:36:05+00:00

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ihavenoideadwhatimdo · 2021-12-09T12:51:43+00:00

I really starting implementing everything I was learning from FDS so as a result, I was blocking nearly every single guy I matched with on dating apps because they only offered dates that weren’t up to my standards. The offers for walking dates, the constant sexual harassment, and getting bailed on last minute by dates who who would ghost the day of our first date just made me lose all interest in online dating.

awhileagonow · 2021-12-09T14:54:26+00:00

The dishonesty and cynicism of OLD always puts me off. I am in my 40s and men my age on the apps are mostly either married and pretending not to be, or just killing time in talking to me - their mindset is that perhaps an opportunity for sex will pop up, or at least I'm someone to chat to while they wait for the younger, thinner woman to swipe right on them.

SO MANY married men. I don't know if women younger than 40s find this? The guy who only texts between 5-6pm when he's on his commute. The guy who wants our first meet to be coffee at a service station. The guy who says he doesn't have the app on his phone, only uses his laptop. All married. And these were just the ones I spotted before arranging a date.

Men on OLD are also typically lazy. They want you to come to them. They have one photo taken on their webcam in their attic in an old orange t-shirt with their half eaten lunch next to them and they will ask you to send them MORE pictures of yourself. I got to the point when I would block immediately on someone saying "Do you have any more pics?' They can already see my face and body and I have written a profile about myself. Why TF are they asking me to send them more?

To summarise it's just not a fun, hopeful, or useful way to spend time. It is difficult for me not doing OLD as I live in the middle of nowhere and don't meet men socially or through work. But I am off the apps because of the cynicism, lies, and constant disappointment.

ilike2snap · 2021-12-09T13:56:27+00:00

I don’t like the idea of even putting my face in a catalog of women in their hand, thinking I’m an option. I’m not an option for you. You don’t even get to look at me and consider.

Edit: thanks for the awards!

hikurangi2019 · 2021-12-09T12:54:54+00:00

Just wanted to say congrats! I remember those days of going back and forth between deleting and redownloading. It’s nice to be free and focus all my energy on other endeavours and goals.

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-09T14:44:51+00:00

Don't forget a lot of men on Tinder are looking for sex as opposed to love. Casual sex is not beneficial to women.

huixqui · 2021-12-09T13:59:09+00:00

Coming up on two years without the apps! I’ve had moments where I’ve seriously debated getting back on Tinder or Hinge, and I listened to the various stances found on FDS when it comes to OLD. I ultimately decided that whatever little serotonin/dopamine kick those apps would give me in no way makes up for the vast amounts of low/no effort men I would have to sift through before I found one that might be a potential HVM. Currently I’m having too much fun during that time working on my fitness, hanging with friends, reading, relaxing, etc. Maybe one day the calculus will change and I’ll start craving romantic companionship to the point I’ll re-download a dating app. But that day is not today.

ennu_i_sao · 2021-12-09T14:31:21+00:00

I feel like OLD is one of the worst environments conducive to long-term success… especially with how apps like Tinder are based on pictures and swiping. I feel like the people who do end up married/reaching their long-term goals just happen to be incredibly lucky.

the_moocher80 · 2021-12-09T15:08:30+00:00

Congratulations on cutting out alcohol, this has also helped me make better choices in my levelling up journey.

keep_my_stuff · 2021-12-09T15:33:31+00:00

Same here! Haven't used any dating apps in 2021. I don't miss the no-content conversations, the lovebombing and the pretending that some stranger's texts are profound

aoi4eg · 2021-12-09T15:37:14+00:00

I definitely did this too. Mental health is difficult, and complex, but a cheap date can be somewhat of a welcome relief from trying to figure myself out. But as we all know, men have crappy motives and will turn an easy going connection into a nightmare. Its a difficult path, leveling up and improving mental health on your own, but its the most rational and fruitful of pursuits. I've had so many things click mental health wise since being single.

Throwaway__FDS · 2021-12-09T17:25:31+00:00

I’m 21 (almost 22) and I’m not sure when I deleted all of my dating apps, but I think it’s been about a year and a half at this point. I’ve never been more content with it. I’m focused 100% on finishing nursing school, dating apps and desperately looking for a relationship is the last thing on my mind. Congrats on being Tinder-free!

thediverswife · 2021-12-09T16:01:23+00:00

It’s been around that much time for me and it’s like a weight has been lifted. I realised the other day how anxious the whole process could make me, considering the large volume of unavailable men swirling around OLD trying to hoodwink women into casual sex. Not having to wonder whether someone online is being genuine about their interest/looks like their photos etc has freed up so much time and mental space for me. I’m in charge of how I treat myself and I don’t have to cope with men who should know better being shitty because they don’t know me and get no consequences if they ghost and do other bad behaviour

The_Cat_Empress · 2021-12-09T17:14:25+00:00

I totally get the being drunk part. I don’t do dating apps but when I was drunk and wanted friends I’d scour YouTube for live chats. Seeking company when depressed has always been something I’ve needed to work on. So happy you dumped Tinder, you’re better off mentally without it sis!

edwardianemerald · 2021-12-09T19:23:42+00:00

I have a bumble and I’ve installed and deleted it like, 7 times since my breakup. It really hurts when you just start chatting with them and then inexplicably, the fucker stops responding. It’s like a little heartbreak. Death by a thousand cuts. It hurts so badly. I’ve only found 1 vegan on the app and he inexplicably stopped responding. I found a super left omnivore on the app so I opened it up to him, and he stopped responding. It really hurts.

Confused_One_ · 2021-12-09T20:28:44+00:00

Don’t forget about the possibility of scammers taking advantage of lonely people. Met a love bomber scammer who kept trying to “help me” make money via cryptocurrency investing

Saga-the-fierce · 2021-12-09T21:48:45+00:00

Congratulations! That is an excellent level up achievement 🙌🏻

You've inspired me. Hopefully this time next year, I will be posting something similar. I've not drank for 5 months, and even before that I rarely drank. It had been about 5 months with no online dating, but I caved about a month ago because I rarely go out places where I may meet men.

I'm so strict with the bare minimum and my own standards that I rarely matched with anyone... And anyone I matched with didn't message me first... So I unmatched.... It was so BORING.

thanarealnobody · 2021-12-09T21:23:57+00:00

Same! I used to do the same on Hinge. It would feel like a boost but it would just drain me. I would waste so much of my time sifting through these messages with barely passable men that wouldn’t even want to put in effort. Not worth it.

spacecats73 · 2021-12-09T16:28:18+00:00

I also struggle with depression and used to use OLD to distract myself from my depression for years. I decided 6 months ago to delete all of my accounts permanently because they were just putting me in a scarcity mindset. It was just reinforcing that my life wasn’t enough when I’m single. I’m now actively trying to stay single and get comfortable with it. It’s working. Every day I practice gratitude for the freedom I have because I’m single. I’m going to therapy, workout out every day and just relaxing a lot. If I’m meant to meet someone it will have to be by accident at this point and because of FDS my standards are much much higher.

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2021-12-09T17:23:22+00:00

Why people think they'll find a man of quality on Tinder is beyond me.

alleykit · 2021-12-09T18:40:23+00:00

I'm so proud of you! It's difficult when you're in a dark place to have those frank conversations with yourself, and doing that with a former habit or behaviour you've had in the past can be even more challenging.

One of the things I'm trying to get away from too is focusing on other people to help me feel better about myself. In the case of OLD, and Tinder especially, the boost is just superficial because most if not all of those interactions are purely based on what I look like. I'm just placing my self-worth in other people's hands which is not sustainable and would make me dependent on other people finding me physically attractive.

For me it's been helpful realizing I'm so much more than just what I look like. Someone doesn't find me attractive? No big deal, I don't need people to find me attractive. I find me attractive as an entire person--not just in what I look like. My self-worth and confidence come from my values and the fact I try to be a better person every day. The self-sufficiency is so freeing.

Title	A first year of not downloading Tinder out of boredom and depression
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	416
Comments	62
Date	December 9, 2021 12:36 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rcgsbg/a_first_year_of_not_downloading_tinder_out_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-first-year-of-not-downloading-tinder-out-of.1212628 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212628

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