Would someone's family make you dislike the person or reconsider them as a partner?

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-04-24T07:21:24+00:00

If their family is mean, disrespectful and tries to humiliate me and they do nothing about it? Into the trash they go

Reptheft · 2023-04-24T07:42:30+00:00

Only if they demand I associate with their family.

Portions of my family are horrendous, and out of basic decency, I would not bring a partner around these people.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-24T10:59:50+00:00

The uncle of a girl I was dating jokingly told me "Hope she is not as crazy as her mother, I think it skips a generation". He was not joking. It did not skip a generation.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-04-24T07:34:36+00:00

I think you can’t help but judge the person regarding their family. Obviously, you can have a completely different personality from everyone else in your family, however their will still be parts of them ingrained in then, values, day-to-day life, your future together etc

If family is important to you then so should their family be to you and you have to at least respect them.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-04-24T09:03:50+00:00

Depends on whether they're in contact or not for a start. My fiancé has a lot of totally terrible relatives, but I will never see them, so it's not a problem. But I do want to meet the family without good reason not to. I'm also more interested in parents, siblings and grandparent figures (might not be necessarily those relations, but we're a lot more likely to be compatible if at least one equivalent of each exists. I date intentionally and marriage in my culture means you become a family member (daughter, sister, granddaughter) and can expect to be treated as such. So it's important to me that I can get along or at least tolerate them and establish that kind of relationship with those who are important. And if someone disrespects my family or won't fulfil what I see as their obligations to them, into the bin they go.

Barely-moral · 2023-04-24T10:10:23+00:00

My partner's/potential partner's family is irrelevant unless I believe there is a serious risk they would kill me or make me end up in jail.

My partner's behavior towards her family or the way she acts when dealing with problems created by it are not a family problem but a partner problem.

GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B · 2023-04-24T07:45:25+00:00

To some degree it will affect how you see the other person, especially if they maintain a close relationship with their family. That is both positive and negative. But it's a mostly unspoken reality.

Imagine having to find mutual physical attraction, compatibility of character, the right situation and time, tend to that flame over time and fall in love, establish and continue the relationship. Then you meet the family.

Family is always complicated. You can't choose it, but you can walk away.

We always hear and read about crazy partners, but the fact is there are plenty of crazy parents out there as well. People who tend to get overly involved in their children's lives. This usually screws up the children.

ninjette847 · 2023-04-24T07:55:25+00:00

It depends on if they stood up for me. If they accept the behavior /treatment the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.

eefr · 2023-04-24T08:31:49+00:00

Generally, no, it wouldn't change whether I want to be with them. They can't help the family they were born into. I wouldn't be thrilled about the situation, but I wouldn't hold it against my partner.

The only problem would be if their family did awful stuff to me and my partner stood by and refused to maintain boundaries necessary to protect me and our relationship from their abuse. Then it becomes an internal relationship problem instead of an external one, and I might consider leaving.

HungerISanEmotion · 2023-04-24T08:33:48+00:00

Yes.

Listen, I was in the same boat as you. My family (all narcissists) have this image of me being a loser, and every time I would excel at something they would put me back into their version of me.

That's what narcissist do, they one up you. Put you down so they could put themselves above you.

When meeting my girlfriend they would retell humiliating stories from my pass, tell them they are too good for me. Try to put me down in every possible way really. At the same time they would present themselves as the most wonderful people in the history of mankind.

My GF's would look at me differently after this experience, and after this relationship took a down trajectory.

And yes, they also tried to match me with bottom of the barrel women.

So early on I tried to put as much distance between my family and me. And I only dated women which had no connection with my family whatsoever.

But my family would still reach out to meet my friends and my GF's just to humiliate me. They even broke into my computer and phone to copy my contacts.

I ended this bullshitery by reflecting their behavior. With time I developed really thick skin to getting humiliated, they didn't. So whenever they tried to put me down, I would hit them with "heavy artillery" and put them down below the bottom of the barrel.

Traditional-Bad-4055 · 2023-04-24T09:23:32+00:00

Yeah. Family is important to me and I want a relationship with someone who feels the same way. I wouldn’t look down on them. But I prefer dating someone with a good relationship with their parents and siblings

RBK300__ · 2023-04-24T09:40:44+00:00

Absolutely not. If we are happy together, always supporting each other and we have a relationship based on trust, on understanding of each other’s weaknesses and strengths, on loyalty, on assertiveness, on love, I don’t care about his family. I am not living with his family.

anonymous-platypus1 · 2023-04-24T11:41:01+00:00

I’ve 100% stopped talking to men because their families are racist. Granted, this would only be an issue if the man in question still had a good relationship with his family.

There is zero chance he didn’t know his family was racist, and if he’s still talking to them, that means it’s not a big deal to him that they are.

If it’s someone I’m considering being serious with, I do not want to make him choose between his family and me, because that I is what it will eventually come down too. Plus, I’ve had one too many grandma make a snide remark about the way I speak under the guise of being complimentary.

Same with some other issues, but it’s much less serious. I won’t date men that are politically conservative, but if their family is, I will give them a pass given they don’t have the above issue. Same with being religious.

Personally, my family varies wildly in terms of social economic status. My mom and dad are very well-off, both have siblings that are not. My dad moreso has at least four that have been in and out of jail. I won’t judge anyone for their familial makeup just because some people act differently.

I also worry about a guy meeting my family and leaving. My boyfriend is very well-off: not quite old money but it only reaches back a couple of generations. His family though has influence, pull and expectations that do make me very nervous about trying to meet. Especially given some of my aunts and uncles.

While I technically have a huge family, all of my family gatherings will be only my moms close siblings and my dads friends. Maybe some other distant family my grandparents want to invite: but that would also be anxiety inducing.

I don’t think my boyfriend will care about my cousins and aunts. I do think he may find my relationship with my parents to be weird. My dad tells terrible, inappropriate jokes sometimes, my mom can be grating. Other people like them a lot, but for me, maybe it’s just because I see them as parents.

They also both have some traditional views on things like relationships and dating roles. Luckily, I don’t mind playing that part, and neither does my bf because his family expects it to a point too.

I have a pretty big milestone coming up in a couple of months here, it’ll be interesting for them all to meet.

RevolutionaryOkra679 · 2023-04-24T21:55:24+00:00

If I’m seeing her family more than a couple times a year, she’s getting nexted

dowehavetoreally · 2023-04-25T00:59:35+00:00

Sure. Lots of things.

- If the parents are financial trainwrecks and especially if in their culture it's on the kids to bail out financial trainwreck parents.

- If the parents have wacked-out religious or political beliefs and it comes to my attention she is also infected.

- If the parents truly believe their patently ordinary daughter deserves a rich soap-opera star and that I'm a piece of shit they scowl at during dinner, and she shrugs it off, that's probably not going to work out.

- If there is an expectation to marry quickly and join their wack job church.

- If there is any dictating about what goes on under my roof, or signs they are "helicopter" or meddlesome parents.

- The line of questioning at the first few meet-the-parents dinners. Some generally probing to ensure I'm not an abusive asshole or drug addict is fine. A FBI interrogation and trying to get into my head and reveal every weakness is not fine.

God, who is this woman? I don't like her already. Her parents suck. I'm taking the dog for a walk. Who needs this nonsense?

:-)

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-04-24T07:40:50+00:00

Depends on their relationship with that family

If they have a family that I wouldn't want around my kids or who make me feel shit then I need to him to have a shiny spine and go very low or no contact

If I have to interact with them then that might be a deal breaker depending on the levels of interaction and how bad it is.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-04-24T09:13:28+00:00

I don't care. I don't even need to be defended. There's no title a person can hold that I'd allow disrespect. I don't beat around the bush. I'm direct, and have no issue telling a family to go **** themselves 🤣

Safinated · 2023-04-24T09:19:23+00:00

Depends on if they control the interactions with their family and if they prioritize you

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-04-24T10:06:12+00:00

What different perspectives are out there

There may be a ton, but there’s only one that matters. Your family is your primary network. You can be as far apart from your family as you want, but you can’t choose your genes.

The way I’ve negated our family name, is to keep as low a profile as possible. Especially when it comes to careers, and networking. I use a nickname, and spell it after a famous president. So professionally I was known under that guise. Not many know my full name. Nor my surname.

Ultimately it’s a matter of reputation. Your surname precedes you. Until you do something about it.

Godspeed and good luck!

abaxeron · 2023-04-24T10:10:20+00:00

I'm a man; for this reason I don't expect a woman to treat me as anyone closer than, like, 4th cousin. Two and a half extreme exceptions aside, a woman will not abandon her relatives for the sake of a man, and will not prioritize her man over her family, basically ever.

It's most definitely a thing to keep in mind. I can understand her feelings and reasoning, but I'm not going to flush my life down the drain because she refuses to see that her mom is a cunt.

anon018274031 · 2023-04-24T10:21:05+00:00

Meeting someone’s family of course changes how you see them because it’s often the reason for many of their behaviours as an adult (both good and bad).

However would it change it in a negative way? Depends really on the exact situation. Long term I want children so I wouldn’t want to be tied to a toxic family, but if my partner doesn’t associate with them at all then that’s different.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-04-24T11:06:19+00:00

What counts most to me is if the person is willing to stand up for me against their family if their family is being unfairly cruel. Of course having a nice family is a bonus, but you can’t control who your blood relatives are.

As for if they should even meet your family, in extreme cases I would say no, if they are abusive or estranged I would simply be honest about that with my partner and explain why I no longer associate with them and don’t want them to meet. If you still have a relationship with your family but they’re toxic, I’d say just wait a while to introduce them, to the point they understand the situation. They will probably still wish to meet your family, but don’t pressure them to spend holidays with them if they’re toxic. And if you end up having kids together, don’t feel like you must let them spend time with grandparents or other family members if they’re not safe or healthy to be around. Their well-being comes first.

ChadChasingB · 2023-04-24T12:09:27+00:00

Would you look down on someone because of their family or if they don't want you to meet their family for several reasons?

Would l look down on them? No, there wouldn't be a moral judgment of them because of their family dynamics. Would l date them? No, because I want children. I wouldn't intentionally Invite toxicity or cut off half of their family when it could be avoided.

Steakman1 · 2023-04-24T13:03:33+00:00

It would be a yellow flag at least. It’s hard to not inherit characteristics of our parents if they were the ones that raised us. That being said, there are those that had bad parents and try to be everything that their parents aren’t. But there’s also those that are ruined as a result of their parents and go on to have a pretty bad life. Unfortunately the latter seems more common.

wtknight · 2023-04-24T13:31:46+00:00

I wouldn’t care. Just as long as she didn’t listen to her family too much.

Dagenius1 · 2023-04-24T15:52:37+00:00

Yea of course family can and should make you reconsider a person you are dating.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-04-24T18:17:21+00:00

Depends on how my partner handles them. If their family is awful and they let them walk all over them, allow them to dictate their life, and always take their side, that's a hard ''no'' for a relationship with that person. If they don't take any crap from them and are willing to go low or no contact with them if they ever become truly horrible, then it wouldn't be a dealbreaker.

If your family is terrible and you're nothing like them, that would change how I view you, but in a positive way. I have a lot of respect for people who weren't raised by the best people, yet still managed to turn out to be decent people themselves.

HobbitShaker88 · 2023-04-24T19:19:06+00:00

Uneducated or not like me/different in some way is fine. But toxic, mean, rude family I would judge the guy unless he knows they are crappy and limits their involvement with me (been there many times, many of my crappy exes had crappy families...shocker...however they had NO emotional intelligence and expected me to put up with their family and deal with them all the time)

The only time I wouldnt judge in this situation is if you KNOW they are toxic and crappy and stick up for your partner and really set boundaries. Really, people in this situation with terrible families who arent like them I kinda feel bad for...they should just accept your partner isnt going to join the family and get over it. Ive met a couple of men with bad families (I have no idea how they came from the family theyre so bad!) and their partners have very little contact with them. Thats the way to go.

LingonberryGood3915 · 2023-04-24T23:34:46+00:00

I wouldn't look down on someone IF that person is not like them and the family has no influence on that persons life. of course a nice family is always a green flag, but I wouldn't see someone differently because of not having that, as long as that person truely is different and the family doesnt become involved in the relationship.

thats being said, the people Im looking for have personalities that can not exist without a good family background

therealcosmicnebula · 2023-04-24T06:48:56+00:00

Would someone's family make you dislike the person or reconsider them as a partner?

It should.

MrHustleTopG · 2023-04-24T17:15:05+00:00

I’ve lost a few plates because of their families being crazy or being in their ear all the time

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Title	Would someone's family make you dislike the person or reconsider them as a partner?
Author	gat15
Upvotes	13
Comments	43
Date	April 24, 2023 6:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12x69v7/would_someones_family_make_you_dislike_the_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/would-someones-family-make-you-dislike-the-person.1216604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216604

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